We keep arguing about work and home responsibilities because we're both overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is how your DH can work out every morning and leave all the work to you. My DH is a partner in big law. He works insane hours. But when he is home he helps with the morning routine, same with the evenings. He works out after the kids go to bed before he logs back in and works till like 10:30/11pm.

FWIW he makes way more than your DH and I make way more than you and we have more kids. But we have definitely figured out how to work and do all of our home responsibilities. So it can be done.

You sound like a real peach. Jeez.

[Anonymous]

Can DH shift his workout to lunchtime and handle mornings instead?

For dinner can you just get a bag of salad and add a premade protein? If not a fully premade meal delivery service.

What age is the elementary kid, if it’s lower than 3rd just skip the homework.

Try hiring a kid in the neighborhood to help a couple evenings a week - a college student living at home helped us during those years! Another neighborhood family trades play dates with us, so once a week the 4 kids are at our house and I feed them dinner, the next week they are at the other house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It gets better as they get older. Can you afford extra help in the mornings or afternoons? I served very simple meals when the kids were little and joined a carpool when they hit elementary.

NP. Disagree. It is much harder when they start doing extracurricular activities.

Then you need have to limit them to accommodate your household if you can't afford help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is how your DH can work out every morning and leave all the work to you. My DH is a partner in big law. He works insane hours. But when he is home he helps with the morning routine, same with the evenings. He works out after the kids go to bed before he logs back in and works till like 10:30/11pm.

FWIW he makes way more than your DH and I make way more than you and we have more kids. But we have definitely figured out how to work and do all of our home responsibilities. So it can be done.

You sound like a real peach. Jeez.

Don't believe everything people post.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is running quite the con here. He does his best and you do ALL the rest. That is madness. He can cut working out two mornings a week. He can do laundry, meal prep, etc on the weekend. You can tell him you will divorce over this.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others that it is insane for DH to work out every morning in these circumstances. I would propose that he work out two weekday mornings and one weekend day and then either (1) deal with morning with the kids on those mornings so that DW can either do a morning workout or go to work early so she can leave early or (2) go into work early those days so that he can take off early, even if that means he has to do some email responding, etc. later that evening. Also cut dinner prep to the bare minimum by any means necessary. If you like to cook, cook on weekends to use during the week. If you hate to cook, just do super simple things to get through it. Would definitely not advise cutting back on work with a DH who is so unhappy as who knows where that might lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It gets better as they get older. Can you afford extra help in the mornings or afternoons? I served very simple meals when the kids were little and joined a carpool when they hit elementary.

NP. Disagree. It is much harder when they start doing extracurricular activities.

Then you need have to limit them to accommodate your household if you can't afford help.

No. If you want a kid to excel at anything, there is a significant time commitment. Even 1 activity can eat up several evenings/weekenfs. If there is more than one kid, even a once a week activity is now at least on two days a week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It gets better as they get older. Can you afford extra help in the mornings or afternoons? I served very simple meals when the kids were little and joined a carpool when they hit elementary.

NP. Disagree. It is much harder when they start doing extracurricular activities.

Then you need have to limit them to accommodate your household if you can't afford help.

No. If you want a kid to excel at anything, there is a significant time commitment. Even 1 activity can eat up several evenings/weekenfs. If there is more than one kid, even a once a week activity is now at least on two days a week

And that's why there are so many divorces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is running quite the con here. He does his best and you do ALL the rest. That is madness. He can cut working out two mornings a week. He can do laundry, meal prep, etc on the weekend. You can tell him you will divorce over this.

You'd better mean it. He might take you up on the offer.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why people have more than one child in this situation. That second child puts them over the edge. No family support or extra money for help--why have another kid?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I also are tired balancing everything without family in the area . I went to therapy regarding this . I agree that you need some help in the evenings , a part time nanny can replace the aftercare . I also do very simple meals , Monday is always pasta night etc. I do dishes Monday to Thursday and he does them Fri- Sunday . Poplin is a great service to outsource laundry , it is one of the cheaper ones I’ve found or the part time nanny can help with this . I agree although he makes more he still needs to do some mornings so you can have a break . I also mix in workouts with the kids on weekends , walk with them , ride bikes with them etc. I also minimize the amount of activities I have them in , it makes things better .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It gets better as they get older. Can you afford extra help in the mornings or afternoons? I served very simple meals when the kids were little and joined a carpool when they hit elementary.

NP. Disagree. It is much harder when they start doing extracurricular activities.

Then you need have to limit them to accommodate your household if you can't afford help.

No. If you want a kid to excel at anything, there is a significant time commitment. Even 1 activity can eat up several evenings/weekenfs. If there is more than one kid, even a once a week activity is now at least on two days a week

And that's why there are so many divorces.

This has nothing to do with divorce.
My parents are married.
I am divorced. We do this married or divorced. It literally does not matter. Busy 5-7 days week except summer. It is the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is running quite the con here. He does his best and you do ALL the rest. That is madness. He can cut working out two mornings a week. He can do laundry, meal prep, etc on the weekend. You can tell him you will divorce over this.

You'd better mean it. He might take you up on the offer.

If they divorce, what’s he going to do? Never see his kids? Figure out some alternate workout/work schedule when he has them?

[Anonymous]

Curious- What are people paying these part time nannies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s putting too much on you. Tell him you will have to go part time if he doesn’t do x , y, and z and he specific.

He's not putting too much on her. His job is a more-than-40-hours a week job, and so he physically cannot be there for mornings and the immediate after school tasks. That's not dumping stuff on her. That's just the realities of a job that is paying 2/3 of their household costs.

If she finds doing the morning and after-aftercare routine by herself is too hard, she needs to outsource some of it. That's an easy solution.

Yes, he is. He doesn’t get to exercise in the morning if it means his partner does 100% at home. If they are both so swamped neither of them should be taking an hour a day for the gym TBH. This phase doesn’t last forever.