Why do non-alcoholics find “dry January” difficult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here — I came from a heavy drinking family and culture. Several close relatives and family friends owned and managed bars while I was growing up. Consequently, i spent a lot of time in bars even as a child. I saw people who didn’t have a problem, and people who said they didn’t have a problem. I’m not opposed to drinking. I’m just fascinated by the concept of dry January (be it alcohol or cannabis or … shopping). I’m Catholic so abstaining from something is not a foreign concept to me, so adding dry January sometimes seems like a repetitive concept. I rarely drink to the point that some friends/neighbors (not all) in the DMV make a point to say something that I’m having a drink. It’s weird because I don’t think of myself as a non-drinker but I guess it’s all relative when I have a drink maybe 4x a year and friends have a drink or more every week.

Again the thing that struck me was how many people (my age and younger) in the conversation said that dry January would be a struggle. I would not have beeen surprised if they were boomers or older. Although I shouldn’t have been surprised since COVID closures didn’t negatively affect ABC stores and takeout alcohol restrictions were relaxed.

That’s because actual alcoholics account for something like 80% of alcohol sales. Liquor stores weren’t closed specifically because we didn’t need our ERs full of withdrawing alcoholics. It wasn’t because of the wine moms. I can’t believe how many people still don’t understand this.

What the demographics of those alcoholics? How do you know 80% of the people buying alcohol are alcoholics?

Are you suggesting that non-alcoholics just buy drinks at restaurants and not for home consumption?

[Anonymous]

For me it wouldn’t be difficult per so but I would really resent the restriction; I would not want to say no if I felt like having a drink just for the sake of a dry January because it would feel pointless. I am lucky that alcoholism doesn’t seem to be in my genetics and I feel I have a very healthy relationship with drinking.

Occasionally (maybe 2-4 times a year?) I purposely “binge” and have 3-5 drinks to enjoy being buzzed/drunk, sometimes I order or make a cocktail and don’t care to finish it much less have another, and sometimes I would just rather have a coke or a Shirley temple. I don’t think about alcohol when I’m not drinking and I don’t think there’s a reason to give it up for a month just to say I did or whatever.

[Anonymous]

I think any dietary change for a month would be hard. I enjoy a glass of wine a few times a week. It would be "hard" to give that up but I could do it because I can go weeks in between a glass. But it would also be hard to give up dairy, sugar, meat, grains, and any number of things for a month. This isn't hard to figure out. I don't need any of those things and I'm not addicted, but change is hard. We like what we like.

[Anonymous]

My sister never drank much and never smoked or dig any other drugs. She was a successful attorney, married with three children. She started drinking more as she got older and by the time she was on her 50s, she had gotten a DUI and went to rehab. She became a full-blown alcoholic, her husband divorced her over it and she is in terrible health.

The point of telling this story is to say that your drinking habits can change over a lifetime and it can become a problem at any age. People should be cautious around alcohol and honestly assess their drinking every so often. So if a dry January makes someone consider what it's like to go without, that's probably a positive thing.

Also, I know many people who quit without calling themselves alcoholics for health or other reasons, so you can do without without having to "hit bottom."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think the whole idea of "dry Jan" or "no-spend Jan" is for people who are impulsive and have bad habits they want to break. The rest of us can just continue with our lives.

I don't actually know many people who MUST have alcohol during get-togethers, otherwise it's not fun for them. The people who need their wine are my aunts and my godmother, all in their 70s. They come from a drinking culture. My cousins and I lead much healthier lives (no smoking, vaping, weed, or alcohol). My friends don't drink, or have one glass 3 times a year, that sort of thing.

So... in my circle, there's no point to a dry month. My aunts will continue to drink a ton, and the rest of us will continue to not.



I was thinking the same thing for no-spend January. For people who aren't impulsive spenders, there's no point either.

I’ve done both (sober months and no spend months) and, while I’m a little impulsive, it’s more about breaking habits. I did have a habit of drinking a small glass of wine most nights with dinner. I also had a habit of buying treats a lot while out - Levine cookies, Georgetown cupcake, a latte - and didn’t prioritize bringing coffee and lunch when I went to the office. Doing these months helped me commit to breaking those habits. Neither was causing distress or issues but now I make choices rather than pour a glass or make a purchase by rote. They were helpful for me and I’ll probably do them again if I start to see habits forming again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here — I came from a heavy drinking family and culture. Several close relatives and family friends owned and managed bars while I was growing up. Consequently, i spent a lot of time in bars even as a child. I saw people who didn’t have a problem, and people who said they didn’t have a problem. I’m not opposed to drinking. I’m just fascinated by the concept of dry January (be it alcohol or cannabis or … shopping). I’m Catholic so abstaining from something is not a foreign concept to me, so adding dry January sometimes seems like a repetitive concept. I rarely drink to the point that some friends/neighbors (not all) in the DMV make a point to say something that I’m having a drink. It’s weird because I don’t think of myself as a non-drinker but I guess it’s all relative when I have a drink maybe 4x a year and friends have a drink or more every week.

Again the thing that struck me was how many people (my age and younger) in the conversation said that dry January would be a struggle. I would not have beeen surprised if they were boomers or older. Although I shouldn’t have been surprised since COVID closures didn’t negatively affect ABC stores and takeout alcohol restrictions were relaxed.

That’s because actual alcoholics account for something like 80% of alcohol sales. Liquor stores weren’t closed specifically because we didn’t need our ERs full of withdrawing alcoholics. It wasn’t because of the wine moms. I can’t believe how many people still don’t understand this.

What the demographics of those alcoholics? How do you know 80% of the people buying alcohol are alcoholics?

Are you suggesting that non-alcoholics just buy drinks at restaurants and not for home consumption?

Reread what PP said. I have no idea if what they're saying is true, but they're asserting that 80% of alcohol purchased is purchased is purchased by alcoholics. Not that 80% of people who purchase alcohol are alcoholics.

Think of this analogy (and this is totally made up): 80% of gasoline is purchased by airlines. That doesn't mean that 80% of the purchasers of gasoline are airlines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister never drank much and never smoked or dig any other drugs. She was a successful attorney, married with three children. She started drinking more as she got older and by the time she was on her 50s, she had gotten a DUI and went to rehab. She became a full-blown alcoholic, her husband divorced her over it and she is in terrible health.

The point of telling this story is to say that your drinking habits can change over a lifetime and it can become a problem at any age. People should be cautious around alcohol and honestly assess their drinking every so often. So if a dry January makes someone consider what it's like to go without, that's probably a positive thing.

Also, I know many people who quit without calling themselves alcoholics for health or other reasons, so you can do without without having to "hit bottom."

NP and just wanted to say that I appreciate your post. I’m really sorry for all your sister has gone through and is going through. I hope she is doing well, and that you are, too. Thank you for bringing up these important points.

[Anonymous]

There’s some science involved, right? Alcohol gives you a dopamine hit. It’s enjoyable. Taking away something your brain has come to enjoy can be hard. I think dry january is a great way to check in with your habits. Lots of people are gray area drinkers who know they have a problem, but that problem isn’t necessarily obvious to others. If dry january is very hard for you, and not just an inconvenience, probably it’s time to examine if you’ve got a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here — I came from a heavy drinking family and culture. Several close relatives and family friends owned and managed bars while I was growing up. Consequently, i spent a lot of time in bars even as a child. I saw people who didn’t have a problem, and people who said they didn’t have a problem. I’m not opposed to drinking. I’m just fascinated by the concept of dry January (be it alcohol or cannabis or … shopping). I’m Catholic so abstaining from something is not a foreign concept to me, so adding dry January sometimes seems like a repetitive concept. I rarely drink to the point that some friends/neighbors (not all) in the DMV make a point to say something that I’m having a drink. It’s weird because I don’t think of myself as a non-drinker but I guess it’s all relative when I have a drink maybe 4x a year and friends have a drink or more every week.

Again the thing that struck me was how many people (my age and younger) in the conversation said that dry January would be a struggle. I would not have beeen surprised if they were boomers or older. Although I shouldn’t have been surprised since COVID closures didn’t negatively affect ABC stores and takeout alcohol restrictions were relaxed.

That’s because actual alcoholics account for something like 80% of alcohol sales. Liquor stores weren’t closed specifically because we didn’t need our ERs full of withdrawing alcoholics. It wasn’t because of the wine moms. I can’t believe how many people still don’t understand this.

What the demographics of those alcoholics? How do you know 80% of the people buying alcohol are alcoholics?

Are you suggesting that non-alcoholics just buy drinks at restaurants and not for home consumption?

Non-alcoholics buy alcohol less frequently. DH is an alcoholic (he got sober before we met). When he was drinking, he would buy a box of wine every other day. I would buy a bottle of wine once a week. He was buying (and consuming) close to 20 times what I was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Struggling with dry January doesn’t necessarily mean someone is an alcoholic. It could mean they have anxiety or are super shy and find it hard to socialize without a drink - even if they rarely have more than one. It could mean their work culture or social circle is alcohol focused and it’s awkward to not go along with the group - again, even if the person rarely has more than 1-2 drinks in an evening. Having been pregnant twice and abstaining during a long year of fertility treatments prior to that, living completely without alcohol is an adjustment. It’s more like taking on a keto diet than just trying to eat more whole grains and veggies. Or to use a money analogy, it’s more like giving up using credit and debit cards than reducing your spending on frivolous things. Even if you don’t have an alcohol addiction, it’s an adjustment that is not convenient.

What I would find concerning is if someone could not talk to their spouse without drinking at dinner or in the evening - or if someone had trouble abstaining from alcohol at home when not hosting / entertaining.

We can speculate but not speak for others. What is it like for you? —OP

For me it’s easy. I don’t do Dry January because I often go 2-3 weeks without a sip of alcohol without thinking about it at all. We have beer, wine, and spirits with mixers in the house at all times but we rarely drink unless we have guests. When we go out to dinner or a baseball game as a family, we don’t drink alcohol, but we do usually have 1-2 drinks when we’re out without our kids. We hosted 3 parties in the past 6 weeks - two with adults and children and one that was just adults. At two parties I had some wine. At the 3rd party I opened a Christmas Ale beer and then got busy hosting and found it when I was cleaning up, still half full. I go out with couples or my friends as well as to fundraisers, awards galas, and happy hours. Sometimes I have a drink, sometimes I don’t. It’s not something I think about much, so it surprises me when people talk about dry January like it’s hard or a big sacrifice. Of all the months of the year, I socialize the least in January so I’m sure I’ve accidentally had a dry January without even trying.

[Anonymous]

Dry January is so stupid. I hate the all or nothing thinking involved. It’s not surprising to me that the sorts of people who are drawn to abstaining for a whole month have some sort of addiction problem. I exercise, I don’t smoke (and especially not cannabis), or eat sweets. Thar glass of wine I drink most nights is my indulgence at the end of a long day. And I won’t be stopping, thank you very much.

Moderation is the key to a happy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Struggling with dry January doesn’t necessarily mean someone is an alcoholic. It could mean they have anxiety or are super shy and find it hard to socialize without a drink - even if they rarely have more than one. It could mean their work culture or social circle is alcohol focused and it’s awkward to not go along with the group - again, even if the person rarely has more than 1-2 drinks in an evening. Having been pregnant twice and abstaining during a long year of fertility treatments prior to that, living completely without alcohol is an adjustment. It’s more like taking on a keto diet than just trying to eat more whole grains and veggies. Or to use a money analogy, it’s more like giving up using credit and debit cards than reducing your spending on frivolous things. Even if you don’t have an alcohol addiction, it’s an adjustment that is not convenient.

What I would find concerning is if someone could not talk to their spouse without drinking at dinner or in the evening - or if someone had trouble abstaining from alcohol at home when not hosting / entertaining.

We can speculate but not speak for others. What is it like for you? —OP

For me it’s easy. I don’t do Dry January because I often go 2-3 weeks without a sip of alcohol without thinking about it at all. We have beer, wine, and spirits with mixers in the house at all times but we rarely drink unless we have guests. When we go out to dinner or a baseball game as a family, we don’t drink alcohol, but we do usually have 1-2 drinks when we’re out without our kids. We hosted 3 parties in the past 6 weeks - two with adults and children and one that was just adults. At two parties I had some wine. At the 3rd party I opened a Christmas Ale beer and then got busy hosting and found it when I was cleaning up, still half full. I go out with couples or my friends as well as to fundraisers, awards galas, and happy hours. Sometimes I have a drink, sometimes I don’t. It’s not something I think about much, so it surprises me when people talk about dry January like it’s hard or a big sacrifice. Of all the months of the year, I socialize the least in January so I’m sure I’ve accidentally had a dry January without even trying.

You’re not doing dry January because you’re not a functioning alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to be a once-per-month social drinker but had to stop entirely due to a medical issue. I don't miss the alcohol itself, but I miss the ritual and social aspects of it - a drink at a restaurant bar waiting for the table or happy hour with friends. Maybe this is part of the problem with those having difficulty with dry January. While I know that I can partake in non-alcoholic drinks in these settings, its not quite the same.

I don’t get how it is “not the same” when the vast majority of restaurants, hotel bars and bars have mocktail menus. What is different about sipping a virgin cocktail with muddled mint vs. a mojito?

DP. Do you really not understand how a little alcohol acts as a social lubricant? Makes everyone relax just a bit, loosen up? Not talking about getting drunk, but just a little bubblier. Alcohol makes things more fun before it starts to make things worse.

You need a “social lubricant” to sit at a restaurant bar waiting for a table with FRIENDS? You can’t sit and chat with your friends without alcohol? When I talk with friends as we wait for a table, I am not sniffing their glasses to see whether they are drinking a vodka soda or a club soda.

No, I don’t need it but I want it because it’s fun. I like to have fun.

You think alcohol is making it fun for you, but it’s actually the opposite. You just haven’t figured this out yet. Some people never do. At one point alcohol was fun for everyone but over time it develops into a habit that is not fun.

[Anonymous]

I listen to a weekly podcast where they pull out a cocktail each week. Two hosts, two cocktails. Sometimes it’s just water or tea. I noticed they had a guest host who.. I know! I also know she doesn’t drink. She brought a super fun, laid-back, but fun non-alcoholic drink. She was so polite when the other host kept bringing up alcohol. But the host kept pushing it a bit.

Made me wonder if that’s why they have a cocktail segment weekly. Things like dry January are good just to prove it to yourself…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Struggling with dry January doesn’t necessarily mean someone is an alcoholic. It could mean they have anxiety or are super shy and find it hard to socialize without a drink - even if they rarely have more than one. It could mean their work culture or social circle is alcohol focused and it’s awkward to not go along with the group - again, even if the person rarely has more than 1-2 drinks in an evening. Having been pregnant twice and abstaining during a long year of fertility treatments prior to that, living completely without alcohol is an adjustment. It’s more like taking on a keto diet than just trying to eat more whole grains and veggies. Or to use a money analogy, it’s more like giving up using credit and debit cards than reducing your spending on frivolous things. Even if you don’t have an alcohol addiction, it’s an adjustment that is not convenient.

What I would find concerning is if someone could not talk to their spouse without drinking at dinner or in the evening - or if someone had trouble abstaining from alcohol at home when not hosting / entertaining.

We can speculate but not speak for others. What is it like for you? —OP

For me it’s easy. I don’t do Dry January because I often go 2-3 weeks without a sip of alcohol without thinking about it at all. We have beer, wine, and spirits with mixers in the house at all times but we rarely drink unless we have guests. When we go out to dinner or a baseball game as a family, we don’t drink alcohol, but we do usually have 1-2 drinks when we’re out without our kids. We hosted 3 parties in the past 6 weeks - two with adults and children and one that was just adults. At two parties I had some wine. At the 3rd party I opened a Christmas Ale beer and then got busy hosting and found it when I was cleaning up, still half full. I go out with couples or my friends as well as to fundraisers, awards galas, and happy hours. Sometimes I have a drink, sometimes I don’t. It’s not something I think about much, so it surprises me when people talk about dry January like it’s hard or a big sacrifice. Of all the months of the year, I socialize the least in January so I’m sure I’ve accidentally had a dry January without even trying.

You’re not doing dry January because you’re not a functioning alcoholic.

There is a lot of space between a functioning alcoholic and drinks 1-2x a month.