How often do you feel like a bad mom?

[Anonymous]

Less than a few months ago, though more than I preferred. The thing that helped is that I just decided to accept myself and remind myself that in the very grand scheme of things (i.e. world over), I'm a better parent than a lot of kids have, whether through intent or circumstance. I provide food and shelter, I provide positive reinforcement and opportunities, I keep them safe.

After that, I decided to just be with my kids in ways that worked for both of us. My 10y.o. DD wants "mom and me" time...so now that time includes mani/pedis and lunch dates at restaurants that maybe seem too fancy for a kid but are places I also enjoy eating. In other words, I removed some of the "sacrifice" of time together to that we are both relaxed and enjoying the time.

It's done wonders for my parenting and my sense of feeling like I'm good at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never do. Not to say I do everything right but I'm confident in my choices.

The worst moms feel this way.

[Anonymous]

Never. I honestly think I'm a great mom (and I don't particularly have high self confidence or anything). But I am so incredibly lucky to have a great mom myself so I feel like I learned from the best plus my degree is in child development and I have been working with kids professionally for 17 years. I feel like motherhood is the one piece of my life I always have under control to the extent possible.

[Anonymous]

Rarely. I am a great mom and other people tell me so too. I feel a twinge of guilt if I ever yell at them, but I quickly apologize if it’s on me, and we hug it out and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never do. Not to say I do everything right but I'm confident in my choices.

The worst moms feel this way.

NP but lol. Some of us know we are doing it right. Doesn’t mean our kids are perfect. But we are doing really well.

[Anonymous]

Everyday

[Anonymous]

i think there are a lot of moms who are super ambitious about motherhood and they are likely to feel like they are doing a bad job more often. these are often the same moms who either are high flyers at work or would have been, and have high standards and expectations for themselves and their kids.

I think you more often see moms who never feel this way be less ambitious for themselves and their kids. not in a bad way (probably more mentally healthy).

if you are really driving yourself and challenging yourself in the parenthood dept, you will feel like you are falling short, no two ways about it. if you dont feel this way you probably aren't. setting a unique human up for optimum sudcess is just never ever easy.

[Anonymous]

Daily when my oldest was 8 and my youngest was just born. I felt that way until my youngest was in senior year of high school. They are all doing well and are adults at this point, so no, I don't feel like a bad mom now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i think there are a lot of moms who are super ambitious about motherhood and they are likely to feel like they are doing a bad job more often. these are often the same moms who either are high flyers at work or would have been, and have high standards and expectations for themselves and their kids.

I think you more often see moms who never feel this way be less ambitious for themselves and their kids. not in a bad way (probably more mentally healthy).

if you are really driving yourself and challenging yourself in the parenthood dept, you will feel like you are falling short, no two ways about it. if you dont feel this way you probably aren't. setting a unique human up for optimum sudcess is just never ever easy.

Again, no. Some of us have high expectations of ourselves and manage to meet them, at least most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i think there are a lot of moms who are super ambitious about motherhood and they are likely to feel like they are doing a bad job more often. these are often the same moms who either are high flyers at work or would have been, and have high standards and expectations for themselves and their kids.

I think you more often see moms who never feel this way be less ambitious for themselves and their kids. not in a bad way (probably more mentally healthy).

if you are really driving yourself and challenging yourself in the parenthood dept, you will feel like you are falling short, no two ways about it. if you dont feel this way you probably aren't. setting a unique human up for optimum sudcess is just never ever easy.

I have 2 kids who are preschool and elementary age and this is a pretty foreign concept to me. What would be an example of “driving yourself and challenging yourself in the parenting department?” Especially as it relates to older (non-baby) kids? I can see that some of the baby choices are a lot more effortful, such as cloth diapering or making all your own baby food purées vs. using disposable diapers and jarred baby food/just feeding baby small bits of whatever you’re eating. But those choices don’t make a difference in the development of your toddler/preschooler/older kid.

[Anonymous]

All day every day. I keep resolving to do all the mom things I haven't done, and then I'm just too tired at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

Pretty much every day. I feel like we are fine until maybe 7:30 when it's time for bed. When the kids don't want to go to bed and I've just had it, I feel like a terrible mom. They end up crying and I end up feeling like a failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never do. Not to say I do everything right but I'm confident in my choices.

The worst moms feel this way.

NP but lol. Some of us know we are doing it right. Doesn’t mean our kids are perfect. But we are doing really well.

Whenever I see someone congratulating themselves on how great a parent they are, I usually think they are just plain lucky and don't know it. Their kids don't have special needs, are neuro-typical, tend to be good at sports and school, and are outgoing. And they have no idea that you can do everything right have your kid can come out and be kind of a hot mess no matter what you do or who you are. And so they pat themselves on the back for their great work, but the rest of know that at some point they are likely to find out they aren't in control as much as they think they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder about these confident posters who do not doubt themselves. Are you like this in general? Do you find most people would agree with that assessment? What were your parents like?
I'm a little jealous and want to know what it's like not to second guess

I used to wonder, and then I got old and found out. Lots of those amazing kids failed to launch, got addicted to drugs, committed suicide, or otherwise got derailed somewhere. A couple of them decided as adults that their parents hadn't done such a good job and then became estranged from them. I don't think I'm a great mom, but I also don't think the confident moms are any better.

[Anonymous]

I know a few amazing moms and I've seen them get frustrated but I wonder if they know just how good they are for their kids (and other kids). Do they know there is a community of people appreciating them more than they can put into words?