Anyone up and quit a great job because 3 kids is just too much for full time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, forgive in advance as I know we are very lucky. But can’t ask friends these questions. Have a great job that lets me work remotely. It is mentally exhausting though with high pressure deadlines and lots of late night calls. Mid - 30s, been with the company for 10+ years. Make 280 plus typically 15% bonus each year. Have actually outearned my husband for last 10 years, though based on titles no one expects that (including my In-laws who see my job as a wfh nice mom job ) 2 boys and an 18 month girl under 7. Husband just made partner at his firm. Super amazing dad, but his travel is going to be significant. I am exhausted. Have nanny but feeling down and like our lives are outsourced. Has anyone given up a good paying job, knowing it will slice your household income in half, but you are still happy 5+ years down the road that you made that choice? It’d be tighter in the short term, but in 3-4 yrs we’d probably end up financially where we are today. Or, is it better to just push through the toddler/young years that are exhausting because it’ll get easier and it’s ultimately worth it, particularly when it’s mostly wfh. Add on to this that our public schools suck and we’re not Catholic, but we love where we live. So, should I quit, we likely can’t afford privates for all three all the way through, so would have to move.

PUSH THROUGH.

Or at the very least make a plan to have some sort of work and income of your own. It is short-sighted to quit. You have no idea what the future holds. You may very well find yourself in a situation where you need to support yourself and your kids.

Just curious - do you have three kids yourself?

Darn, the quotes messes up - reposting:

No. I only have two and I ramped down in my marriage to be the one always there. Once you do that you will never be able to fully ramp back up or get your spouse to take an active role in family management. So just be really sure what you are getting yourself into.

Second, I'm at an age where divorces are happening left and right. Some are mutual. Some are not. Two weeks ago a friend told me her husband asked for a divorce out of the blue. A month or so ago a HS classmate of mine died leaving a wife and four kids.

I think women are short-sighted to leave the workforce to take on the full weight of family responsibilities when they have a job they love and have enough income to outsource running the house. You're also passing the message on to your daughters that it's the mother's role to make the sacrifice.

OP asked for advice/opinions and that's mine.

This depends on if you think it’s better to work. Many many women want to be at home and aren’t interested in having a career. They’d consider working outside of the house to be a bad thing that they only do because of a lack of money, family emergency, etc.

PP here - yes, I believe the above is implied in my post. But OP said she "has a great job" so whether women want to work is off-topic here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a career that didn't pay nearly as well as yours, and I can't recommend it. I get it about it being too much, but I'd exhaust every other possible way to make your life easier before giving that up. You can't go back. I mean really, you can't. Once you go SAHM, you end up a receptionist or substitute teacher somewhere, no matter what you were before.

Not if you have the right contacts and it depends on the field. I went back in at the same level I was before after 9 years SAH and then went up from there. Then I quit to SAH again. Heh.

Anecdotally, every single woman I know who quit their job to stay at home 1) stayed home way longer than they originally planned and 2). Took a major career hit when returning to work

Yes there are women who return at the same level and don’t miss a beat. However, this isn’t that common.

Yes. I returned as a lobbyist and it was fine. If that tells you anything about lobbyists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a career that didn't pay nearly as well as yours, and I can't recommend it. I get it about it being too much, but I'd exhaust every other possible way to make your life easier before giving that up. You can't go back. I mean really, you can't. Once you go SAHM, you end up a receptionist or substitute teacher somewhere, no matter what you were before.

Not if you have the right contacts and it depends on the field. I went back in at the same level I was before after 9 years SAH and then went up from there. Then I quit to SAH again. Heh.

+1. i was out for about a dozen years (career change and then SAHM for 5 years), came right back in to my original industry at the level that i had left, am now at the same level now as my peers (management) who didn't leave the workforce because i went ALL IN for the past 8 years. now, 8 years later with two young teenagers, am totally burned out and considering all options to make my life more manageable.

ladies, you CAN take time off and get back in.

No YOU can go back- not everyone is as privileged.

Thank you. I did everything possible to keep one foot in the door, kept up my skills and always worked part time and on contract, but was never able to pick up my career trajectory. I had missed the transition to management and by the time I was able to commit to full time, I was too old for anyone to want me as less than management, but not able to get management positions with the recent gap, even though it was not even a complete gap. My field just requires going "all in" at a younger age, and once it's passed, it's passed. Perhaps younger mothers will have more luck, but going back in my industry was not possible, and I do not know one single other person (and I have a wide network) who has been able to make it happen - not even those who went back to school and got additional degrees, not even those who were supremely talented and accomplished, not even those with amazing connections. In point of fact, the entire top management team at my former place of work is comprised of childless women in their 50's and 60's, and above them it's all men.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM, but I would hate to do it for three. There’s a lot of room between a high stress job for $280k and quitting entirely. What about a lower stress, shorter hours job for $150k?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a career that didn't pay nearly as well as yours, and I can't recommend it. I get it about it being too much, but I'd exhaust every other possible way to make your life easier before giving that up. You can't go back. I mean really, you can't. Once you go SAHM, you end up a receptionist or substitute teacher somewhere, no matter what you were before.

Not if you have the right contacts and it depends on the field. I went back in at the same level I was before after 9 years SAH and then went up from there. Then I quit to SAH again. Heh.

+1. i was out for about a dozen years (career change and then SAHM for 5 years), came right back in to my original industry at the level that i had left, am now at the same level now as my peers (management) who didn't leave the workforce because i went ALL IN for the past 8 years. now, 8 years later with two young teenagers, am totally burned out and considering all options to make my life more manageable.

ladies, you CAN take time off and get back in.

No YOU can go back- not everyone is as privileged.

Thank you. I did everything possible to keep one foot in the door, kept up my skills and always worked part time and on contract, but was never able to pick up my career trajectory. I had missed the transition to management and by the time I was able to commit to full time, I was too old for anyone to want me as less than management, but not able to get management positions with the recent gap, even though it was not even a complete gap. My field just requires going "all in" at a younger age, and once it's passed, it's passed. Perhaps younger mothers will have more luck, but going back in my industry was not possible, and I do not know one single other person (and I have a wide network) who has been able to make it happen - not even those who went back to school and got additional degrees, not even those who were supremely talented and accomplished, not even those with amazing connections. In point of fact, the entire top management team at my former place of work is comprised of childless women in their 50's and 60's, and above them it's all men.

What industry? That seems odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a career that didn't pay nearly as well as yours, and I can't recommend it. I get it about it being too much, but I'd exhaust every other possible way to make your life easier before giving that up. You can't go back. I mean really, you can't. Once you go SAHM, you end up a receptionist or substitute teacher somewhere, no matter what you were before.

Not if you have the right contacts and it depends on the field. I went back in at the same level I was before after 9 years SAH and then went up from there. Then I quit to SAH again. Heh.

+1. i was out for about a dozen years (career change and then SAHM for 5 years), came right back in to my original industry at the level that i had left, am now at the same level now as my peers (management) who didn't leave the workforce because i went ALL IN for the past 8 years. now, 8 years later with two young teenagers, am totally burned out and considering all options to make my life more manageable.

ladies, you CAN take time off and get back in.

No YOU can go back- not everyone is as privileged.

Thank you. I did everything possible to keep one foot in the door, kept up my skills and always worked part time and on contract, but was never able to pick up my career trajectory. I had missed the transition to management and by the time I was able to commit to full time, I was too old for anyone to want me as less than management, but not able to get management positions with the recent gap, even though it was not even a complete gap. My field just requires going "all in" at a younger age, and once it's passed, it's passed. Perhaps younger mothers will have more luck, but going back in my industry was not possible, and I do not know one single other person (and I have a wide network) who has been able to make it happen - not even those who went back to school and got additional degrees, not even those who were supremely talented and accomplished, not even those with amazing connections. In point of fact, the entire top management team at my former place of work is comprised of childless women in their 50's and 60's, and above them it's all men.

What industry? That seems odd.

Yes, this sounds really weird, because most industries are dying to hire women in their 50's with a 10-year employment gap.

[Anonymous]

I'm a working mom with 3 kids: 7, 5 and 3 yo. I work from home also and earn similar to you. The big diff is the husband. Hubs earns 80K which he keeps only to himself. Pays me $900 a month as his calculated contribution. It is cheaper to stay married, even though I am generally unsupported. He does childcare by playing videogames with them when I have a meeting. I cook, I grocery, I clean. Because I have no choice, I make it work. I hate it when people say "why did you have 3 kids?"

I do not regret having 3 kids. Maybe I should have been more discerning in who I married. But I am here now.

My advice to you is to count your blessings and give yourself grace. Lots of grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a career that didn't pay nearly as well as yours, and I can't recommend it. I get it about it being too much, but I'd exhaust every other possible way to make your life easier before giving that up. You can't go back. I mean really, you can't. Once you go SAHM, you end up a receptionist or substitute teacher somewhere, no matter what you were before.

Not if you have the right contacts and it depends on the field. I went back in at the same level I was before after 9 years SAH and then went up from there. Then I quit to SAH again. Heh.

+1. i was out for about a dozen years (career change and then SAHM for 5 years), came right back in to my original industry at the level that i had left, am now at the same level now as my peers (management) who didn't leave the workforce because i went ALL IN for the past 8 years. now, 8 years later with two young teenagers, am totally burned out and considering all options to make my life more manageable.

ladies, you CAN take time off and get back in.

No YOU can go back- not everyone is as privileged.

Thank you. I did everything possible to keep one foot in the door, kept up my skills and always worked part time and on contract, but was never able to pick up my career trajectory. I had missed the transition to management and by the time I was able to commit to full time, I was too old for anyone to want me as less than management, but not able to get management positions with the recent gap, even though it was not even a complete gap. My field just requires going "all in" at a younger age, and once it's passed, it's passed. Perhaps younger mothers will have more luck, but going back in my industry was not possible, and I do not know one single other person (and I have a wide network) who has been able to make it happen - not even those who went back to school and got additional degrees, not even those who were supremely talented and accomplished, not even those with amazing connections. In point of fact, the entire top management team at my former place of work is comprised of childless women in their 50's and 60's, and above them it's all men.

What industry? That seems odd.

Yes, this sounds really weird, because most industries are dying to hire women in their 50's with a 10-year employment gap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the feedback. Just in my husband’s defense, he will now make more and will be on a better long term trajectory. (Which I prefer ! Just my “steady” job still ends up being early mornings/late nights/ pressure cooker!

Do people really have jobs that are only 40 hours a week with flexibility to wfh? Feel like it’d be taking a pay cut for the same thing somewhere else.

Join the federal government. It’s only 40 hrs a week and completely easy to maintain while still managing three children.

[Anonymous]

When I read OP's post "I take off between 5:30-7 to be with the kids" that nearly made me cry.

When you look back on your life in 10 years, will you be happy with 1.5 hours/day with your kids?

Also seems totally unfair for husband to be off traveling all the time with 3 young kids at home.

Having 3 kids = making some sacrifices. Time for OP and DH to sit down and hash this out together to make a plan that works for them both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a career that didn't pay nearly as well as yours, and I can't recommend it. I get it about it being too much, but I'd exhaust every other possible way to make your life easier before giving that up. You can't go back. I mean really, you can't. Once you go SAHM, you end up a receptionist or substitute teacher somewhere, no matter what you were before.

Not if you have the right contacts and it depends on the field. I went back in at the same level I was before after 9 years SAH and then went up from there. Then I quit to SAH again. Heh.

And your 2nd quitting is EXACTLY why companies are reluctant to hire SAHM in first place. You have already shown you have inclination and option to just not work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i feel like your situation doesn't sound all that awful since you have a nanny and work from home, thus cutting out commuting time/extra time away from home.

idk the age of kid number 2, but, if not already, you have or will have 2 kids in school.

i would have a hard time giving up that income, especially if you say you would have to move, unless you want to move, of course.

i think you just push through and maybe outsource a little more if there is something that you could outsource (cleaning or cooking?).

I actually think it’s the WFH that’s making it more stressful.

I WFH and my kids are not little (MS and HS age) and I think telework full time is its own kind of hole I just fall down M-F and feel disoriented from living and working in the same space.

Otherwise I totally agree with this post.

OP - I don’t think you actually want to stop working. There are many shades of gray between what you now and totally quitting your job. Sounds like you just need a different shade. Try to maybe get out of the house to work sometimes. Ask your work about different roles. You can maybe stay where you’re comfortable and find a pay cut instead of a total loss of income.