Husband’s Announcement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need the same legal advice anyone getting divorced needs. Just go get a lawyer and put these questions to them.

+1. And ask if you can/how you can legitimately set aside money only you have access to if you don't have that already.

IANAL and you don't say what jurisdiction you are in, but it seems unlikely that a judge will make your kids move to his new state to attend school when he makes the decision to move unilaterally. I do think you have to tell your husband straight up that you have no intention of moving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the things you've said, OP.
Sounds like your DH has been drinking the kool-aid.
Probably he's been marinating in this for a while and you've not noticed.
If he thinks he's doing this to "save his kids" he may not view you as being on the same page as him anymore.

Be prepared.

+1. This is exactly my read on this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I don’t think he’s having an affair but I do agree with the midlife crisis idea. Yes, he wants to just up and move without a job there and without knowing anyone. This is all about him wanting to be in a red state rather than navigating his political views where we currently live. Yes, I can afford to maintain our lifestyle without his help, but it sure would be nice to have a partner in the future. I will research the divorce laws. What kind of man would just up and move and expect his wife and kids to follow? And logistically, he would expect me to do all the packing, sell the house, etc.

How did you respond at the dinner table when he made that announcement? What was the kids' reaction?

Yes. I would like to hear this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the things you've said, OP.
Sounds like your DH has been drinking the kool-aid.
Probably he's been marinating in this for a while and you've not noticed.
If he thinks he's doing this to "save his kids" he may not view you as being on the same page as him anymore.

Be prepared.

+1. This is exactly my read on this situation.

Yeah. Agreed. I'm guessing OP's husband's hobby is watching FoxNews. I guarantee he's full of rage and loathing and probably has a secret "commenter" life on media sites where he says vile things. And even if I'm off base on my assumptions, any man that decides in 2023 that he can direct his fully employed wife and kids to up and move is a sign that he doesn't view his marriage as any sort of partnership. He's the MAN. F that guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?

Yes his leaving is abandonment if you don’t keep having sex with him. But don’t worry, soon he will be having sex with someone else. His leaving won’t affect much except custody. You’d still have to buy him out of half the house and split assets. The kids would live with you during the school year and see him for all or half of summer and school vacations. Prepare for them to ask you why you didn’t follow him when he moved. Then later for the boy to ask to live with dad and his new wife and kids, since you are working all the time to pay for your new solo life anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the things you've said, OP.
Sounds like your DH has been drinking the kool-aid.
Probably he's been marinating in this for a while and you've not noticed.
If he thinks he's doing this to "save his kids" he may not view you as being on the same page as him anymore.

Be prepared.

+1. This is exactly my read on this situation.

Yeah. Agreed. I'm guessing OP's husband's hobby is watching FoxNews. I guarantee he's full of rage and loathing and probably has a secret "commenter" life on media sites where he says vile things. And even if I'm off base on my assumptions, any man that decides in 2023 that he can direct his fully employed wife and kids to up and move is a sign that he doesn't view his marriage as any sort of partnership. He's the MAN. F that guy.

Especially when she has a job outside the home. So weird. Maybe she isn't listening but still it sounds like his issues are more important than their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the things you've said, OP.
Sounds like your DH has been drinking the kool-aid.
Probably he's been marinating in this for a while and you've not noticed.
If he thinks he's doing this to "save his kids" he may not view you as being on the same page as him anymore.

Be prepared.

+1. This is exactly my read on this situation.

Yeah. Agreed. I'm guessing OP's husband's hobby is watching FoxNews. I guarantee he's full of rage and loathing and probably has a secret "commenter" life on media sites where he says vile things. And even if I'm off base on my assumptions, any man that decides in 2023 that he can direct his fully employed wife and kids to up and move is a sign that he doesn't view his marriage as any sort of partnership. He's the MAN. F that guy.

I think it goes without saying that this dude is feeling emasculated and that’s why he’s moving to begin with. He wants to rule the roost, and he will, be either she follows him or they split and he gets rich with someone else in his new LCOL area.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps he has a brain tumor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?

Yes his leaving is abandonment if you don’t keep having sex with him. But don’t worry, soon he will be having sex with someone else. His leaving won’t affect much except custody. You’d still have to buy him out of half the house and split assets. The kids would live with you during the school year and see him for all or half of summer and school vacations. Prepare for them to ask you why you didn’t follow him when he moved. Then later for the boy to ask to live with dad and his new wife and kids, since you are working all the time to pay for your new solo life anyway.

Children famously love moving away from their school and friends to live with a stepmother and new baby stepchildren, and parents with new babies famously prioritize the older children from their failed marriage. Such a major cultural trope!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. Which state? Check the divorce laws there. He may just be looking to file in a more favorable jurisdiction.

This.

Also wondering @ an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?

Yes his leaving is abandonment if you don’t keep having sex with him. But don’t worry, soon he will be having sex with someone else. His leaving won’t affect much except custody. You’d still have to buy him out of half the house and split assets. The kids would live with you during the school year and see him for all or half of summer and school vacations. Prepare for them to ask you why you didn’t follow him when he moved. Then later for the boy to ask to live with dad and his new wife and kids, since you are working all the time to pay for your new solo life anyway.

Children famously love moving away from their school and friends to live with a stepmother and new baby stepchildren, and parents with new babies famously prioritize the older children from their failed marriage. Such a major cultural trope!

Elementary school aged children care more about being with their parents than their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?

Yes his leaving is abandonment if you don’t keep having sex with him. But don’t worry, soon he will be having sex with someone else. His leaving won’t affect much except custody. You’d still have to buy him out of half the house and split assets. The kids would live with you during the school year and see him for all or half of summer and school vacations. Prepare for them to ask you why you didn’t follow him when he moved. Then later for the boy to ask to live with dad and his new wife and kids, since you are working all the time to pay for your new solo life anyway.

Children famously love moving away from their school and friends to live with a stepmother and new baby stepchildren, and parents with new babies famously prioritize the older children from their failed marriage. Such a major cultural trope!

LOL. Too right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I don’t think he’s having an affair but I do agree with the midlife crisis idea. Yes, he wants to just up and move without a job there and without knowing anyone. This is all about him wanting to be in a red state rather than navigating his political views where we currently live. Yes, I can afford to maintain our lifestyle without his help, but it sure would be nice to have a partner in the future. I will research the divorce laws. What kind of man would just up and move and expect his wife and kids to follow? And logistically, he would expect me to do all the packing, sell the house, etc.

I'm calling troll.

[Anonymous]

Do not go with him - and file in this area. My friend moved to North Freaking Dakota because her husband was convinced it would solve all his problems. Spoiler, it didn’t. He spiraled mentally, divorced her and can’t hold down a job. Now she is alone, raising their kid, over 1000 miles from her friends and family - and too broke to move home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I don’t think he’s having an affair but I do agree with the midlife crisis idea. Yes, he wants to just up and move without a job there and without knowing anyone. This is all about him wanting to be in a red state rather than navigating his political views where we currently live. Yes, I can afford to maintain our lifestyle without his help, but it sure would be nice to have a partner in the future. I will research the divorce laws. What kind of man would just up and move and expect his wife and kids to follow? And logistically, he would expect me to do all the packing, sell the house, etc.

I'm calling troll.

He is conservative. Of course he expects a subservient and cooperative wife. He is most likely having a midlife crisis but may also be getting some of his ideas from conservative media and men’s rights type crap.