older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She is sexually active

Op, since that -rather important- infowas not in your original post -- we wouldn't know. We thought she had never had a relationship. She's having some kind of relationship(s) Being someone home is less important. I'm glad she is relating to a partner. You made it sound, in your original post, that she had zero experience in relationships.

I said she had not had a long-term relationship. I didn’t say she had no experience. Sorry if that was misconstrued.

[Anonymous]

“Oh, yes, she sells favors at the better hotels downtown DC, some weekends she works Tyson Corners. Does quite well for herself. Interested?”

[Anonymous]

I saw a pillow that said something to the effect of blaming the lack of a relationship on “supply chain issues.” Haha

Just tell them you do the vetting of your future son in law, and you’ve determined there aren’t many men good/mature/smart enough to date your daughter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would honestly never occur to me that this is a rude question.

I remember being that age and feeling sad that no one was interested in any other aspect of my life. None of the relatives asked about my travels, my conference paper, my dissertation, my career. Instead it felt like they thought I was a loser because I wasn’t married yet. I think it’s rude to treat women as one dimensional future baby breeders.

Thank you! I was in the same boat for years, and all it led me to do was avoid those relatives who were asking. That, and develop the response I used, “No, I’m planning on dying alone.”

OP your daughter is welcome to use it as well if the appropriate situation arises.

[Anonymous]

To be fair, in my experience, all old folks are very much interested in young people's academic, professional and social endeavors as well, not just in their matrimonial and fertility endeavors.

[Anonymous]

As humans we are getting conditioned for thousands of years to do matchmaking and propagate the tribe and species, nothing new here. It only became a personal matter in last few decades. Mating and marriage age used to be around puberty hence elders used to be more involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Old people are trying gently to explain that something needs to change. As DD passes 30, her options tend to decrease.

If DD chooses to be single, that’s one thing. However many young women think they’ll have options forever when all the good guys get snapped up faster than expected. If DD wants to marry, she needs to focus her efforts better. Whether that means looking elsewhere or lowering standards remains to be seen.

Why don't we focus more effort on creating MORE GOOD GUYS instead of pressuring young women to snap one up? I think that would benefit all of society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, in my experience, all old folks are very much interested in young people's academic, professional and social endeavors as well, not just in their matrimonial and fertility endeavors.

Your experience is certainly yours, and not mine to dispute. But in mine, as a woman, I received many more questions about my love life than I did my career or volunteerism or travels. In fact, when I tried to steer the conversation to one of those topics from my love life, I would receive comments like "well that's OK, you aren't 30 yet."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old people are trying gently to explain that something needs to change. As DD passes 30, her options tend to decrease.

If DD chooses to be single, that’s one thing. However many young women think they’ll have options forever when all the good guys get snapped up faster than expected. If DD wants to marry, she needs to focus her efforts better. Whether that means looking elsewhere or lowering standards remains to be seen.

Why don't we focus more effort on creating MORE GOOD GUYS instead of pressuring young women to snap one up? I think that would benefit all of society.

I doubt good guys and good gals balance is that off. Women put too much value in finances of potential husbands.

[Anonymous]

For which women has been conditioned historically as they married young way before building a career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old people are trying gently to explain that something needs to change. As DD passes 30, her options tend to decrease.

If DD chooses to be single, that’s one thing. However many young women think they’ll have options forever when all the good guys get snapped up faster than expected. If DD wants to marry, she needs to focus her efforts better. Whether that means looking elsewhere or lowering standards remains to be seen.

Why don't we focus more effort on creating MORE GOOD GUYS instead of pressuring young women to snap one up? I think that would benefit all of society.

I doubt good guys and good gals balance is that off. Women put too much value in finances of potential husbands.

BS. Women want partners. They make their own money these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old people are trying gently to explain that something needs to change. As DD passes 30, her options tend to decrease.

If DD chooses to be single, that’s one thing. However many young women think they’ll have options forever when all the good guys get snapped up faster than expected. If DD wants to marry, she needs to focus her efforts better. Whether that means looking elsewhere or lowering standards remains to be seen.

Why don't we focus more effort on creating MORE GOOD GUYS instead of pressuring young women to snap one up? I think that would benefit all of society.

I doubt good guys and good gals balance is that off. Women put too much value in finances of potential husbands.

BS. Women want partners. They make their own money these days.

There are more to a partner than his net worth. This single focus is the reason women can't find partners or get divorced. Even low earning women want millionaires, let alone high earning ones. There is only a limited men willing to marry you come into desired bracket and often women ignore their bad traits then feel surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, in my experience, all old folks are very much interested in young people's academic, professional and social endeavors as well, not just in their matrimonial and fertility endeavors.

Your experience is certainly yours, and not mine to dispute. But in mine, as a woman, I received many more questions about my love life than I did my career or volunteerism or travels. In fact, when I tried to steer the conversation to one of those topics from my love life, I would receive comments like "well that's OK, you aren't 30 yet."

Old women worry about young women not valuing their youth and missing marriage and fertility window, probably PTSD from their own experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old people are trying gently to explain that something needs to change. As DD passes 30, her options tend to decrease.

If DD chooses to be single, that’s one thing. However many young women think they’ll have options forever when all the good guys get snapped up faster than expected. If DD wants to marry, she needs to focus her efforts better. Whether that means looking elsewhere or lowering standards remains to be seen.

Why don't we focus more effort on creating MORE GOOD GUYS instead of pressuring young women to snap one up? I think that would benefit all of society.

I doubt good guys and good gals balance is that off. Women put too much value in finances of potential husbands.

BS. Women want partners. They make their own money these days.

That gives them freedom to choose partners based on other qualities instead of having to settle for a provider.

[Anonymous]

80% of the women go after 20% of the men.