Can step-parents ever really love and prioritize kids the way parents do?

[Anonymous]

It's easier to prioritize and love as your own. If their bioparent is a deadbeat and you are literally taking their place. If they are splitting time between two houses it is harder to bond. Sometimes they feel a sense of loyalty to bioparent and do not want to get close.

[Anonymous]

It is very sad if you can't imagine yourself or any man loving a child or a person like a step child.

I truly love some of my son's friends. I have no doubt I could love another child as my own. Especially if I love their parent.

That said, I feel very lucky to have found a man that would move Earth for my child. That doesn't mean they don't have their moments as any parent does with a teenager, but the love is real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have personal experience with step parents so truly curious. I was thinking today how much dh and I sacrifice personal wants for the well-being of our kids. I don’t mean martyr ourselves and a lot of it is things we want too (eg kid oriented vacation to create family memories instead of actually relaxing and enjoyable adults vacation. Kid ones are a grind but also a joy in some ways) but early mornings up with kids instead of plopping them in front of screen to sleep in, cutting back on luxuries to afford therapies one kid needs to using a lot of what could be downtime for packing lunch, helping with homework etc etc etc

Occasionally I ponder divorce (another thread…) but just can’t fathom a step parent (particularly a male one) coming into a family with preschool / elementary school aged kids who still have both parents and the step parent not only willingly but happily making all the sacrifices and accommodations for kids. They get old when they’re your kids but you do it because you both love them so deeply and because you have the drive of a parent to give them a better life. I just can’t get my head around someone coming into a family as a step parent and not pushing back on some of it because “the kids will be fine if we xyz….” So I’m curious what it’s like - is it possible for step parents coming in later to really happily orient around kid needs? Maybe I’m just selfish but I think I would have struggled with that.

Again not a martyr, we definitely do things for ourselves too, but no getting around our priorities are very kid well being oriented.

My DH has.

He doesn’t have any bio children. My stepson is actually the child of DH’s first wife. DH raised him from before he was 2 years old and continued to parent him in every way after the divorce.

I met DH after my oldest was turning 18, but he has helped raise my youngest bio child. He was very polite with my now-late XH who was a deadbeat, but just did whatever needed to be done quietly and consistently.

We adopted my youngest who is a biological relative of DH. I was a bit worried there would be a notable difference in treatment, but I haven’t seen any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think parents who adopt are second class parents?

EXACTLY. Sheesh, OP sounds rude, clueless and completely out of touch. She is a complete embarrassment to mothers (birth, adoptive, step) everywhere to be asking such a disrespectful and insensitive question.

We’re not talking about parents who want the kids by adoption. OP is talking about a package deal where the kids come along when you marry the parent. Totally different.

[Anonymous]

All parents have their own unique complicated relationships with their kids. Step parents’ relationships arenas unique as any other parental relationships. All parents of any kind can do is play the hand they’ve been dealt as well as possible and pray that God exists and has compassion.