Has anyone started a completely new life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, for reasons I can't go into. Changed my name, moved far away, and started working at a Cinnabon.

You go by Gene now? We know it's you, Saul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My exDH did this. Went completely awol, ditched all old longtime friends and family, hung with younger crowd, started dressing completely different, flying around the world to music festivals, partying, out every night etc. almost no contact with me or kids.

Is his name Robert?

Because we know a guy named Robert who seemingly has a midlife crisis very early: reverted to teenage behavior, transferred to another office location far from his wife and young children, and lives a completely different life with no responsibility.

So weird.

His name is Matt but yeah, it’s shocking when people do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My work colleague did - requested a transfer to a new office my firm was opening in Chicago. To make this happen she divorced her abusive husband and left her three troubled teenage sons on the East Coast. Moved to Chicago with only her clothes and a bed in her early 40s - a few years later she met and married the love of her life, and almost 30 years later, they are still married and very much in love.

What happened to her 3 sons???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm planning on it. 33yo and feel like I can't breathe raising 2 little kids in this area.

This. I lived in the DMV for a long time before having kids and was content. It wasn't perfect but I had a good life and made the most of the opportunities here.

Something about raising kids here feels wrong. I still make the best of it but there is this feeling in my heart like I have to get us out of here. I need to move before it's too late and my kids roots are here. I will not stay once they are grown so I don't want it to be "home" to them. I'm fine coming back to visit but I want our family home to be somewhere else.

I'm from here. I tell my college age kids to NOT move back. I hope they agree and I will follow one of them.

We moved to the DMV from the Midwest when I was in high school. My parents never felt like it was “home” for them but I had younger siblings and went to college in the area so they stuck around. I came back after college, as well. About ten years ago, DH and I decided to make a life change for ourselves and our three kids and we moved out of state. Within a few years, my parents and siblings left the DC area (most followed us!). Best decision DH and I ever made. The kids were young enough that they consider this “home”.

[Anonymous]

These stories are fascinating. Even the mention of DB Cooper, et al. I’ve always wondered about people who do this.

I had three friends from high school who changed their names. One moved to the other side of the country and started a new life, the other two stayed in the area but go by the new names. I don’t get it.

Another friend growing up, her mom divorced the dad, left the four kids, moved to NY, opened a gallery and had a whole different life. They had a lot of money and I guess that gave her the freedom to go.

Seems like “nothing left to lose” or having a lot of assets are factors, along with safety reasons like stalkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My work colleague did - requested a transfer to a new office my firm was opening in Chicago. To make this happen she divorced her abusive husband and left her three troubled teenage sons on the East Coast. Moved to Chicago with only her clothes and a bed in her early 40s - a few years later she met and married the love of her life, and almost 30 years later, they are still married and very much in love.

Those poor children.

Flipside is that she could have stayed and there was no change in outcome for the sons. Sometimes things are so bad there is nothing you can do to fix it.

No, the flipslide is she doesn't leave her children with an abusive DH, she gets them out of harms way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My work colleague did - requested a transfer to a new office my firm was opening in Chicago. To make this happen she divorced her abusive husband and left her three troubled teenage sons on the East Coast. Moved to Chicago with only her clothes and a bed in her early 40s - a few years later she met and married the love of her life, and almost 30 years later, they are still married and very much in love.

Those poor children.

Flipside is that she could have stayed and there was no change in outcome for the sons. Sometimes things are so bad there is nothing you can do to fix it.

No, the flipslide is she doesn't leave her children with an abusive DH, she gets them out of harms way!

The post said these were teenagers. We have no other details or context. You and others want to assume she could have "gotten them out of harm's way" as if they were small children. Or that she could have kidnapped them (because yeah, there's such a thing as "parental kidnapping" and she could have ended up in prison, which does her kids no good at all and still leaves them with dad). For all we actually know, they were all old enough that they could have flat out said no to leaving with her, and she couldn't have dragged them off by force. We have no idea whether she tried to get them to go with her, whether the abusive DH had persuaded them to stay with him (and would have convinced a judge the kids wanted to be with him -- teens often are asked by courts what their preferences are re: living with one parent or the other).

I'm not defending the idea of "abandoning your kids" but I am noting a lot of instant, thoughtless reactions to this specific situation. There is nowhere remotely near enough information here for people to be all appalled and attacking that woman they dont' know and never will know.

[Anonymous]

Kind of? DH and I moved to CO 3 yrs ago with our kids. Sight unseen to the town we moved to where we knew nobody. This was after 20 years in DC. I kept my job though.

We were happy-ish in Dc. But it was expensive and competitive and people were cold.

Life is good here. We are happy and kids are thriving. We have a lot of friends and people we travel with to ski and hike. It was the best move we ever made.

You can change your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm planning on it. 33yo and feel like I can't breathe raising 2 little kids in this area.

This. I lived in the DMV for a long time before having kids and was content. It wasn't perfect but I had a good life and made the most of the opportunities here.

Something about raising kids here feels wrong. I still make the best of it but there is this feeling in my heart like I have to get us out of here. I need to move before it's too late and my kids roots are here. I will not stay once they are grown so I don't want it to be "home" to them. I'm fine coming back to visit but I want our family home to be somewhere else.

100%. I am so happy we raised kids in a nicer part of the world, with slow life and a lot of nature. I am pretty sure my kids would be in therapy if they grew up in NOVA. However, we all live happily in DC metro area now with adult kids nearby and enjoy this area very much.

I don't want to hijack OPs (great!) thread, but can you share more about why you think NOVA or the DC area is hard for kids? My kids are still young, but I have been having this feeling lately but am so scared to move anywhere else (mainly job related). And I am also scared I will decide too late that this area is not for us and have to pull them from their schools and community in the late elementary years.

I'm one of the PPs who wants to move away. This will sound weird, but for me the problem is that the culture here is dominated by socioeconomic extremes-- the very wealthy and then people in poverty. The middle class here tend to be striving for a lot of the status/wealth markers of the wealthy-- private schools, foreign travel, Ivy League educations. Even though we and most people we know are actually middle class, I feel there is discomfort with this position and people always seem to be looking to position themselves above others in some way.

As a parent it's exhausting but manageable. But for kids I think it messes them up. Both my family and my DH's family live in places where there's more of an embrace of muddlec class lifestyle. Sure, there are competitive people, but it's just their personality, it's not an ethos.

We plan to move to one of those areas in the next few years.

[Anonymous]

I fantasize about doing this. I am feeling stuck right now in my current life. I made a lot of choices to support my partner's life. I regret many things now and wish I had prioritized my career and where I wanted to live. Part of me wishes to start over by moving to a new city, getting a job I enjoy, having my own place again, and having a life that was the one I had envisioned for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I grew up in Boston. I went to NYU for college. I changed my name, shook my previous accent, picked up a new one. I am a brand new woman.

How do you say, cucumber?

HAHAHAHAHA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back in the 70s I hijacked a plane and jumped out the back with the ransom. I landed in the forests of Oregon, ditched my parachute and moved to Mexico with the cash. Good times.

I'd like a word with you Mr. Cooper.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if this counts, but I dated a woman who did this.

She divorced her husband, moved to DC from CA, and lived her life out here as a lesbian.

She only had one parent still alive when she was in Ca and when they sadly passed, she only had her husband and in-laws as family. She said she woke up one day and realized she was miserable and wanted a change.

She was in tech in CA and is a teacher in the DC area.

[Anonymous]

Oh yeah, I do this every few years. Up and move to a completely different place where I know nobody. I do keep in contact with my immediate family, but I only have one friend from childhood. I text her happy bday and see her once every 3-6 years and that’s it.

However, I’ve since gotten married and had a child. We moved a few times, but now it looks like we are in this state for the long haul. We moved a couple years ago to the state, into this house last year. Starting to feel the itch again… Kid is so happy here though.

[Anonymous]

I've been wanting to move out of this area for a while but this thread is actually making me want to change my name and make other changes to truly get a fresh start. That honestly hadn't occurred to me -- I just wanted a change of venue as I just don't love DC and also would like a slightly slower (and cheaper) pace of life. But now the idea of doing a true reboot with a new last name and just kind of reinventing myself sounds sort of amazing.