Tiger Mums: Strict parents demanding greatness from their kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not easy to be a Tiger Parent. Demanding greatness from your kids gets you nothing unless you also put in the time in their education and create a conducive household for them.

And Tiger parenting starts from birth. You expose your kids daily to reading, recognizing patterns, on language, music exposure etc. At the same time you are maintaining a peaceful, well run, functional household.

The reason the Western cultures do not do Tiger parenting is because then they will then have to do the heavy lifting to become such parents. It is easier to let your kids raise themselves and neglect academics.

Except your own Westernized kids will likely reject your own parenting…which is what nearly all my Asian friends have done. They don’t think their upbringing was particularly good.

So…still think it’s a winning formula?

Sure. For my kids it is a winning formula because we are a blend of the best of both cultures, and we have been well educated for several generations. There is a formula for getting kids to succeed in academics and then there is a formula for getting kids to succeed in life. The academics part should only be a subset of the succeeding in life formula.

In other words, parents have to be functional, the marriage and family unit has to be functional, the finances and household have to be functional and the socialization has to be functional - for the kid to be well adjusted and successful.

That doesn’t sound like Tiger Parenting whatsoever…so confused what you are saying.

The truly Tiger Parented kids reject that upbringing in droves.

Maybe you should write a book to counter Amy Chua…you may have figured out a much healthier 3rd way.

It sounds like typical White UMC parenting to me. She calls it tiger parenting because she wants to distinguish it from typical upper class white people upbringing but I'm not sure how it is.

What? Please, this is akin to name calling.

White UMC parenting does not usually have functional marriage, family unit and socialization in the same way Asian culture have because it is very individual focussed ( White UMC often have functional careers and finances, outsourced chores, nannies, private schools, gym memberships and vacations though!!) Mainly because they do not have the time and inclination to sacrifice for their children, spouses, relatives.

They will either outsource all things that need relationship and time commitment or they will ignore it - children education, children care, elder care, community, hosting, reciprocity, caring for relatives.

So, the truth of real Tiger parenting is that it requires time commitment and focus from parents. Most Tiger parenting I have seen, moms or dads have stepped back from their careers or reduced the time they spend at work to devote themselves to the kids. The beating of the kids until they produce good results is the hallmark of financially weak striver parents who have not come from refined Tiger families but they like to call themselves "Tiger parents".

People who come from families that are educated, well to do, respected, enlightened - will work WITH their children to make sure that they are fully supported and enriched so that they can do well and avail of opportunities. Tiger parents have respect for their Tiger cubs and they treat them as such.

Huh? I'm Arab so I have no dog in this fight, but have you ever read DCUM? These white woman are all about "I quit my high-profile lawyer job to stay home with the kids so I can take them to musems." They are obsessed with ensuring their kids have the very best outcomes and are also very invested in their marriages and look down on single moms. I agree with you that white people don't care about extended family, it's all about the nuclear family, but other than that everything you said is what I have observed with UMC people. You just like the "tiger mom" branding or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not easy to be a Tiger Parent. Demanding greatness from your kids gets you nothing unless you also put in the time in their education and create a conducive household for them.

And Tiger parenting starts from birth. You expose your kids daily to reading, recognizing patterns, on language, music exposure etc. At the same time you are maintaining a peaceful, well run, functional household.

The reason the Western cultures do not do Tiger parenting is because then they will then have to do the heavy lifting to become such parents. It is easier to let your kids raise themselves and neglect academics.

Except your own Westernized kids will likely reject your own parenting…which is what nearly all my Asian friends have done. They don’t think their upbringing was particularly good.

So…still think it’s a winning formula?

Sure. For my kids it is a winning formula because we are a blend of the best of both cultures, and we have been well educated for several generations. There is a formula for getting kids to succeed in academics and then there is a formula for getting kids to succeed in life. The academics part should only be a subset of the succeeding in life formula.

In other words, parents have to be functional, the marriage and family unit has to be functional, the finances and household have to be functional and the socialization has to be functional - for the kid to be well adjusted and successful.

That doesn’t sound like Tiger Parenting whatsoever…so confused what you are saying.

The truly Tiger Parented kids reject that upbringing in droves.

Maybe you should write a book to counter Amy Chua…you may have figured out a much healthier 3rd way.

It sounds like typical White UMC parenting to me. She calls it tiger parenting because she wants to distinguish it from typical upper class white people upbringing but I'm not sure how it is.

What? Please, this is akin to name calling.

White UMC parenting does not usually have functional marriage, family unit and socialization in the same way Asian culture have because it is very individual focussed ( White UMC often have functional careers and finances, outsourced chores, nannies, private schools, gym memberships and vacations though!!) Mainly because they do not have the time and inclination to sacrifice for their children, spouses, relatives.

They will either outsource all things that need relationship and time commitment or they will ignore it - children education, children care, elder care, community, hosting, reciprocity, caring for relatives.

So, the truth of real Tiger parenting is that it requires time commitment and focus from parents. Most Tiger parenting I have seen, moms or dads have stepped back from their careers or reduced the time they spend at work to devote themselves to the kids. The beating of the kids until they produce good results is the hallmark of financially weak striver parents who have not come from refined Tiger families but they like to call themselves "Tiger parents".

People who come from families that are educated, well to do, respected, enlightened - will work WITH their children to make sure that they are fully supported and enriched so that they can do well and avail of opportunities. Tiger parents have respect for their Tiger cubs and they treat them as such.

You didn't watch the video which is the subject of this thread. It doesn't sound like they beat their kids, but these are not successful moms in their own right.

They live through their children, because they themselves are failures for all intents and purposes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Indian parenting is the best

As long as Spelling Bees are your thing.

Or Geography Bee, or Robotics, or Debate, or Chess, or National Merit Scholarship, or top universities, or Math Counts, or Science Olympiad, or STEM competitions, or Honors societies or medical volunteer work abroad or prestigious internships or research papers.

And then these parents give you a new car, free college and beyond education, a big fat Indian wedding, down payment to your first house, childcare, free foreign vacations, and catapult you towards the top 3% of economy.

Very cocky

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not easy to be a Tiger Parent. Demanding greatness from your kids gets you nothing unless you also put in the time in their education and create a conducive household for them.

And Tiger parenting starts from birth. You expose your kids daily to reading, recognizing patterns, on language, music exposure etc. At the same time you are maintaining a peaceful, well run, functional household.

The reason the Western cultures do not do Tiger parenting is because then they will then have to do the heavy lifting to become such parents. It is easier to let your kids raise themselves and neglect academics.

Except your own Westernized kids will likely reject your own parenting…which is what nearly all my Asian friends have done. They don’t think their upbringing was particularly good.

So…still think it’s a winning formula?

Sure. For my kids it is a winning formula because we are a blend of the best of both cultures, and we have been well educated for several generations. There is a formula for getting kids to succeed in academics and then there is a formula for getting kids to succeed in life. The academics part should only be a subset of the succeeding in life formula.

In other words, parents have to be functional, the marriage and family unit has to be functional, the finances and household have to be functional and the socialization has to be functional - for the kid to be well adjusted and successful.

That doesn’t sound like Tiger Parenting whatsoever…so confused what you are saying.

The truly Tiger Parented kids reject that upbringing in droves.

Maybe you should write a book to counter Amy Chua…you may have figured out a much healthier 3rd way.

It sounds like typical White UMC parenting to me. She calls it tiger parenting because she wants to distinguish it from typical upper class white people upbringing but I'm not sure how it is.

What? Please, this is akin to name calling.

White UMC parenting does not usually have functional marriage, family unit and socialization in the same way Asian culture have because it is very individual focussed ( White UMC often have functional careers and finances, outsourced chores, nannies, private schools, gym memberships and vacations though!!) Mainly because they do not have the time and inclination to sacrifice for their children, spouses, relatives.

They will either outsource all things that need relationship and time commitment or they will ignore it - children education, children care, elder care, community, hosting, reciprocity, caring for relatives.

So, the truth of real Tiger parenting is that it requires time commitment and focus from parents. Most Tiger parenting I have seen, moms or dads have stepped back from their careers or reduced the time they spend at work to devote themselves to the kids. The beating of the kids until they produce good results is the hallmark of financially weak striver parents who have not come from refined Tiger families but they like to call themselves "Tiger parents".

People who come from families that are educated, well to do, respected, enlightened - will work WITH their children to make sure that they are fully supported and enriched so that they can do well and avail of opportunities. Tiger parents have respect for their Tiger cubs and they treat them as such.

I don't see that at all. Tiger-parented kids have NO lives or respect. They cannot do anything that deviates from the plan. That includes sports, socializing, dating...People who truly respect their kids usually do not have THE best students unless that child has inherent passion and drive for studying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Indian parenting is the best

As long as Spelling Bees are your thing.

Or Geography Bee, or Robotics, or Debate, or Chess, or National Merit Scholarship, or top universities, or Math Counts, or Science Olympiad, or STEM competitions, or Honors societies or medical volunteer work abroad or prestigious internships or research papers.

And then these parents give you a new car, free college and beyond education, a big fat Indian wedding, down payment to your first house, childcare, free foreign vacations, and catapult you towards the top 3% of economy.

I've been reading Ask Sahaj and while on the surface, this sounds great, it sounds like there is a dark underbelly to this. It sounds like a very controlling, misogynistic, guilt-tripping and often racist culture. Filial piety seems to bring out the worst in some people.

[Anonymous]

All of the things that were great and innovative about this country are being ruined by the import of these test mill parents. Btw, Asian Tiger moms and their offspring are the most racist people I have ever encountered. Many are also MAGA so there’s that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't quite understand about the Asian culture with countless hours of practicing piano and violin. As an Asian male, I had to practice piano & violin from the age of five until I turned twelve years old. At that point, I told my mother that I didn't want to do it anymore, and ran away from home. My mother finally relented and reluctantly told me I did not have to practice piano & violin anymore. I fell in love with the guitar and practiced everyday for two hours. My own mother thought the guitar was such a ghetto instrument for lower-class people. Typical thinking of a chinese mother. When I went to UCLA, that guitar got me so many girls, and built up my confidence while a typical piano/violin dork got none. That guitar has opened so many doors for me to this day. More people know about "Stairway to heaven" than a very difficult Chopin piece.

Playing the piano helped you with playing the guitar. I've explained that to my kids.

I play both, learned piano first. I made DS (and DD) learn to play the piano, made them practice. They hated it. I told DS when he was in MS to pick up the guitar. He wouldn't do it. Then in HS he did for a gened class. He then proceeded to learn to play other songs watching youtube videos (I learned from a guitar book). I told DS that girls love guys who play the guitar. He plays for his gf and sings. Very sweet. He now regrets not keeping up with the piano. Same for DD. Go figure.

-Korean American mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of the things that were great and innovative about this country are being ruined by the import of these test mill parents. Btw, Asian Tiger moms and their offspring are the most racist people I have ever encountered. Many are also MAGA so there’s that.

eh.. Russians and Jews were tiger parented way before Asian immigrants here did so. And many of those Russians and Jews helped our country advance our technology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Indian parenting is the best

As long as Spelling Bees are your thing.

Or Geography Bee, or Robotics, or Debate, or Chess, or National Merit Scholarship, or top universities, or Math Counts, or Science Olympiad, or STEM competitions, or Honors societies or medical volunteer work abroad or prestigious internships or research papers.

And then these parents give you a new car, free college and beyond education, a big fat Indian wedding, down payment to your first house, childcare, free foreign vacations, and catapult you towards the top 3% of economy.

I've been reading Ask Sahaj and while on the surface, this sounds great, it sounds like there is a dark underbelly to this. It sounds like a very controlling, misogynistic, guilt-tripping and often racist culture. Filial piety seems to bring out the worst in some people.

Yes women are treated like garbage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of the things that were great and innovative about this country are being ruined by the import of these test mill parents. Btw, Asian Tiger moms and their offspring are the most racist people I have ever encountered. Many are also MAGA so there’s that.

eh.. Russians and Jews were tiger parented way before Asian immigrants here did so. And many of those Russians and Jews helped our country advance our technology.

It was not tiger parenting at all. Tiger parenting is very specific. It's not about encouraging invention and curiosity or even learning. It's about consistent excellence, without ever failing or trial and error. The Jews who built Hollywood and big businesses often failed and failed again until they succeeded.

[Anonymous]

All my friends are brown and red

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I put a large premium on academics. I expect perfect grades. My kids are smart and they put in very little effort compared to their Asian counterparts in Asia. I don’t consider myself a tiger parent. We host lots of play dates, parties, travel often and I put high value on happiness.

Did you ever think…what does that do for Asian countries? I mean, birth rates are nonexistent, economies are stagnant, very little entrepreneurship, etc.

Life generally sucks in these Asian countries…yet, let’s just keep doing what we are doing.

countries with the worst quality of life often have the highest birth rates and vice versa. people get spoiled and don't see the point of having kids. this has nothing to do with tiger parenting.

This is just a fact.

The places where women have 5+ kids are all misogynistic, third-world, sh!thole countries, where those women are forced to have lots of kids by male-dominated cultures.

Sorry not sorry; that’s just a fact.

[Anonymous]

I salute tiger moms, mine have done quite well in school and in life but never ever entertained my attempts at tiger mothering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not easy to be a Tiger Parent. Demanding greatness from your kids gets you nothing unless you also put in the time in their education and create a conducive household for them.

And Tiger parenting starts from birth. You expose your kids daily to reading, recognizing patterns, on language, music exposure etc. At the same time you are maintaining a peaceful, well run, functional household.

The reason the Western cultures do not do Tiger parenting is because then they will then have to do the heavy lifting to become such parents. It is easier to let your kids raise themselves and neglect academics.

Except your own Westernized kids will likely reject your own parenting…which is what nearly all my Asian friends have done. They don’t think their upbringing was particularly good.

So…still think it’s a winning formula?

Sure. For my kids it is a winning formula because we are a blend of the best of both cultures, and we have been well educated for several generations. There is a formula for getting kids to succeed in academics and then there is a formula for getting kids to succeed in life. The academics part should only be a subset of the succeeding in life formula.

In other words, parents have to be functional, the marriage and family unit has to be functional, the finances and household have to be functional and the socialization has to be functional - for the kid to be well adjusted and successful.

That doesn’t sound like Tiger Parenting whatsoever…so confused what you are saying.

The truly Tiger Parented kids reject that upbringing in droves.

Maybe you should write a book to counter Amy Chua…you may have figured out a much healthier 3rd way.

It sounds like typical White UMC parenting to me. She calls it tiger parenting because she wants to distinguish it from typical upper class white people upbringing but I'm not sure how it is.

What? Please, this is akin to name calling.

White UMC parenting does not usually have functional marriage, family unit and socialization in the same way Asian culture have because it is very individual focussed ( White UMC often have functional careers and finances, outsourced chores, nannies, private schools, gym memberships and vacations though!!) Mainly because they do not have the time and inclination to sacrifice for their children, spouses, relatives.

They will either outsource all things that need relationship and time commitment or they will ignore it - children education, children care, elder care, community, hosting, reciprocity, caring for relatives.

So, the truth of real Tiger parenting is that it requires time commitment and focus from parents. Most Tiger parenting I have seen, moms or dads have stepped back from their careers or reduced the time they spend at work to devote themselves to the kids. The beating of the kids until they produce good results is the hallmark of financially weak striver parents who have not come from refined Tiger families but they like to call themselves "Tiger parents".

People who come from families that are educated, well to do, respected, enlightened - will work WITH their children to make sure that they are fully supported and enriched so that they can do well and avail of opportunities. Tiger parents have respect for their Tiger cubs and they treat them as such.

Huh? I'm Arab so I have no dog in this fight, but have you ever read DCUM? These white woman are all about "I quit my high-profile lawyer job to stay home with the kids so I can take them to musems." They are obsessed with ensuring their kids have the very best outcomes and are also very invested in their marriages and look down on single moms. I agree with you that white people don't care about extended family, it's all about the nuclear family, but other than that everything you said is what I have observed with UMC people. You just like the "tiger mom" branding or whatever.

Yes, the typical white DCUM who went to AU Law School has elements of Tiger Mom, but that's not typical for whites overall or even white middle class overall.
In a typical white middle class family, the parents are eating and drinking while the kids are beating the crap out of each other, the parents use tic-toc to shut up the middle schoolers, and parents beam with pride when their kid get into the public school "gifted" program that accommodates the top 40% of the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not easy to be a Tiger Parent. Demanding greatness from your kids gets you nothing unless you also put in the time in their education and create a conducive household for them.

And Tiger parenting starts from birth. You expose your kids daily to reading, recognizing patterns, on language, music exposure etc. At the same time you are maintaining a peaceful, well run, functional household.

The reason the Western cultures do not do Tiger parenting is because then they will then have to do the heavy lifting to become such parents. It is easier to let your kids raise themselves and neglect academics.

Except your own Westernized kids will likely reject your own parenting…which is what nearly all my Asian friends have done. They don’t think their upbringing was particularly good.

So…still think it’s a winning formula?

Sure. For my kids it is a winning formula because we are a blend of the best of both cultures, and we have been well educated for several generations. There is a formula for getting kids to succeed in academics and then there is a formula for getting kids to succeed in life. The academics part should only be a subset of the succeeding in life formula.

In other words, parents have to be functional, the marriage and family unit has to be functional, the finances and household have to be functional and the socialization has to be functional - for the kid to be well adjusted and successful.

That doesn’t sound like Tiger Parenting whatsoever…so confused what you are saying.

The truly Tiger Parented kids reject that upbringing in droves.

Maybe you should write a book to counter Amy Chua…you may have figured out a much healthier 3rd way.

It sounds like typical White UMC parenting to me. She calls it tiger parenting because she wants to distinguish it from typical upper class white people upbringing but I'm not sure how it is.

What? Please, this is akin to name calling.

White UMC parenting does not usually have functional marriage, family unit and socialization in the same way Asian culture have because it is very individual focussed ( White UMC often have functional careers and finances, outsourced chores, nannies, private schools, gym memberships and vacations though!!) Mainly because they do not have the time and inclination to sacrifice for their children, spouses, relatives.

They will either outsource all things that need relationship and time commitment or they will ignore it - children education, children care, elder care, community, hosting, reciprocity, caring for relatives.

So, the truth of real Tiger parenting is that it requires time commitment and focus from parents. Most Tiger parenting I have seen, moms or dads have stepped back from their careers or reduced the time they spend at work to devote themselves to the kids. The beating of the kids until they produce good results is the hallmark of financially weak striver parents who have not come from refined Tiger families but they like to call themselves "Tiger parents".

People who come from families that are educated, well to do, respected, enlightened - will work WITH their children to make sure that they are fully supported and enriched so that they can do well and avail of opportunities. Tiger parents have respect for their Tiger cubs and they treat them as such.

Huh? I'm Arab so I have no dog in this fight, but have you ever read DCUM? These white woman are all about "I quit my high-profile lawyer job to stay home with the kids so I can take them to musems." They are obsessed with ensuring their kids have the very best outcomes and are also very invested in their marriages and look down on single moms. I agree with you that white people don't care about extended family, it's all about the nuclear family, but other than that everything you said is what I have observed with UMC people. You just like the "tiger mom" branding or whatever.

Yes, the typical white DCUM who went to AU Law School has elements of Tiger Mom, but that's not typical for whites overall or even white middle class overall.
In a typical white middle class family, the parents are eating and drinking while the kids are beating the crap out of each other, the parents use tic-toc to shut up the middle schoolers, and parents beam with pride when their kid get into the public school "gifted" program that accommodates the top 40% of the school.

I don't think you know a lot (any?) middle class families.