Teens and custody

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents divorced when I was 10. Once I got my license, I stopped the midweek visits to my dad’s house. We’d meet for dinner on “his” night, and I would spend every other weekend at dad’s house, but it was too hard to get school in the morning, and to take things back and forth.

Our weekly dinners continued when I came home from college. As an adult, I feel like I have a good relationship with my dad (and my mom).

But by 16, I was also working PT and had friends and a boyfriend and activities like a normal teenager. It wasn’t like I was spending a ton of time with my mom, and no time with my dad. Even though I was sleeping at my mom’s house on weeknights, she wasn’t getting a windfall of parenting time.

So OP, maybe something like that would work for your family: have your ex try a midweek dinner.

And if your kid is not already, get them involved in something that regularly gets them out of the house.

This has to be the norm, especially by age 16. It's perfectly normal for kids to start asserting their independence over where they want to sleep once they have a license, job, and car. 16-year-olds generally care a lot more about their friends, their academic obligations, their sports, and their social calendar than spending time with either parent. They'll stay wherever is most convenient for them. It's rarely a reflection of which parent they like better.

You give your kids the power which is why they don’t respect you if you say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, here we have a person who walked out in their kid and acted like an idiot, treating their kid like an object with no feelings or voice or opinion. When kid points out this person has made poor choices and treats them
Like an object, said person gets annoyed and blames everyone else. And risks losing the child’s respect and relationship in their efforts to pass the blame. If you truly care about your kid, own up to your part of it, nurture the relationship, hear their voice and opinion and value it.
I guess we will never agree, but rest assured custody lawyers and judges see this for what it is.

Stop being scared of your kid, grow up and parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents divorced when I was 10. Once I got my license, I stopped the midweek visits to my dad’s house. We’d meet for dinner on “his” night, and I would spend every other weekend at dad’s house, but it was too hard to get school in the morning, and to take things back and forth.

Our weekly dinners continued when I came home from college. As an adult, I feel like I have a good relationship with my dad (and my mom).

But by 16, I was also working PT and had friends and a boyfriend and activities like a normal teenager. It wasn’t like I was spending a ton of time with my mom, and no time with my dad. Even though I was sleeping at my mom’s house on weeknights, she wasn’t getting a windfall of parenting time.

So OP, maybe something like that would work for your family: have your ex try a midweek dinner.

And if your kid is not already, get them involved in something that regularly gets them out of the house.

That’s not a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 17. He doesn’t need to go if he doesn’t want to. Forget custody and support and $.

If it’s court ordered he need to go.

Even if it is court ordered the young adults wishes should still take priority, it's not his fault he has divorced parents so why should he suffer the consequences of divorce?

This. There is no law that says you have to follow a court order: it is there to be enforced if there is a major disagreement.

I am divorced. We don’t follow what “the court order” says. My ex is an attorney. We are more flexible than a court order.

A court order is law. Your ex is a bad attorney. It’s not a suggestion, it the rules you follow.

What do you think the court will do if a 17 year old refuses to go?

They jail the parent who is not helping them comply.

That's how it played out when my niece (17) refused to see her dad anymore after he married a woman who she didn't get along with. The judge told my niece "your mom will go to jail if you do not go to your ordered visitations with your dad" and that's exactly what happened.

When i started refusing visitations the judge basically just yelled at me and gave up when i made it clear that i was firm in my decision and i was only 11 when that happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 17. He doesn’t need to go if he doesn’t want to. Forget custody and support and $.

If it’s court ordered he need to go.

Even if it is court ordered the young adults wishes should still take priority, it's not his fault he has divorced parents so why should he suffer the consequences of divorce?

This. There is no law that says you have to follow a court order: it is there to be enforced if there is a major disagreement.

I am divorced. We don’t follow what “the court order” says. My ex is an attorney. We are more flexible than a court order.

A court order is law. Your ex is a bad attorney. It’s not a suggestion, it the rules you follow.

What do you think the court will do if a 17 year old refuses to go?

They jail the parent who is not helping them comply.

That's how it played out when my niece (17) refused to see her dad anymore after he married a woman who she didn't get along with. The judge told my niece "your mom will go to jail if you do not go to your ordered visitations with your dad" and that's exactly what happened.

When i started refusing visitations the judge basically just yelled at me and gave up when i made it clear that i was firm in my decision and i was only 11 when that happened.

Bad judge. If you refuse to see your dad he should not have been forced to pay child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 17. He doesn’t need to go if he doesn’t want to. Forget custody and support and $.

If it’s court ordered he need to go.

Even if it is court ordered the young adults wishes should still take priority, it's not his fault he has divorced parents so why should he suffer the consequences of divorce?

This. There is no law that says you have to follow a court order: it is there to be enforced if there is a major disagreement.

I am divorced. We don’t follow what “the court order” says. My ex is an attorney. We are more flexible than a court order.

A court order is law. Your ex is a bad attorney. It’s not a suggestion, it the rules you follow.

What do you think the court will do if a 17 year old refuses to go?

They jail the parent who is not helping them comply.

That's how it played out when my niece (17) refused to see her dad anymore after he married a woman who she didn't get along with. The judge told my niece "your mom will go to jail if you do not go to your ordered visitations with your dad" and that's exactly what happened.

When i started refusing visitations the judge basically just yelled at me and gave up when i made it clear that i was firm in my decision and i was only 11 when that happened.

Bad judge. If you refuse to see your dad he should not have been forced to pay child support.

I would say she was a good judge because in the end she respected my wishes, there wasn't any child support either way because both of my parents were well off financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 17. He doesn’t need to go if he doesn’t want to. Forget custody and support and $.

If it’s court ordered he need to go.

Even if it is court ordered the young adults wishes should still take priority, it's not his fault he has divorced parents so why should he suffer the consequences of divorce?

This. There is no law that says you have to follow a court order: it is there to be enforced if there is a major disagreement.

I am divorced. We don’t follow what “the court order” says. My ex is an attorney. We are more flexible than a court order.

A court order is law. Your ex is a bad attorney. It’s not a suggestion, it the rules you follow.

What do you think the court will do if a 17 year old refuses to go?

They jail the parent who is not helping them comply.

That's how it played out when my niece (17) refused to see her dad anymore after he married a woman who she didn't get along with. The judge told my niece "your mom will go to jail if you do not go to your ordered visitations with your dad" and that's exactly what happened.

When i started refusing visitations the judge basically just yelled at me and gave up when i made it clear that i was firm in my decision and i was only 11 when that happened.

Bad judge. If you refuse to see your dad he should not have been forced to pay child support.

I would say she was a good judge because in the end she respected my wishes, there wasn't any child support either way because both of my parents were well off financially.

A good judge would teach you about family and the importance of a relationship with both parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 17. He doesn’t need to go if he doesn’t want to. Forget custody and support and $.

If it’s court ordered he need to go.

Even if it is court ordered the young adults wishes should still take priority, it's not his fault he has divorced parents so why should he suffer the consequences of divorce?

This. There is no law that says you have to follow a court order: it is there to be enforced if there is a major disagreement.

I am divorced. We don’t follow what “the court order” says. My ex is an attorney. We are more flexible than a court order.

A court order is law. Your ex is a bad attorney. It’s not a suggestion, it the rules you follow.

What do you think the court will do if a 17 year old refuses to go?

They jail the parent who is not helping them comply.

That's how it played out when my niece (17) refused to see her dad anymore after he married a woman who she didn't get along with. The judge told my niece "your mom will go to jail if you do not go to your ordered visitations with your dad" and that's exactly what happened.

When i started refusing visitations the judge basically just yelled at me and gave up when i made it clear that i was firm in my decision and i was only 11 when that happened.

Bad judge. If you refuse to see your dad he should not have been forced to pay child support.

I would say she was a good judge because in the end she respected my wishes, there wasn't any child support either way because both of my parents were well off financially.

A good judge would teach you about family and the importance of a relationship with both parents.

A good father wouldn't move 4 states away from their kids mother and expect their child to spend every school break and long weekend away from their friends and family but that's exactly what my dad did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 17. He doesn’t need to go if he doesn’t want to. Forget custody and support and $.

If it’s court ordered he need to go.

Even if it is court ordered the young adults wishes should still take priority, it's not his fault he has divorced parents so why should he suffer the consequences of divorce?

This. There is no law that says you have to follow a court order: it is there to be enforced if there is a major disagreement.

I am divorced. We don’t follow what “the court order” says. My ex is an attorney. We are more flexible than a court order.

A court order is law. Your ex is a bad attorney. It’s not a suggestion, it the rules you follow.

What do you think the court will do if a 17 year old refuses to go?

They jail the parent who is not helping them comply.

That's how it played out when my niece (17) refused to see her dad anymore after he married a woman who she didn't get along with. The judge told my niece "your mom will go to jail if you do not go to your ordered visitations with your dad" and that's exactly what happened.

When i started refusing visitations the judge basically just yelled at me and gave up when i made it clear that i was firm in my decision and i was only 11 when that happened.

Bad judge. If you refuse to see your dad he should not have been forced to pay child support.

I would say she was a good judge because in the end she respected my wishes, there wasn't any child support either way because both of my parents were well off financially.

A good judge would teach you about family and the importance of a relationship with both parents.

A good father wouldn't move 4 states away from their kids mother and expect their child to spend every school break and long weekend away from their friends and family but that's exactly what my dad did.

Lots of parents do that. Mothers often move away and take the kids. You are with your friends and family all the time. Your dad is also family and spending long weekends and breaks is perfectly reasonable. Sometimes parents don’t have a choice, like for work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 17. He doesn’t need to go if he doesn’t want to. Forget custody and support and $.

If it’s court ordered he need to go.

Even if it is court ordered the young adults wishes should still take priority, it's not his fault he has divorced parents so why should he suffer the consequences of divorce?

This. There is no law that says you have to follow a court order: it is there to be enforced if there is a major disagreement.

I am divorced. We don’t follow what “the court order” says. My ex is an attorney. We are more flexible than a court order.

A court order is law. Your ex is a bad attorney. It’s not a suggestion, it the rules you follow.

What do you think the court will do if a 17 year old refuses to go?

They jail the parent who is not helping them comply.

That's how it played out when my niece (17) refused to see her dad anymore after he married a woman who she didn't get along with. The judge told my niece "your mom will go to jail if you do not go to your ordered visitations with your dad" and that's exactly what happened.

When i started refusing visitations the judge basically just yelled at me and gave up when i made it clear that i was firm in my decision and i was only 11 when that happened.

Bad judge. If you refuse to see your dad he should not have been forced to pay child support.

I would say she was a good judge because in the end she respected my wishes, there wasn't any child support either way because both of my parents were well off financially.

A good judge would teach you about family and the importance of a relationship with both parents.

A good father wouldn't move 4 states away from their kids mother and expect their child to spend every school break and long weekend away from their friends and family but that's exactly what my dad did.

Lots of parents do that. Mothers often move away and take the kids. You are with your friends and family all the time. Your dad is also family and spending long weekends and breaks is perfectly reasonable. Sometimes parents don’t have a choice, like for work.

Doubtful that was actually the situation.