Do you think most athletes were pushed by parents

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a DS that is like you're describing. A natural athlete, plays various sports etc.

We haven't pushed at all. We're in rec leagues only. He asks to sign up for stuff with his school friends and if we can make it happen, we do.

There's this other kid on one of his soccer teams that is not as athletic as DS, and that was very clear a year ago when they were playing together.

That kid's dad arranged for a coach to work 1:1 with him.

Now, that kid is easily as good as my DS, if not better.

I'm sure the kid loves soccer and loves to play! But the parents are making the decision to invest in the "extras" that will make a difference in a highly-competitive area.

Now I'm stuck wondering if we're doing the wrong thing by being chill, especially since DS is only 6!!

Good one! I totally thought your post was serious until I got to the last line! LOL

Why do you think it's a joke? It's not!

I don't have illusions that he'll be in the MLS, but I'd like him to be able to play a sport in high school if he chooses. He's not redshirted with a summer birthday, so he's already on teams with kids a year older than he is.

It feels like, as a parent, his self-motivation and love of soccer will not be enough. If he wants to be good, he'll need parents (aka us) to start pushing travel, getting individual coaching etc.

DP. The statistics show if you push and he's not motivated, instead of a high school athlete you'll have a burnt out kid who drops out of sports altogether at 12-13. Be careful. Only go this route if your kid is pushing you to do it.

Be careful? You think a really terrible outcome is a kid plays for a few years and then quits at 12? I'm not seeing the problem here. It didn't pan out and they threw in the towel and the earliest possibility. I see this as a great outcome for a sport the kid wasn't meant for.

Sports participation is like an upside down pyramid. Of course kids are going to drop out along the way. However, in many sports, it is impossible to get to the top if you weren't already in the system at a young age. So it starts with the parent's motivation to expose the kid, then there comes a turning point, around age 12, where the kid has the same drive or doesn't. Many a young gymnast who quit at 12 found success in other sports. My friend was quite successful at NCAA track after 'retiring.'

As a parent I will not consider myself as having done a good job if my kid burns out. We have our kids in sports for the life lessons (they are motivated, but none of them have the athleticism it also takes to get to the top and that's OK). A life lesson in handling burnout in middle school is not what I have in mind. It's more like teamwork, sportsmanship, the fact that when you put in hard work you improve but the improvement isn't linear, and resilience. If our kids burn out from being pushed they're going to remember that, not the positive mental skills.

Burned out kids also realize they're not the best and they don't want to put in the work to get better because it's not their passion. I don't think truly talented kids burn out just because. You can't force them by sheer will to not "burn out" they know they don't have what it takes. Let them come to that conclusion with grace.

PP here. I think we're defining burnout differently. I'm thinking of how it's defined when it's articles directed at adults about how to deal with feeling completely harried, stressed, and crazy. If I pushed my kids too hard compared to their passion level, that's how they'd get - harried, stressed, and crazy. It would be bad parenting.

You (and any other PPs agreeing with you) are simply talking about kids who come to a natural conclusion that it's time to be done with their sport. I expect mine will all do that before college, possibly before middle school even. That would be fine. They'll pick something else to do. But if they come to that point because they feel overwhelmed by the amount of their sport that I am pushing on them, that's a problem.

And that's what I mean by be careful. Don't be more passionate about the sport than your kid is.

I really don't buy that kids who love the sport can be burned out by the parents. Do you really think that happens that often? I think its pretty obvious those kids were never going to make it anyway and the parents get scapegoated. "I could have been great! I was the best they had ever seen! But my parents were annoying about it so I quit."

Sure, that makes sense. My initial "be careful" (because that was me) was to the poster who was talking about her 5 year old. Pushing your 5 year old who doesn't even really know if they love the sport yet into hours of private lessons is the kind of thing I was talking about.

I even know a middle schooler who does private lessons for her sport but never practices outside of team practices and private lessons. She says she loves the sport but...does she really? Are those lessons really worth it?

I'm not talking about a kid who literally drags their parents out to watch them go through reps or toss a ball around or something.

What is it hurting if a kid does private lessons on the side for a sport they like? If the kid reaches a point where they say "I'm done", then so what?

Good point. It doesn't hurt anything, does it? As long as the kid wants the lessons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tom Brady didn’t start playing football until he was in high school.

Yes football and lacrosse are possible exceptions to starting late. Impossible with individual sports to get to a high level

There are always exceptional outliers, but that’s what they are - outliers. Look at Misty Copeland.

[Anonymous]

Op - I like your question, I think a lot of parents are asking versions of it. I have one quibble- the word “pushed.” The problem with Pushed is that many people see it as a synonym for forced. It’s very difficult to force someone to become a great athlete (I guess some totalitarian countries could do it).

But if you change the word “pushed” to “encouraged” or “supported” the answer is clearly yes. I think the more interesting question is what does it mean to encourage and support?

From my experience and experience of parenting my kids it’s a combination of offering opportunities, providing support and feedback but also occasionally forcing the athlete to go to practice change teams stay on teams etc.

I would not have been a varsity football player if my mom didn’t occasionally have to force me to go to Saturday practice rather than sleep in. I don’t think My son would have had the great athletic career he has had so far if I hadn’t switched him to a team where he could get playing time when he was in grade school (over his objections)

[Anonymous]

Many kids are busy wasting time on TikTok or some other inane activity. I'll take sports over that on any day, and it teaches them how to self manage their schedules with practice every night and weekend games. Kids like to feel like they are better than average at something and sports is an easy way to it for the ones with decent athletic ability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a DS that is like you're describing. A natural athlete, plays various sports etc.

We haven't pushed at all. We're in rec leagues only. He asks to sign up for stuff with his school friends and if we can make it happen, we do.

There's this other kid on one of his soccer teams that is not as athletic as DS, and that was very clear a year ago when they were playing together.

That kid's dad arranged for a coach to work 1:1 with him.

Now, that kid is easily as good as my DS, if not better.

I'm sure the kid loves soccer and loves to play! But the parents are making the decision to invest in the "extras" that will make a difference in a highly-competitive area.

Now I'm stuck wondering if we're doing the wrong thing by being chill, especially since DS is only 6!!

Good one! I totally thought your post was serious until I got to the last line! LOL

Why do you think it's a joke? It's not!

I don't have illusions that he'll be in the MLS, but I'd like him to be able to play a sport in high school if he chooses. He's not redshirted with a summer birthday, so he's already on teams with kids a year older than he is.

It feels like, as a parent, his self-motivation and love of soccer will not be enough. If he wants to be good, he'll need parents (aka us) to start pushing travel, getting individual coaching etc.

DP. The statistics show if you push and he's not motivated, instead of a high school athlete you'll have a burnt out kid who drops out of sports altogether at 12-13. Be careful. Only go this route if your kid is pushing you to do it.

Be careful? You think a really terrible outcome is a kid plays for a few years and then quits at 12? I'm not seeing the problem here. It didn't pan out and they threw in the towel and the earliest possibility. I see this as a great outcome for a sport the kid wasn't meant for.

Sports participation is like an upside down pyramid. Of course kids are going to drop out along the way. However, in many sports, it is impossible to get to the top if you weren't already in the system at a young age. So it starts with the parent's motivation to expose the kid, then there comes a turning point, around age 12, where the kid has the same drive or doesn't. Many a young gymnast who quit at 12 found success in other sports. My friend was quite successful at NCAA track after 'retiring.'

As a parent I will not consider myself as having done a good job if my kid burns out. We have our kids in sports for the life lessons (they are motivated, but none of them have the athleticism it also takes to get to the top and that's OK). A life lesson in handling burnout in middle school is not what I have in mind. It's more like teamwork, sportsmanship, the fact that when you put in hard work you improve but the improvement isn't linear, and resilience. If our kids burn out from being pushed they're going to remember that, not the positive mental skills.

You’re aware that your kids are not athletes but like most kids they are playing for fun and reasons you wrote. It gets tougher when your kid has potential. How far do you go?