Working parents, what do you do with kids on weekday evenings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenting is a two person job when there are two parents in the house. If DH is working, fine. But more stressful job or not, when he's home he needs to contribute, not relax with a drink. That could be playing a game with the kids while having his drink, taking them outside while you make dinner, or putting dinner in the oven while you do early showers. There is zero excuse for you to be running yourself so hard that you don't have the energy to read your kids a book, while he gets to relax every evening. Please see the power imbalance in this scenario. You both have equal and valid stress, and you both deserve a chance to relax. It's not all on you just because your stress comes from (his!) children and not a job.

Ditto. I'm OK with parents having a drink, but not enough that you have to be checked out for the rest of the night.

My other thought was -- do you have a yard? If so, you can throw something on the grill and the kids can play near you.

Same - I sometimes have a small drink during kids' dinner but it doesn't knock me out from spending any time with them in the evenings!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in an office downtown and live in Fairfax. And I am home by 5 almost every day. Because that is what this season of life requires. My kids have sports practices nearly every day so our evenings are rushed in a different way than yours- quick dinner, out the door, quick snack, bed time. On days we don't have practices we go for a walk, go to the playground or maybe run an errand. There are usually kids riding bikes in the neighborhood and my kids will join in.

Anyway my point is mainly to note that you need to figure out a work schedule that had a spouse home earlier each day. Like I said, I do it even with a messy commute. My team knows that days I'm working in the office I leave at 4pm. But from 9 to 4 I am very dedicated and available and fully focused on work. From 4pm on I'm focused on my family. It is possible.

Such a typical DCUM response. What you mean is that it’s possible FOR YOU. The vast majority of parents go into work and work required hours in person. You live in an UMC bubble. No matter what I do, I cannot pick up my kids before 5:30 and we don’t get home until 6:15. I am a teacher and need to work my after school job in order to pay the bills. My second job ends at 5:30 and I pick the kids up around 6pm. If I quit the second job, bills won’t get paid. Period.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe how many people in this thread are living these fantasy lives. Pre-pandemic when people were not WFH, this is exactly the schedule my husband and I had. It's also the schedule I know most families with dual working parents had. Now its like everyone is making 7 figures and works 10 - 3 and can do 3:15 school pickup.

Even before Covid I didn’t know a soul who left their kid at daycare/aftercare until 6pm. Parents shifted schedules so one dropped off and one picked up.

Then you clearly weren't at my daycare/aftercare program. For those that live near/outside the Beltway with jobs in DC it was not unusual.

That's pretty sad. I guess that's a silver lining of Covid then. I wouldn't live somewhere where both parents had a commute like that, certainly not in this day.

NP. I guess you are not aware of the real estate market then. I 'm not local to this board, but I live an hour from my job in Big City, because I can actually afford to live in Former Small Exurb.

OP-it would help to really simplify weeknight dinners. Make a 1 or 2 week rotating schedule, stock up on the weekend, and keep meal prep-cooking to a minimum during the week. That leaves more time with the kids.

So get a WFH job and stop commuting to “Big City.”

Not everyone can WFH you tone deaf people! Physicians, teachers, child psychologists, too many more to list…

Those jobs exist in the suburbs. Why do people pretend the structure of their life happened by accident and they have no choice?

Teacher who posted previously. The teaching jobs in the counties pay significantly less than the city (I work in Baltimore City). I couldn’t afford to make ends meet with two kids on what they pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you have simple dinners ready to put in the oven or to eat when you come home? That way you can spend time with them instead of rushing to make dinner and they can eat earlier and you have more energy.

What are some examples if simple but healthy oven dinners?

Sheet pan!

I get the quarter sheet pans. Then roast whatever you want. A fave of ours: 1 pan per person -- fill up with cut up green beans, carrots, red peppers, red onion, slice lemons, and feta cheese in small blocks -- about an ounce to 2 ounces per person. Toss with olive and salt and pepper. (I add honey and rep pepper flakes too). Roast at 425 for about 20-25 min flipping when you need to.

https://www.amazon.com/Nordic-Ware-Natural-Aluminum-Commercial/dp/B0049C2S32/ref=sr_1_5?crid=11LHOKB2FPYQL&keywords=sheet+pans&qid=1695223193&sprefix=sheet+pans%2Caps%2C78&sr=8-5

For clean up: don't use parchment or foil. Roast directly on the pans. After dinner soak the pans, stacked alternately, in the sink -- just drizzle with detergent and add hot water. Later scrape off what you can and wash in dishwasher. They do not have to be perfect and I think work better as the get beaten up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in an office downtown and live in Fairfax. And I am home by 5 almost every day. Because that is what this season of life requires. My kids have sports practices nearly every day so our evenings are rushed in a different way than yours- quick dinner, out the door, quick snack, bed time. On days we don't have practices we go for a walk, go to the playground or maybe run an errand. There are usually kids riding bikes in the neighborhood and my kids will join in.

Anyway my point is mainly to note that you need to figure out a work schedule that had a spouse home earlier each day. Like I said, I do it even with a messy commute. My team knows that days I'm working in the office I leave at 4pm. But from 9 to 4 I am very dedicated and available and fully focused on work. From 4pm on I'm focused on my family. It is possible.

Such a typical DCUM response. What you mean is that it’s possible FOR YOU. The vast majority of parents go into work and work required hours in person. You live in an UMC bubble. No matter what I do, I cannot pick up my kids before 5:30 and we don’t get home until 6:15. I am a teacher and need to work my after school job in order to pay the bills. My second job ends at 5:30 and I pick the kids up around 6pm. If I quit the second job, bills won’t get paid. Period.

Wait, OP do you actually work this late? I thought she said that her kids get home late because they are doing numerous weekday after school activities!!

A lot of folks on here are describing these quaint little routines where they take family walks, and eat dinner at 5, and blah blah, blah. Your kids are obviously still very young or must not be involved in many activities. I WFH and start early so I log-off every day at 3:30. But my ES kids are also in activities (which they LOVE!!!) so we can't laze around at home or have dinner at 5 even if I wanted to.

Also, FWIW, my 4 year old goes to bed between 8:30 and 9, but doesn't gets up until 7:30. It works great for us.

The key for you OP sounds to be some meal planning so you have an arsenal of very simple and quick dinners or some pre-made dinners. And then from there less screen time and more time doing something together (although some screen time to decompress is ok).

[Anonymous]

Op here. My work hours are supposed to be 8am to 4:30pm, but it is flexible enough to work around the clock. My younger kid is not waking up to leave for daycare, so I push my work hour to start at 9:30am and I end the workday early on days that they have activities or work till it is time for me to pick them up before aftercare ends on other days. I work some hours on early mornings or evenings or weekend to make up 40 hours a week. They love those activities for fun, so I pull them out early from aftercare to make it work.

I pay for both kids' beforecare and it starts at 7am. Both kids are not able to do 7am drop off, especially the younger one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My work hours are supposed to be 8am to 4:30pm, but it is flexible enough to work around the clock. My younger kid is not waking up to leave for daycare, so I push my work hour to start at 9:30am and I end the workday early on days that they have activities or work till it is time for me to pick them up before aftercare ends on other days. I work some hours on early mornings or evenings or weekend to make up 40 hours a week. They love those activities for fun, so I pull them out early from aftercare to make it work.

I pay for both kids' beforecare and it starts at 7am. Both kids are not able to do 7am drop off, especially the younger one.

Yeah, folks, the OP does NOT have a rigid job where she can't get home earlier - that discussion is misplaced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My work hours are supposed to be 8am to 4:30pm, but it is flexible enough to work around the clock. My younger kid is not waking up to leave for daycare, so I push my work hour to start at 9:30am and I end the workday early on days that they have activities or work till it is time for me to pick them up before aftercare ends on other days. I work some hours on early mornings or evenings or weekend to make up 40 hours a week. They love those activities for fun, so I pull them out early from aftercare to make it work.

I pay for both kids' beforecare and it starts at 7am. Both kids are not able to do 7am drop off, especially the younger one.

Let your poor kids come home OP! And why are you paying for beforecare if you don’t use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe how many people in this thread are living these fantasy lives. Pre-pandemic when people were not WFH, this is exactly the schedule my husband and I had. It's also the schedule I know most families with dual working parents had. Now its like everyone is making 7 figures and works 10 - 3 and can do 3:15 school pickup.

Even before Covid I didn’t know a soul who left their kid at daycare/aftercare until 6pm. Parents shifted schedules so one dropped off and one picked up.

Then you clearly weren't at my daycare/aftercare program. For those that live near/outside the Beltway with jobs in DC it was not unusual.

That's pretty sad. I guess that's a silver lining of Covid then. I wouldn't live somewhere where both parents had a commute like that, certainly not in this day.

NP. I guess you are not aware of the real estate market then. I 'm not local to this board, but I live an hour from my job in Big City, because I can actually afford to live in Former Small Exurb.

OP-it would help to really simplify weeknight dinners. Make a 1 or 2 week rotating schedule, stock up on the weekend, and keep meal prep-cooking to a minimum during the week. That leaves more time with the kids.

So get a WFH job and stop commuting to “Big City.”

Not everyone can WFH you tone deaf people! Physicians, teachers, child psychologists, too many more to list…

Those jobs exist in the suburbs. Why do people pretend the structure of their life happened by accident and they have no choice?

That doesn't mean you can waltz right in and get the job in the plum suburban location. Perhaps the opening available to you it's in the city. And perhaps the formerly affordable city is no longer so and now you have to live in the former small exurb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe how many people in this thread are living these fantasy lives. Pre-pandemic when people were not WFH, this is exactly the schedule my husband and I had. It's also the schedule I know most families with dual working parents had. Now its like everyone is making 7 figures and works 10 - 3 and can do 3:15 school pickup.

Even before Covid I didn’t know a soul who left their kid at daycare/aftercare until 6pm. Parents shifted schedules so one dropped off and one picked up.

Then you clearly weren't at my daycare/aftercare program. For those that live near/outside the Beltway with jobs in DC it was not unusual.

That's pretty sad. I guess that's a silver lining of Covid then. I wouldn't live somewhere where both parents had a commute like that, certainly not in this day.

NP. I guess you are not aware of the real estate market then. I 'm not local to this board, but I live an hour from my job in Big City, because I can actually afford to live in Former Small Exurb.

OP-it would help to really simplify weeknight dinners. Make a 1 or 2 week rotating schedule, stock up on the weekend, and keep meal prep-cooking to a minimum during the week. That leaves more time with the kids.

So get a WFH job and stop commuting to “Big City.”

Not everyone can WFH you tone deaf people! Physicians, teachers, child psychologists, too many more to list…

Those jobs exist in the suburbs. Why do people pretend the structure of their life happened by accident and they have no choice?

That doesn't mean you can waltz right in and get the job in the plum suburban location. Perhaps the opening available to you it's in the city. And perhaps the formerly affordable city is no longer so and now you have to live in the former small exurb.

In the current economic climate, it’s pretty easy to alter your job situation to something more favorable to your family. Schools and medical offices are desperate. WFH is everywhere too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My work hours are supposed to be 8am to 4:30pm, but it is flexible enough to work around the clock. My younger kid is not waking up to leave for daycare, so I push my work hour to start at 9:30am and I end the workday early on days that they have activities or work till it is time for me to pick them up before aftercare ends on other days. I work some hours on early mornings or evenings or weekend to make up 40 hours a week. They love those activities for fun, so I pull them out early from aftercare to make it work.

I pay for both kids' beforecare and it starts at 7am. Both kids are not able to do 7am drop off, especially the younger one.

Yeah, folks, the OP does NOT have a rigid job where she can't get home earlier - that discussion is misplaced.

Right but now I've lost track of what OP is asking.

Why not do dinner prep while kids are at activities, since you can get home earlier?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My work hours are supposed to be 8am to 4:30pm, but it is flexible enough to work around the clock. My younger kid is not waking up to leave for daycare, so I push my work hour to start at 9:30am and I end the workday early on days that they have activities or work till it is time for me to pick them up before aftercare ends on other days. I work some hours on early mornings or evenings or weekend to make up 40 hours a week. They love those activities for fun, so I pull them out early from aftercare to make it work.

I pay for both kids' beforecare and it starts at 7am. Both kids are not able to do 7am drop off, especially the younger one.

Yeah, folks, the OP does NOT have a rigid job where she can't get home earlier - that discussion is misplaced.

Right but now I've lost track of what OP is asking.

Why not do dinner prep while kids are at activities, since you can get home earlier?

Because her initial ask was ridiculous. She has created her own problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My work hours are supposed to be 8am to 4:30pm, but it is flexible enough to work around the clock. My younger kid is not waking up to leave for daycare, so I push my work hour to start at 9:30am and I end the workday early on days that they have activities or work till it is time for me to pick them up before aftercare ends on other days. I work some hours on early mornings or evenings or weekend to make up 40 hours a week. They love those activities for fun, so I pull them out early from aftercare to make it work.

I pay for both kids' beforecare and it starts at 7am. Both kids are not able to do 7am drop off, especially the younger one.

Yeah, folks, the OP does NOT have a rigid job where she can't get home earlier - that discussion is misplaced.

Right but now I've lost track of what OP is asking.

Why not do dinner prep while kids are at activities, since you can get home earlier?

Because her initial ask was ridiculous. She has created her own problem.

+2

I have to agree. So much you can do, OP, given the flexibility you describe.

On the days your kids don't have activities, pick them up earlier. At least on those days, your kids can go to bed earlier, and you can get an earlier start the following mornings and get more work done then.

Obviously don't use beforecare if you don't need it.

Take away the devices. Let your kids make messes.

Stream line dinner. Google is your friend here.

Make sure DH is doing his fair share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe how many people in this thread are living these fantasy lives. Pre-pandemic when people were not WFH, this is exactly the schedule my husband and I had. It's also the schedule I know most families with dual working parents had. Now its like everyone is making 7 figures and works 10 - 3 and can do 3:15 school pickup.

Even before Covid I didn’t know a soul who left their kid at daycare/aftercare until 6pm. Parents shifted schedules so one dropped off and one picked up.

Then you clearly weren't at my daycare/aftercare program. For those that live near/outside the Beltway with jobs in DC it was not unusual.

That's pretty sad. I guess that's a silver lining of Covid then. I wouldn't live somewhere where both parents had a commute like that, certainly not in this day.

NP. I guess you are not aware of the real estate market then. I 'm not local to this board, but I live an hour from my job in Big City, because I can actually afford to live in Former Small Exurb.

OP-it would help to really simplify weeknight dinners. Make a 1 or 2 week rotating schedule, stock up on the weekend, and keep meal prep-cooking to a minimum during the week. That leaves more time with the kids.

So get a WFH job and stop commuting to “Big City.”

Not everyone can WFH you tone deaf people! Physicians, teachers, child psychologists, too many more to list…

Those jobs exist in the suburbs. Why do people pretend the structure of their life happened by accident and they have no choice?

That doesn't mean you can waltz right in and get the job in the plum suburban location. Perhaps the opening available to you it's in the city. And perhaps the formerly affordable city is no longer so and now you have to live in the former small exurb.

In the current economic climate, it’s pretty easy to alter your job situation to something more favorable to your family. Schools and medical offices are desperate. WFH is everywhere too.

Yeah you're right, it's so easy, why didn't I think of it before?

[Anonymous]

I will get flamed for saying this here but do your kids need to be doing multiple activities? Especially the 4 year old? I have older kids (in college) and I can tell you that after school activities are over emphasized in our culture and absolutely no need to do so many. One activity per kid should be enough. Learn to value the time you have with your kids. They grown up too past and you will miss this time.