My husband believes we seriously live in a matriarchy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A SAHD is seen like a martyr sacrificing his life at family's alter but a SAHM is mocked for not doing enough in life. If this is a matriarchal world then it needs improvement.

Not amongst men.

[Anonymous]

I think the schools are a matriarchy in the way they teach and what they promote but the rest of life isn't like this. More males need to go into teaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many men abused and controlled in their own homes. Individual homes are not representative of society at large. There are many homes were women have the power.

What goes on in a home isn't "matriarchy" or "patriarchy". Just like food stamps aren't "socialism".

You people are so dumb it hurts. Including OP's husband.

You should go get a gender studies degree (kidding).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he?

My mom always talked about how my (gentle, generally easy-going) dad was the head of the house, but she has a dominant personality that reigned supreme in our house, . She was generally a benevolent dictator, but her authority was definite. As a teenager, my dad once tried to talk to me about how he knew my mom was being unreasonable, but I should try to be patient, understanding, etc. I still regret calling him a doormat.

The point is that some people have take charge personalities and others are willing to let them. Other times, a partner can bully the other to the point that conforming to their wishes is easier than dealing with the drama that will come if they’re opposed. If conforming to their wishes leaves you with a negative feeling of 5.5 and opposing them cranks the negativity up to 11, the math is fairly simple. Most individual issues really aren’t that big a deal. Every relationship requires compromise and it’s not so bad giving in this time. The problem comes when someone has to give in every time.

In my relationship, my ex-husband became the manipulative bully. It wasn’t because he was sexist. He was simply a controlling jerk. He could be absolutely wonderful most of the time, until he wasn’t.

I have no idea about the actual dynamics of your relationship. Maybe you have a well-balanced relationship. He might even have more power than you do. I do know that in most relationships, as each member is an individual with strengths and weaknesses, one person will probably exert somewhat more influence, at least on the little everyday things (which is probably a beneficial, efficient system for a household). It really only matters if, when the other partner wants to assert their position, that it is given equal weight in the negotiation.

There are many matriarchy households. There are many patriarchy households. Many households may be based on roughly equal levels of authority, with the balance shifting situationally (one handles finance, while the other handles scheduling, one spends more time with the kids and has a better feel for how to handle them, and maybe one has special expertise with cars, gardening, home repair, etc.) I suspect a lot of families say you handle your (childhood) family the way you want and I’ll deal with mine. Each family establishes its own systems and hierarchy. Hopefully, it works for all involved, but that’s certainly not guaranteed.

What a load. Any woman knows things go the man’s way 80% of the time in 90% of the households.

We all know women get stuck with the majority of household tasks and child care tasks no matter how much bacon she brings home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not so sure about that...but the one thing I'm sure of, is that heterosexual white men are the single most attacked and hated group in large cities right now...

You are hysterical and delulu. You poor poor privileged non victim.

[Anonymous]

He's right. Think about how you speak of men, OP. Do you want the best for men as a group? Or do you want to see them suffer?

Be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not going to lie- I’ve often felt like it’s a matriarchy. Despite having strong male role models (and no divorce, they were married to the women), women have ran the show on both sides of my family and both sides of dhs family.

Women do all the caretaking, work full time, bring home equal money, kids nag them first nonstop (dad gets to go to the bathroom in peace. I have 3 kids beating down the door), they plan all the birthday parties, vacations, holidays. They plan the menus for holidays. They have complete control over all decorations in the house. Women politely ask their husbands for their opinions, but it’s pretty much a formality.

My mom told me when I was a kid to “marry well and train them hard.” Men basically do our bidding and we’ve trained them such that they’re happy to do it.

Omg. That’s not power. All those things are not going aid and are not valued. You don’t understand this at all

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My husband too! Any time I point out discrimination against women, he immediately counters with how oppressed white men are these days, and how the tables have turned against him.

My husband too!! When did white men become oppressed? I thought they were the oppressors?

In what way? I’m trying to understand how woman are paid 83.1% of what men are paid (per 2021 numbers), don’t have rights over their own reproductive system in at least a third of the states (as of 2023), are 10% of Fortune 500 CEOs (as of 2023) , dropped out of the workforce more when COVID hit due to family responsibilities AND still handle most of the household tasks even when working full time per every survey I’ve seen. How can white men be the most oppressed and still on top by every metric or is this a “compared to 1950 when it was okay that women made 60% of what men made …”.

My favorite is the “oh you can’t say anything without …” and yet do you think people in the past didn’t have to hold their tongue against true injustice to keep their jobs or even their lives? My parents definitely had to in order to stay employed.

Women earn less because they, by choice, select careers and jobs that pay less. Typically because they are less unpleasant and more flexible jobs.

This has been asked and answered in DOL studies since as early as the Clinton era.

The careers that pay less do so because they’re traditionally considered “women’s work” and women weren’t the ones who supported the family. Nursing, teaching, child care, social work. How are those easier? Even if women choose flexible jobs, why do they do that? Because they’re also expected to be the primary parent.

Pay isn’t based on difficulty. It’s based on the amount of money the labor makes and the perceived value by the one signing the pay checks.

Roofers work really hard, but they’re not paid very much. Same with landscapers.

On the other hand, lobbyists are paid very well.

It’s not about “traditional gender roles” at all. We just don’t value “hard work” we value ROI, and usually roi measured in the quarter or year… not even long term.

If it’s done by men. The reality is that most people still perceive men > women and every thing women do Ie work, art etc is considered to be less than.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's right. Think about how you speak of men, OP. Do you want the best for men as a group? Or do you want to see them suffer?

Be honest.

Wanting what’s best for men as a group
doesn’t mean no individual man suffers. Men as a group need security and the opportunity to live in a more egalitarian society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My husband too! Any time I point out discrimination against women, he immediately counters with how oppressed white men are these days, and how the tables have turned against him.

My husband too!! When did white men become oppressed? I thought they were the oppressors?

In what way? I’m trying to understand how woman are paid 83.1% of what men are paid (per 2021 numbers), don’t have rights over their own reproductive system in at least a third of the states (as of 2023), are 10% of Fortune 500 CEOs (as of 2023) , dropped out of the workforce more when COVID hit due to family responsibilities AND still handle most of the household tasks even when working full time per every survey I’ve seen. How can white men be the most oppressed and still on top by every metric or is this a “compared to 1950 when it was okay that women made 60% of what men made …”.

My favorite is the “oh you can’t say anything without …” and yet do you think people in the past didn’t have to hold their tongue against true injustice to keep their jobs or even their lives? My parents definitely had to in order to stay employed.

Women earn less because they, by choice, select careers and jobs that pay less. Typically because they are less unpleasant and more flexible jobs.

This has been asked and answered in DOL studies since as early as the Clinton era.

The careers that pay less do so because they’re traditionally considered “women’s work” and women weren’t the ones who supported the family. Nursing, teaching, child care, social work. How are those easier? Even if women choose flexible jobs, why do they do that? Because they’re also expected to be the primary parent.

Pay isn’t based on difficulty. It’s based on the amount of money the labor makes and the perceived value by the one signing the pay checks.

Roofers work really hard, but they’re not paid very much. Same with landscapers.

On the other hand, lobbyists are paid very well.

It’s not about “traditional gender roles” at all. We just don’t value “hard work” we value ROI, and usually roi measured in the quarter or year… not even long term.

If it’s done by men. The reality is that most people still perceive men > women and every thing women do Ie work, art etc is considered to be less than.

This. And there are clear statistics showing how once a profession becomes dominated by women, its pay decreases in real terms. It has occurred both in teaching, which, when a male
Profession, was considered decently paid, and it occurred in reverse in computer coding, which, which a female profession, was considered clerical and therefore was low paid.

[Anonymous]

Is he on LSD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My husband too! Any time I point out discrimination against women, he immediately counters with how oppressed white men are these days, and how the tables have turned against him.

My husband too!! When did white men become oppressed? I thought they were the oppressors?

In what way? I’m trying to understand how woman are paid 83.1% of what men are paid (per 2021 numbers), don’t have rights over their own reproductive system in at least a third of the states (as of 2023), are 10% of Fortune 500 CEOs (as of 2023) , dropped out of the workforce more when COVID hit due to family responsibilities AND still handle most of the household tasks even when working full time per every survey I’ve seen. How can white men be the most oppressed and still on top by every metric or is this a “compared to 1950 when it was okay that women made 60% of what men made …”.

My favorite is the “oh you can’t say anything without …” and yet do you think people in the past didn’t have to hold their tongue against true injustice to keep their jobs or even their lives? My parents definitely had to in order to stay employed.

Women earn less because they, by choice, select careers and jobs that pay less. Typically because they are less unpleasant and more flexible jobs.

This has been asked and answered in DOL studies since as early as the Clinton era.

The careers that pay less do so because they’re traditionally considered “women’s work” and women weren’t the ones who supported the family. Nursing, teaching, child care, social work. How are those easier? Even if women choose flexible jobs, why do they do that? Because they’re also expected to be the primary parent.

Pay isn’t based on difficulty. It’s based on the amount of money the labor makes and the perceived value by the one signing the pay checks.

Roofers work really hard, but they’re not paid very much. Same with landscapers.

On the other hand, lobbyists are paid very well.

It’s not about “traditional gender roles” at all. We just don’t value “hard work” we value ROI, and usually roi measured in the quarter or year… not even long term.

If it’s done by men. The reality is that most people still perceive men > women and every thing women do Ie work, art etc is considered to be less than.

This. And there are clear statistics showing how once a profession becomes dominated by women, its pay decreases in real terms. It has occurred both in teaching, which, when a male
Profession, was considered decently paid, and it occurred in reverse in computer coding, which, which a female profession, was considered clerical and therefore was low paid.

Do you ever stop to do a tiny bit of research and question your priors when you encounter outright propaganda like this? Or do you just swallow it up without a second thought?

[Anonymous]

Those quick to claim there is no patriarchy typically have the most to lose from it being dismantled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those quick to claim there is no patriarchy typically have the most to lose from it being dismantled.

Would not the reverse apply just the same? Those yelling patriarchy the loudest have the most to gain from it's continued "existence".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those quick to claim there is no patriarchy typically have the most to lose from it being dismantled.

Would not the reverse apply just the same? Those yelling patriarchy the loudest have the most to gain from it's continued "existence".

Hahaha

I love quotation marks like it’s not real, like the earth isn’t “round” or we aren’t held to it by “gravity”.