If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the reason the counselor might have said this is because it's too hard on the mom if a kid doesn't have any self-sufficiency and the care and money for kids just tends to go downhill once people divorce. But I'm just guessing.

It’s definitely one factor. We waited until DS was 10 which has costs and benefits. I was in no way ready when he was 5.

Thank you for responding with some intelligence which the OP did not. I was the sci if mentally insane poster just trying to help in a moment I had since I had to decide this myself but for kids older than hers and not five. But I’m not going to do it if any OP wants to engage and affirm posters just trying to derail threads. What ends up happening is that I end up spending more time than the OP on the topic and I don’t even need the help. Seems like this time traveler won’t go away so will have to find another outlet for discussion.

What in the world?!

If you are OP, one of your issues is that you are rude. But what I was saying is that Jeff is not policing the relationship forum and there is a poster that goes on every thread and just tries to derail conversations by saying to any problem" Too bad for you. Should have made a better past decision." It's just derailment. After showing up in about 50 threads it's obvious something is missing in this person's life and not that they just happen to have help on any number of topics. You could say that about jobs. About the home you choose. About the school you chose. Etc. It's kind of a given that if you have a problem, it's very possible that you could be more discerning about any number of things. But it's unhelpful because you can't recreate the past typically and redo like a computer program. We only live once and at some point have to make a decision and move forward. And sometimes you write a program of life and some bug comes in and messes up the system that you didn't account for. You didn't even know about this bug and wouldn't have if you had two years to figure it out. So you just have to cut your losses and move on rather than reminiscing about how better things could have been if you had just made some better decision in the past or foolproofed your marriage better.

Dp
The irony is that you are detaining the thread with your incoherent ramblings.

Yeah.I don't care. At this point I think OP is a jerk too. They both can feel what it's like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the reason the counselor might have said this is because it's too hard on the mom if a kid doesn't have any self-sufficiency and the care and money for kids just tends to go downhill once people divorce. But I'm just guessing.

It’s definitely one factor. We waited until DS was 10 which has costs and benefits. I was in no way ready when he was 5.

Thank you for responding with some intelligence which the OP did not. I was the sci if mentally insane poster just trying to help in a moment I had since I had to decide this myself but for kids older than hers and not five. But I’m not going to do it if any OP wants to engage and affirm posters just trying to derail threads. What ends up happening is that I end up spending more time than the OP on the topic and I don’t even need the help. Seems like this time traveler won’t go away so will have to find another outlet for discussion.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I waited until all kids were in college or beyond. It was hard to do, but glad for their sake that they had a drama-free adolescence. I’ve never looked back after leaving a dead marriage.

Same boat, kids are 4 years from leaving the nest and I will wait it out. I haven't explicitly told my wife but I am assuming she knows. We haven't had sex in over a year and we don't go out together. Last vacation was awkward. I don't need another confrontation how this is all my fault. So I will co-parent peacefully and leave when the timing is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I waited until all kids were in college or beyond. It was hard to do, but glad for their sake that they had a drama-free adolescence. I’ve never looked back after leaving a dead marriage.

Same boat, kids are 4 years from leaving the nest and I will wait it out. I haven't explicitly told my wife but I am assuming she knows. We haven't had sex in over a year and we don't go out together. Last vacation was awkward. I don't need another confrontation how this is all my fault. So I will co-parent peacefully and leave when the timing is right.

She might not. I wouldn't tell her till it's time but it's very possible she doesn't know. Sounds like she will be ok with it. Four years is enough time to have a full plan to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think do it whenever you and your husband will be able to do it “as best as possible” in terms of keeping the kids well-being front and center. If that’s going to be equally bad at any point in time, you might as well get the party started now.

But to answer your original question, My answer is similar, if been transparent with your spouse that you’re staying together just for the kids will help you be better parents in someway, I suppose there’s no reason not to do it?

I’d keep it to myself and not make it explicit with the spouse. It’s better left unsaid.

If said it opens the door to cheating, divorcing asap, hiding money, games, etc. Too easily “misinterpreted”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So how do you plan on living in the same house with someone who disgusts you?

Celebs on the size of the house. DH and I have separate bedrooms in separate wings of the house. Been that way ever since the kids were very little