+1 I’m curious how she did that PLUS landed at $190K in acadamia! Hard sciences, OP? This seems extraordinarily high to me? If it’s not in the law school or business school…. |
Either that or the OP did a switcheroo on the gender for the purposes of trying to remain anonymous and it’s her DH who is the tenured professor and she’s actually trying to find out of people think it’s reasonable for her to ask him to give up his position to move overseas so she can advance to the next level. |
I’d do something like this. |
What do your kids think? Are any in middle/high school where a move is tough? Do they want to live abroad for several years? Is that an experience you want for them? What country and where? Near a city? What will your days be like? Will you have help? What about the language barrier? Could you teach there? Will your husband have time to travel with you around Europe? I think these are actually more important than whether you give up your job.
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Do not give up tenure. At his level ANYTHING can happen with DH’s job. He may feel great now, but one of many things that could happen is a new CEO comes in and brings in their own people. Find a way to make it work while you keep your job even if that means living separately for a while. |
NP Most normal people could retire after just a few years of her dh's salary. |
Good point about why do you need more/to go higher?
You guys are both successful . Your kids are little. These years are precious, and they fly by. You are sitting pretty, so why not sit where you are. Having said that, living overseas might be cool…but it does not sound like a particular goal for your family. Would it even be an appealing country? It will likely disrupt your kids when you try to move them back for high school. The teen years are a very hard time to move/leave your friends/break into a new crowd. Just make sure you are not doing this just because you are in a treadmill and think you can’t get off. I would imagine you can pretty much afford what you need and want already. What is best for your family (which is different than your bank account .., or your spouse’s ego). |
OP here, we only started having kids after I got tenure and had my research pipeline setup. We also received a lot of help (nannies, in-laws etc.) and the covid years with remote teaching also helped too with schedule management (we had a live-in nanny who decided to stay with us). Even with all that, my research productivity definitely suffered and I feel I got lucky with the bid for promotion to full. With all the kids now, it is hard to see how I can become more productive and I guess I will remain as an average scholar in a middling university. |
OP here. I have mixed emotion on this. I enjoy my job and feel I make a positive contribution to society, and being a professor has really become a big part of my self identity; however, I also feel my growth has plateaued with full professorship and the slack on my research productivity with all the kids. On the other hand, DH is in a role with still significant room for growth, it is not unusual to find previous people in his role to eventually move to CEO roles when stars aligns right. So I am worried about eventual resentment on his part if I deny his opportunity for further advancement. Both DH and I spend significant amount of time overseas when we were young (immigrant family), so we (or at least I) are not really excited about living abroad again. The experience may be good for the kids, but they are too young now for us to truly see how much a difference the experience will matter to them. |
The Expats series really resonated with me and this is one of my biggest worries. I am also not excited about expat life in general, not against it per se, just no feelings and view it as a necessity if it comes to it. |
No. What is the end game here? If your husband makes 7 figures you are well past the point of needing more money to have a happy life. You are giving up your professional fulfillment so DH can be a bit more of a rockstar? I don’t see any reason you should do that if you are already financially well positioned. DH can make some career sacrifices too. |
OP here. Thanks for the advice. Due to the natura of my work, I feel I will just be doing the same thing when I am 50's as I am now. I guess it is this sense of stagnation while DH still has large room for growth that adds to my dilemma. |
This is very useful information, thank you. Yes we do have some online courses but everyone wants to teach them instead of on-ground ones as you can imagine, so hard to see if the school will allow me to do that. |
I didn’t read all the posts but did you mention what you teach?
Why don’t you apply for a Fulbright wherever your husband goes? That should buy you another year (after leave of absence and sabbatical). I have a couple of friends now in this 40s who are busting their butts to get tenure. They would never give that up and I would not either. I’m 100 percent know I would regret it. |
Sorry but I don’t think you’re a professor making 190k. While that’s certainly a do-able salary, that’s mostly in Research 1 institutions, you say you are young (have small kids) and seem to have most of your responsibility teaching courses and not actively pushing out grad students, so don’t think you make 190k. |