Explaining 'no gifts please' to your kids

[Anonymous]

maybe something like, "it's easy to forget what coming together is about if you focus on the gifts"
am i fooling myself in thinking this is a good mesage for kids and will get through?

[Anonymous]

Once our kids were planning their 5th BD, we ask them. They have a choice between a gifts party where we specify nothing and a “no gifts please” party. If they choose gifts, they follow our rule that they have to write a thank you note for each gift within a reasonable amount of time - 1-2 weeks. If they choose “no gifts” they get 1 “extra” gift that they pick, up to $150. Usually a Lego set, but last month our 7 yr old got $70 in special toppling dominos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Your birthday is all about me. I know you're new to this world but I've been here for years and I'm tired. I'm tired of all the things you find new and exciting, so we're just cutting them out. You understand, don't you Larla? It's so boring to get gifts these days. What, it's not boring for you? Well then you're being selfish! What about mommy? I mean, all the plastic in the world?"

It usually goes over well. Don't worry so much about what they think and feel and you're be fine.

What? How about they already got 20 presents from parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and various others besides their school friends. Kids should be able to understand excess

Ok, and? You put some away and give them out every few weeks. Problem solved. It's their birthday. A bit of excess is ok.

My children write a handwritten thank you note that says something they like about the gift and we ensure they are all delivered promptly. Would you open 20+ gifts, write the notes, and then take the toys back? Toys that are just forgotten in a jumble of other toys within days or weeks? My kids have plenty of toys and would rather have a big party 18-25 kids at a fun venue than have 20+ small toys.

[Anonymous]

My kids are older now, but what caught on was to host a party and in lieu of gifts ask for donations to a specific organization or cause.
We had one party where we asked people to bring donations for a pet shelter. Another for a women and children shelter. Other kids raised money for various local, National, or international charities. This was from 3-5 grades. This was also before the COL hike.

[Anonymous]

My kid is only four but all the parties have been no gifts so far. I see no downside. They still get plenty of birthday gifts.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t start with ‘no gifts’ it’s a tough transition.

We had her first school-friends party that WASN’T a “no gift” party this year when it was a smaller group of friends (mid-elementary) - she had to write thank you notes to everyone. Once that was done, she decided she wanted a no-gift party next year.

In our circles (UMC pretending to be MC in the DMV) it’s been “no gift” when it’s with the younger kids (under 8/9) and everyone in the grade/age group is invited. As guest lists get smaller and the kids start thinking of gifts for each other, gifts tend to be the norm.

Makes sense to me, 20+ guests = 20+ impersonal gifts for a kid who hasn’t made the connection yet. It also makes it a lot easier for all parents involved. There were always a few close friends who brought gifts, and lots of cards — typically handmade, some with stickers, lollipops, bubbles etc., so the birthday kid never felt deprived.

[Anonymous]

Does "no gifts" party mean a hand written card only or a hand written card plus a giftcard inside (but no physical gifts)?

[Anonymous]

My kids aren't greedy, spoiled brats. They don't demand or expect gifts.

But I can't say I know how to teach that. Maybe I got lucky. Maybe they learned it from our non-consumerist lifestyle. Maybe they are just dumb. Kids are a mystery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Your birthday is all about me. I know you're new to this world but I've been here for years and I'm tired. I'm tired of all the things you find new and exciting, so we're just cutting them out. You understand, don't you Larla? It's so boring to get gifts these days. What, it's not boring for you? Well then you're being selfish! What about mommy? I mean, all the plastic in the world?"

It usually goes over well. Don't worry so much about what they think and feel and you're be fine.

What? How about they already got 20 presents from parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and various others besides their school friends. Kids should be able to understand excess

Ok, and? You put some away and give them out every few weeks. Problem solved. It's their birthday. A bit of excess is ok.

20 is already more than a bit excess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:maybe something like, "it's easy to forget what coming together is about if you focus on the gifts"
am i fooling myself in thinking this is a good mesage for kids and will get through?

How about teaching kids got to graciously give and receive gifts? Valuable skills too!

[Anonymous]

“Let’s have fun!” Always worked perfectly for me. All the kids had an amazing time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Your birthday is all about me. I know you're new to this world but I've been here for years and I'm tired. I'm tired of all the things you find new and exciting, so we're just cutting them out. You understand, don't you Larla? It's so boring to get gifts these days. What, it's not boring for you? Well then you're being selfish! What about mommy? I mean, all the plastic in the world?"

It usually goes over well. Don't worry so much about what they think and feel and you're be fine.

What? How about they already got 20 presents from parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and various others besides their school friends. Kids should be able to understand excess

What a tragedy to have to drop great, unused things at Goodwill for less fortunate kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Your birthday is all about me. I know you're new to this world but I've been here for years and I'm tired. I'm tired of all the things you find new and exciting, so we're just cutting them out. You understand, don't you Larla? It's so boring to get gifts these days. What, it's not boring for you? Well then you're being selfish! What about mommy? I mean, all the plastic in the world?"

It usually goes over well. Don't worry so much about what they think and feel and you're be fine.

You forgot, “It’s time you learn what ‘upper middle class’ and ‘virtue signaling’ mean to our family.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t start with ‘no gifts’ it’s a tough transition.

We had her first school-friends party that WASN’T a “no gift” party this year when it was a smaller group of friends (mid-elementary) - she had to write thank you notes to everyone. Once that was done, she decided she wanted a no-gift party next year.

In our circles (UMC pretending to be MC in the DMV) it’s been “no gift” when it’s with the younger kids (under 8/9) and everyone in the grade/age group is invited. As guest lists get smaller and the kids start thinking of gifts for each other, gifts tend to be the norm.

Makes sense to me, 20+ guests = 20+ impersonal gifts for a kid who hasn’t made the connection yet. It also makes it a lot easier for all parents involved. There were always a few close friends who brought gifts, and lots of cards — typically handmade, some with stickers, lollipops, bubbles etc., so the birthday kid never felt deprived.

We went the other way, too. Our oldest has an early January birthday, and it was just much too close to the holidays to want or need any more stuff. So we always did no gifts. When they got older and parties got smaller, we stopped specifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Would you open 20+ gifts, write the notes, and then take the toys back? Toys that are just forgotten in a jumble of other toys within days or weeks? My kids have plenty of toys and would rather have a big party 18-25 kids at a fun venue than have 20+ small toys.

Our solution is not to invite 20 kids.

A much smaller party, 5-7 kids, like we did in our youth. Very pleasant.