Parents with 3+ kids and 2 full-time jobs, how do you do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if my 2 kids are just more sensitive than others, or if I'm doing something wrong/differently, but I feel like when we get home from work and school (at 5 or so) they're both craving our undivided attention to the extent that I don't know how we'd meet the needs of a third. DH and I both work out of the home and have mornings (until 8:30) and evenings (5pm until bedtime) with them. Kids are 4 and 6 and I feel like it's a rare evening where one of them is content without lots of attention from us. I can't envision how we'd fit a third into this mix.

Could be. Mine are 3 and 7. We all get home 5ish as well. They want to hang out but both need to decompress after daycare/school and they miss each other. So they are happy to play together or separately until dinner. They also get a little screen time. After dinner we all spend time together.

[Anonymous]

Everyone whose answer is daycare/aftercare. What about when kids are sick?

Especially toddlers who are sick all the time and can't just entertain themselves in their room when kept home from care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are all these families on here not getting nannies when from the parents' job descriptions they can clearly afford one?

A nanny is the answer -- they provide childcare to the little one(s) and drive older kids to activities. I know many families that have kept a full-time nanny even once all their kids were in elementary, and they think it's basically the best money ever spent.

DP - because I never wanted an employee, which is what a nanny is. Our kids benefitted from attending their well-run daycare; we couldn’t have afforded a fantastic nanny *and* great preschool.

I’m all for carpooling, but as the parent of a tween, driving them to activities is great connecting time. Parents who never or rarely drive their kids to activities are missing out.

Do you have three kids? That’s why people are carpooling - multiple kids needing to be in different places at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Life is one big, happy circus. We both work FT and both travel for work. Three kids - youngest now in HS. All played 3 sports, music lessons, and other activities. We had help from college sitters that job shared until kids went to school full day. Then we had just one until youngest was in 1rst grade. The sitter covered from 2:45- 5:45 and could stay until 6:30 if we needed transportation. Then one spouse switch to a more flexible, hybrid schedule and we stopped all extra assistance.

I would get an early start with work and spouse would take the morning prep and school drop off. I would pick up and could do most after school activities. Carpools are the best thing going, even now in HS. During some seasons we have to switch to a different Rec team b/c the nights didn’t work out.

Kids had to help out around the house as a trade off. They made their own lunches, helped with dinner and clean up and laundry, etc.

There was no downtime for about 10 years….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are all these families on here not getting nannies when from the parents' job descriptions they can clearly afford one?

A nanny is the answer -- they provide childcare to the little one(s) and drive older kids to activities. I know many families that have kept a full-time nanny even once all their kids were in elementary, and they think it's basically the best money ever spent.

DP - because I never wanted an employee, which is what a nanny is. Our kids benefitted from attending their well-run daycare; we couldn’t have afforded a fantastic nanny *and* great preschool.

I’m all for carpooling, but as the parent of a tween, driving them to activities is great connecting time. Parents who never or rarely drive their kids to activities are missing out.

Do you have three kids? That’s why people are carpooling - multiple kids needing to be in different places at the same time.

Yes, I do have three kids. I know why people carpool PP, thanks. I was responding to the person who thinks that having a nanny drive kids everywhere is some kind of win; you miss out on a lot if you never or rarely drive your older kids places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two full time parents, 7/5/3 mix of genders. We have no local help from family at all. Well, I shouldn't say none I have a local aunt and cousin but they provide no childcare for us... if we all have the flu or something they will drop off a casserole or if something happened they would help a bit I think?

I think generally key elements

1) We both have flexible jobs and both work from home. At one point my husband had like a 20 minute commute and honestly that would be fine too. This allows me to work out during the work day, which I think is really critical for a lot of reasons, mental health, physical health etc

2) Our kids are in full time care. We had a nanny briefly when none were in school, now the older two are in aftercare after elementary and the youngest in pre-k and aftercare. Full time care is important, COVID was hard on us. But the care has always been very close to home (takes me 20 minutes or less to leave my house and pick up all three and get back home at the end of the day)

3) We are on top of registrations for stuff so that all the kids are in the same place ie, I was up and ready at 6am this week for a camp registration that lets me bring all three to the same camp all summer for full day camp. We get on that swim class registration so that all three are in swim class on saturday mornings between 10-11. Etc. We combine activities when at all possible and we take advantage of programs offered by the school after programs

4) We teach independence really early on. All of my kids could dress themselves at 2, can eat, etc. And I rely on crutches longer than other people think I should when I don't think they are ready. So they used sippy cups for way too long and probably wore diapers too long. They all get up in the morning and can get snacks/turn on tv etc. And not in a neglectful way we're there if they need help and we don't shame them for needing help or make the 7 year old take care of them we just really promote independence. Which honestly has its own pitfalls TBH, they are all very opinionated!

5) My husband pulls his weight. I do all the food, he does all the clothes, for everyone, even my laundry (obvi does not shop for me). We are a TEAM. And not just in name we are proactively there for each other. And we prioritize occasional (once a month or more) date nights and intimacy because liking each other is important to a core value of our marriage which is that we're always trying to make each other's lives easier and we're not keeping score.

We are definitely not interested in a fourth but do feel like we are happy and all our kids are happy and fulfilled. We are worried about when they get older and all need rides in 10 different directions. I think our kids will have to live with the fact that we will not really entertain a travel sports team or something like gymnastics where the family unit as a whole has to devote that much time to one child's activity

I’m not the OP, but we’re also considering a third, and this sounds like exactly what we’d like. I feel like we’re on a good path. The one thing I’m struggling with is some of the independence stuff. We’re still completely dressing and undressing our almost three year old. He can pull down his pants/underwear to use the potty, and he takes his socks off, but that’s it. I’ve been trying to have him take his pajama pants off in the morning, but he’s slow to wake up and he just turns into a useless puddle, basically. And at night, it becomes a bedtime stall technique. I haven’t been pushing it. What approach would you recommend here?

Sadly for my 3, having 3 has resulted in less independence because I don't have time for them to dwaddle and be reminded to get dressed, pack their backpack etc. My 5yo dresses himself fine, but the under 4 I line up and change quickly and don't even give them a chance to slowly work on it themselves. Independence being a time efficiency is a looooong time away