Looking back, when did things change? When did we stop letting kids wander freely outside?

[Anonymous]

I think there's very little room to fail as a kid now. One bad mistake and you won't get into a college and/or it goes on your permanent record. Cops used to give kids a pass, but now not so much. Throwing an underage party for your friends? Throw the books at them and their parents too! Get caught carjacking, nothing happens to you.

[Anonymous]

The pandemic gave my neighborhood this gift. We were all stuck at home and kids had no activities so they all played outside with each other (outside was safer than inside for COVID). My kids befriended so many neighborhood friends despite the kids going to different private schools (and some the neighborhood public school).

Now that activities are back some of this has been cut back since kids aren't as available after school. But I make sure we have a couple of days a week where the kids do have those hours between when school is over and when dinner starts to hang out with their neighborhood friends, ride the bike around the block, play in the woods behind the neighbor's house, etc. It's also cut back because while some parents have maintained some flex work schedules (and some work-at-home capability) since 2020, not all the families have. Those kiddos who have two work-out-of-the-home parents have less of a connection to the neighborhood kid friend group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The pandemic gave my neighborhood this gift. We were all stuck at home and kids had no activities so they all played outside with each other (outside was safer than inside for COVID). My kids befriended so many neighborhood friends despite the kids going to different private schools (and some the neighborhood public school).

Now that activities are back some of this has been cut back since kids aren't as available after school. But I make sure we have a couple of days a week where the kids do have those hours between when school is over and when dinner starts to hang out with their neighborhood friends, ride the bike around the block, play in the woods behind the neighbor's house, etc. It's also cut back because while some parents have maintained some flex work schedules (and some work-at-home capability) since 2020, not all the families have. Those kiddos who have two work-out-of-the-home parents have less of a connection to the neighborhood kid friend group.

Yes for us this was a major silver lining. My kids' best summer yet was the one when all the camps were cancelled and kids just played in the neighborhood.

Some parents talked about trying to replicate that last year, but most caved and scheduled camps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When moms started all working, daycares exploded. Kids were no longer raised at homes. This happened after the 90’s. Two spouses worked to support the family.

All of these developments disgust me.

You’re a disgusting misogynist.

But they aren’t incorrect. The ability of children to roam freely was partially dependent on the fact that communities were communities. People knew each other, socialized and helped each other. This community was largely built and maintained by women. Even in the latchkey families there was the knowledge that there were other people around in whom they could depend. When more women started working that community was weakened. If I fell off my bike a mile from my house, I could go to Mrs. jones who would clean me up and call my mom. When the bus didn’t show, there was a mom or dad going by who would have all the kids pile in and drive them to school. When we walked to school the older kids looked out for the younger. One of the biggest losses is the cross gender/age play that we had. You add in a bit of hysteria, new laws about kids being supervised, competition and no one home, you get what we have now. The kids aren’t ok. The parents aren’t ok.

Don’t blame lack of community on others. If you want it, you have to find it and/or form it. We have a community in our neighborhood and most of the parents work. We prioritize connecting and supporting each other. Maybe it’s not common to find but it’s not because women work.

And many women worked back in the 70s/80s. Latchkey kids and all. We still had community.

Misogynistic excuses to blame women.

Kids aren’t out as much anymore because they are over scheduled with organized sports and activities. Then, in the remaining free time they get sucked into additive gaming/streaming without commercials/firehoses of video shorts.

It’s hard to build a community with people who are never around. Not blaming it on women - frankly it is because we don’t value the things that women have traditionally done. This is why we don’t have enough day care providers, nurses, teachers, PT and OT professionals and the myriad other caring professions in which we depend. We have not recognized nor compensated them adequately. I don’t blame women for looking elsewhere but there’s a societal cost to that which we are now seeing.

Kids aren't around because they are over-scheduled with sports and activities. Not because *women* are working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When moms started all working, daycares exploded. Kids were no longer raised at homes. This happened after the 90’s. Two spouses worked to support the family.

All of these developments disgust me.

You’re a disgusting misogynist.

But they aren’t incorrect. The ability of children to roam freely was partially dependent on the fact that communities were communities. People knew each other, socialized and helped each other. This community was largely built and maintained by women. Even in the latchkey families there was the knowledge that there were other people around in whom they could depend. When more women started working that community was weakened. If I fell off my bike a mile from my house, I could go to Mrs. jones who would clean me up and call my mom. When the bus didn’t show, there was a mom or dad going by who would have all the kids pile in and drive them to school. When we walked to school the older kids looked out for the younger. One of the biggest losses is the cross gender/age play that we had. You add in a bit of hysteria, new laws about kids being supervised, competition and no one home, you get what we have now. The kids aren’t ok. The parents aren’t ok.

I know several people who were either molested or sexually assaulted as free range kids, most in these "cross gender/age play" situations. They all lived in close "communities" and knew their abusers. I've never met anyone who was abused by a stranger. I know it happens, but it's rare. Stop romanticizing this.

Unless you keep your kids in your house with just you there is always a risk. Daycare providers, priests, pastors, scout leaders, uncles, aunts, teachers. It’s horrible but there’s no way around the risk it unless you want to live in total seclusion. Teach your kids about good and bad touching and how to say no. IMO the empathy and leadership skills that older kids learned in looking after the younger was very valuable. The younger kids also both learned a lot from the older ones and were able to learn about indépendence in their company. Kids also learned that boys and girls can compete and be friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in the DMV (well within the beltway in an DCUM approved ES cachement area) and kids roam freely in our neighborhood today. My kids did also roamed and they are in their twenties now.

Where? I want this for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When moms started all working, daycares exploded. Kids were no longer raised at homes. This happened after the 90’s. Two spouses worked to support the family.

All of these developments disgust me.

You’re a disgusting misogynist.

But they aren’t incorrect. The ability of children to roam freely was partially dependent on the fact that communities were communities. People knew each other, socialized and helped each other. This community was largely built and maintained by women. Even in the latchkey families there was the knowledge that there were other people around in whom they could depend. When more women started working that community was weakened. If I fell off my bike a mile from my house, I could go to Mrs. jones who would clean me up and call my mom. When the bus didn’t show, there was a mom or dad going by who would have all the kids pile in and drive them to school. When we walked to school the older kids looked out for the younger. One of the biggest losses is the cross gender/age play that we had. You add in a bit of hysteria, new laws about kids being supervised, competition and no one home, you get what we have now. The kids aren’t ok. The parents aren’t ok.

Don’t blame lack of community on others. If you want it, you have to find it and/or form it. We have a community in our neighborhood and most of the parents work. We prioritize connecting and supporting each other. Maybe it’s not common to find but it’s not because women work.

And many women worked back in the 70s/80s. Latchkey kids and all. We still had community.

Misogynistic excuses to blame women.

Kids aren’t out as much anymore because they are over scheduled with organized sports and activities. Then, in the remaining free time they get sucked into additive gaming/streaming without commercials/firehoses of video shorts.

It’s hard to build a community with people who are never around. Not blaming it on women - frankly it is because we don’t value the things that women have traditionally done. This is why we don’t have enough day care providers, nurses, teachers, PT and OT professionals and the myriad other caring professions in which we depend. We have not recognized nor compensated them adequately. I don’t blame women for looking elsewhere but there’s a societal cost to that which we are now seeing.

Kids aren't around because they are over-scheduled with sports and activities. Not because *women* are working.

This! I always had two working parents, but still had this childhood. There also were activities, but not many kids that I knew at least, were crazy scheduled. We were a free range neighhood with elementary/middle school kids of all ages! I've also heard from many kids and young teens that these past few summers were the best of their lives because they actually had free time. Maybe some kids like being super scheduled, but not all kids do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When moms started all working, daycares exploded. Kids were no longer raised at homes. This happened after the 90’s. Two spouses worked to support the family.

All of these developments disgust me.

You’re a disgusting misogynist.

But they aren’t incorrect. The ability of children to roam freely was partially dependent on the fact that communities were communities. People knew each other, socialized and helped each other. This community was largely built and maintained by women. Even in the latchkey families there was the knowledge that there were other people around in whom they could depend. When more women started working that community was weakened. If I fell off my bike a mile from my house, I could go to Mrs. jones who would clean me up and call my mom. When the bus didn’t show, there was a mom or dad going by who would have all the kids pile in and drive them to school. When we walked to school the older kids looked out for the younger. One of the biggest losses is the cross gender/age play that we had. You add in a bit of hysteria, new laws about kids being supervised, competition and no one home, you get what we have now. The kids aren’t ok. The parents aren’t ok.

Don’t blame lack of community on others. If you want it, you have to find it and/or form it. We have a community in our neighborhood and most of the parents work. We prioritize connecting and supporting each other. Maybe it’s not common to find but it’s not because women work.

And many women worked back in the 70s/80s. Latchkey kids and all. We still had community.

Misogynistic excuses to blame women.

Kids aren’t out as much anymore because they are over scheduled with organized sports and activities. Then, in the remaining free time they get sucked into additive gaming/streaming without commercials/firehoses of video shorts.

It’s hard to build a community with people who are never around. Not blaming it on women - frankly it is because we don’t value the things that women have traditionally done. This is why we don’t have enough day care providers, nurses, teachers, PT and OT professionals and the myriad other caring professions in which we depend. We have not recognized nor compensated them adequately. I don’t blame women for looking elsewhere but there’s a societal cost to that which we are now seeing.

Kids aren't around because they are over-scheduled with sports and activities. Not because *women* are working.

This! I always had two working parents, but still had this childhood. There also were activities, but not many kids that I knew at least, were crazy scheduled. We were a free range neighhood with elementary/middle school kids of all ages! I've also heard from many kids and young teens that these past few summers were the best of their lives because they actually had free time. Maybe some kids like being super scheduled, but not all kids do.

Exactly. My parents both worked and I was still out in the neighborhood with friends frequently. We did sports but not as many and not all-consuming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When moms started all working, daycares exploded. Kids were no longer raised at homes. This happened after the 90’s. Two spouses worked to support the family.

All of these developments disgust me.

You’re a disgusting misogynist.

But they aren’t incorrect. The ability of children to roam freely was partially dependent on the fact that communities were communities. People knew each other, socialized and helped each other. This community was largely built and maintained by women. Even in the latchkey families there was the knowledge that there were other people around in whom they could depend. When more women started working that community was weakened. If I fell off my bike a mile from my house, I could go to Mrs. jones who would clean me up and call my mom. When the bus didn’t show, there was a mom or dad going by who would have all the kids pile in and drive them to school. When we walked to school the older kids looked out for the younger. One of the biggest losses is the cross gender/age play that we had. You add in a bit of hysteria, new laws about kids being supervised, competition and no one home, you get what we have now. The kids aren’t ok. The parents aren’t ok.

Don’t blame lack of community on others. If you want it, you have to find it and/or form it. We have a community in our neighborhood and most of the parents work. We prioritize connecting and supporting each other. Maybe it’s not common to find but it’s not because women work.

And many women worked back in the 70s/80s. Latchkey kids and all. We still had community.

Misogynistic excuses to blame women.

Kids aren’t out as much anymore because they are over scheduled with organized sports and activities. Then, in the remaining free time they get sucked into additive gaming/streaming without commercials/firehoses of video shorts.

It’s hard to build a community with people who are never around. Not blaming it on women - frankly it is because we don’t value the things that women have traditionally done. This is why we don’t have enough day care providers, nurses, teachers, PT and OT professionals and the myriad other caring professions in which we depend. We have not recognized nor compensated them adequately. I don’t blame women for looking elsewhere but there’s a societal cost to that which we are now seeing.

Kids aren't around because they are over-scheduled with sports and activities. Not because *women* are working.

Part of the reason is because there is no one home to mind the kids. Legislation in MD makes it illegal for anyone under 8 to be unsupervised. As a society we have decided we don’t want kids left alone. Even in states with no age specified, if something happens there is a risk you can be charged. So yes it is partially due to that. The secondary issue is the hyper competitive nature of our country which makes people feel like their kids have to be constantly enriched and achieving to meet success. This hyper competitive situation coupled with the devaluing of caring professions is again why we have a shortage of caring professionals. There was a time that at least people in these roles were given respect if not $, now there is neither.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like growing up here, sometime around 1999/2000. I started to see less kids out alone and by the time I had my own kids, it was nearly unheard of to let your child hangout and ride their bikes around town. There were news stories about children free range in this area into the 2010s.


What year would you say things changed?

1981. 6 year old Adam Walsh was kidnapped from the toy department of a Sears store and murdered (beheaded). Things were never the same after that.

I agree. That was an earthquake for a lot of parents. I have young children now and I still think about it.

We used to lose my younger brother all the time in the store and never worried because he’d always end up at a checkout stand with a friendly checker or salesperson. Parents thought nothing of letting their kids visit the toy section while they grabbed other items. The idea that your child could be lured out of the store and killed with you just a few aisles away was horrifying.

[Anonymous]

There was a case in my area where one young boy was abducted by a man in a white van and never seen again. That and the Oceanside (CA) murder made adults accompanying kids in public spaces seem prudent.

[Anonymous]

About 20 years ago, I can remember playing outside with friends and roaming the neighborhood until it was dark every day of the week, I think alot of the problem is that kids simply don't have enough time to do anything anymore with all the homework, chores and bedtimes as early as 7:30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When moms started all working, daycares exploded. Kids were no longer raised at homes. This happened after the 90’s. Two spouses worked to support the family.

All of these developments disgust me.

You’re a disgusting misogynist.

But they aren’t incorrect. The ability of children to roam freely was partially dependent on the fact that communities were communities. People knew each other, socialized and helped each other. This community was largely built and maintained by women. Even in the latchkey families there was the knowledge that there were other people around in whom they could depend. When more women started working that community was weakened. If I fell off my bike a mile from my house, I could go to Mrs. jones who would clean me up and call my mom. When the bus didn’t show, there was a mom or dad going by who would have all the kids pile in and drive them to school. When we walked to school the older kids looked out for the younger. One of the biggest losses is the cross gender/age play that we had. You add in a bit of hysteria, new laws about kids being supervised, competition and no one home, you get what we have now. The kids aren’t ok. The parents aren’t ok.

Don’t blame lack of community on others. If you want it, you have to find it and/or form it. We have a community in our neighborhood and most of the parents work. We prioritize connecting and supporting each other. Maybe it’s not common to find but it’s not because women work.

And many women worked back in the 70s/80s. Latchkey kids and all. We still had community.

Misogynistic excuses to blame women.

Kids aren’t out as much anymore because they are over scheduled with organized sports and activities. Then, in the remaining free time they get sucked into additive gaming/streaming without commercials/firehoses of video shorts.

It’s hard to build a community with people who are never around. Not blaming it on women - frankly it is because we don’t value the things that women have traditionally done. This is why we don’t have enough day care providers, nurses, teachers, PT and OT professionals and the myriad other caring professions in which we depend. We have not recognized nor compensated them adequately. I don’t blame women for looking elsewhere but there’s a societal cost to that which we are now seeing.

Kids aren't around because they are over-scheduled with sports and activities. Not because *women* are working.

Part of the reason is because there is no one home to mind the kids. Legislation in MD makes it illegal for anyone under 8 to be unsupervised. As a society we have decided we don’t want kids left alone. Even in states with no age specified, if something happens there is a risk you can be charged. So yes it is partially due to that. The secondary issue is the hyper competitive nature of our country which makes people feel like their kids have to be constantly enriched and achieving to meet success. This hyper competitive situation coupled with the devaluing of caring professions is again why we have a shortage of caring professionals. There was a time that at least people in these roles were given respect if not $, now there is neither.

By 4th/5th grade many kids could be home alone.

And if parents are around to drive kids to various sports then they could be at home.

[Anonymous]

This was the start and in Silver Spring the two sisters that went to the Wheaton mall and were kidnapped and murdered

NY


https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/30/nyregion/what-happened-to-etan-patz.html

Silver Spring:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murders_of_Katherine_and_Sheila_Lyon

Also America's most wanted with John Walsh and his son that was murdered.

[Anonymous]

What I think is also interesting, at least with ppl that I personally, they think that they really seem to think that kids with free time/freedom to play and hang out with friends isn't good enough anymore. They really feel that organized activities and being busy is superior.