older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"

[Anonymous]

If someone are so prickly about being asked something once, well, that sort of tells you they have a problem getting along with people.

[Anonymous]

How much do YOU weigh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old people are trying gently to explain that something needs to change. As DD passes 30, her options tend to decrease.

If DD chooses to be single, that’s one thing. However many young women think they’ll have options forever when all the good guys get snapped up faster than expected. If DD wants to marry, she needs to focus her efforts better. Whether that means looking elsewhere or lowering standards remains to be seen.

I have to agree, especially since infertility is skyrocketing. If she doesn’t want children, she has forever.

My 2 daughters are planning to adopt. Stop assuming there is only one way to form a family. JFC.

Good luck with that. I suspect they will find it’s much harder than they think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old people are trying gently to explain that something needs to change. As DD passes 30, her options tend to decrease.

If DD chooses to be single, that’s one thing. However many young women think they’ll have options forever when all the good guys get snapped up faster than expected. If DD wants to marry, she needs to focus her efforts better. Whether that means looking elsewhere or lowering standards remains to be seen.

I have to agree, especially since infertility is skyrocketing. If she doesn’t want children, she has forever.

My 2 daughters are planning to adopt. Stop assuming there is only one way to form a family. JFC.

Adoption is in no way an easy choice. It’s an expensive, often heartbreaking, and sometimes unsuccessful way to build a family.

+1 do they have any idea what that journey is really like?

Yes, we certainly do. Both daughters (and i) have taken all the foster trainings and many non-foster adoption trainings. Every one of our/their friends adopted their kids in less than a year after their initial foster placements. It was not expensive at all, in fact it was pretty much free. My girls (21 and 27) are aware of all options. My older daughter is a social worker (MSW).

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP. This thread has been pretty interesting. I actually love what my DD did recently. My MIL's nosy, annoying friend who has to tag along to everything cornered DD in the kitchen on Mother's Day and asked about her love life. DD said she was just dating casually and then asked her, "Hows YOUR love life?" Without missing a beat, the friend said, "Nonexistent" and proceeded to explain why. And just like that, we were all given a window into the dating scene for women in their late 70s and the focus was off DD. She's so much better at navigating these things than I am--think I'll take my cue from her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Old people usually mean well and don't know boundaries. Just tell them nicely that you respect your daughter's privacy and even if there is an announcement to be made at any point in future, it would come from her, not you.

Does that mean you will lose your boundaries at a certain age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old people are trying gently to explain that something needs to change. As DD passes 30, her options tend to decrease.

If DD chooses to be single, that’s one thing. However many young women think they’ll have options forever when all the good guys get snapped up faster than expected. If DD wants to marry, she needs to focus her efforts better. Whether that means looking elsewhere or lowering standards remains to be seen.

I have to agree, especially since infertility is skyrocketing. If she doesn’t want children, she has forever.

My 2 daughters are planning to adopt. Stop assuming there is only one way to form a family. JFC.

Adoption is in no way an easy choice. It’s an expensive, often heartbreaking, and sometimes unsuccessful way to build a family.

+1 do they have any idea what that journey is really like?

Yes, we certainly do. Both daughters (and i) have taken all the foster trainings and many non-foster adoption trainings. Every one of our/their friends adopted their kids in less than a year after their initial foster placements. It was not expensive at all, in fact it was pretty much free. My girls (21 and 27) are aware of all options. My older daughter is a social worker (MSW).

Good for them, I’m sure they’ll be successful. Plus they will have each other for support and their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old people are trying gently to explain that something needs to change. As DD passes 30, her options tend to decrease.

If DD chooses to be single, that’s one thing. However many young women think they’ll have options forever when all the good guys get snapped up faster than expected. If DD wants to marry, she needs to focus her efforts better. Whether that means looking elsewhere or lowering standards remains to be seen.

I have to agree, especially since infertility is skyrocketing. If she doesn’t want children, she has forever.

My 2 daughters are planning to adopt. Stop assuming there is only one way to form a family. JFC.

Adoption is in no way an easy choice. It’s an expensive, often heartbreaking, and sometimes unsuccessful way to build a family.

+1 do they have any idea what that journey is really like?

+1,000,000 Have been through the whole journey with 2 friends. People are so flippant saying "I'll just adopt." Not that easy and so many complications for too many.

[Anonymous]

No one can ever ask anybody about anything

[Anonymous]

I don't think there is a need to be rude and say something hurtful back, but you can definitely set a boundary. You could say "it is her choice to share these things not mine" or "we prefer not to answer that question" or whatever. The relative did nothing wrong, but if she refuses to let up THAT is wrong.

It's all about reading the room. I have a friend I know I can't ask "what are you up to for Thanksgiving" because it's when her father died and she does not even like to hear the word. I have a relative I would not ask "how are the kids" because she is in a custody battle and one announced she wants to live with dad. I respect that some questions don't work for certain people. my niece LOVES to talk about her dating life so if I don't ask, she will offer up and want to do get together with me for coffee to dish/ask advice/show photos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not odd that she is 27 and single. It’s odd that she has Never had a long term relationship. You know that OP and that’s why you’re prickly about it.

This is very common with closeted queer people. They'll either day same sex partners and not tell their family or they're in denial about their sexuality and don't date because they aren't (in this case) attracted to men and since they haven't admitted it to themselves they aren't dating other women.

If that's the case, all the "fertility concerns" are going to be really problematic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not odd that she is 27 and single. It’s odd that she has Never had a long term relationship. You know that OP and that’s why you’re prickly about it.

This is very common with closeted queer people. They'll either day same sex partners and not tell their family or they're in denial about their sexuality and don't date because they aren't (in this case) attracted to men and since they haven't admitted it to themselves they aren't dating other women.

If that's the case, all the "fertility concerns" are going to be really problematic.

Yeah......no. I'm the OP. I wouldn't care if DD were queer, but she isn't. She is sexually active with men, and we have very open conversations about sex, relationships, safety, consent, etc. She just has a very particular type (who are often commitment shy) and isn't often bowled over by guys to the point where she wants to keep seeing them. She is actively looking for a long-term partner now.

[Anonymous]

"How's Liz? Seeing anyone special?"

"Not sure. How bout them Cowboys?"

[Anonymous]

She’s happy and having fun. Why do you ask?

[Anonymous]

She is sexually active

Op, since that -rather important- infowas not in your original post -- we wouldn't know. We thought she had never had a relationship. She's having some kind of relationship(s) Being someone home is less important. I'm glad she is relating to a partner. You made it sound, in your original post, that she had zero experience in relationships.