I regret our wedding china

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Use it frequently and you’ll get scratches and chips. Then, buy a new set.

This is a smart suggestion from the first page of the thread. I would do this. You might also discover if you use it more, you take pleasure in it.

I was coming to the thread to note that I didn't register for "wedding china" -- we registered for an everyday set of dishes from Crate & Barrel and did not have fancy display china for special occasions.

I don't regret this BUT I do wish we'd registered for higher quality dishes. Not china, but just something a bit nicer. I think we had this idea that it would be greedy to register for something more expensive, so we registered for something that would be easier for especially our younger wedding guests to purchase affordably. In retrospect, this just meant that people bought us dishes that we had to replace less than 10 years after our wedding, because they got so chipped and scratched up. So now we have an upgraded set of dishes that are higher quality, but we bought ourselves, and all our wedding gifts except one set of bowls (at least in terms of dinnerware) are long gone.

So I think the answer is to register for the nicest dishes that you could conceive of using on a daily basis, so they'll last as long as possible but also actually get used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use it frequently and you’ll get scratches and chips. Then, buy a new set.

This is a smart suggestion from the first page of the thread. I would do this. You might also discover if you use it more, you take pleasure in it.

I was coming to the thread to note that I didn't register for "wedding china" -- we registered for an everyday set of dishes from Crate & Barrel and did not have fancy display china for special occasions.

I don't regret this BUT I do wish we'd registered for higher quality dishes. Not china, but just something a bit nicer. I think we had this idea that it would be greedy to register for something more expensive, so we registered for something that would be easier for especially our younger wedding guests to purchase affordably. In retrospect, this just meant that people bought us dishes that we had to replace less than 10 years after our wedding, because they got so chipped and scratched up. So now we have an upgraded set of dishes that are higher quality, but we bought ourselves, and all our wedding gifts except one set of bowls (at least in terms of dinnerware) are long gone.

So I think the answer is to register for the nicest dishes that you could conceive of using on a daily basis, so they'll last as long as possible but also actually get used.

Totally agree. We registered for a really. nice set of day to day dishes (that sadly C&B no longer sells and is prohibitively expensive to import from Portugal, I looked into it) that we were able to use every day and dress up with a charger and nice linens for special occasions. The dishes have since broken and chipped and we are going to replace with a set of nice white dishes (also from C&B) so we can do the same thing)

[Anonymous]

+2. We registered for a set of white china for our everyday dishes, but they are also fancy enough to be used for holidays/fancy dinners. I never envisioned living in a big house, so I knew that I wouldn't have space to store a set of unused china.

[Anonymous]

Reading about people storing sets of unused china reminds me how big most peoples' houses are! I would have no place for something like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wedding china is a vestigial aspect of a lost culture (that in my opinion, should stay lost).

Sell it if you can. Donate it if you can't. If you are anything like me, there just isn't room in the kitchen for something that rarely if ever gets used.

Could you expand on this? Interested to hear and understand.

Registering for china when one gets married is a 20th century tradition deeply related to class. Specifically the UMC. You don't register for china unless you are expected to entertain at a certain level (and if you are above that level you don't need to crowd source your china, crystal, etc by way of your wedding registry). Virtually no one entertains in that formal way anymore -- it just doesn't fit into contemporary life for many reasons (the primary one being that people simply enjoy more casual get-togethers now, the secondary one being that people don't have the kind of help that people of a certain class used to--who wants to wash that china by hand and polish all that silver? No one. It is extremely inconvenient -- so the help did it.). You don't want guests carrying plates that cost $300 each around your living room, piled with taquitos and pigs-in-a-blanket at your NYE get together. You don't need silver chafing dishes for the chili mac you serve at your Super Bowl party. Even dinner parties don't involve all the plated courses and whatnot where a full place setting with china, crystal and sliver would make sense. My grandmother (b. 1917) got all of that stuff out for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter in the 80s; that's the last I've seen of someone regularly entertaining in that way.

Bottom line, most people (no matter their class or ses) do not entertain like this anymore. So ... it's lost culture. It's old-fashioned to invite people over and use linens, crystal, china and silver. Many guests would find it uncomfortable, or charming because it's novel these days, or try-hard. It just isn't what most people do nowadays. Do some people still do it? Sure. That's the vestige.

As far as my opinion that it should stay lost? I am not a fan of conspicuous displays of wealth, and I'm not a fan of overly formal entertaining. But that's really just taste. Just a personal opinion.

I entertain often and I do use all the parts of our china set, because I have adapted to modern hosting. The bread plates I use for standing apps -- all around a charcuterie board, for example. I don't use the coffee cups every time, but the dessert plates get used, soup bowls sometimes and definitely the dinner plates and serveware. I don't think many people we know (UMC professionals) entertain with the kind of tailgate-level food you describe.

LOL!!! I hope you were trying to be funny here and not trying to be a snob because you are hilarious!

I hope so too! People I know (UMC executives) would be mortified to be served charcuterie on a bread plate.
That unprofessional "professional" would be next in line for layoffs.

[Anonymous]

E we registered for Royal by Villeroy and Boch. It’s pure white and goes in the dish washer. I love it.

OP, if you don’t want to use it yourself, send a few place settings to college with your kid. They can beat them up, break them, stick them in the dishwasher, and you won’t care. Why spend $$ on dishes for your child will abuse when you can pull these out of the attic at the appropriate time? I didn’t have a dishwasher in college, did that may not even be a concern for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn't want wedding china. I don't think my MIL was prepared for that, but welcome to the new world.

Same. We just got several sets of nice everyday china. But then I inherited my parents MCM wedding china with metallic accents that I don’t use but also can’t part with because of the sentimental attachment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wedding china is a vestigial aspect of a lost culture (that in my opinion, should stay lost).

Sell it if you can. Donate it if you can't. If you are anything like me, there just isn't room in the kitchen for something that rarely if ever gets used.

Could you expand on this? Interested to hear and understand.

Registering for china when one gets married is a 20th century tradition deeply related to class. Specifically the UMC. You don't register for china unless you are expected to entertain at a certain level (and if you are above that level you don't need to crowd source your china, crystal, etc by way of your wedding registry). Virtually no one entertains in that formal way anymore -- it just doesn't fit into contemporary life for many reasons (the primary one being that people simply enjoy more casual get-togethers now, the secondary one being that people don't have the kind of help that people of a certain class used to--who wants to wash that china by hand and polish all that silver? No one. It is extremely inconvenient -- so the help did it.). You don't want guests carrying plates that cost $300 each around your living room, piled with taquitos and pigs-in-a-blanket at your NYE get together. You don't need silver chafing dishes for the chili mac you serve at your Super Bowl party. Even dinner parties don't involve all the plated courses and whatnot where a full place setting with china, crystal and sliver would make sense. My grandmother (b. 1917) got all of that stuff out for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter in the 80s; that's the last I've seen of someone regularly entertaining in that way.

Bottom line, most people (no matter their class or ses) do not entertain like this anymore. So ... it's lost culture. It's old-fashioned to invite people over and use linens, crystal, china and silver. Many guests would find it uncomfortable, or charming because it's novel these days, or try-hard. It just isn't what most people do nowadays. Do some people still do it? Sure. That's the vestige.

As far as my opinion that it should stay lost? I am not a fan of conspicuous displays of wealth, and I'm not a fan of overly formal entertaining. But that's really just taste. Just a personal opinion.

I entertain often and I do use all the parts of our china set, because I have adapted to modern hosting. The bread plates I use for standing apps -- all around a charcuterie board, for example. I don't use the coffee cups every time, but the dessert plates get used, soup bowls sometimes and definitely the dinner plates and serveware. I don't think many people we know (UMC professionals) entertain with the kind of tailgate-level food you describe.

LOL!!! I hope you were trying to be funny here and not trying to be a snob because you are hilarious!

I hope so too! People I know (UMC executives) would be mortified to be served charcuterie on a bread plate.
That unprofessional "professional" would be next in line for layoffs.

LOL!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was why I made sure not to get gold or silver rimmed stuff. I remembered hand washing it growing up and I knew I wouldn't have time for that!

We have a really pretty white porcelain china that we got for our wedding- Villeroy and Boch manoir. We use it daily and there's not a single chip.

Kewl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading about people storing sets of unused china reminds me how big most peoples' houses are! I would have no place for something like this.

My grandmother's Baltimore rowhouse was barely 1,000 sqft but she had her wedding china and everyday china. The good china was in her hutch and she used it for the holidays and Sunday dinners.

People just have way more junk nowadays. Most people can easily accommodate a second set of china if they wanted to.

[Anonymous]

Frisbee competition at the local tennis court

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wedding china is a vestigial aspect of a lost culture (that in my opinion, should stay lost).

Sell it if you can. Donate it if you can't. If you are anything like me, there just isn't room in the kitchen for something that rarely if ever gets used.

Could you expand on this? Interested to hear and understand.

Registering for china when one gets married is a 20th century tradition deeply related to class. Specifically the UMC. You don't register for china unless you are expected to entertain at a certain level (and if you are above that level you don't need to crowd source your china, crystal, etc by way of your wedding registry). Virtually no one entertains in that formal way anymore -- it just doesn't fit into contemporary life for many reasons (the primary one being that people simply enjoy more casual get-togethers now, the secondary one being that people don't have the kind of help that people of a certain class used to--who wants to wash that china by hand and polish all that silver? No one. It is extremely inconvenient -- so the help did it.). You don't want guests carrying plates that cost $300 each around your living room, piled with taquitos and pigs-in-a-blanket at your NYE get together. You don't need silver chafing dishes for the chili mac you serve at your Super Bowl party. Even dinner parties don't involve all the plated courses and whatnot where a full place setting with china, crystal and sliver would make sense. My grandmother (b. 1917) got all of that stuff out for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter in the 80s; that's the last I've seen of someone regularly entertaining in that way.

Bottom line, most people (no matter their class or ses) do not entertain like this anymore. So ... it's lost culture. It's old-fashioned to invite people over and use linens, crystal, china and silver. Many guests would find it uncomfortable, or charming because it's novel these days, or try-hard. It just isn't what most people do nowadays. Do some people still do it? Sure. That's the vestige.

As far as my opinion that it should stay lost? I am not a fan of conspicuous displays of wealth, and I'm not a fan of overly formal entertaining. But that's really just taste. Just a personal opinion.

My family's background is solidly middle class with no servants and all had good china and silver. It was certainly aspirational and good taste and fashionable but it's clear from the women of that generation (my grandmothers were born in the mid to late teens) that they saw a pretty table set with linen and silver and china as a lovely thing to have, as did most women of my mother's generation (born in the 40s-50s). Hand washing all of the china and silver was never a problem because for much of their lives, they also hand washed the everyday dishes too. Dishwashers didn't start becoming standard in American houses till well into their lives, in the 60s and 70s. So it wasn't tied solely to having servants.

I agree that across the board standards have become more informal. We no longer value having "nice things" any more and sense of craftsmanship and quality is fading out of most people's lives, with everything seen as disposable and replaceable, which is a shame.

NP, but for me this is the part of the culture that can “stay lost”. I think if you truly love your China/crystal/silver etc and find it beautiful, it’s a joy to use and handle them and it doesn’t feel like too much of a pain. But I think having it be a norm or a social expectation—that linens be pressed, crystal and China handwashed, silver polished etc etc was a burden that mostly fell on women (to manage, at the very least) at a time they were looked down upon for working outside of the home. I love to cook but also feel this way about elaborate traditional menus and recipes.

That said, it makes me sad when people come over and say stuff like “FANCY!!” because I put out cloth napkins since I hate paper napkins, or want the dessert plates to look decorative, or grabbed some champagne glasses since someone brought a bottle, and they all happen to be cut crystal. I’m in my thirties.

[Anonymous]

How would your DH even know if you donated it? Do it while he is at work or out of town.

[Anonymous]

As long as you don't regret the husband, it's all good, OP! But I advise you use it regularly. It doesn't matter if the metallic accents wash off with use. Using it is more important than keeping it perfect. And if you break enough plates... you'll need to replace them with something you like better

[Anonymous]

My DD did not register for fine china. In fact they did not have a wedding registry. She has already set up the apartment they were renting and living in and had everything that they needed for their needs, hosting style and space.