If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Picking the right spouse would’ve been the right thing to do.

Have you ever watched one of those movies where the character finally exclaims "How is this helping?!" You can't go back in time, but let us know if you've invented that. If not, please stay in the present or future for advice.

[Anonymous]

It'll be hard on a 5 year old. It'll be harder on a 12 year old.

The earlier you can establish a 'new normal' the better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Picking the right spouse would’ve been the right thing to do.

Have you ever watched one of those movies where the character finally exclaims "How is this helping?!" You can't go back in time, but let us know if you've invented that. If not, please stay in the present or future for advice.

NP. It’s the only advice really. Pick the right person for who you marry and more so with who you have children with.

[Anonymous]

BTW, if your therapist is "clearly disgusted by your DH" you probably need a new therapist.

Or, more likely, you're not really listening to your therapist and just hearing their words filtered through your own thoughts and opinions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Picking the right spouse would’ve been the right thing to do.

Have you ever watched one of those movies where the character finally exclaims "How is this helping?!" You can't go back in time, but let us know if you've invented that. If not, please stay in the present or future for advice.

The advice is still the same, you just don’t want to be responsible for a poor choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BTW, if your therapist is "clearly disgusted by your DH" you probably need a new therapist.

Or, more likely, you're not really listening to your therapist and just hearing their words filtered through your own thoughts and opinions

Exactly. It is one-sided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BTW, if your therapist is "clearly disgusted by your DH" you probably need a new therapist.

Or, more likely, you're not really listening to your therapist and just hearing their words filtered through your own thoughts and opinions

Well we are getting a new therapist, but not for reasons you mentioned. We’re getting a new therapist because he won’t talk to her anymore because he didn’t like what she had to say. She agreed that he did things he shouldn’t have done and he should stop. He didn’t like that, so don’t see her any more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Picking the right spouse would’ve been the right thing to do.

I agree. I messed up. I should have heeded red flags. I didn’t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your therapist didn’t say any of the things you implied.

Be more specific

Implied that the counselor thinks she should divorce but not because of the children. Never said.
Implied that the counselor is disgusted with husband. Never said and could be disgusted with wife just as well.
Implied that divorce would be hard on children because of their age. Never said.

Original post says that she didn’t explicitly say divorce. I wrote that in there. She did in fact say divorce would be hard on a 5 year old, junior high would be better. Yes she did say those words.

So the counselor never said divorce or that she was disgusted with op’s husband. These are words op is using to make her “case” sound better. Op likely disgusts the counselor.

Both op and her dh are probably disgusting, if we are honest. Relationships involve two people. Spare the kid further pain and trauma. Just divorce now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Picking the right spouse would’ve been the right thing to do.

I agree. I messed up. I should have heeded red flags. I didn’t

Then don’t blame your husband. You are at fault here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Picking the right spouse would’ve been the right thing to do.

I agree. I messed up. I should have heeded red flags. I didn’t

Then don’t blame your husband. You are at fault here.

Ok thanks. The questions really about when to do it for the kids sake. I’m hearing more people say sooner than later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Picking the right spouse would’ve been the right thing to do.

I agree. I messed up. I should have heeded red flags. I didn’t

And you think this is helpful for you to move forward? I thought that was kind of a given. But if this is the "advice" you need then peace out. Won't waste my time. Why don't we just make this the response to all relationship threads and save ourselves the time of educating other people on how to move forward with their problems for free and let them pay for their own therapy? Glad this person was helpful for you. Won't visit again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. Marriage counselor hadn’t said explicitly to divorce but she’s clearly as disgusted with DH as I am. Hinted that divorce would be hard on my 5 year old, at least in junior high DS would be able to understand better. I’m not going to make it until the kids are in college. Maybe I can fake it a few more years? Anyone else do this?

As a teacher who has seen kids of all ages go through this, I would say 5 is one of the easiest ages. Middle school would be harder on the kid.

NP and I agree. I don’t remember my parents’ divorce. The younger the better, IMO. I disagree with your therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Picking the right spouse would’ve been the right thing to do.

I agree. I messed up. I should have heeded red flags. I didn’t

Then don’t blame your husband. You are at fault here.

Ok thanks. The questions really about when to do it for the kids sake. I’m hearing more people say sooner than later.

For the kids sake? You are beyond that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. Marriage counselor hadn’t said explicitly to divorce but she’s clearly as disgusted with DH as I am. Hinted that divorce would be hard on my 5 year old, at least in junior high DS would be able to understand better. I’m not going to make it until the kids are in college. Maybe I can fake it a few more years? Anyone else do this?

As a teacher who has seen kids of all ages go through this, I would say 5 is one of the easiest ages. Middle school would be harder on the kid.

NP and I agree. I don’t remember my parents’ divorce. The younger the better, IMO. I disagree with your therapist.

Thanks, that seems to be what most people here are saying