Do you think most athletes were pushed by parents

[Anonymous]

My son pushes himself. I actually wouldn’t mind him quitting because I find it all very stressful. His mood changes in a dime spending on his current performance or a comment from a coach and it’s a roller coaster as a parent. But he loves it and he is all in. DH was all in on sports when our kids were little but he didn’t push. He offered to coach all the rec teams or at least asst codch, but never forced our kids to join a team or attend a practice. He didn’t criticize performance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the other posters. My kids are swimmers and it is a complete waste if they are not self-motivated. They can't improve their times if they don't really want to win. I don't reward them for winning medals, but I do tell them that I am proud of them for their hard work and for giving it their best. If they ever want to switch to recreational swim, I will switch them right away. It would be cheaper for me!

Mine loves swimming but doesn’t care if he’s the fastest. So even though he likes swim team, I switched him to rec—much cheaper and less work for me!

What about water polo? Would still be cheaper than swimming - and if you are East Coast, could be cool differentiation for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son pushes himself. I actually wouldn’t mind him quitting because I find it all very stressful. His mood changes in a dime spending on his current performance or a comment from a coach and it’s a roller coaster as a parent. But he loves it and he is all in. DH was all in on sports when our kids were little but he didn’t push. He offered to coach all the rec teams or at least asst codch, but never forced our kids to join a team or attend a practice. He didn’t criticize performance.

I realized that this is somewhat incomplete. He is in HS and just starting the recruitment process. I support him because he lives and breathes it and it keeps him motivated to do well in school. I have told him dozens of times over the years, it’s ok to quit if this isn’t fun anymore. He did actually quit for a time but missed it terribly and came back more dedicated than ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a former athlete, I can tell you I pushed myself. I have fond memories of talking my mom into sitting in the living room to watch and critique me, begging my coaches to come to spot me for "just one more" over and over, etc.

+1

I think success in many areas (athletics, academics, etc) is rooted in self drive.

[Anonymous]

Self motivation. I was a college athlete and my parents drove me to and from practice when I was a kid but that was pretty much it. They didn’t even stay to watch practice or ask about it. If my kids aren’t self motivated I know that activity will end eventually and I tell them that if they don’t want to go to practice it’s a sign they should probably stop when the season is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our circles, there are so many strong athletes. I don’t really push my kids. Some people probably think I do but compared to the more dedicated families, we really don’t push. I’m thinking of all the families we know whose kids do very high levels of gymnastics, swim, hockey, tennis, etc. These kids train several hours everyday since a young age. I know there are lots of threads about travel sports on here. My kids have always been athletic and we have always run around to 1-2 hour practices daily. This puts us in the normal athlete family. The more dedicated ones train much more, maybe including homeschooling.

Do you think this is kid driven or parent driven?

Accomplishments are always a mix of nature, nurturer and luck. Without some potential, no one can be just pushed to success. Just like people giving tiger moms's pushing all the credit forget that not every kid can be pushed to win a National Merit Scholarship, not ever kid can be pushed to win a national level athletic recognition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the other posters. My kids are swimmers and it is a complete waste if they are not self-motivated. They can't improve their times if they don't really want to win. I don't reward them for winning medals, but I do tell them that I am proud of them for their hard work and for giving it their best. If they ever want to switch to recreational swim, I will switch them right away. It would be cheaper for me!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a former athlete, I can tell you I pushed myself. I have fond memories of talking my mom into sitting in the living room to watch and critique me, begging my coaches to come to spot me for "just one more" over and over, etc.

This is what I needed to read today. My DD is like you and I always wonder if we're doing the wrong thing by indulging the same kinds of requests. Her coaches are at least quite strict about cutting them off after a certain number of reps and tries for safety.

I assume you're talking about gymnastics so you'll appreciate this: at one point DD had dragged us all so far into her obsessive practice that the dog knew the opening notes of the compulsory music and would run to sit at the edge of the rug at attention when he heard them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Self motivation. I was a college athlete and my parents drove me to and from practice when I was a kid but that was pretty much it. They didn’t even stay to watch practice or ask about it. If my kids aren’t self motivated I know that activity will end eventually and I tell them that if they don’t want to go to practice it’s a sign they should probably stop when the season is over.

I feel bad now but nobody went to my brother’s high school varsity football and Lacrosse games except occasionally my father. If my father stayed home he would listen to the game on the radio while working in the yard. They never had to drive him because the neighborhood kids organized themselves to play sports on their own and only played with a coach in middle school, high school and some continued on to college and some to pro. I always felt bad for the Lacrosse players because the ones who went pro didn’t make enough to live on and nobody cared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister was an Olympian. My parents were definitely unmotivated.

The most successful elite athletes will be self motivated and self driven. My sister even had to find her own coaches and which was difficult as we lived in a very very rural area.

It depends on the sport, but most elite athletes, especially Olympians, had parents who were also motivated and driven to help their child succeed. Some sports require mastery at a young age. 5-year-old gymnasts and figure skaters aren't the ones driving their dreams. It starts with the parents, but over time, the parent's role becomes much more limited, and it's up to the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a DS that is like you're describing. A natural athlete, plays various sports etc.

We haven't pushed at all. We're in rec leagues only. He asks to sign up for stuff with his school friends and if we can make it happen, we do.

There's this other kid on one of his soccer teams that is not as athletic as DS, and that was very clear a year ago when they were playing together.

That kid's dad arranged for a coach to work 1:1 with him.

Now, that kid is easily as good as my DS, if not better.

I'm sure the kid loves soccer and loves to play! But the parents are making the decision to invest in the "extras" that will make a difference in a highly-competitive area.

Now I'm stuck wondering if we're doing the wrong thing by being chill, especially since DS is only 6!!

Good one! I totally thought your post was serious until I got to the last line! LOL

Why do you think it's a joke? It's not!

I don't have illusions that he'll be in the MLS, but I'd like him to be able to play a sport in high school if he chooses. He's not redshirted with a summer birthday, so he's already on teams with kids a year older than he is.

It feels like, as a parent, his self-motivation and love of soccer will not be enough. If he wants to be good, he'll need parents (aka us) to start pushing travel, getting individual coaching etc.

DP. The statistics show if you push and he's not motivated, instead of a high school athlete you'll have a burnt out kid who drops out of sports altogether at 12-13. Be careful. Only go this route if your kid is pushing you to do it.

Be careful? You think a really terrible outcome is a kid plays for a few years and then quits at 12? I'm not seeing the problem here. It didn't pan out and they threw in the towel and the earliest possibility. I see this as a great outcome for a sport the kid wasn't meant for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was an Olympian. My parents were definitely unmotivated.

The most successful elite athletes will be self motivated and self driven. My sister even had to find her own coaches and which was difficult as we lived in a very very rural area.

It depends on the sport, but most elite athletes, especially Olympians, had parents who were also motivated and driven to help their child succeed. Some sports require mastery at a young age. 5-year-old gymnasts and figure skaters aren't the ones driving their dreams. It starts with the parents, but over time, the parent's role becomes much more limited, and it's up to the child.

A lot of these parents go insanely in debt hoping it makes off helping their kids reach their dreams. Or they move with their child so they can get coaching, thus splitting the family. One parent goes with the athlete, the other stays home with other kids. The quit jobs. Simone Biles mom was up to her eyeballs in debt owing thousands in fees to the gym. But, her gamble paid off. That's not true for everyone. Parents are definitely helping these kids chase these dreams. PPs sister was probably in archery or curling or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a DS that is like you're describing. A natural athlete, plays various sports etc.

We haven't pushed at all. We're in rec leagues only. He asks to sign up for stuff with his school friends and if we can make it happen, we do.

There's this other kid on one of his soccer teams that is not as athletic as DS, and that was very clear a year ago when they were playing together.

That kid's dad arranged for a coach to work 1:1 with him.

Now, that kid is easily as good as my DS, if not better.

I'm sure the kid loves soccer and loves to play! But the parents are making the decision to invest in the "extras" that will make a difference in a highly-competitive area.

Now I'm stuck wondering if we're doing the wrong thing by being chill, especially since DS is only 6!!

Good one! I totally thought your post was serious until I got to the last line! LOL

Why do you think it's a joke? It's not!

I don't have illusions that he'll be in the MLS, but I'd like him to be able to play a sport in high school if he chooses. He's not redshirted with a summer birthday, so he's already on teams with kids a year older than he is.

It feels like, as a parent, his self-motivation and love of soccer will not be enough. If he wants to be good, he'll need parents (aka us) to start pushing travel, getting individual coaching etc.

OMG you are too much. I'm guessing the PP assumed you were joking because who seriously thinks they can assess another child's athleticism by seeing them play rec soccer at he age of five??? Can you also tell which kids are likely headed to the ivy leagues? I'm embarrassed for you that you were being serious. LOLOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a DS that is like you're describing. A natural athlete, plays various sports etc.

We haven't pushed at all. We're in rec leagues only. He asks to sign up for stuff with his school friends and if we can make it happen, we do.

There's this other kid on one of his soccer teams that is not as athletic as DS, and that was very clear a year ago when they were playing together.

That kid's dad arranged for a coach to work 1:1 with him.

Now, that kid is easily as good as my DS, if not better.

I'm sure the kid loves soccer and loves to play! But the parents are making the decision to invest in the "extras" that will make a difference in a highly-competitive area.

Now I'm stuck wondering if we're doing the wrong thing by being chill, especially since DS is only 6!!

Good one! I totally thought your post was serious until I got to the last line! LOL

Why do you think it's a joke? It's not!

I don't have illusions that he'll be in the MLS, but I'd like him to be able to play a sport in high school if he chooses. He's not redshirted with a summer birthday, so he's already on teams with kids a year older than he is.

It feels like, as a parent, his self-motivation and love of soccer will not be enough. If he wants to be good, he'll need parents (aka us) to start pushing travel, getting individual coaching etc.

DP. The statistics show if you push and he's not motivated, instead of a high school athlete you'll have a burnt out kid who drops out of sports altogether at 12-13. Be careful. Only go this route if your kid is pushing you to do it.

Be careful? You think a really terrible outcome is a kid plays for a few years and then quits at 12? I'm not seeing the problem here. It didn't pan out and they threw in the towel and the earliest possibility. I see this as a great outcome for a sport the kid wasn't meant for.

Sports participation is like an upside down pyramid. Of course kids are going to drop out along the way. However, in many sports, it is impossible to get to the top if you weren't already in the system at a young age. So it starts with the parent's motivation to expose the kid, then there comes a turning point, around age 12, where the kid has the same drive or doesn't. Many a young gymnast who quit at 12 found success in other sports. My friend was quite successful at NCAA track after 'retiring.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a DS that is like you're describing. A natural athlete, plays various sports etc.

We haven't pushed at all. We're in rec leagues only. He asks to sign up for stuff with his school friends and if we can make it happen, we do.

There's this other kid on one of his soccer teams that is not as athletic as DS, and that was very clear a year ago when they were playing together.

That kid's dad arranged for a coach to work 1:1 with him.

Now, that kid is easily as good as my DS, if not better.

I'm sure the kid loves soccer and loves to play! But the parents are making the decision to invest in the "extras" that will make a difference in a highly-competitive area.

Now I'm stuck wondering if we're doing the wrong thing by being chill, especially since DS is only 6!!

Good one! I totally thought your post was serious until I got to the last line! LOL

Why do you think it's a joke? It's not!

I don't have illusions that he'll be in the MLS, but I'd like him to be able to play a sport in high school if he chooses. He's not redshirted with a summer birthday, so he's already on teams with kids a year older than he is.

It feels like, as a parent, his self-motivation and love of soccer will not be enough. If he wants to be good, he'll need parents (aka us) to start pushing travel, getting individual coaching etc.

OMG you are too much. I'm guessing the PP assumed you were joking because who seriously thinks they can assess another child's athleticism by seeing them play rec soccer at he age of five??? Can you also tell which kids are likely headed to the ivy leagues? I'm embarrassed for you that you were being serious. LOLOL

It's obvious who the natural athletes are when you go to all the games. I'm not predicting who will be in the MLS so your analogy makes no sense.

The kid on the team who plays travel + rec is getting way better and the kid who has private coaching is getting way better. Everyone else is staying the same.

How is that "too much"?