I regret our wedding china

[Anonymous]

LOL. I bought a cheap set of white porcelain dishes from Bloomies about 26 years ago and they refuse to die and go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use it frequently and you’ll get scratches and chips. Then, buy a new set.

This is a smart suggestion from the first page of the thread. I would do this. You might also discover if you use it more, you take pleasure in it.

I was coming to the thread to note that I didn't register for "wedding china" -- we registered for an everyday set of dishes from Crate & Barrel and did not have fancy display china for special occasions.

I don't regret this BUT I do wish we'd registered for higher quality dishes. Not china, but just something a bit nicer. I think we had this idea that it would be greedy to register for something more expensive, so we registered for something that would be easier for especially our younger wedding guests to purchase affordably. In retrospect, this just meant that people bought us dishes that we had to replace less than 10 years after our wedding, because they got so chipped and scratched up. So now we have an upgraded set of dishes that are higher quality, but we bought ourselves, and all our wedding gifts except one set of bowls (at least in terms of dinnerware) are long gone.

So I think the answer is to register for the nicest dishes that you could conceive of using on a daily basis, so they'll last as long as possible but also actually get used.

Whole thing is a false premise that price correlates to durability. There are lots of "high quality" sets that chip and shatter. Lots of cheap sets that refuse to break.

[Anonymous]

I knew I was going to take my mother’s wedding china, so I registered for a set of Denby dishes to use everyday. We’ve been married close to 20 years now, and they still look great (though we have had to replace a few bowls along the way!).

I use my mother’s china at Christmas, but that’s about it. She actually never liked her china. It was gifted to her by her aunts and her sister and it matched their tastes not hers. I was still happy to have it. I’m glad I have me Denby though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like it's taking up a lot of space in our small kitchen, we hardly ever use it, and it needs to be handwashed because of the metallic accents.

These are indeed issues for whomever is responsible for wedding-china organizing and metallic-accent-china handwashing.

Anonymous wrote: DH is oddly sentimental about it and will throw a fit if I even suggest donating or selling it.

DH just volunteered himself to organize and handwash the china he's sentimental about. If he has a problem with this, then he's volunteering himself to donate it.

This is no longer a you problem.

[Anonymous]

I have a full set of white china for every day, down to the after dinner cups and saucers. It all goes in the dishwasher except the serving pieces. After 10 years, we have only lost 1 bowl and 1 plate (the bowl I dropped, the plate shattered in the dishwasher in some freak accident).

I have also have non-metallic formal "wedding china" but I only have the serving pieces, the dinner plates, and the salad plates. I use the salad plates for appetizers/salad/dessert. I didn't register for the soup bowls because we don't serve soup as a dinner course. All this is to say, I just registered for the pieces I would use/enjoy/love. I probably use my formal wedding china 3-4 times a year, mostly at holidays. It doesn't feel stuffy, I let all my kids including my 4 year old eat off of it. If a $170 plate breaks, so be it. There's no point to have (almost) anything that's too precious to use and enjoy.

I agree most people don't register for this stuff anymore and I don't care what I eat off of at other peoples houses. If someone is gracious enough to host me, I'm just happy I'm not cooking!

[Anonymous]

I have it. I like it and use it sometimes. If I did not like it, I wouldn't hold onto it. I doubt DH would notice if it just disappeared one day.

[Anonymous]

I have a setting for 12 of Lenox. I still love it but barely use it. Maybe once a year. I do regret getting it but that’s what everyone did 30 years ago.

[Anonymous]

I spent years worrying about the care of the china and honestly never used them. Now, I just put them through the dishwasher like anything else. They still look new, but I honestly don't care if they get messed up anymore. What was I saving them for?

I still only use them maybe 5 times a year, but it does feel special then!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got Spode Christmas Tree plates and later accessories every year for decades from DH family. I never really liked it and am thinking about selling via replacements Ltd. Maybe donating the rest. Two bankers boxes

I looked at replacements and the prices offered (for a wedgewood pattern) were something like $1-2 per plate. Spode Christmas tree is everywhere so likely not high value either. And you have to ship it yourself, which will be expensive. We donated it to a group that was furnishing apartments for refugee families (back when we still let them in the country).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spent years worrying about the care of the china and honestly never used them. Now, I just put them through the dishwasher like anything else. They still look new, but I honestly don't care if they get messed up anymore. What was I saving them for?

I still only use them maybe 5 times a year, but it does feel special then!

You grew up at a time when things were expensive and valuable. Now most things like china aren't valuable and you got it as a gift, so it wasn't even expensive for you.

[Anonymous]

Put it in the attic and use it for holidays. Or, use it daily and put it through the dishwasher knowing that the metallic accents will fade, but who cares , it’s better than never using it if you like it

[Anonymous]

Just use it and run it through the dishwasher. If you switch to powdered dishwasher detergent it won’t ruin metal in my experience. I also use sterling silverware every day. Just don’t use those little gel packs — which are also a source of micro plastics.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you put silver rimmed China in the dishwasher? I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did not register for wedding china, we were in a condo and didn't have space for it. I'm so glad we didn't. I don't know anyone that uses theirs under the age of 55.

Granted, I'm 57; but I used ours even when I was under the age of 55.

We have our chosen wedding china - which is dishwasher safe, made sure of that when we chose it. We use it for holidays or birthdays or when we have guests. also use the bread/butter plates when we have people over for dessert or instead of paper plates for appetizers/snacks.
We also have my mother's "fine china" which is dishwasher safe, though the silver trim around the design is somewhat faded. But it was never "nice" porcelain type china. We use it primarily at Thanksgiving, some birthdays. Whenever we have gravy because it actually has a gravy boat.
We also have a TON of holiday china - we got far more of that for our wedding and subsequent gifts than anything! I've had to get rid of some of it because we have so much we will never have the need to use. Obviously, we only use this for a few weeks over the Christmas holidays. Again, dishwasher safe.

It is definitely an over-abundance; but I find using different sets makes different occasions special and "tradition" memories (ie, "we always used this for birthdays and Thanksgiving!" nostalgia).

All that said, OP. If you don't like or enjoy the china, then don't use it. See if your husband would be ok with keeping a set of 4 to use on certain occasions (and if he's willing to do the washing and drying!) and/or displaying a few pieces for the sentiment and getting rid of the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wedding china is a vestigial aspect of a lost culture (that in my opinion, should stay lost).

Sell it if you can. Donate it if you can't. If you are anything like me, there just isn't room in the kitchen for something that rarely if ever gets used.

Could you expand on this? Interested to hear and understand.

Registering for china when one gets married is a 20th century tradition deeply related to class. Specifically the UMC. You don't register for china unless you are expected to entertain at a certain level (and if you are above that level you don't need to crowd source your china, crystal, etc by way of your wedding registry). Virtually no one entertains in that formal way anymore -- it just doesn't fit into contemporary life for many reasons (the primary one being that people simply enjoy more casual get-togethers now, the secondary one being that people don't have the kind of help that people of a certain class used to--who wants to wash that china by hand and polish all that silver? No one. It is extremely inconvenient -- so the help did it.). You don't want guests carrying plates that cost $300 each around your living room, piled with taquitos and pigs-in-a-blanket at your NYE get together. You don't need silver chafing dishes for the chili mac you serve at your Super Bowl party. Even dinner parties don't involve all the plated courses and whatnot where a full place setting with china, crystal and sliver would make sense. My grandmother (b. 1917) got all of that stuff out for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter in the 80s; that's the last I've seen of someone regularly entertaining in that way.

Bottom line, most people (no matter their class or ses) do not entertain like this anymore. So ... it's lost culture. It's old-fashioned to invite people over and use linens, crystal, china and silver. Many guests would find it uncomfortable, or charming because it's novel these days, or try-hard. It just isn't what most people do nowadays. Do some people still do it? Sure. That's the vestige.

As far as my opinion that it should stay lost? I am not a fan of conspicuous displays of wealth, and I'm not a fan of overly formal entertaining. But that's really just taste. Just a personal opinion.

It's true that china is considered formal and has traditionally been used in more formal settings. I've never entertained in a truly formal fashion - ie, sit-down dinners aside from family/some friends holiday meals like Easter and Christmas. Our events are typically larger numbers of people, buffet, pizza, or just snacks or dessert. However, I finally realized there's no compelling reason to wait for a formal affair to use good stuff. Why not use the china for an everyday occasion and make it more special? I understand why OP wouldn't, since it requires handwashing everything. We handwash my mother's silver; but all of our china can go into the dishwasher.

IMO, there is no sense "saving it for a special occasion." Use it and enjoy it. Makes guests feel good, too - like we're going all out for them. Shows them we value their presence and joining us for whatever the occasion is. I even use cloth napkins - wrinkles and all.