I HATE the suburbs and have a chance to leave. This is long..more experienced parents help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure moving is the fix you expect it to be.

You can walk now. Really. Put on shoes and go on a walk. Start hiking for errands.

People are busy everywhere and it’s difficult to make friends. No guarantee you’ll make any in your new location. My husband struggled to make friends and it’s been that way everywhere we have lived.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure moving is the fix you expect it to be.

You can walk now. Really. Put on shoes and go on a walk. Start hiking for errands.

People are busy everywhere and it’s difficult to make friends. No guarantee you’ll make any in your new location. My husband struggled to make friends and it’s been that way everywhere we have lived.

Hiking? It’s a different energy walking in a city vs an empty neighborhood. I can walk city streets for miles. I feel like my feet are dragging in a quiet area without anything going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure moving is the fix you expect it to be.

You can walk now. Really. Put on shoes and go on a walk. Start hiking for errands.

People are busy everywhere and it’s difficult to make friends. No guarantee you’ll make any in your new location. My husband struggled to make friends and it’s been that way everywhere we have lived.

Hiking? It’s a different energy walking in a city vs an empty neighborhood. I can walk city streets for miles. I feel like my feet are dragging in a quiet area without anything going on.

Walkability (and museums and great restaurants) are lovely (although the first sometimes not so much during Chicago winters) but that's not really what is going to make OP, or her kids, truly happy. She (and all of us) need to be somewhere where we jibe with the people and have friends. That's really your problem here, OP. Will this move solve that? I personally found it harder to make friends in my northside Chicago neighborhood than my current north shore suburb. Everyone felt busier in the city...

Also, are you trying just beyond your neighbors to make friends? is your youngest in preschool? What about through that community? Your older child's ES? Are you joining things? Doing inviting? Initiating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely rent out your current home. People can't afford to buy a house right now due to interest rates and since it's not newly remodeled. It won't matter if the tenants are a little bit rough and you need to change things to move back in in a year or two. Or fix it up and sell it at some point down the road?.
I would move in a heartbeat and the size wouldn't matter if one of us worked outside of the apartment, but I don't know if my husband and I could be together all day every day in under a thousand square feet. Be a relationship could be very different than ours. I love him but my goodness I need some breathing room.
Is he on board with this? Because it might be kind of hard to rent in the winter, so you may need to carry a mortgage for a while.... Might not be the worst thing while you move to the city and see how it goes..... If you don't like it, move back before spring

Being in the city means work from home is actually “work from the local coffee shop” or “work from the local book store”. OP doesn’t have to stay in her home to work!

I'm not OP -- Both my DH and I DO have to stay in our home to work because we are on multiple calls a day, often on camera. Neither of us was WFM when we bought our 3 bedroom duplex down in Chicago (we have two kids). It became a major problem. It wasn't the primary reason we moved, but our work set-ups were ridiculous and uncomfortable and took up already precious space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op sitting here reading every response and literally tearing up. I hate it here so much. Thanks to all the Chicagoans for chiming in.

honestly, this doesn't look that bad:

https://www.mountprospect.org/community/about-mount-prospect

your reaction suggests that you have some other issues going on. i say that as life-long (50 years old now) city person, and a psychologist. it's ok to move to a place that suits you better, and not all places are the same. but moving 20 miles is unlikely to be a major fix for anything.

Omg…run, run while you can!

I’m surprised that a mental health professional feels it’s appropriate to make a blanket statement like “moving 20 miles is unlikely to be a major fix for anything”. 20 miles can absolutely be a major fix. We live in a town just outside a major city, and the variation in neighborhoods within 10-15 miles is huge. We live in a highly regarded neighborhood/school district, and could not have anticipated how suffocating it is here until now that we are in the thick of it. We plan to stick it out for another 4-5 years due to necessity to be close to work and the fact that where we are, MS to HS seems a more natural transition to switch schools than mid ES.

It sounds like you’re worried this may be an impulsive act, but your reasoning actually seems well thought out, and this change could be both personally fulfilling and quite practical. I agree that you should take advantage of the current rental market which is definitely in your favor and could provide you with a back up plan should you change your mind for whatever reason.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're going to let them go to a Chicago public school? That sounds interesting...

I basically have this set up in a DC 'burb with good schools and walkability (Falls Church City). So I see the pluses. We do still use our car a ton, though. Walkability in the rain and winter is tough with kids.

Lol that you think FCC is in any way comparable to Chicago. But please, stay in FCC and brag about how down to earth you are for sending your kids to public school.

Never said it was! My townhouse has a walk score of 93 so it's very walkable and arguably I have more within 3 short blocks that any of the long blocks in Chicago. BUT the schools aren't sh%tty, I do live in a small place. My point being that OP can find walkability without the downsides of actually living in the city but I have no idea if this OP actually wants to live in Chicago or it's just another burb but closer in like FCC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're going to let them go to a Chicago public school? That sounds interesting...

I basically have this set up in a DC 'burb with good schools and walkability (Falls Church City). So I see the pluses. We do still use our car a ton, though. Walkability in the rain and winter is tough with kids.

Lol that you think FCC is in any way comparable to Chicago. But please, stay in FCC and brag about how down to earth you are for sending your kids to public school.

Never said it was! My townhouse has a walk score of 93 so it's very walkable and arguably I have more within 3 short blocks that any of the long blocks in Chicago. BUT the schools aren't sh%tty, I do live in a small place. My point being that OP can find walkability without the downsides of actually living in the city but I have no idea if this OP actually wants to live in Chicago or it's just another burb but closer in like FCC.

So you didn’t read the thread? That’s the whole point of her post. She wants to be downtown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op sitting here reading every response and literally tearing up. I hate it here so much. Thanks to all the Chicagoans for chiming in.

honestly, this doesn't look that bad:

https://www.mountprospect.org/community/about-mount-prospect

your reaction suggests that you have some other issues going on. i say that as life-long (50 years old now) city person, and a psychologist. it's ok to move to a place that suits you better, and not all places are the same. but moving 20 miles is unlikely to be a major fix for anything.

Omg…run, run while you can!

I’m surprised that a mental health professional feels it’s appropriate to make a blanket statement like “moving 20 miles is unlikely to be a major fix for anything”. 20 miles can absolutely be a major fix. We live in a town just outside a major city, and the variation in neighborhoods within 10-15 miles is huge. We live in a highly regarded neighborhood/school district, and could not have anticipated how suffocating it is here until now that we are in the thick of it. We plan to stick it out for another 4-5 years due to necessity to be close to work and the fact that where we are, MS to HS seems a more natural transition to switch schools than mid ES.

It sounds like you’re worried this may be an impulsive act, but your reasoning actually seems well thought out, and this change could be both personally fulfilling and quite practical. I agree that you should take advantage of the current rental market which is definitely in your favor and could provide you with a back up plan should you change your mind for whatever reason.

Good luck and keep us posted!

I’m not. I can logically see how moving 20 miles away isn’t going to materially change anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure moving is the fix you expect it to be.

You can walk now. Really. Put on shoes and go on a walk. Start hiking for errands.

People are busy everywhere and it’s difficult to make friends. No guarantee you’ll make any in your new location. My husband struggled to make friends and it’s been that way everywhere we have lived.

Hiking? It’s a different energy walking in a city vs an empty neighborhood. I can walk city streets for miles. I feel like my feet are dragging in a quiet area without anything going on.

BIKING - not hiking!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure moving is the fix you expect it to be.

You can walk now. Really. Put on shoes and go on a walk. Start hiking for errands.

People are busy everywhere and it’s difficult to make friends. No guarantee you’ll make any in your new location. My husband struggled to make friends and it’s been that way everywhere we have lived.

Hiking? It’s a different energy walking in a city vs an empty neighborhood. I can walk city streets for miles. I feel like my feet are dragging in a quiet area without anything going on.

Walkability (and museums and great restaurants) are lovely (although the first sometimes not so much during Chicago winters) but that's not really what is going to make OP, or her kids, truly happy. She (and all of us) need to be somewhere where we jibe with the people and have friends. That's really your problem here, OP. Will this move solve that? I personally found it harder to make friends in my northside Chicago neighborhood than my current north shore suburb. Everyone felt busier in the city...

Also, are you trying just beyond your neighbors to make friends? is your youngest in preschool? What about through that community? Your older child's ES? Are you joining things? Doing inviting? Initiating?

The average dual income family with 2+ kids is very busy and there’s not a lot of room for making new friends. Modern parenting seems to involve making friends through kids, and those friendships don’t last. OP might make a few new friends but I’d be shocked if she relocated to an urban area and somehow managed to create a busy social life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op sitting here reading every response and literally tearing up. I hate it here so much. Thanks to all the Chicagoans for chiming in.

honestly, this doesn't look that bad:

https://www.mountprospect.org/community/about-mount-prospect

your reaction suggests that you have some other issues going on. i say that as life-long (50 years old now) city person, and a psychologist. it's ok to move to a place that suits you better, and not all places are the same. but moving 20 miles is unlikely to be a major fix for anything.

A 20 mile move can be a major fix for someone who’s unhappy.

+1! 20 miles is neighborhoods apart. And the “psychologist” is really trying to diagnose that OP has something else going on based on their posts on a message board? Lol.

i am not diagnosing anyone (what was the diagnosis?) but her assessments seems extreme given the circumstances. i don't like suburbs, either, and never lived there. but it's a preference, not a calamity.

You made an assessment of OP “your reaction suggests that you have some other issues going on.”

That’s wildly inappropriate for a “psychologist” to post. But anyone can post here claiming to be any profession. A real psychologist would never have said that.

- a lawyer

Yeah that was weird. The OP has been nothing but logical. She hates the suburbs and wants to live in the city. She had pros/cons. People actually from Chicago or live in a suburb or city have given their perspective.

- a trapeze artist.

Except OP is an adult with kids. There is more to consider than walking to restaurants and bars. Can she even go to these places on a regular basis?

A lot of people feel like OP but you grow up and value a safe neighborhood, good schools and enough space for a family.

I’m not sure I’d trade walkabikity for a challenging school situation and cramming a bunch of people into a 2 bedroom apartment. This is very mid-life crisis-y.

Problems follow you. Someone who doesn’t walk anywhere now and doesn’t have an active social life is unlikely to move 20 miles away and have this new magically different life.

[Anonymous]

There is huge value in the kids seeing their grandparents every day.

[Anonymous]

OP,

One thing that has not been mentioned. If the grandparents start failing would their care fall on you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're going to let them go to a Chicago public school? That sounds interesting...

I basically have this set up in a DC 'burb with good schools and walkability (Falls Church City). So I see the pluses. We do still use our car a ton, though. Walkability in the rain and winter is tough with kids.

Lol that you think FCC is in any way comparable to Chicago. But please, stay in FCC and brag about how down to earth you are for sending your kids to public school.

Never said it was! My townhouse has a walk score of 93 so it's very walkable and arguably I have more within 3 short blocks that any of the long blocks in Chicago. BUT the schools aren't sh%tty, I do live in a small place. My point being that OP can find walkability without the downsides of actually living in the city but I have no idea if this OP actually wants to live in Chicago or it's just another burb but closer in like FCC.

You said you "basically have this set up" in FCC - what set up were you referring to if not what the OP wants, i.e., to live in Chicago. You think you have more in FCC, "The Little City," than the OP would have in the "long blocks in Chicago." So, yes, you are literally comparing what you have in a tiny, wealthy, walkable suburb to one of the largest cities in this country.

[Anonymous]

I am you but add another ten years. We moved from NYC to DMV with a baby and toddler. I now have a teen, tween and elementary child. I often wonder how I ended up in this suburban life. My three kids are thriving. I drive them daily to sports, dance, host lots of play dates. I have made a few friends along the way who are not my neighbors but live elsewhere in the DMV.

We are members of a country club. My kids have a great group of nice kids. They are doing well so I tell myself that this is the best place for them. I still hate it and miss city life. During Covid, I was glad to have my big nice house in the suburbs where we were safe.