My wife likes lifetime fitness, but it's costly... We have two gym memberships

[Anonymous]

The difference between Lifetime and the YMCA is like $150 right? I think $150/month is worth it for her to have a nice place to go with the kids. Unless that $150 is going to break your budget, I would let it go.

You could always start going to the YMCA by your work and save money there

[Anonymous]

This is why women file for 70% of divorces. Wife just wants to enjoy one thing to herself, for a measly extra $150. And even though they can easily afford it, the stupid husband has to whip himself into a frenzy about it, moan, and complain endlessly. No wonder women just get sick of it and feel like doing their own thing! My God- men are exhausting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We belong to Life Time, and I also have a Retro Fitness membership. My husband, a wiser man than you, is happy to spend $300/mo for my a$$ to look like it does.

Her a$$ looks amazing no matter what she does orange theory, baree, hot yoga. She has done it all. It would look good without the gym. She's naturally fit. She doesn't do cardio, just stretching and weights. I think most of the time, she's in the locker room in the hot tub, showering and blow-drying her hair.

I don’t get why you’re penny pinching on this. She looks great (including her hair) and is getting a break from the kids, for an incredibly cheap price. What is your income that this is really bothering you??

so for 289 a month you get 2 hours of childcare 3-5 times a week, and she uses the hot water and electricity to shower and blow dry her hair. You use the towels provided and you arent washing and drying towels from the pools or shower. Your kids like it, they are asking to go, they are getting exercise, and your wife is getting individual self care time.


....wtf dude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the Y is nearly free with your discount, PLUS has an outdoor pool for summer, PLUS is within 5 min from your house PLUS has childcare...?

This is a no-brainer. No way should you also pay $200 plus a month for Lifetime on a 100k one parent salary

Read again. He only gets the discount at the Y by his job, which he currently uses, that is a different Y than the one he's moving near that has a pool. So no more discount.

So whats the cost difference, $80 for family vs $210 for only her and the kids? Still seems like a waste. They can pay $80 for all of them at the new Y that is across from their house, that has mostly the same amenities plus he can go too and they can swim as family on the weekends and in the summer.

It's not the same amenities. She said she doesn't like the co-ed steam rooms, she likes that there are other SAHM at the gym she attends and that she will not use the Y like she uses Lifetime. So it's 80 to benefit him and him alone, or $210 to benefit the whole family. This is a line item in the budget they are already paying, and he wants to change it on her. Her arguments are persuasive and he's doubling down because he does not see that this is a stupid thing to fight about. Even at a $140k HHI, your kids getting to swim 3 times a week and your wife getting some say in how she spends her time has value far above the $130/month you're so hung up on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she’s going every other day for half the day (2 hours in childcare plus swimming) you’re asking her to massively cut her QOL and alter her daily routine, all to save 2% of your income. Get over it and save money somewhere else.

+1. Price out 1/2 day childcare for 4 days a week and compare lifetime to *that*, not to the Y across from your job.

but they don't need child care. The wife barely works. It's her job to watch the kids.

on a 140K salary I think $300/month for a gym membership is a lot. That is $3600/year.

if it is that important to her make her find other things to cut out of her life to cove the cost. And her saying "I'll pay for it out of my salary" doesn't count as I assume that money already goes to common expenses.

She is watching the kids. Look, I get that some of you hate your spouses or just hate women, but this is a stupid thing to argue about. The kids are happy and getting exercise playing in the pool multiple times a week. Wife is happy, has friends there (isolation is a big problem for SAH parents), and gets a lot of use out of this monthly expense. DH wants to penny pinch on a gym membership for no reason.

And no, you don't get to unilaterally decide (for another couple, no less) that her existing income is not allowed to go toward certain expenses and must instead increase, to cover a line item that is ALREADY IN THEIR BUDGET. He's looking to make cuts, and deciding he's the only one who should not feel the pinch.

Yes, but their budget is changing with the purchase of a home and higher monthly expenses. I guess maybe the real question should be what would OP like to do with this money instead? Does the gym expense prohibit them from maxing out 401k, saving enough to cover 6 months of expenses in the case of an emergency, taking a vacation if that is important to them, and so forth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We have two gym memberships. My work used to offer an 80 percent discount at the YMCA, but it's been taken away unless I go to the one across the street from my work. So we have been members of the Y for over a year. About four months ago, my wife joined Lifetime Fitness, mainly for the swimming pools. In the summer, she took our boys, ages 2 and 5, almost every day to the outdoor pool, and they would also spend 2 hours in the childcare. Lifetime charges per person, and we pay $210 for only my wife and the kids. I am not a member of Lifetime. I work out twice a week at the YMCA- once during the week and another weekend day when my wife is working all day. I bring the kids with me on both days. I have been trying to convince my wife that we should only pay for one gym membership, i.e., the YMCA, because it's cheaper, but she says Lifetime has improved her quality of life, and she can't agree. She says there are more stay-at-home moms there, and the swimming pool has open availability for kids to swim, unlike the YMCA. Also, she likes that kids don't have to wear life jackets and a hot tub in the women's locker room. She said there are creepy guys in the co-ed hot tubs. She also likes that towels are provided, and the kids can stay in childcare longer. Here's the kicker, we are moving, and the Lifetime closer to us is more expensive, so it will be $289 per month for the three of them. My wife still thinks it's a fantastic deal considering childcare is included. I can see her point if we consider it more as a daycare. Our younger son loves childcare. They usually go every other day, and he asks if they can go to the gym on the days they miss. We will also have a YMCA 5 minutes away from the new house. They have childcare for up to 2 hours a day and an outdoor and indoor swimming pool. My wife says she doesn't feel the pool is clean, and they only have a little availability for kids' swimming times. So we will be where we are now and have two gym memberships because I don't want to join Lifetime (extra $189), and it's a lot further away, so I won't want to drive that far. My wife does work part-time and says she doesn't care and will pay from her salary because it's important to her. I can't get out of this, so help me think about it differently. She's thinking more about the kids and how she feels lifetime gives them more.

These are all really good reasons, and it seems like you recognize that.

Also, you could go to the YMCA by your work and save money that way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she’s going every other day for half the day (2 hours in childcare plus swimming) you’re asking her to massively cut her QOL and alter her daily routine, all to save 2% of your income. Get over it and save money somewhere else.

+1. Price out 1/2 day childcare for 4 days a week and compare lifetime to *that*, not to the Y across from your job.

but they don't need child care. The wife barely works. It's her job to watch the kids.

on a 140K salary I think $300/month for a gym membership is a lot. That is $3600/year.

if it is that important to her make her find other things to cut out of her life to cove the cost. And her saying "I'll pay for it out of my salary" doesn't count as I assume that money already goes to common expenses.

She is watching the kids. Look, I get that some of you hate your spouses or just hate women, but this is a stupid thing to argue about. The kids are happy and getting exercise playing in the pool multiple times a week. Wife is happy, has friends there (isolation is a big problem for SAH parents), and gets a lot of use out of this monthly expense. DH wants to penny pinch on a gym membership for no reason.

And no, you don't get to unilaterally decide (for another couple, no less) that her existing income is not allowed to go toward certain expenses and must instead increase, to cover a line item that is ALREADY IN THEIR BUDGET. He's looking to make cuts, and deciding he's the only one who should not feel the pinch.

Yes, but their budget is changing with the purchase of a home and higher monthly expenses. I guess maybe the real question should be what would OP like to do with this money instead? Does the gym expense prohibit them from maxing out 401k, saving enough to cover 6 months of expenses in the case of an emergency, taking a vacation if that is important to them, and so forth?

Maybe he could drop HIS gym membership. He could get exercise by biking to work, also allowing them to get rid of his car. What a savings!

[Anonymous]

Here is your solution. Have her look into getting a job at Lifetime, either in the child care center or doing something else. I did this when my kids were small. Unless the employee benefits have changed, you only have to work a few hours a week, your membership is free and you get free childcare while you are working (plus the additional 3 hours included in your membership). I worked in the child care center and took my kids with me on every shift. They made friends, played hard, did crafts, and slept like rocks every night.

I came from the corporate world and the only child care experience I had was taking care of my own kids, and they hired me on the spot. The hourly wage wasn't great, but the free membership there was worth its weight in gold.

Even if I didn't end up getting a job there back when I was a SAHM, we would have sacrificed other things to keep that membership. It was literally the only thing that kept me sane, and our location didn't even have the outdoor pool. I would work out or take a fitness class for an hour, then get a nice relaxing shower and be able to do my hair and makeup. Sometimes if I was extra exhausted or frazzled, I would take a nap in the lounge and then shower. Lifetime was a key part of my mental health when the kids were small. You need to figure out how to make this work for your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is your solution. Have her look into getting a job at Lifetime, either in the child care center or doing something else. I did this when my kids were small. Unless the employee benefits have changed, you only have to work a few hours a week, your membership is free and you get free childcare while you are working (plus the additional 3 hours included in your membership). I worked in the child care center and took my kids with me on every shift. They made friends, played hard, did crafts, and slept like rocks every night.

I came from the corporate world and the only child care experience I had was taking care of my own kids, and they hired me on the spot. The hourly wage wasn't great, but the free membership there was worth its weight in gold.

Even if I didn't end up getting a job there back when I was a SAHM, we would have sacrificed other things to keep that membership. It was literally the only thing that kept me sane, and our location didn't even have the outdoor pool. I would work out or take a fitness class for an hour, then get a nice relaxing shower and be able to do my hair and makeup. Sometimes if I was extra exhausted or frazzled, I would take a nap in the lounge and then shower. Lifetime was a key part of my mental health when the kids were small. You need to figure out how to make this work for your wife.

This actually sounds like a perfect solution if it works out

[Anonymous]

Maybe OP is afraid she's going to meet a hot, ACTUALLY rich guy at Lifetime and dump him. And if she does... he'll deserve it!

[Anonymous]

Has she ever been to the new Y by your house? Not all Ys are the same. Mine is very nice and has hot tubs in the locker rooms (separate genders). She should, at the very least, take a tour of the closer Y before refusing it

[Anonymous]

You shouldn’t be a SAHM if you don’t want to spend the morning with your kids and can’t afford preschool. Preschool is the best option here OP and is ultimately the much better choice for your kids. Figure out how you can afford that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why women file for 70% of divorces. Wife just wants to enjoy one thing to herself, for a measly extra $150. And even though they can easily afford it, the stupid husband has to whip himself into a frenzy about it, moan, and complain endlessly. No wonder women just get sick of it and feel like doing their own thing! My God- men are exhausting!

+1000

And men are clueless until the woman serves them with papers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why women file for 70% of divorces. Wife just wants to enjoy one thing to herself, for a measly extra $150. And even though they can easily afford it, the stupid husband has to whip himself into a frenzy about it, moan, and complain endlessly. No wonder women just get sick of it and feel like doing their own thing! My God- men are exhausting!

+1. And before people start in on “but she would have to work!” I’ve been a SAHM and a biglaw attorney and being a SAHM is more draining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why women file for 70% of divorces. Wife just wants to enjoy one thing to herself, for a measly extra $150. And even though they can easily afford it, the stupid husband has to whip himself into a frenzy about it, moan, and complain endlessly. No wonder women just get sick of it and feel like doing their own thing! My God- men are exhausting!

+1. And before people start in on “but she would have to work!” I’ve been a SAHM and a biglaw attorney and being a SAHM is more draining.

Same. I used to be a SAHM and will take having my own money to do whatever the F I want with it over staying at home anyway. Also, the whole "it's his money" thing is so deceptive, because when a woman becomes a SAHM she's doing it under the understanding that he is agreeing to financially support both of them and she'll still have access to the funds to do the things she loves, that make her feel good about herself. And then loser, LVM slowly start chipping away at it. This is why so many women just get fed up one day and leave!