I feel guilty that I don’t want to SAH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. The main reading you don’t want to be a SAHM is because you may have to give up “the help”? Do your kids a favor and keep working.

NP. Are you actually suggesting that OP should love scrubbing toilets and folding laundry and cooking three meals a day, in addition to child care, and should actively want to do that more than using her degree and skills to do a job she clearly likes with coworkers she clearly likes?

Are you walking around shaming men for going to work rather than scrubbing toilets? Just wondering.

[Anonymous]

I would not have wanted to stay at home with my kids when they were babies either. I am a pretty lazy person and I prefer to work than staying at home. Now that they are mostly in school (I have 2 kids in FT school and one in school in the morning), I would like to stay at home, but we can’t afford it so I have to work in order to send my kids to private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not have wanted to stay at home with my kids when they were babies either. I am a pretty lazy person and I prefer to work than staying at home. Now that they are mostly in school (I have 2 kids in FT school and one in school in the morning), I would like to stay at home, but we can’t afford it so I have to work in order to send my kids to private school.

Oh, and I have never felt guilty about it

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why this is a problem? You don’t want to stay home, then don’t.

[Anonymous]

Most women don’t want to stay home. That’s the dirty secret. Pre-kids I always wondered why this country doesn’t have long maternity leaves. Now I understand why. Most American women don’t want to be at home with a baby after a few months. Notice how men don’t want this either?

Long parental leaves are praised but it’s simply hard to get ahead at work when you’re not working. The leaves are referred to as “fully paid” but it’s only if you earn a low wage. The earnings are $200-400 a week max. Similar to unemployment here. The average American woman doesn’t want to stay home earning $300 a week to hold a screaming baby and clean bathrooms. I’d be resentful if I lived in a country where I was forced to stay home for a year or two to watch a child and earn a low wage. It’s simply another form of taking advantage of female labor under the guise of some benefit.

There is a small subset of women who do want to stay home with a 6 month old but it’s very small and isn’t large enough of a group to force paid parental leave to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most women don’t want to stay home. That’s the dirty secret. Pre-kids I always wondered why this country doesn’t have long maternity leaves. Now I understand why. Most American women don’t want to be at home with a baby after a few months. Notice how men don’t want this either?

Long parental leaves are praised but it’s simply hard to get ahead at work when you’re not working. The leaves are referred to as “fully paid” but it’s only if you earn a low wage. The earnings are $200-400 a week max. Similar to unemployment here. The average American woman doesn’t want to stay home earning $300 a week to hold a screaming baby and clean bathrooms. I’d be resentful if I lived in a country where I was forced to stay home for a year or two to watch a child and earn a low wage. It’s simply another form of taking advantage of female labor under the guise of some benefit.

There is a small subset of women who do want to stay home with a 6 month old but it’s very small and isn’t large enough of a group to force paid parental leave to happen.

Agree. Because ultimately it is easier to work out of the home than stay at home when your kids are home (I've done both).

The only easy sahm gig is when everyone is in school full time. Then you have the daytime to relax and catch up with housework, kids aren't there to mess everything up all day long, and then you're around to help them get to soccer practice and dentist appointments, get dinner on the table instead of doing fast food before practice. But the sahm with babies/toddlers is no picnic.

[Anonymous]

No, you should not feel guilty. I have never understood the SAH vs WOH/WAH debate because everyone's circumstances are different. It's like saying all women should have one career option--that's crazy.

The important thing is that you are happy with the choice you make. I know a lot of SAHMs who wish they could go back to work and vice versa. And they are miserable and it shows. But those who are truly happy parents, no matter what their work situation, are happy because they were able to create the life, the career, the balance that works for them. That is what you need to do OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most women don’t want to stay home. That’s the dirty secret. Pre-kids I always wondered why this country doesn’t have long maternity leaves. Now I understand why. Most American women don’t want to be at home with a baby after a few months. Notice how men don’t want this either?

Long parental leaves are praised but it’s simply hard to get ahead at work when you’re not working. The leaves are referred to as “fully paid” but it’s only if you earn a low wage. The earnings are $200-400 a week max. Similar to unemployment here. The average American woman doesn’t want to stay home earning $300 a week to hold a screaming baby and clean bathrooms. I’d be resentful if I lived in a country where I was forced to stay home for a year or two to watch a child and earn a low wage. It’s simply another form of taking advantage of female labor under the guise of some benefit.

There is a small subset of women who do want to stay home with a 6 month old but it’s very small and isn’t large enough of a group to force paid parental leave to happen.

No one is forcing women to stay home in European countries. You can go back to work anytime you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men literally never think about this. Neither should you.

This. The reasons don’t matter beyond “I don’t want to”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men literally never think about this. Neither should you.

This. The reasons don’t matter beyond “I don’t want to”.

It’s so true. It’s my New Year’s resolution to think about this decision like a man. Don’t want to work? Great! Still want to have weekly housecleaning, some paid childcare, and a meal service? Awesome. The guys I know who have this to-work-or-not-to-work choice give it like 1/10000 the brain space that I have.

[Anonymous]

I felt so much guilt when I was working. I feel no guilt whatsoever now that I stay home.

Just do what is right for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women don’t want to stay home. That’s the dirty secret. Pre-kids I always wondered why this country doesn’t have long maternity leaves. Now I understand why. Most American women don’t want to be at home with a baby after a few months. Notice how men don’t want this either?

Long parental leaves are praised but it’s simply hard to get ahead at work when you’re not working. The leaves are referred to as “fully paid” but it’s only if you earn a low wage. The earnings are $200-400 a week max. Similar to unemployment here. The average American woman doesn’t want to stay home earning $300 a week to hold a screaming baby and clean bathrooms. I’d be resentful if I lived in a country where I was forced to stay home for a year or two to watch a child and earn a low wage. It’s simply another form of taking advantage of female labor under the guise of some benefit.

There is a small subset of women who do want to stay home with a 6 month old but it’s very small and isn’t large enough of a group to force paid parental leave to happen.

No one is forcing women to stay home in European countries. You can go back to work anytime you want.

That’s not necessarily true. It’s hard to find early childcare and if some countries not even possible. There’s also a societal expectation that you stay home for the leave. Regardless most women do and there’s a bias against women since they take years of parental leave.

[Anonymous]

I'm a man. I'd never "want" to stay home with kids because I can't even imagine how tough it is. I totally get preferring to work than staying home with kids.

What I don't get is anyone who says they "like" work for work's sake. That's nuts.

[Anonymous]

Not one person has mentioned what’s in the best interest of the kids?

[Anonymous]

Why? My husband doesn’t feel guilty that he doesn’t want to be a stay at home dad.