Teens and custody

[Anonymous]

The big question is why doesn't the child want to go? Is it a practical issue, like switching is just too much hassle, or is it a relationship issue with the parent? If the latter, what is the problem? Reasons matter.

[Anonymous]

I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

[Anonymous]

Parent A's parenting style is to buy expensive items for teen including new cars, provides a monthly allowance that exceeds many 2-income adult household's expendable income, allows teen to have romantic partner spend nights, thinks teen can drink in the house since it's better than going elsewhere, tells teen not to divulge to Parent B ANYTHING that happens in the home (including issues with Parent A's partner) and encourages teen to ignore communications from Parent A's grandparents, aunts/uncles & cousins.

[Anonymous]

^If you were a teen, what would YOU do?

Not visit Parent B, obviously.

[Anonymous]

* Last line s/b Parent B's grandparents...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

Sounds like you are why this child would have these issues with the other parent as you don't want them to have a relationship and the little allowed you want to control. NO, follow the court order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

Sounds like you are why this child would have these issues with the other parent as you don't want them to have a relationship and the little allowed you want to control. NO, follow the court order.

Where did the previous post even imply that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

Sounds like you are why this child would have these issues with the other parent as you don't want them to have a relationship and the little allowed you want to control. NO, follow the court order.

Where did the previous post even imply that?

Right here: ...that parent does not want to give up physical custody mostly for financial reasons." What OP is saying is that the other parent primarily only wants to maintain schedule because of financial reasons. In other words, the other parent doesn't love, care or want to see teen, they just want to keep a good balance sheet.

Of course, OP is the parent who LOVES and cares about teen! And would not make them do something they don't want to do.

No doubt the teen has been given this subliminal message over and over, in myriad ways, which has led to the current situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

Sounds like you are why this child would have these issues with the other parent as you don't want them to have a relationship and the little allowed you want to control. NO, follow the court order.

No, I'm really not. My child has issues with their other parent because of their other parent's behavior and treatment of the child. It's not something I can fix. And since transportation is not specified in our court order, I think I am on solid ground inviting my ex to come and pick up the child from my home or any other location. For example, my ex's custody time begins Fridays at 5 PM. So if the child is at school at that time, my ex can go and pick up the child from school. I won't even be there. If the child refuses to appear, or refuses to get in the car, my ex is welcome to attempt any solution they think might be effective. It's really not my problem. They will have a better relationship when my ex improves his behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

Sounds like you are why this child would have these issues with the other parent as you don't want them to have a relationship and the little allowed you want to control. NO, follow the court order.

No, I'm really not. My child has issues with their other parent because of their other parent's behavior and treatment of the child. It's not something I can fix. And since transportation is not specified in our court order, I think I am on solid ground inviting my ex to come and pick up the child from my home or any other location. For example, my ex's custody time begins Fridays at 5 PM. So if the child is at school at that time, my ex can go and pick up the child from school. I won't even be there. If the child refuses to appear, or refuses to get in the car, my ex is welcome to attempt any solution they think might be effective. It's really not my problem. They will have a better relationship when my ex improves his behavior.

Your child needs your support. Your actions are part of why there is a bad relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

Sounds like you are why this child would have these issues with the other parent as you don't want them to have a relationship and the little allowed you want to control. NO, follow the court order.

No, I'm really not. My child has issues with their other parent because of their other parent's behavior and treatment of the child. It's not something I can fix. And since transportation is not specified in our court order, I think I am on solid ground inviting my ex to come and pick up the child from my home or any other location. For example, my ex's custody time begins Fridays at 5 PM. So if the child is at school at that time, my ex can go and pick up the child from school. I won't even be there. If the child refuses to appear, or refuses to get in the car, my ex is welcome to attempt any solution they think might be effective. It's really not my problem. They will have a better relationship when my ex improves his behavior.

Your child needs your support. Your actions are part of why there is a bad relationship.

What kind of "support" would you recommend? Gaslighting them that their father is a good parent? Sorry but it's not true and they both know it. Maybe I should punish them for not wanting to spend time with someone who treats them badly? Or maybe just physically force a 6 foot tall 17 year old boy into his widdle car seat and dwive him over there? Come on. At a certain point it's best to just disengage. And support my child in their grief over having a difficult father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

Sounds like you are why this child would have these issues with the other parent as you don't want them to have a relationship and the little allowed you want to control. NO, follow the court order.

No, I'm really not. My child has issues with their other parent because of their other parent's behavior and treatment of the child. It's not something I can fix. And since transportation is not specified in our court order, I think I am on solid ground inviting my ex to come and pick up the child from my home or any other location. For example, my ex's custody time begins Fridays at 5 PM. So if the child is at school at that time, my ex can go and pick up the child from school. I won't even be there. If the child refuses to appear, or refuses to get in the car, my ex is welcome to attempt any solution they think might be effective. It's really not my problem. They will have a better relationship when my ex improves his behavior.

Your child needs your support. Your actions are part of why there is a bad relationship.

What kind of "support" would you recommend? Gaslighting them that their father is a good parent? Sorry but it's not true and they both know it. Maybe I should punish them for not wanting to spend time with someone who treats them badly? Or maybe just physically force a 6 foot tall 17 year old boy into his widdle car seat and dwive him over there? Come on. At a certain point it's best to just disengage. And support my child in their grief over having a difficult father.

Now it's clear. You have alienated your son and destroyed his relationship with his father. It will negatively affect him for the rest of his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

Sounds like you are why this child would have these issues with the other parent as you don't want them to have a relationship and the little allowed you want to control. NO, follow the court order.

No, I'm really not. My child has issues with their other parent because of their other parent's behavior and treatment of the child. It's not something I can fix. And since transportation is not specified in our court order, I think I am on solid ground inviting my ex to come and pick up the child from my home or any other location. For example, my ex's custody time begins Fridays at 5 PM. So if the child is at school at that time, my ex can go and pick up the child from school. I won't even be there. If the child refuses to appear, or refuses to get in the car, my ex is welcome to attempt any solution they think might be effective. It's really not my problem. They will have a better relationship when my ex improves his behavior.

Your child needs your support. Your actions are part of why there is a bad relationship.

What kind of "support" would you recommend? Gaslighting them that their father is a good parent? Sorry but it's not true and they both know it. Maybe I should punish them for not wanting to spend time with someone who treats them badly? Or maybe just physically force a 6 foot tall 17 year old boy into his widdle car seat and dwive him over there? Come on. At a certain point it's best to just disengage. And support my child in their grief over having a difficult father.

Now it's clear. You have alienated your son and destroyed his relationship with his father. It will negatively affect him for the rest of his life.

Nope, he can go right over to his dad's house any time he likes. Or his dad can pick him up. Their relationship could be just fine.

Sometimes people just don't parent well. That's life. I'm sad that my son has to deal with it, but I can't fix it for him.

[Anonymous]

Lawyer here. Document your willingness to support their relationship in writing. Say teen is home and ex is free to come by. Offer therapy.

Then you’re good. 99 percent of judges won’t force a 17 yo. But you might find someone who thinks you’re influencing your dc, so just get it on record that you’re not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

Sounds like you are why this child would have these issues with the other parent as you don't want them to have a relationship and the little allowed you want to control. NO, follow the court order.

No, I'm really not. My child has issues with their other parent because of their other parent's behavior and treatment of the child. It's not something I can fix. And since transportation is not specified in our court order, I think I am on solid ground inviting my ex to come and pick up the child from my home or any other location. For example, my ex's custody time begins Fridays at 5 PM. So if the child is at school at that time, my ex can go and pick up the child from school. I won't even be there. If the child refuses to appear, or refuses to get in the car, my ex is welcome to attempt any solution they think might be effective. It's really not my problem. They will have a better relationship when my ex improves his behavior.

Your child needs your support. Your actions are part of why there is a bad relationship.

What kind of "support" would you recommend? Gaslighting them that their father is a good parent? Sorry but it's not true and they both know it. Maybe I should punish them for not wanting to spend time with someone who treats them badly? Or maybe just physically force a 6 foot tall 17 year old boy into his widdle car seat and dwive him over there? Come on. At a certain point it's best to just disengage. And support my child in their grief over having a difficult father.

Now it's clear. You have alienated your son and destroyed his relationship with his father. It will negatively affect him for the rest of his life.

Nope, he can go right over to his dad's house any time he likes. Or his dad can pick him up. Their relationship could be just fine.

Sometimes people just don't parent well. That's life. I'm sad that my son has to deal with it, but I can't fix it for him.

Your attitude comes across loud and clear. You've implanted it in your son's head that his father is a bad parent. You created a psychological loyalty bind in your son which is going to be to HIS detriment.

Prisons are filled with fathers who have not parented well but their SONS still want a relationship with them. Why doesn't yours?