How to make traveling without DH fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to work on the friend thing. My kids (11 and 13) would greatly prefer to hang with a friend than me dragging to a destination where its the same faces they see everyday- is there anyway to meet local people? Kids are old enough to know what they want.

Have been working on it for 15 years. Hasn't happened.

Maybe the people where you live have figured out you think their way of life isn’t “normal” and took offense.

That would be pretty impressive, seeing as I work 60 hours a week from my house and literally never interact with them.

Please, we figured out your snobbery in one line over the internet. They know.

I. Have. Never. Met. A. Single. Person. Here.

Get over yourself.

Np, haven’t commented before, but how is this possible? My family moved from DC to a very rural area when I was eight. My parents met people through my school, through local organizations that they joined, and simply from running errands etc. How can you live somewhere for 15 years and not meet anyone? That sounds like a you problem, As my tween would say.

How would you meet someone running errands and get to know that? I understand chatting with a stranger in passing, but when people say they made their friends at the grocery store or at school drop off, I just don’t understand that. IME either people already know each other or they are rushing around to drop off or complete their errand and leave.

PP is making it up to make OP look like a failure. No one makes friends while running errands. No one.

[Anonymous]

Our family moved from DC to a tiny town in KS. DH is a fed who specializes in certain types of agricultural. I think I know a bit of what you are going through OP. People are just different here and it hasn’t been easy. Try to keep an open mind OP. Open yourself up to the idea of being friends with people of all education and income levels. Sign your kids up for whatever activities the town offers.Best of luck to you!

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing you guys are some type of foreign service? This sounds a lot like my husband when we were posted overseas for my job. I didn't work on the weekends, but I was traveling quite a bit. I know he felt extremely isolated, and really struggled to make friends.

If this is the case, I would note that most US embassies have social offices that help with making friends/planning events.

I do find it really hard to believe that your kids have been going to the same school for 3 years and haven't made any friends that they'd want to hang out with. They don't play sports or do any extracurricular activities? What have they been doing all summer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your kids not involved in sports or other activities? How do you manage weekend trips every month??
Between our 2 oldest kids , our weekends are jammed with birthday parties, soccer game(s), usually a Scout activity, friends hanging out, and the like.

How absent is your dh going to be?

They don't have anything like that here. School is a small private one, so maaaaybe 4 parties a year. No organized sports or Scouts. It's that bad.

DH will very absent working.

There is no public library? No rotary type club? What do the families of the kids at the 4 parties/year do for fun?

Ride four wheelers and hunt and fish and stuff like that. I want more for my kids.

Maybe your kids would enjoy doing some of this? It's certainly not high-brow, but honestly maybe spending some time out in nature while doing a bit of fishing or hunting would be good for them. You can certainly expose them to theater, culture, whatever it is you define as "more" IN ADDITION to allowing them to experience a slice of life in the place you currently reside. OP, the more you comment, the more it seems you WANT to be miserable and place the blame on DH. Your kids are telling you something -- they don't want to spend time with you because you are sad and depressed. Either try to make the best of your situation or look for ways to resolve it -- i.e. therapy, looking at alternative living situations, sending the kids to live with family or go to boarding school...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your kids not involved in sports or other activities? How do you manage weekend trips every month??
Between our 2 oldest kids , our weekends are jammed with birthday parties, soccer game(s), usually a Scout activity, friends hanging out, and the like.

How absent is your dh going to be?

They don't have anything like that here. School is a small private one, so maaaaybe 4 parties a year. No organized sports or Scouts. It's that bad.

DH will very absent working.

There is no public library? No rotary type club? What do the families of the kids at the 4 parties/year do for fun?

Ride four wheelers and hunt and fish and stuff like that. I want more for my kids.

Maybe your kids would enjoy doing some of this? It's certainly not high-brow, but honestly maybe spending some time out in nature while doing a bit of fishing or hunting would be good for them. You can certainly expose them to theater, culture, whatever it is you define as "more" IN ADDITION to allowing them to experience a slice of life in the place you currently reside. OP, the more you comment, the more it seems you WANT to be miserable and place the blame on DH. Your kids are telling you something -- they don't want to spend time with you because you are sad and depressed. Either try to make the best of your situation or look for ways to resolve it -- i.e. therapy, looking at alternative living situations, sending the kids to live with family or go to boarding school...

Op asked about making a weekend away per month and you’re advising to send her kids to boarding school? Classic DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to work on the friend thing. My kids (11 and 13) would greatly prefer to hang with a friend than me dragging to a destination where its the same faces they see everyday- is there anyway to meet local people? Kids are old enough to know what they want.

Have been working on it for 15 years. Hasn't happened.

Maybe the people where you live have figured out you think their way of life isn’t “normal” and took offense.

That would be pretty impressive, seeing as I work 60 hours a week from my house and literally never interact with them.

Please, we figured out your snobbery in one line over the internet. They know.

I. Have. Never. Met. A. Single. Person. Here.

Get over yourself.

Np, haven’t commented before, but how is this possible? My family moved from DC to a very rural area when I was eight. My parents met people through my school, through local organizations that they joined, and simply from running errands etc. How can you live somewhere for 15 years and not meet anyone? That sounds like a you problem, As my tween would say.

How would you meet someone running errands and get to know that? I understand chatting with a stranger in passing, but when people say they made their friends at the grocery store or at school drop off, I just don’t understand that. IME either people already know each other or they are rushing around to drop off or complete their errand and leave.

You start chatting with the person at the post office and discover you’re neighbors, or both have weimeraners, or both grew up in Portland so you befriend each other. Or you see the same people on your weekly errands and start chatting because you’re there every week. Not that hard if you’re not an introvert or think you’re better than others simply because you’re from the city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to work on the friend thing. My kids (11 and 13) would greatly prefer to hang with a friend than me dragging to a destination where its the same faces they see everyday- is there anyway to meet local people? Kids are old enough to know what they want.

Have been working on it for 15 years. Hasn't happened.

Maybe the people where you live have figured out you think their way of life isn’t “normal” and took offense.

That would be pretty impressive, seeing as I work 60 hours a week from my house and literally never interact with them.

Please, we figured out your snobbery in one line over the internet. They know.

I. Have. Never. Met. A. Single. Person. Here.

Get over yourself.

Np, haven’t commented before, but how is this possible? My family moved from DC to a very rural area when I was eight. My parents met people through my school, through local organizations that they joined, and simply from running errands etc. How can you live somewhere for 15 years and not meet anyone? That sounds like a you problem, As my tween would say.

How would you meet someone running errands and get to know that? I understand chatting with a stranger in passing, but when people say they made their friends at the grocery store or at school drop off, I just don’t understand that. IME either people already know each other or they are rushing around to drop off or complete their errand and leave.

You start chatting with the person at the post office and discover you’re neighbors, or both have weimeraners, or both grew up in Portland so you befriend each other. Or you see the same people on your weekly errands and start chatting because you’re there every week. Not that hard if you’re not an introvert or think you’re better than others simply because you’re from the city.

Ok, in your post office example, you find out you both have a specific breed of dog. Then what, you mail your package and hang around waiting while the other person completes their post office business, and you ask for their phone number? Or ask them now that you’re both done with the post office, if they’d like to grab coffee? Seriously, please spell this out for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to work on the friend thing. My kids (11 and 13) would greatly prefer to hang with a friend than me dragging to a destination where its the same faces they see everyday- is there anyway to meet local people? Kids are old enough to know what they want.

Have been working on it for 15 years. Hasn't happened.

Maybe the people where you live have figured out you think their way of life isn’t “normal” and took offense.

That would be pretty impressive, seeing as I work 60 hours a week from my house and literally never interact with them.

Please, we figured out your snobbery in one line over the internet. They know.

I. Have. Never. Met. A. Single. Person. Here.

Get over yourself.

Np, haven’t commented before, but how is this possible? My family moved from DC to a very rural area when I was eight. My parents met people through my school, through local organizations that they joined, and simply from running errands etc. How can you live somewhere for 15 years and not meet anyone? That sounds like a you problem, As my tween would say.

How would you meet someone running errands and get to know that? I understand chatting with a stranger in passing, but when people say they made their friends at the grocery store or at school drop off, I just don’t understand that. IME either people already know each other or they are rushing around to drop off or complete their errand and leave.

You start chatting with the person at the post office and discover you’re neighbors, or both have weimeraners, or both grew up in Portland so you befriend each other. Or you see the same people on your weekly errands and start chatting because you’re there every week. Not that hard if you’re not an introvert or think you’re better than others simply because you’re from the city.

Ok, in your post office example, you find out you both have a specific breed of dog. Then what, you mail your package and hang around waiting while the other person completes their post office business, and you ask for their phone number? Or ask them now that you’re both done with the post office, if they’d like to grab coffee? Seriously, please spell this out for me.

Yes, I literally exchanged numbers with a stranger the other day at lunch because our sons struck up a friendly game on the patio and the other kid asked my son to come to his birthday party. Possible new friend! Not hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your kids not involved in sports or other activities? How do you manage weekend trips every month??
Between our 2 oldest kids , our weekends are jammed with birthday parties, soccer game(s), usually a Scout activity, friends hanging out, and the like.

How absent is your dh going to be?

They don't have anything like that here. School is a small private one, so maaaaybe 4 parties a year. No organized sports or Scouts. It's that bad.

DH will very absent working.

There is no public library? No rotary type club? What do the families of the kids at the 4 parties/year do for fun?

Ride four wheelers and hunt and fish and stuff like that. I want more for my kids.

This sounds great! You want "more" for your kids? Fishing is a lovely hobby that multiple generations can enjoy together. Adventure via four wheelers, hunting, and other things - like hiking or camping - are great for building memories, confidence, & spirit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your kids not involved in sports or other activities? How do you manage weekend trips every month??
Between our 2 oldest kids , our weekends are jammed with birthday parties, soccer game(s), usually a Scout activity, friends hanging out, and the like.

How absent is your dh going to be?

They don't have anything like that here. School is a small private one, so maaaaybe 4 parties a year. No organized sports or Scouts. It's that bad.

DH will very absent working.

There is no public library? No rotary type club? What do the families of the kids at the 4 parties/year do for fun?

Ride four wheelers and hunt and fish and stuff like that. I want more for my kids.

Maybe your kids would enjoy doing some of this? It's certainly not high-brow, but honestly maybe spending some time out in nature while doing a bit of fishing or hunting would be good for them. You can certainly expose them to theater, culture, whatever it is you define as "more" IN ADDITION to allowing them to experience a slice of life in the place you currently reside. OP, the more you comment, the more it seems you WANT to be miserable and place the blame on DH. Your kids are telling you something -- they don't want to spend time with you because you are sad and depressed. Either try to make the best of your situation or look for ways to resolve it -- i.e. therapy, looking at alternative living situations, sending the kids to live with family or go to boarding school...

Op asked about making a weekend away per month and you’re advising to send her kids to boarding school? Classic DCUM

OP's kids DON'T WANT TO GO AWAY WITH HER. There is a reason for this -- she is miserable. Would YOU want to spend a weekend away each month with an unhappy person? She doesn't want her kids hanging out with the locals because their hobbies aren't good enough for her. She insists there are no ways for her to make friends. She WANTS to stay unhappy as punishment(!) to her DH for taking her to this place. OP doesn't need a weekend away... she needs to get her head straight and make some changes to her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your kids not involved in sports or other activities? How do you manage weekend trips every month??
Between our 2 oldest kids , our weekends are jammed with birthday parties, soccer game(s), usually a Scout activity, friends hanging out, and the like.

How absent is your dh going to be?

They don't have anything like that here. School is a small private one, so maaaaybe 4 parties a year. No organized sports or Scouts. It's that bad.

DH will very absent working.

There is no public library? No rotary type club? What do the families of the kids at the 4 parties/year do for fun?

Ride four wheelers and hunt and fish and stuff like that. I want more for my kids.

Maybe your kids would enjoy doing some of this? It's certainly not high-brow, but honestly maybe spending some time out in nature while doing a bit of fishing or hunting would be good for them. You can certainly expose them to theater, culture, whatever it is you define as "more" IN ADDITION to allowing them to experience a slice of life in the place you currently reside. OP, the more you comment, the more it seems you WANT to be miserable and place the blame on DH. Your kids are telling you something -- they don't want to spend time with you because you are sad and depressed. Either try to make the best of your situation or look for ways to resolve it -- i.e. therapy, looking at alternative living situations, sending the kids to live with family or go to boarding school...

Op asked about making a weekend away per month and you’re advising to send her kids to boarding school? Classic DCUM

OP's kids DON'T WANT TO GO AWAY WITH HER. There is a reason for this -- she is miserable. Would YOU want to spend a weekend away each month with an unhappy person? She doesn't want her kids hanging out with the locals because their hobbies aren't good enough for her. She insists there are no ways for her to make friends. She WANTS to stay unhappy as punishment(!) to her DH for taking her to this place. OP doesn't need a weekend away... she needs to get her head straight and make some changes to her life.

You are so clueless, lol. It has nothing to do with me. They just want to be play video games and ride four wheelers with their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our family moved from DC to a tiny town in KS. DH is a fed who specializes in certain types of agricultural. I think I know a bit of what you are going through OP. People are just different here and it hasn’t been easy. Try to keep an open mind OP. Open yourself up to the idea of being friends with people of all education and income levels. Sign your kids up for whatever activities the town offers.Best of luck to you!

FYI, this has nothing to do with education and income levels. It's about people who think it's normal to stay in a little town their entire lives.

[Anonymous]

You are so clueless, lol. It has nothing to do with me. They just want to be play video games and ride four wheelers with their friends.

FYI, this has nothing to do with education and income levels. It's about people who think it's normal to stay in a little town their entire lives.

First of all, THEY ARE KIDS. Video games and 4-wheeling sounds just about right for 8-12 year olds. I don't know what "more" things you have in mind for them, but at some point you just have to set something up and go do it. Maybe they will have fun, maybe not, but at some point you just have to do what you think needs to be done whether or not they are initially on board.

And secondly -- staying in a small town is NOT abnormal. It may not be the way YOU would choose to live your life, but you don't get some sort of superiority award because you've lived in cities. It takes all kinds in this world. You are not better than them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You are so clueless, lol. It has nothing to do with me. They just want to be play video games and ride four wheelers with their friends.

FYI, this has nothing to do with education and income levels. It's about people who think it's normal to stay in a little town their entire lives.

First of all, THEY ARE KIDS. Video games and 4-wheeling sounds just about right for 8-12 year olds. I don't know what "more" things you have in mind for them, but at some point you just have to set something up and go do it. Maybe they will have fun, maybe not, but at some point you just have to do what you think needs to be done whether or not they are initially on board.

And secondly -- staying in a small town is NOT abnormal. It may not be the way YOU would choose to live your life, but you don't get some sort of superiority award because you've lived in cities. It takes all kinds in this world. You are not better than them.

Never said I was. But this isn't how I was raised (nor you, I suspect), so lay off.

[Anonymous]

is this a job where he can't work remotely at all?

DH went through this phase, but he still went with us. Got up early, stayed up late, and took an hour or two mid day for calls zoom meeting, etc...