Husband’s Announcement

[Anonymous]

Something else to consider: I would personally never move to a red state if I had a girl. The reproductive rights legislation is enough to stop me from ever considering it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I don’t think he’s having an affair but I do agree with the midlife crisis idea. Yes, he wants to just up and move without a job there and without knowing anyone. This is all about him wanting to be in a red state rather than navigating his political views where we currently live. Yes, I can afford to maintain our lifestyle without his help, but it sure would be nice to have a partner in the future. I will research the divorce laws. What kind of man would just up and move and expect his wife and kids to follow? And logistically, he would expect me to do all the packing, sell the house, etc.

I'm calling troll.

DP. I realize there are a lot of people on these boards that don't believe that the politics of the last several years is an issue in many marriages, or believe it should not be. But I'm here to tell you that it is. My own experience is not as extreme as the OP's, but has similarities. We could be your neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?

Yes his leaving is abandonment if you don’t keep having sex with him. But don’t worry, soon he will be having sex with someone else. His leaving won’t affect much except custody. You’d still have to buy him out of half the house and split assets. The kids would live with you during the school year and see him for all or half of summer and school vacations. Prepare for them to ask you why you didn’t follow him when he moved. Then later for the boy to ask to live with dad and his new wife and kids, since you are working all the time to pay for your new solo life anyway.

Children famously love moving away from their school and friends to live with a stepmother and new baby stepchildren, and parents with new babies famously prioritize the older children from their failed marriage. Such a major cultural trope!

Elementary school aged children care more about being with their parents than their friends.

If they are 7 or under. Otherwise, it depends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I don’t think he’s having an affair but I do agree with the midlife crisis idea. Yes, he wants to just up and move without a job there and without knowing anyone. This is all about him wanting to be in a red state rather than navigating his political views where we currently live. Yes, I can afford to maintain our lifestyle without his help, but it sure would be nice to have a partner in the future. I will research the divorce laws. What kind of man would just up and move and expect his wife and kids to follow? And logistically, he would expect me to do all the packing, sell the house, etc.

I'm calling troll.

He is conservative. Of course he expects a subservient and cooperative wife. He is most likely having a midlife crisis but may also be getting some of his ideas from conservative media and men’s rights type crap.

I'm a conservative. I don't have, or expect, a subservient wife. I have many conservative guy friends, and none of them has, or expects, a subservient wife.

Of course, you don't know any actual conservatives, you're simply lashing out against the stupid caricature of conservatives that you have been indoctrinated to believe in uncritically.

[Anonymous]

You should move. It’s your marriage vow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should move. It’s your marriage vow.

You vowed to support all of your husbands stupid ideas and just do as you are told? Wow. Never heard that one before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who would deliberately want to live in a “more conservative area.” Those places tend to be backwards.

You call them “backwards.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was his lawyer my advice would be to not move, but to quit his job. The family can live on one income for a while since the wife believe her career is adequate to take care of the children.

Great plan. Light your whole life on fire to spite your wife.

This is basically what my dad did. He never did manage to get his career back on track and he lives in a trailer now. But his ex wife and my half sister never did see a dime! Winning!

It's not spiting your wife. It's refusing to be a wage slave. The 13th Amendment abolished slavery, except in the case of family law where you can be forced to work against your will and live in a location against your will, or be imprisoned.

Found the MRA.

[Anonymous]

You mentioned that your DH is primarily concerned about the area'si influence on your kids. Moving is pretty extreme but if he has concerns it's not fair to just brush these under the rug. You guys need to have a fair discussion about his concerns. They may not be your concerns but that's not the same thing as active disagreement. If he's tried to discuss his concerns with you in the past and you haven't felt the need to engage or take them seriously that could be why he feels like he needs to do something more drastic.

Obviously I'm just speculating, but if private school is an option or involvement in different religious or communal organizations in the DMV where he feels like they'll be exposed to like-minded families sounds like a more practical way to address his concerns. But that sort of thing works best when both parents are committed and on board.

[Anonymous]

New census migration data - fastest growing states are Texas, Florida, Georgia and North Carolina. This is not just OPs husband.

Is there a compromise for a blue city in a red state? RTP or maybe Atlanta suburbs? Even Huntsville is supposedly decent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New census migration data - fastest growing states are Texas, Florida, Georgia and North Carolina. This is not just OPs husband.

Is there a compromise for a blue city in a red state? RTP or maybe Atlanta suburbs? Even Huntsville is supposedly decent.

Huntsville is decent because of the University of Alabama but it's a pocket still very much in AL with all of the Alabama laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should move. It’s your marriage vow.

You vowed to support all of your husbands stupid ideas and just do as you are told? Wow. Never heard that one before.

Where you go I will go.

And he’s obviously been considering it for a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I don’t think he’s having an affair but I do agree with the midlife crisis idea. Yes, he wants to just up and move without a job there and without knowing anyone. This is all about him wanting to be in a red state rather than navigating his political views where we currently live. Yes, I can afford to maintain our lifestyle without his help, but it sure would be nice to have a partner in the future. I will research the divorce laws. What kind of man would just up and move and expect his wife and kids to follow? And logistically, he would expect me to do all the packing, sell the house, etc.

I'm calling troll.

He is conservative. Of course he expects a subservient and cooperative wife. He is most likely having a midlife crisis but may also be getting some of his ideas from conservative media and men’s rights type crap.

I'm a conservative. I don't have, or expect, a subservient wife. I have many conservative guy friends, and none of them has, or expects, a subservient wife.

Of course, you don't know any actual conservatives, you're simply lashing out against the stupid caricature of conservatives that you have been indoctrinated to believe in uncritically.

There’s no other way to view conservatives in 2023. (From an “until trump” Republican).
As for OP, conservative indoctrination is probably exactly what’s fueling DH’s ultimatum. His computer search results and fake fb profile will prove it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New census migration data - fastest growing states are Texas, Florida, Georgia and North Carolina. This is not just OPs husband.

Is there a compromise for a blue city in a red state? RTP or maybe Atlanta suburbs? Even Huntsville is supposedly decent.

Huntsville is decent because of the University of Alabama but it's a pocket still very much in AL with all of the Alabama laws.

UAB is in Birmingham

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should move. It’s your marriage vow.

You vowed to support all of your husbands stupid ideas and just do as you are told? Wow. Never heard that one before.

Where you go I will go.

And he’s obviously been considering it for a year.

The bold is from the Biblical book of Ruth. She said those words to Naomi, not to her husband Boaz.

At least use your Bible quotes in the correct context if you're going to lob them around.