I feel guilty that I don’t want to SAH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not one person has mentioned what’s in the best interest of the kids?

The best interests of the kids, if they’re girls, is to have a working mother. It increases the chances of their professional success.

The best interest of the kids regardless is to have a happy and fulfilled mother, not one who resents the life she has to live to make sure she meets some anonymous forum standard of putting her kids first.

+1. And studies are inconclusive, but if your socioeconomic and educational status is high, the differences are truly marginal.

[Anonymous]

I tried it and it’s not for me. Had some guilt but got over it after a couple years. Big plus is that my dh is way more involved than his dad was and he doesn’t have the sole earning burden riding in his shoulders. He’s thrilled now we are having kid 3. Whatever works for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not one person has mentioned what’s in the best interest of the kids?

The best interests of the kids, if they’re girls, is to have a working mother. It increases the chances of their professional success.

The best interest of the kids regardless is to have a happy and fulfilled mother, not one who resents the life she has to live to make sure she meets some anonymous forum standard of putting her kids first.

+1. And studies are inconclusive, but if your socioeconomic and educational status is high, the differences are truly marginal.

Studies show its in the best interest of the child to have a one-on-one caretaker during the first year, whether that’s a parent, grandparent, or nanny. Group care is better for children once they hit preschool age. But having infants in group care can lead to poor impulse control and other negative outcomes as the child grows older.

[Anonymous]

Learn to live with it. There will always be guilt about something related to parenting. Recognize it, and then move on. Keep doing what makes you happy and sane.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you have a great arrangment that works for all, so stay with it!

I was a SAHM mom in kids' younger years, now am back to work. This worked for us, but I would have been happier part time all along.

If you feel guilt now, just think about the college options your kids will have if you can put $ from your income into college accounts. And you can take better vacations, give them better opportunities, etc. Kids are not cheap!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody wants to be a SAHP with no help.

It seems like you have the perfect set up, OP!

What? I was happy to be a SAHM with no help other than my husband who was a great help and my mom and sister who were always willing to help or give me a break.

I know this sounds crazy but I extended my ability to SAH by taking in a few daycare kids for a few years because I loved being a SAHM. So I took care of my kids and other people's kids without any "help".

What makes you think that everybody feels the way you do about being a SAHM? Seems like a pretty narrow perspective.

This is help, PP. Many people in the DMV have zero family in the area.

totally, speaking as a former SAHM who had no family in the area. If we did, I may have been able to work at least part time. But it was just us.

[Anonymous]

Also, don't get involved in the mommy wars! My kids are in HS now. Some of my kids' friends had parents who worked all the way through, some had SAH parents all the way through, some parents went in and out of the workforce. I don't see any difference in how the kids are doing now based on their parents' work status. You can be a good parent or a bad parent either way.

[Anonymous]

OP, trust your instincts. Only you know what is best for you and your family. I don't think you want to seriously consider crowd sourced opinions from anonymous strangers on this issue because the vast majority of responders have their own hang ups and want to project on you.

Anecdotally, there was a time I felt a little guilty not staying home but that has long since passed. DH and I have a close relationship with our kids, each other and ourselves despite electing to work.