Husband’s Announcement

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[Post New]04/12/2023 06:40
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Anonymous
My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?
[Post New]04/12/2023 06:41
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Anonymous
You need the same legal advice anyone getting divorced needs. Just go get a lawyer and put these questions to them.
[Post New]04/12/2023 06:44
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Anonymous
People here never understand abandonment. Abandonment is moving out and not taking care of any financial responsibilities or trying to see the kids. It doesn’t mean that you are never allowed to separate. Does he know you aren’t planning to join him? Have that conversation. See a lawyer if you both would rather divorce than figure out a place to live that you both want to be.
[Post New]04/12/2023 06:46
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:People here never understand abandonment. Abandonment is moving out and not taking care of any financial responsibilities or trying to see the kids. It doesn’t mean that you are never allowed to separate. Does he know you aren’t planning to join him? Have that conversation. See a lawyer if you both would rather divorce than figure out a place to live that you both want to be.

Also, why would you be entitled to full custody? If he is moving far enough away, it may have to be summer, half the holidays, etc, maybe he will have to do the brunt of paying for the travel, but there is no reason for him to lose custody completely.

A big piece is missing- how did you respond to the announcement?
[Post New]04/12/2023 06:52
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Anonymous
Can I just ask why he wants to move to this place? Does he have a good chance of finding a job there?
[Post New]04/12/2023 06:56
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Anonymous
Does he have a already job there or is just moving? How easy will it be for him to find a job?

And yes this definitely sounds like the end of your marriage. Contact a divorce attorney.
[Post New]04/12/2023 06:58
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Anonymous
Sounds like he is having a midlife crisis.
[Post New]04/12/2023 07:00
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Anonymous
OP here- he wants to move to a more conservative area because of the influence on our kids. We do not have jobs there- he wants to just move and then find jobs once we get there. Our professional experiences don’t easily translate to areas outside DC. I told him if he finds a job where he makes the combination of his and my current salary then I would go. But I’m not just leaving a life and job here without something specific to go to in hopes of finding something.
[Post New]04/12/2023 07:01
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Anonymous
You probably will not be able to keep your house and get full custody. It rarely works this way anymore.
[Post New]04/12/2023 07:02
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP here- he wants to move to a more conservative area because of the influence on our kids. We do not have jobs there- he wants to just move and then find jobs once we get there. Our professional experiences don’t easily translate to areas outside DC. I told him if he finds a job where he makes the combination of his and my current salary then I would go. But I’m not just leaving a life and job here without something specific to go to in hopes of finding something.


He is nuts. See an attorney and start a separation here. It will prevent him from moving if he wants to retain custody.
[Post New]04/12/2023 07:05
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Anonymous
OP—is there a chance he’s having a long distance affair with a woman from that area? That could explain his sudden urgency.

I’d personally just sweetly say, let’s get an Airbnb and spend some time there and see how it all feels! And see if the bloom doesn’t fall off the rose after a week. OR if an affair doesn’t reveal itself.

If it is an affair the last thing you want to do is accept him having a new higher paid job for you both, then suddenly getting divorced in a new state with a new job.
[Post New]04/12/2023 07:07
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Anonymous
Main question is - do you love him? Is it possible to give him sometime to work out whatever he is going through. Maybe he will realize its a bad idea on his own once he gets a job. But on the other hand, if he does get it - may complicate things more. Do your kids like this idea? looks like midlife crisis to me too.
[Post New]04/12/2023 07:19
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP here- he wants to move to a more conservative area because of the influence on our kids. We do not have jobs there- he wants to just move and then find jobs once we get there. Our professional experiences don’t easily translate to areas outside DC. I told him if he finds a job where he makes the combination of his and my current salary then I would go. But I’m not just leaving a life and job here without something specific to go to in hopes of finding something.


This is bananas. And his unilateral decision is even more bananas.
See a divorce lawyer ASAP.
[Post New]04/12/2023 07:22
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Anonymous
Who would deliberately want to live in a “more conservative area.” Those places tend to be backwards.
[Post New]04/12/2023 07:33
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Anonymous
Op. Which state? Check the divorce laws there. He may just be looking to file in a more favorable jurisdiction.
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