How Do We Fix The Mental Health Crisis Among Affluent Teens?

[Anonymous]

Look no further than the current Counseled Out thread to see insecure parents from expensive private prep schools arguing about how much more rigorous their school is than others.

First step: put down your phone and look in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I think it starts young. Child is struggling a little in school...rush to get a diagnosis and meds. Child is struggling emotionally...rush to the shrink and meds. Parents are always trying to fix things instead of being patient and teaching coping mechanisms.

You don’t think therapists teach coping mechanisms?

I didn't say that therapists don't teach coping mechanisms. I said that parents rush to therapists/psychiatrists instead of trying to teach their kids coping mechanisms themselves. So many parents want a quick fix for their kids problems instead of realizing that kids may just be going through a phase or are maturing at a different rate than peers. These kids go from ADHD drugs to SSRIs to anti-anxiety meds...all by the time their 15 years old. I'm not saying that their aren't some kids for whom these medications are essential. But anyone who thinks there's not a ton of overdiagnosing going on these days is kidding themselves.

Well said.

And yet, every time a kid fails at school or struggles at an activity, there is a chorus of voices, including non-parents like teachers or coaches, blaming parents for their kids' struggles. You can't be both hands-off in promoting resilience and solely responsible for your kids' struggles. It's time that we examine the role that all adults, not just parents, play in perpetuating this cycle.

Resilience has nothing to do with anxiety and depression and maybe that is the problem. Parents are ultimately responsible for their child's needs and that includes mental health. If your child is having a mental health issue, you take them for an evaluation and therapy and do family therapy as well. Then, you reach out to the school and do what ever is equal to an IEP/504 at your school.

I do all that. Guess what? It’s not a cure.

There may not be a cure for true mental illness but there are lots of medications and other things to try. But, that’d on parents not the school. If it’s genetic is much harder to treat. There is no quick fix.

[Anonymous]

Get a summer job

Get a driver's license

Get a Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Socialize with other kids your age

That pretty much sums it up for what's needed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it starts young. Child is struggling a little in school...rush to get a diagnosis and meds. Child is struggling emotionally...rush to the shrink and meds. Parents are always trying to fix things instead of being patient and teaching coping mechanisms.

You don’t think therapists teach coping mechanisms?

I didn't say that therapists don't teach coping mechanisms. I said that parents rush to therapists/psychiatrists instead of trying to teach their kids coping mechanisms themselves. So many parents want a quick fix for their kids problems instead of realizing that kids may just be going through a phase or are maturing at a different rate than peers. These kids go from ADHD drugs to SSRIs to anti-anxiety meds...all by the time their 15 years old. I'm not saying that their aren't some kids for whom these medications are essential. But anyone who thinks there's not a ton of overdiagnosing going on these days is kidding themselves.

Well said.

And yet, every time a kid fails at school or struggles at an activity, there is a chorus of voices, including non-parents like teachers or coaches, blaming parents for their kids' struggles. You can't be both hands-off in promoting resilience and solely responsible for your kids' struggles. It's time that we examine the role that all adults, not just parents, play in perpetuating this cycle.

Resilience has nothing to do with anxiety and depression and maybe that is the problem. Parents are ultimately responsible for their child's needs and that includes mental health. If your child is having a mental health issue, you take them for an evaluation and therapy and do family therapy as well. Then, you reach out to the school and do what ever is equal to an IEP/504 at your school.

I think most parents do this, but the reality is that the process is not at all as simplistic as you lay it out to be. Nor is it cheap. Couple on the inter generational nature of mental illness and the likelihood that HHI parents are also managing careers in order to pay for said therapies. It’s massive burden.

Something’s gotta give, and that’s what we are seeing.

Low income have Medicaid which pays and other free resources. This is not an income issue. It’s a time issue. Parents need to find help, take the kids and make changes at home to better meet the kids needs. High hhi have zero excuse and if your career is the priority over your kids then it’s clear where your priorities are. Kids need involved parents. Kids, even teens need that 1-1 time and support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a summer job

Get a driver's license

Get a Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Socialize with other kids your age

That pretty much sums it up for what's needed

You forgot an important thing. Kids need their parents time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it starts young. Child is struggling a little in school...rush to get a diagnosis and meds. Child is struggling emotionally...rush to the shrink and meds. Parents are always trying to fix things instead of being patient and teaching coping mechanisms.

You don’t think therapists teach coping mechanisms?

I didn't say that therapists don't teach coping mechanisms. I said that parents rush to therapists/psychiatrists instead of trying to teach their kids coping mechanisms themselves. So many parents want a quick fix for their kids problems instead of realizing that kids may just be going through a phase or are maturing at a different rate than peers. These kids go from ADHD drugs to SSRIs to anti-anxiety meds...all by the time their 15 years old. I'm not saying that their aren't some kids for whom these medications are essential. But anyone who thinks there's not a ton of overdiagnosing going on these days is kidding themselves.

Well said.

And yet, every time a kid fails at school or struggles at an activity, there is a chorus of voices, including non-parents like teachers or coaches, blaming parents for their kids' struggles. You can't be both hands-off in promoting resilience and solely responsible for your kids' struggles. It's time that we examine the role that all adults, not just parents, play in perpetuating this cycle.

Resilience has nothing to do with anxiety and depression and maybe that is the problem. Parents are ultimately responsible for their child's needs and that includes mental health. If your child is having a mental health issue, you take them for an evaluation and therapy and do family therapy as well. Then, you reach out to the school and do what ever is equal to an IEP/504 at your school.

I do all that. Guess what? It’s not a cure.

I think prevention is ideal. Once there's a mood disorder, sure, get therapy, but I think some parents just DGAF about their kids well being as much as they should. They are busy socializing and traveling, toss their kids in public, only do free activities so they can squeeze by in an "it" home and BMW or SUV, and when problems creep up, just say "they are in therapy now" and medicate them and ask the free school for an IEP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a summer job that pays minimum wage, not an internship at Mommy’s firm.

Get a driver's license and a beater, not a new or nearly new BMW/Jeep/etc. you didn’t pay for and that you wrap around a tree the summer you turn 17.

Get a Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Socialize with other kids your age [/b]who are really good at something you are terrible at or come from a completely different background (if you can find one anywhere near your affluent bubble)[/b]

Have parents who prioritize you and your family and not their careers or your performance in school or sports.

That pretty much sums it up for what's needed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a summer job

Get a driver's license

Get a Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Socialize with other kids your age

That pretty much sums it up for what's needed

You forgot an important thing. Kids need their parents time.

Umm parents have to work only so much time to go around DC is expensive. very out of touch, like the type of people who say "first world problem." Yuck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach kindness in schools. Teach religion to your kids.

Barf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a summer job

Get a driver's license

Get a Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Socialize with other kids your age

That pretty much sums it up for what's needed

You forgot an important thing. Kids need their parents time.

Umm parents have to work only so much time to go around DC is expensive. very out of touch, like the type of people who say "first world problem." Yuck

“Affluent”

If both parents are working so many hours to be affluent rather than comfortable or UMC, is it surprising the kids aren’t alright?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it starts young. Child is struggling a little in school...rush to get a diagnosis and meds. Child is struggling emotionally...rush to the shrink and meds. Parents are always trying to fix things instead of being patient and teaching coping mechanisms.

You don’t think therapists teach coping mechanisms?

I didn't say that therapists don't teach coping mechanisms. I said that parents rush to therapists/psychiatrists instead of trying to teach their kids coping mechanisms themselves. So many parents want a quick fix for their kids problems instead of realizing that kids may just be going through a phase or are maturing at a different rate than peers. These kids go from ADHD drugs to SSRIs to anti-anxiety meds...all by the time their 15 years old. I'm not saying that their aren't some kids for whom these medications are essential. But anyone who thinks there's not a ton of overdiagnosing going on these days is kidding themselves.

Well said.

And yet, every time a kid fails at school or struggles at an activity, there is a chorus of voices, including non-parents like teachers or coaches, blaming parents for their kids' struggles. You can't be both hands-off in promoting resilience and solely responsible for your kids' struggles. It's time that we examine the role that all adults, not just parents, play in perpetuating this cycle.

Resilience has nothing to do with anxiety and depression and maybe that is the problem. Parents are ultimately responsible for their child's needs and that includes mental health. If your child is having a mental health issue, you take them for an evaluation and therapy and do family therapy as well. Then, you reach out to the school and do what ever is equal to an IEP/504 at your school.

I think most parents do this, but the reality is that the process is not at all as simplistic as you lay it out to be. Nor is it cheap. Couple on the inter generational nature of mental illness and the likelihood that HHI parents are also managing careers in order to pay for said therapies. It’s massive burden.

Something’s gotta give, and that’s what we are seeing.

Low income have Medicaid which pays and other free resources. This is not an income issue. It’s a time issue. Parents need to find help, take the kids and make changes at home to better meet the kids needs. High hhi have zero excuse and if your career is the priority over your kids then it’s clear where your priorities are. Kids need involved parents. Kids, even teens need that 1-1 time and support.

Have you tried finding and booking a therapist that takes medicaid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a suicidal high school kid from a wealthy, high-performing enclave. My parents were multi-millionaires many times over, I was close to valedictorian at a top school in the country, I was constantly overworked and under pressure, and my mom was still constantly worried about me. I remember thinking I’m living one of the best lives available in the world, and I hate waking up in the morning. If every other life is worse, what’s the point of this? And then I went to one of those universities everyone fawns over, and I thought this is what everyone is fawning over? Life only gets worse from here? Life is awful here. I don’t want to live it anymore

I’m sorry you feel that way. I understand it can feel that way sometimes. I hoe you can just find a few good people in your life to share your life with. Please get help if you really don’t feel life is worth it.

Here is what gets me… a whole thread on “what to do right by these kids” and one person posts clearly in need and not ONE PERSON RESPONDED. Y’all just f’ing ignored it! See that’s what is wrong with this world list y’all are f’ing selfish AF.

[Anonymous]

It’s all about the parents.

So many buy into the pressure cooker lifestyle and are super concerned about keeping up with the Jonses, appearances, status. Many wealthy DC parents are on antidepressants and drink too much. I’ve seen a lot more marijuana use over the last few years too.

Take pride in being the chill family who prioritizes having fun together on weekends vs getting up at 4am to travel to competitive sports practices/competitions. The family that eats dinner together instead of running in 12 different directions after school every single weekday.

Teach your kids that happiness comes from within. They don’t need to impress people. People-pleasing is exhausting and soul sucking. Make time for boredom… get to know yourself, what makes you happy/feel fulfilled without the weight of what anyone else thinks about it.

Make sure your kids have household responsibilities/chores as part of their daily routine. Little things. Putting away their own laundry, setting the table, emptying trash cans on trash days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s all about the parents.

So many buy into the pressure cooker lifestyle and are super concerned about keeping up with the Jonses, appearances, status. Many wealthy DC parents are on antidepressants and drink too much. I’ve seen a lot more marijuana use over the last few years too.

Take pride in being the chill family who prioritizes having fun together on weekends vs getting up at 4am to travel to competitive sports practices/competitions. The family that eats dinner together instead of running in 12 different directions after school every single weekday.

Teach your kids that happiness comes from within. They don’t need to impress people. People-pleasing is exhausting and soul sucking. Make time for boredom… get to know yourself, what makes you happy/feel fulfilled without the weight of what anyone else thinks about it.

Make sure your kids have household responsibilities/chores as part of their daily routine. Little things. Putting away their own laundry, setting the table, emptying trash cans on trash days.

Lol! You think parents like this never have a kid with anxiety and depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it starts young. Child is struggling a little in school...rush to get a diagnosis and meds. Child is struggling emotionally...rush to the shrink and meds. Parents are always trying to fix things instead of being patient and teaching coping mechanisms.

+ 1,000. The kneejerk reaction to get drugged is uniquely American. Many of these drugs actually INCREASE suicidal tendencies. But parents often ignore the tiny print warnings provided by big pharma and mandated by federal law.

The drug pushing by pharmaceutical corporations and the AMA is egregious. People who invest in this scam are ruthless.

My inattentive type adhd daughter was frustrated and sad as she struggled with organization and paying attention in class. Fast forward 2 years after getting her diagnosis and on a low dose med — she’s thriving and happy. We see it as the equivalent as needing glasses to read. A true diagnosis and proper med management is reasonable. The medication along with some behavior modifications — lots of to do lists and organizational planning have been a game changer for her. Medication is not always bad.