Tiger Mums: Strict parents demanding greatness from their kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Indian parenting is the best

In middle school, my daughter’s Indian friends told her stories about shoes being thrown at them if they brought home bad grades. I do not want to assume this is standard Indian-American parenting or Tiger mom behavior, but if this is how you break your kids down to get the results you want, what is that Harvard degree worth?? I couldn’t live with myself as a parent. Please tell us this isn’t normal.

Lol. I’m a Middle eastern American and your post brought back memories of my sibling and I being chased by our mom as she was trying to hit us with her slipper! Maybe this is a middle eastern/ south asian thing. Anyways, I promise you we are super close with our mom now and have a great relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not easy to be a Tiger Parent. Demanding greatness from your kids gets you nothing unless you also put in the time in their education and create a conducive household for them.

And Tiger parenting starts from birth. You expose your kids daily to reading, recognizing patterns, on language, music exposure etc. At the same time you are maintaining a peaceful, well run, functional household.

The reason the Western cultures do not do Tiger parenting is because then they will then have to do the heavy lifting to become such parents. It is easier to let your kids raise themselves and neglect academics.

Except your own Westernized kids will likely reject your own parenting…which is what nearly all my Asian friends have done. They don’t think their upbringing was particularly good.

So…still think it’s a winning formula?

Sure. For my kids it is a winning formula because we are a blend of the best of both cultures, and we have been well educated for several generations. There is a formula for getting kids to succeed in academics and then there is a formula for getting kids to succeed in life. The academics part should only be a subset of the succeeding in life formula.

In other words, parents have to be functional, the marriage and family unit has to be functional, the finances and household have to be functional and the socialization has to be functional - for the kid to be well adjusted and successful.

That doesn’t sound like Tiger Parenting whatsoever…so confused what you are saying.

The truly Tiger Parented kids reject that upbringing in droves.

Maybe you should write a book to counter Amy Chua…you may have figured out a much healthier 3rd way.

It sounds like typical White UMC parenting to me. She calls it tiger parenting because she wants to distinguish it from typical upper class white people upbringing but I'm not sure how it is.

What? Please, this is akin to name calling.

White UMC parenting does not usually have functional marriage, family unit and socialization in the same way Asian culture have because it is very individual focussed ( White UMC often have functional careers and finances, outsourced chores, nannies, private schools, gym memberships and vacations though!!) Mainly because they do not have the time and inclination to sacrifice for their children, spouses, relatives.

They will either outsource all things that need relationship and time commitment or they will ignore it - children education, children care, elder care, community, hosting, reciprocity, caring for relatives.

So, the truth of real Tiger parenting is that it requires time commitment and focus from parents. Most Tiger parenting I have seen, moms or dads have stepped back from their careers or reduced the time they spend at work to devote themselves to the kids. The beating of the kids until they produce good results is the hallmark of financially weak striver parents who have not come from refined Tiger families but they like to call themselves "Tiger parents".

People who come from families that are educated, well to do, respected, enlightened - will work WITH their children to make sure that they are fully supported and enriched so that they can do well and avail of opportunities. Tiger parents have respect for their Tiger cubs and they treat them as such.

I agree with this part of your post. From what I see on Dcum and IRL upper middle class whites avoid or outsource many things that require time and sacrifice. They outsource elder care for sure, avoid reciprocal hosting to build community and outsource tutoring their kids. All of this requires time and energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not easy to be a Tiger Parent. Demanding greatness from your kids gets you nothing unless you also put in the time in their education and create a conducive household for them.

And Tiger parenting starts from birth. You expose your kids daily to reading, recognizing patterns, on language, music exposure etc. At the same time you are maintaining a peaceful, well run, functional household.

The reason the Western cultures do not do Tiger parenting is because then they will then have to do the heavy lifting to become such parents. It is easier to let your kids raise themselves and neglect academics.

Except your own Westernized kids will likely reject your own parenting…which is what nearly all my Asian friends have done. They don’t think their upbringing was particularly good.

So…still think it’s a winning formula?

Sure. For my kids it is a winning formula because we are a blend of the best of both cultures, and we have been well educated for several generations. There is a formula for getting kids to succeed in academics and then there is a formula for getting kids to succeed in life. The academics part should only be a subset of the succeeding in life formula.

In other words, parents have to be functional, the marriage and family unit has to be functional, the finances and household have to be functional and the socialization has to be functional - for the kid to be well adjusted and successful.

That doesn’t sound like Tiger Parenting whatsoever…so confused what you are saying.

The truly Tiger Parented kids reject that upbringing in droves.

Maybe you should write a book to counter Amy Chua…you may have figured out a much healthier 3rd way.

It sounds like typical White UMC parenting to me. She calls it tiger parenting because she wants to distinguish it from typical upper class white people upbringing but I'm not sure how it is.

What? Please, this is akin to name calling.

White UMC parenting does not usually have functional marriage, family unit and socialization in the same way Asian culture have because it is very individual focussed ( White UMC often have functional careers and finances, outsourced chores, nannies, private schools, gym memberships and vacations though!!) Mainly because they do not have the time and inclination to sacrifice for their children, spouses, relatives.

They will either outsource all things that need relationship and time commitment or they will ignore it - children education, children care, elder care, community, hosting, reciprocity, caring for relatives.

So, the truth of real Tiger parenting is that it requires time commitment and focus from parents. Most Tiger parenting I have seen, moms or dads have stepped back from their careers or reduced the time they spend at work to devote themselves to the kids. The beating of the kids until they produce good results is the hallmark of financially weak striver parents who have not come from refined Tiger families but they like to call themselves "Tiger parents".

People who come from families that are educated, well to do, respected, enlightened - will work WITH their children to make sure that they are fully supported and enriched so that they can do well and avail of opportunities. Tiger parents have respect for their Tiger cubs and they treat them as such.

I agree with this part of your post. From what I see on Dcum and IRL upper middle class whites avoid or outsource many things that require time and sacrifice. They outsource elder care for sure, avoid reciprocal hosting to build community and outsource tutoring their kids. All of this requires time and energy.

Of course they couldn’t be bothered