Explaining 'no gifts please' to your kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every year we write no gifts and we still get gift cards. I don't know how to make it clear that he really wants nothing.

We ask kids to bring a wrapped book in lieu of a gift. Then we do a book swap at the end of the party. Each kid picks a book and that is their goody bag. It works pretty well because people don’t feel that they are coming empty handed. It also saves me the trouble of coming up with goody bags. I just buy a couple of extra books in case a kid forgets to bring one.

So cheap.

Why thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every year we write no gifts and we still get gift cards. I don't know how to make it clear that he really wants nothing.

We ask kids to bring a wrapped book in lieu of a gift. Then we do a book swap at the end of the party. Each kid picks a book and that is their goody bag. It works pretty well because people don’t feel that they are coming empty handed. It also saves me the trouble of coming up with goody bags. I just buy a couple of extra books in case a kid forgets to bring one.

How old are your kids? We did this up until a disastrous 2nd grade party when the offerings ranged from picture books to Reina Telgemeier graphic novels and there were lots of bad feelings. It probably would have worked again by 4th or 5th grade, but by then, the parties had gotten small enough for us to be ok with gifts.

[Anonymous]

We never did “no gifts” parties, because we (parents) thought it was a lot of fun to get presents at parties when we were kids. So why decide that our kids shouldn’t also get to enjoy that? (Our kids never had 25 kids at a party, either).
However, I also don’t think it’s hard to explain a no gifts party, even to a young child. “On your birthday, you get a gift from mom & dad. At your party, you get to have fun and cake with your friends, but we are asking friends not to bring gifts because you already have a lot of toys/some people can’t afford to buy a gift/the party if just for fun not gifts/[customize your reason here.]”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every year we write no gifts and we still get gift cards. I don't know how to make it clear that he really wants nothing.

Is he dead inside? Just curious how he feels no joy in receiving a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just said “we throw a party to celebrate you. Every one is welcome whether they bring a present or not. We want them to know they don’t need to bring a gift. Some people might bring a gift and that’s fine too!” My kids have been fine with that explanation.

op - this is the best advice here - thank you.
I think maybe the terminology is less 'no gifts please' and rather 'no gifts necessary'. I don't want to order people around either way, but I'd like people to not feel obliged at ALL and I'd like ds to understand that it's ok either way.

Gifts are never necessary; this is really tacky invitation wording etiquette-wise (worse than no gifts, please).

Stop with the official “etiquette” nonsense talking point. Everyone KNOWS that you bring a gift to a wedding or a child’s birthday party unless you are told otherwise.

NP - no, everyone doesn’t KNOW this. Both things are true: gifts are never required and also many people feel obligated to bring them. I think “no gifts necessary” is a fine way to word it.

I also think people getting offended over no gifts parties need something else to worry about.

Please. There is not a person on this planet who would show up to a wedding or a kid’s birthday party without a gift unless they were specifically told not to bring a gift.

No one who has a functioning brain cares about these stupid outdated “rules” of etiquette.

[Anonymous]

You are making their birthday all about you, OP. Why are you punishing them with no gifts? They will always remember this, and not in a good way. Birthdays should be happy for young kids. Gifts are what it's all about! Let them receive a few birthday gifts.