older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"

[Anonymous]

My 27yo DD meets guys and dates regularly, but she has not found someone she really meshes with romantically. In fact, she's never been in a real relationship or brought anyone home to meet us. I try not to stress about this (although I do and so does she). It doesn't help that whenever we're at a family gathering, my MIL asks about it. Thankfully, MIL has stopped asking my DD directly about her love life, but now she asks DH and me. Other older relatives have also commented to us along the lines of, "Oh dear. I hope she finds someone." I'm working on responses to these questions. So far I've come up with "You'll be the first to know if there's someone special," "No, she's not seeing anyone. Are you?" (if the relative is single) or simply "She's living her best life." Other thoughts on how to shut down the questioning?

[Anonymous]

I would simply say that she doesn't talk about her personal relationships. Don't tell them they'll be the first to know unless you plan on starting a phone tree the second she brings a guy home.

[Anonymous]

I would say "I don't know. How's your sex life, Marje?"

[Anonymous]

Old people usually mean well and don't know boundaries. Just tell them nicely that you respect your daughter's privacy and even if there is an announcement to be made at any point in future, it would come from her, not you.

[Anonymous]

I always say oh DD or DS would be upset if I was gossiping about them. I like to subtly remind them to stop being nosey.

[Anonymous]

Old people are trying gently to explain that something needs to change. As DD passes 30, her options tend to decrease.

If DD chooses to be single, that’s one thing. However many young women think they’ll have options forever when all the good guys get snapped up faster than expected. If DD wants to marry, she needs to focus her efforts better. Whether that means looking elsewhere or lowering standards remains to be seen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Old people are trying gently to explain that something needs to change. As DD passes 30, her options tend to decrease.

If DD chooses to be single, that’s one thing. However many young women think they’ll have options forever when all the good guys get snapped up faster than expected. If DD wants to marry, she needs to focus her efforts better. Whether that means looking elsewhere or lowering standards remains to be seen.

Aaaaaand we've pivoted to the 70-year-old in the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Old people are trying gently to explain that something needs to change. As DD passes 30, her options tend to decrease.

If DD chooses to be single, that’s one thing. However many young women think they’ll have options forever when all the good guys get snapped up faster than expected. If DD wants to marry, she needs to focus her efforts better. Whether that means looking elsewhere or lowering standards remains to be seen.

This but also they're bored and love the drama.

[Anonymous]

It would honestly never occur to me that this is a rude question.

[Anonymous]

Firstly, there's NOTHING for your DD or you to stress about. Secondly, always give the same answer with the exact same words so it's boring to ask you. And make your answer something that gives zero information. "If she has something to announce, she will." And then WALK AWAY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Old people are trying gently to explain that something needs to change. As DD passes 30, her options tend to decrease.

If DD chooses to be single, that’s one thing. However many young women think they’ll have options forever when all the good guys get snapped up faster than expected. If DD wants to marry, she needs to focus her efforts better. Whether that means looking elsewhere or lowering standards remains to be seen.

I have to agree, especially since infertility is skyrocketing. If she doesn’t want children, she has forever.

[Anonymous]

You need to shut that down. I remember some of my in-laws absolutely harassing my younger unmarried BIL about not finding a potential spouse. They continued in his 40s. Then he died of a brain tumor in his mid-40s. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

I really don’t think it’s a rude question. I mean it ranks up there with: looking to buy a house? Where are you going on vacation?

Grandma isn’t asking when she’s getting married, just if she’s seeing anyone.

[Anonymous]

she's never been in a real relationship or brought anyone home to meet us.

This is unusual.

The asking is ok. Asking is ordinary.
If they aren't pressing beyond the 1 question they are not being rude.
It's not unheard of either that they love your DD and are genuinely concerned for her happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t think it’s a rude question. I mean it ranks up there with: looking to buy a house? Where are you going on vacation?

Grandma isn’t asking when she’s getting married, just if she’s seeing anyone.

No, I'm too poor to buy a house. I'm not going anywhere on vacation, because I can't afford to. Thats' what you want to hear? Because those are my truths.