Explaining 'no gifts please' to your kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious how others who stipulate no gifts on birthday invites explain that to their kids? I think mine might be a little ticked about it. Any tips very welcome!

My kids have had no gift parties since they were 6. They already receive gifts from us and their grandparents and uncles and aunts, so they were getting plenty of gifts. Birthday parties aside from family is not really a big thing in our culture, so having a party with friends is seen as a gift in itself. They never complained, and a big reason was that they had several friends who also had no gift parties.

The younger asked if he could have a larger party (30 kids) in lieu of gifts and we said no problem (2020, outdoor movie). It depends on the kid. Some kids really want the gifts, others really want the party. Our kids happen to really want the party. Not having to write additional thank you cards besides the ones to their family members is an added bonus.

We are in the fortunate position that we can tell our kids “it’s just stuff, stuff is not that important” while being able to financially afford as much stuff as we need or want, so I realize that there is some hypocrisy here.

No gift parties worked for us, but if there is push back, I don’t think it’s worth the fight.

[Anonymous]

I just said “we throw a party to celebrate you. Every one is welcome whether they bring a present or not. We want them to know they don’t need to bring a gift. Some people might bring a gift and that’s fine too!” My kids have been fine with that explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just said “we throw a party to celebrate you. Every one is welcome whether they bring a present or not. We want them to know they don’t need to bring a gift. Some people might bring a gift and that’s fine too!” My kids have been fine with that explanation.

op - this is the best advice here - thank you.
I think maybe the terminology is less 'no gifts please' and rather 'no gifts necessary'. I don't want to order people around either way, but I'd like people to not feel obliged at ALL and I'd like ds to understand that it's ok either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Would you open 20+ gifts, write the notes, and then take the toys back? Toys that are just forgotten in a jumble of other toys within days or weeks? My kids have plenty of toys and would rather have a big party 18-25 kids at a fun venue than have 20+ small toys.

Our solution is not to invite 20 kids.

A much smaller party, 5-7 kids, like we did in our youth. Very pleasant.

Your youth. In my youth, parties were big and fun.

Same!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mind blown by how many people seem to feel personally attacked by no gift birthday parties. Why on earth do you care? A no gift party is a gift to fellow parents who don’t have to spend time or money buying your kid a birthday gift. It’s not an attack on you personally. Jfc

Yes, it is a gift to fellow parents and to the parents of the birthday child not to have to deal with gifts. But the birthday party is FOR THE CHILD. Not for the adults. It's sad that some parents don't see the distinction.

Exactly. The party is for the child. No gifts necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just said “we throw a party to celebrate you. Every one is welcome whether they bring a present or not. We want them to know they don’t need to bring a gift. Some people might bring a gift and that’s fine too!” My kids have been fine with that explanation.

op - this is the best advice here - thank you.
I think maybe the terminology is less 'no gifts please' and rather 'no gifts necessary'. I don't want to order people around either way, but I'd like people to not feel obliged at ALL and I'd like ds to understand that it's ok either way.

Gifts are never necessary; this is really tacky invitation wording etiquette-wise (worse than no gifts, please).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just said “we throw a party to celebrate you. Every one is welcome whether they bring a present or not. We want them to know they don’t need to bring a gift. Some people might bring a gift and that’s fine too!” My kids have been fine with that explanation.

op - this is the best advice here - thank you.
I think maybe the terminology is less 'no gifts please' and rather 'no gifts necessary'. I don't want to order people around either way, but I'd like people to not feel obliged at ALL and I'd like ds to understand that it's ok either way.

Gifts are never necessary; this is really tacky invitation wording etiquette-wise (worse than no gifts, please).

We put “no gifts necessary.” I don’t think it’s tacky. I think most people feel obligated to give and that’s just reality. You can say gifts are never necessary, but people feel obliged. so when you write this on the invite, it’s a welcome signal to all the parents that they don’t have to run out and get something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just said “we throw a party to celebrate you. Every one is welcome whether they bring a present or not. We want them to know they don’t need to bring a gift. Some people might bring a gift and that’s fine too!” My kids have been fine with that explanation.

op - this is the best advice here - thank you.
I think maybe the terminology is less 'no gifts please' and rather 'no gifts necessary'. I don't want to order people around either way, but I'd like people to not feel obliged at ALL and I'd like ds to understand that it's ok either way.

Gifts are never necessary; this is really tacky invitation wording etiquette-wise (worse than no gifts, please).

Stop with the official “etiquette” nonsense talking point. Everyone KNOWS that you bring a gift to a wedding or a child’s birthday party unless you are told otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Every year we write no gifts and we still get gift cards. I don't know how to make it clear that he really wants nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every year we write no gifts and we still get gift cards. I don't know how to make it clear that he really wants nothing.

We ask kids to bring a wrapped book in lieu of a gift. Then we do a book swap at the end of the party. Each kid picks a book and that is their goody bag. It works pretty well because people don’t feel that they are coming empty handed. It also saves me the trouble of coming up with goody bags. I just buy a couple of extra books in case a kid forgets to bring one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just said “we throw a party to celebrate you. Every one is welcome whether they bring a present or not. We want them to know they don’t need to bring a gift. Some people might bring a gift and that’s fine too!” My kids have been fine with that explanation.

op - this is the best advice here - thank you.
I think maybe the terminology is less 'no gifts please' and rather 'no gifts necessary'. I don't want to order people around either way, but I'd like people to not feel obliged at ALL and I'd like ds to understand that it's ok either way.

Gifts are never necessary; this is really tacky invitation wording etiquette-wise (worse than no gifts, please).

We put “no gifts necessary.” I don’t think it’s tacky. I think most people feel obligated to give and that’s just reality. You can say gifts are never necessary, but people feel obliged. so when you write this on the invite, it’s a welcome signal to all the parents that they don’t have to run out and get something.

No, it’s very confusing and you are causing more stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every year we write no gifts and we still get gift cards. I don't know how to make it clear that he really wants nothing.

We ask kids to bring a wrapped book in lieu of a gift. Then we do a book swap at the end of the party. Each kid picks a book and that is their goody bag. It works pretty well because people don’t feel that they are coming empty handed. It also saves me the trouble of coming up with goody bags. I just buy a couple of extra books in case a kid forgets to bring one.

So cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just said “we throw a party to celebrate you. Every one is welcome whether they bring a present or not. We want them to know they don’t need to bring a gift. Some people might bring a gift and that’s fine too!” My kids have been fine with that explanation.

op - this is the best advice here - thank you.
I think maybe the terminology is less 'no gifts please' and rather 'no gifts necessary'. I don't want to order people around either way, but I'd like people to not feel obliged at ALL and I'd like ds to understand that it's ok either way.

Gifts are never necessary; this is really tacky invitation wording etiquette-wise (worse than no gifts, please).

We put “no gifts necessary.” I don’t think it’s tacky. I think most people feel obligated to give and that’s just reality. You can say gifts are never necessary, but people feel obliged. so when you write this on the invite, it’s a welcome signal to all the parents that they don’t have to run out and get something.

No, it’s very confusing and you are causing more stress.

I am not requiring every parent to take time from their schedule to run out and spend $ on a gift just to avoid the possibility that 1 or 2 parents are confused by the wording of “no gifts necessary.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just said “we throw a party to celebrate you. Every one is welcome whether they bring a present or not. We want them to know they don’t need to bring a gift. Some people might bring a gift and that’s fine too!” My kids have been fine with that explanation.

op - this is the best advice here - thank you.
I think maybe the terminology is less 'no gifts please' and rather 'no gifts necessary'. I don't want to order people around either way, but I'd like people to not feel obliged at ALL and I'd like ds to understand that it's ok either way.

Gifts are never necessary; this is really tacky invitation wording etiquette-wise (worse than no gifts, please).

We put “no gifts necessary.” I don’t think it’s tacky. I think most people feel obligated to give and that’s just reality. You can say gifts are never necessary, but people feel obliged. so when you write this on the invite, it’s a welcome signal to all the parents that they don’t have to run out and get something.

No, it’s very confusing and you are causing more stress.

I am not requiring every parent to take time from their schedule to run out and spend $ on a gift just to avoid the possibility that 1 or 2 parents are confused by the wording of “no gifts necessary.”

Ignore the pp it is fine. And no logical human would conclude that it’s confusing or that you are adding more stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just said “we throw a party to celebrate you. Every one is welcome whether they bring a present or not. We want them to know they don’t need to bring a gift. Some people might bring a gift and that’s fine too!” My kids have been fine with that explanation.

op - this is the best advice here - thank you.
I think maybe the terminology is less 'no gifts please' and rather 'no gifts necessary'. I don't want to order people around either way, but I'd like people to not feel obliged at ALL and I'd like ds to understand that it's ok either way.

Gifts are never necessary; this is really tacky invitation wording etiquette-wise (worse than no gifts, please).

Stop with the official “etiquette” nonsense talking point. Everyone KNOWS that you bring a gift to a wedding or a child’s birthday party unless you are told otherwise.

NP - no, everyone doesn’t KNOW this. Both things are true: gifts are never required and also many people feel obligated to bring them. I think “no gifts necessary” is a fine way to word it.

I also think people getting offended over no gifts parties need something else to worry about.