Can step-parents ever really love and prioritize kids the way parents do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think parents who adopt are second class parents?

Of course not - but when you do that the choice you are making is to be a parent and raise a kid as your own. As a step parent the choice your making is the adult relationship (who may come with kids which aren’t a factor…but it’s not like you date as a way to become a parent to existing kids and you’d be horrified if people recommended dating single parents as an alternative
to ivf or adoption), and when you adopt you are also the parent with a clear role and rights in regards to the child that you’re choosing to raise.

Did it ever occur to you, with your tunnel vision and all, that becoming a step-parent is also a choice? When you marry a person, you marry the person with all their history and family, including any children. Of course, idiots like you may not consider a potential spouse's children when weighing such a big decision, but the rest of us certainly would. I am not a step-parent btw. I am, however, a person who isn't as myopic and vulgar as you.

My thoughts exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think parents who adopt are second class parents?

Of course not - but when you do that the choice you are making is to be a parent and raise a kid as your own. As a step parent the choice your making is the adult relationship (who may come with kids which aren’t a factor…but it’s not like you date as a way to become a parent to existing kids and you’d be horrified if people recommended dating single parents as an alternative
to ivf or adoption), and when you adopt you are also the parent with a clear role and rights in regards to the child that you’re choosing to raise.

Did it ever occur to you, with your tunnel vision and all, that becoming a step-parent is also a choice? When you marry a person, you marry the person with all their history and family, including any children. Of course, idiots like you may not consider a potential spouse's children when weighing such a big decision, but the rest of us certainly would. I am not a step-parent btw. I am, however, a person who isn't as myopic and vulgar as you.

Why so mean? Another way to respond would be, "Yes, many step parents can and do make the same sacrifices bio parents do."

Your response was vulgar and rude, PP. Truly.

No, PP was spot on.

[Anonymous]

They can. But many don’t.

[Anonymous]

I’m a step child here. I think the answer is no, but I also think a step parent can be better at parenting more than a parent can. My mom gave me her all, but my stepmom gave me stability and a love that was enough. Even in the face of favoritism for my half sister, I’m grateful for what my stepmom did for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think parents who adopt are second class parents?

Of course not - but when you do that the choice you are making is to be a parent and raise a kid as your own. As a step parent the choice your making is the adult relationship (who may come with kids which aren’t a factor…but it’s not like you date as a way to become a parent to existing kids and you’d be horrified if people recommended dating single parents as an alternative
to ivf or adoption), and when you adopt you are also the parent with a clear role and rights in regards to the child that you’re choosing to raise.

Did it ever occur to you, with your tunnel vision and all, that becoming a step-parent is also a choice? When you marry a person, you marry the person with all their history and family, including any children. Of course, idiots like you may not consider a potential spouse's children when weighing such a big decision, but the rest of us certainly would. I am not a step-parent btw. I am, however, a person who isn't as myopic and vulgar as you.

You sound stupid. Plenty of people don’t care for the children of the people they are marrying.

[Anonymous]

if you look at r/stepparents, and read the comments from mostly stepmothers posting there, you might get some insight, op. There are some very loving stepparents posting there, but a lot seem awful. They plainly state they do not like their stepchildren and plan years ahead to remove them from their household.

[Anonymous]

My dad and stepmom got married when I was 5, and I’m 37 now. I think the answer is yes. I have 3 parents who love me and certainly sacrificed for me. She is not my mom or my dad but she is my parent and treats me as her child (and my children as her grand-children). I feel lucky to have her in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My step parent raised me, lloved me, sacrificed for me, but I can just tell she feels something different for the younger two kids who are her children by blood. COuld be different for different people and family situation.

Well, it could just be because they are younger.

I have two lovely kids. I love both of them but my feelings and instincts for both of them are different. They youngest is certainly the baby of the family and spoiled by parents as well as the elder sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think parents who adopt are second class parents?

Of course not - but when you do that the choice you are making is to be a parent and raise a kid as your own. As a step parent the choice your making is the adult relationship (who may come with kids which aren’t a factor…but it’s not like you date as a way to become a parent to existing kids and you’d be horrified if people recommended dating single parents as an alternative
to ivf or adoption), and when you adopt you are also the parent with a clear role and rights in regards to the child that you’re choosing to raise.

Did it ever occur to you, with your tunnel vision and all, that becoming a step-parent is also a choice? When you marry a person, you marry the person with all their history and family, including any children. Of course, idiots like you may not consider a potential spouse's children when weighing such a big decision, but the rest of us certainly would. I am not a step-parent btw. I am, however, a person who isn't as myopic and vulgar as you.

You sound stupid. Plenty of people don’t care for the children of the people they are marrying.

Ha I don’t think she meant consider their feelings, I think she meant consider their existence and what that existence might mean for them as a stepparent. Of course a lot of stepparents don’t consider the feelings of their stepchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad and stepmom got married when I was 5, and I’m 37 now. I think the answer is yes. I have 3 parents who love me and certainly sacrificed for me. She is not my mom or my dad but she is my parent and treats me as her child (and my children as her grand-children). I feel lucky to have her in my life.

That’s lovely. Does she have biological children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad and stepmom got married when I was 5, and I’m 37 now. I think the answer is yes. I have 3 parents who love me and certainly sacrificed for me. She is not my mom or my dad but she is my parent and treats me as her child (and my children as her grand-children). I feel lucky to have her in my life.

That’s lovely. Does she have biological children.

(Also that wasn’t sarcasm)

[Anonymous]

My stepfather is exactly as you’d hope. He loves my brother and I (and our kids) as his own. Has always put us first, made sacrifices, etc. My parents had joint 50/50 custody, and he was and is truly a third parent.

But I agree with you - it’s like winning the lottery. Very rare. I was unwilling, in fact, to date men with children in my single days because I know what it takes to be an amazing stepparent, and I don’t have it in me. He’s truly an incredible person.

[Anonymous]

They can but it also depends on the role and involvement of the bio parent.

I am a stepmother and I am mindful that they have a loving and involved mother and it is not me.

I would not want my kids' stepmom to play the same mom role that I do.

Every situation is different.

[Anonymous]

My mom married my step-dad when I was 11. He is the best man I've ever known. He has never treated me and my sister differently from his biological children. I don't think it's easy but I do think it's possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My step parent raised me, lloved me, sacrificed for me, but I can just tell she feels something different for the younger two kids who are her children by blood. COuld be different for different people and family situation.

Well, it could just be because they are younger.

I have two lovely kids. I love both of them but my feelings and instincts for both of them are different. They youngest is certainly the baby of the family and spoiled by parents as well as the elder sibling.

Yeah she actually said that we (the older step kids) got the best of her - she was more strict and required more of us. Apparently with them she was too tired and they were spoiled (and they are not exactly as successful) if you look at it objectively. Seems like she had that crazy love instinct for them more though.