I regret our wedding china

[Anonymous]

I didn’t register for China because I knew we wouldn’t entertain like that. We just registered for 12 place settings of something we’d use everyday. After 15 or so years of marriage, we started hosting Thanksgiving, so I bought a beautiful, yet sturdy, set of 16 place settings of white dishes, which we only use for holidays. At the time that I bought that set, I sent my mom the link, asking what she thought. She thought I was suggesting the dishes for her, so she bought the same set! One day I’ll inherit hers and have 32 place settings. I can afford to be clumsy, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wedding china is a vestigial aspect of a lost culture (that in my opinion, should stay lost).

Sell it if you can. Donate it if you can't. If you are anything like me, there just isn't room in the kitchen for something that rarely if ever gets used.

Could you expand on this? Interested to hear and understand.

Registering for china when one gets married is a 20th century tradition deeply related to class. Specifically the UMC. You don't register for china unless you are expected to entertain at a certain level (and if you are above that level you don't need to crowd source your china, crystal, etc by way of your wedding registry). Virtually no one entertains in that formal way anymore -- it just doesn't fit into contemporary life for many reasons (the primary one being that people simply enjoy more casual get-togethers now, the secondary one being that people don't have the kind of help that people of a certain class used to--who wants to wash that china by hand and polish all that silver? No one. It is extremely inconvenient -- so the help did it.). You don't want guests carrying plates that cost $300 each around your living room, piled with taquitos and pigs-in-a-blanket at your NYE get together. You don't need silver chafing dishes for the chili mac you serve at your Super Bowl party. Even dinner parties don't involve all the plated courses and whatnot where a full place setting with china, crystal and sliver would make sense. My grandmother (b. 1917) got all of that stuff out for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter in the 80s; that's the last I've seen of someone regularly entertaining in that way.

Bottom line, most people (no matter their class or ses) do not entertain like this anymore. So ... it's lost culture. It's old-fashioned to invite people over and use linens, crystal, china and silver. Many guests would find it uncomfortable, or charming because it's novel these days, or try-hard. It just isn't what most people do nowadays. Do some people still do it? Sure. That's the vestige.

As far as my opinion that it should stay lost? I am not a fan of conspicuous displays of wealth, and I'm not a fan of overly formal entertaining. But that's really just taste. Just a personal opinion.

Great post, PP. You’re a great writer.

I remember having to polish silver all the time when I was a kid, and my family and their family were far from UMC—all military. They did entertain a lot, and clearly were trying to convey the impression to guests that we were sophisticated people who ought to be respected.

I said a firm “no” to wedding china, but we have vast quantities of sterling that we’ve never used, probably because I felt like Cinderella as a child with all the polishing.
Maybe I’ll break them out for Christmas—would be an interesting conversation-starter with the 80 year old in-laws, who have never seen the need for formal dinnerware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wedding china is a vestigial aspect of a lost culture (that in my opinion, should stay lost).

Sell it if you can. Donate it if you can't. If you are anything like me, there just isn't room in the kitchen for something that rarely if ever gets used.

Could you expand on this? Interested to hear and understand.

Registering for china when one gets married is a 20th century tradition deeply related to class. Specifically the UMC. You don't register for china unless you are expected to entertain at a certain level (and if you are above that level you don't need to crowd source your china, crystal, etc by way of your wedding registry). Virtually no one entertains in that formal way anymore -- it just doesn't fit into contemporary life for many reasons (the primary one being that people simply enjoy more casual get-togethers now, the secondary one being that people don't have the kind of help that people of a certain class used to--who wants to wash that china by hand and polish all that silver? No one. It is extremely inconvenient -- so the help did it.). You don't want guests carrying plates that cost $300 each around your living room, piled with taquitos and pigs-in-a-blanket at your NYE get together. You don't need silver chafing dishes for the chili mac you serve at your Super Bowl party. Even dinner parties don't involve all the plated courses and whatnot where a full place setting with china, crystal and sliver would make sense. My grandmother (b. 1917) got all of that stuff out for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter in the 80s; that's the last I've seen of someone regularly entertaining in that way.

Bottom line, most people (no matter their class or ses) do not entertain like this anymore. So ... it's lost culture. It's old-fashioned to invite people over and use linens, crystal, china and silver. Many guests would find it uncomfortable, or charming because it's novel these days, or try-hard. It just isn't what most people do nowadays. Do some people still do it? Sure. That's the vestige.

As far as my opinion that it should stay lost? I am not a fan of conspicuous displays of wealth, and I'm not a fan of overly formal entertaining. But that's really just taste. Just a personal opinion.

Great post, PP. You’re a great writer.

I remember having to polish silver all the time when I was a kid, and my family and their family were far from UMC—all military. They did entertain a lot, and clearly were trying to convey the impression to guests that we were sophisticated people who ought to be respected.

I said a firm “no” to wedding china, but we have vast quantities of sterling that we’ve never used, probably because I felt like Cinderella as a child with all the polishing.
Maybe I’ll break them out for Christmas—would be an interesting conversation-starter with the 80 year old in-laws, who have never seen the need for formal dinnerware.

Ha ha, thanks -- I have a grad degree in writing and had good teachers.

I polished silver as a kid too -- I remember hating the smell and not being very good at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you get rid of it, do you just throw it in the trash?

I have a Wedgewood tea set that I display, some blue Wedgewood that I like but don't use, and my mom's silver rimmed Ombre Rosenthal set which I don't really like.

I don't get it. I love china; I have two sets and am working on a third. I use it all the time. I would gladly take any china any one wants to give away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wedding china is a vestigial aspect of a lost culture (that in my opinion, should stay lost).

Sell it if you can. Donate it if you can't. If you are anything like me, there just isn't room in the kitchen for something that rarely if ever gets used.

Could you expand on this? Interested to hear and understand.

Registering for china when one gets married is a 20th century tradition deeply related to class. Specifically the UMC. You don't register for china unless you are expected to entertain at a certain level (and if you are above that level you don't need to crowd source your china, crystal, etc by way of your wedding registry). Virtually no one entertains in that formal way anymore -- it just doesn't fit into contemporary life for many reasons (the primary one being that people simply enjoy more casual get-togethers now, the secondary one being that people don't have the kind of help that people of a certain class used to--who wants to wash that china by hand and polish all that silver? No one. It is extremely inconvenient -- so the help did it.). You don't want guests carrying plates that cost $300 each around your living room, piled with taquitos and pigs-in-a-blanket at your NYE get together. You don't need silver chafing dishes for the chili mac you serve at your Super Bowl party. Even dinner parties don't involve all the plated courses and whatnot where a full place setting with china, crystal and sliver would make sense. My grandmother (b. 1917) got all of that stuff out for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter in the 80s; that's the last I've seen of someone regularly entertaining in that way.

Bottom line, most people (no matter their class or ses) do not entertain like this anymore. So ... it's lost culture. It's old-fashioned to invite people over and use linens, crystal, china and silver. Many guests would find it uncomfortable, or charming because it's novel these days, or try-hard. It just isn't what most people do nowadays. Do some people still do it? Sure. That's the vestige.

As far as my opinion that it should stay lost? I am not a fan of conspicuous displays of wealth, and I'm not a fan of overly formal entertaining. But that's really just taste. Just a personal opinion.

I used some of my nice china and wine glasses at book club, and many asked where I got it, or said, “Oh, fancy!” I just said we got it for our wedding and we use it rather than let it sit. Wine tastes better out of good wine glasses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forget the china ladies, the bigger issue is my Waterford crystal. The wine glass is small according today’s standard. I could 100% use the water glass as my wine glass 😝

So agree with this! My wine glasses are sized almost like port glasses.

[Anonymous]

Tangent: Can someone recommend some really beautiful big wine glasses? Price doesn't really matter because I'm only buying one. (It's for my spritzers and mocktails and kombucha -- having a fancy glass will help me meet my healthy beverage goals).

[Anonymous]

I love old china, because the dinner plates are proper size! Not the monstrous sizes of today’s plates. I try not to get the kind with a metal rim because I put all my plates in the microwave regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tangent: Can someone recommend some really beautiful big wine glasses? Price doesn't really matter because I'm only buying one. (It's for my spritzers and mocktails and kombucha -- having a fancy glass will help me meet my healthy beverage goals).

Biggish and to me, lovely: https://www.finnstyle.com/essenceredwine.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have gold trimmed china. I put it in the washer. Use it or give it away is my motto now.

+1. There’s no point in handwashing it to “keep it nice” if you’re never going to use it. Use it & put it in the dishwasher. Unless you use powdered dishwasher soap, it probably won’t strip the metal off anyway & real China is actually pretty sturdy.

I’ve started using my silver flatware everyday and put it in the dishwasher and it’s fine. I have to polish it every 3-6 months (eggs tarnish it) but it just takes a few minutes. No reason to have it and not use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got Spode Christmas Tree plates and later accessories every year for decades from DH family. I never really liked it and am thinking about selling via replacements Ltd. Maybe donating the rest. Two bankers boxes

Oh man I love that one. I buy more on facebook marketplace every year. Weirdly enough most people sell it way too high. I got a 16 piece set for $100 on black Friday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wedding china is a vestigial aspect of a lost culture (that in my opinion, should stay lost).

Sell it if you can. Donate it if you can't. If you are anything like me, there just isn't room in the kitchen for something that rarely if ever gets used.

Could you expand on this? Interested to hear and understand.

Registering for china when one gets married is a 20th century tradition deeply related to class. Specifically the UMC. You don't register for china unless you are expected to entertain at a certain level (and if you are above that level you don't need to crowd source your china, crystal, etc by way of your wedding registry). Virtually no one entertains in that formal way anymore -- it just doesn't fit into contemporary life for many reasons (the primary one being that people simply enjoy more casual get-togethers now, the secondary one being that people don't have the kind of help that people of a certain class used to--who wants to wash that china by hand and polish all that silver? No one. It is extremely inconvenient -- so the help did it.). You don't want guests carrying plates that cost $300 each around your living room, piled with taquitos and pigs-in-a-blanket at your NYE get together. You don't need silver chafing dishes for the chili mac you serve at your Super Bowl party. Even dinner parties don't involve all the plated courses and whatnot where a full place setting with china, crystal and sliver would make sense. My grandmother (b. 1917) got all of that stuff out for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter in the 80s; that's the last I've seen of someone regularly entertaining in that way.

Bottom line, most people (no matter their class or ses) do not entertain like this anymore. So ... it's lost culture. It's old-fashioned to invite people over and use linens, crystal, china and silver. Many guests would find it uncomfortable, or charming because it's novel these days, or try-hard. It just isn't what most people do nowadays. Do some people still do it? Sure. That's the vestige.

As far as my opinion that it should stay lost? I am not a fan of conspicuous displays of wealth, and I'm not a fan of overly formal entertaining. But that's really just taste. Just a personal opinion.

I entertain often and I do use all the parts of our china set, because I have adapted to modern hosting. The bread plates I use for standing apps -- all around a charcuterie board, for example. I don't use the coffee cups every time, but the dessert plates get used, soup bowls sometimes and definitely the dinner plates and serveware. I don't think many people we know (UMC professionals) entertain with the kind of tailgate-level food you describe.

LOL!!! I hope you were trying to be funny here and not trying to be a snob because you are hilarious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tangent: Can someone recommend some really beautiful big wine glasses? Price doesn't really matter because I'm only buying one. (It's for my spritzers and mocktails and kombucha -- having a fancy glass will help me meet my healthy beverage goals).

Just get one that fits in your dishwasher. My big wine glasses are too tall and I hate them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wedding china is a vestigial aspect of a lost culture (that in my opinion, should stay lost).

Sell it if you can. Donate it if you can't. If you are anything like me, there just isn't room in the kitchen for something that rarely if ever gets used.

Could you expand on this? Interested to hear and understand.

Registering for china when one gets married is a 20th century tradition deeply related to class. Specifically the UMC. You don't register for china unless you are expected to entertain at a certain level (and if you are above that level you don't need to crowd source your china, crystal, etc by way of your wedding registry). Virtually no one entertains in that formal way anymore -- it just doesn't fit into contemporary life for many reasons (the primary one being that people simply enjoy more casual get-togethers now, the secondary one being that people don't have the kind of help that people of a certain class used to--who wants to wash that china by hand and polish all that silver? No one. It is extremely inconvenient -- so the help did it.). You don't want guests carrying plates that cost $300 each around your living room, piled with taquitos and pigs-in-a-blanket at your NYE get together. You don't need silver chafing dishes for the chili mac you serve at your Super Bowl party. Even dinner parties don't involve all the plated courses and whatnot where a full place setting with china, crystal and sliver would make sense. My grandmother (b. 1917) got all of that stuff out for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter in the 80s; that's the last I've seen of someone regularly entertaining in that way.

Bottom line, most people (no matter their class or ses) do not entertain like this anymore. So ... it's lost culture. It's old-fashioned to invite people over and use linens, crystal, china and silver. Many guests would find it uncomfortable, or charming because it's novel these days, or try-hard. It just isn't what most people do nowadays. Do some people still do it? Sure. That's the vestige.

As far as my opinion that it should stay lost? I am not a fan of conspicuous displays of wealth, and I'm not a fan of overly formal entertaining. But that's really just taste. Just a personal opinion.

My family's background is solidly middle class with no servants and all had good china and silver. It was certainly aspirational and good taste and fashionable but it's clear from the women of that generation (my grandmothers were born in the mid to late teens) that they saw a pretty table set with linen and silver and china as a lovely thing to have, as did most women of my mother's generation (born in the 40s-50s). Hand washing all of the china and silver was never a problem because for much of their lives, they also hand washed the everyday dishes too. Dishwashers didn't start becoming standard in American houses till well into their lives, in the 60s and 70s. So it wasn't tied solely to having servants.

I agree that across the board standards have become more informal. We no longer value having "nice things" any more and sense of craftsmanship and quality is fading out of most people's lives, with everything seen as disposable and replaceable, which is a shame.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you don't just use it, OP? Just toss it in the dishwasher. It will be YEARS before the metal edge starts to wear. It's better than letting it just take up space in your cabinet.