How often do you feel like a bad mom?

[Anonymous]

A decent amount. I have a SN child, so that’s part of it. I know it would take someone with superhuman patience, and who doesn’t work, & who also has an unlimited budget for therapy & skills groups, to be a perfect parent. I’m not in that position so we just do the best we can. Sometimes I feel like we’re doing ok, sometimes I’m really sad about it.
I feel like this is how it is to be a parent of a SN child. I could picture things being totally different if both if my kids had normal challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never do. Not to say I do everything right but I'm confident in my choices.

The worst moms feel this way.

NP but lol. Some of us know we are doing it right. Doesn’t mean our kids are perfect. But we are doing really well.

Whenever I see someone congratulating themselves on how great a parent they are, I usually think they are just plain lucky and don't know it. Their kids don't have special needs, are neuro-typical, tend to be good at sports and school, and are outgoing. And they have no idea that you can do everything right have your kid can come out and be kind of a hot mess no matter what you do or who you are. And so they pat themselves on the back for their great work, but the rest of know that at some point they are likely to find out they aren't in control as much as they think they are.

Again, you need to stop being so insecure. If you consistently make good decisions on behalf of your kids, treat them well but discipline when needed, give them a stable and peaceful home life, challenge them appropriately - then you are doing great! Fwiw, two of the best moms I know have SN kids - ADHD, non-verbal autism, or speech delays. It’s not about outcome it’s about effort and caring. I do acknowledge these moms are privileged in that they have high-earning husbands so they are able to take long hiatuses from jobs, or work PT to have the mental energy for their SN kids. I would never ding a working-class mom for not being as patient as them. But I know other wealthy moms (with NT kids) who aren’t nearly as good as these moms.