Anyone up and quit a great job because 3 kids is just too much for full time?

[Anonymous]

Ok, forgive in advance as I know we are very lucky. But can’t ask friends these questions. Have a great job that lets me work remotely. It is mentally exhausting though with high pressure deadlines and lots of late night calls. Mid - 30s, been with the company for 10+ years. Make 280 plus typically 15% bonus each year. Have actually outearned my husband for last 10 years, though based on titles no one expects that (including my In-laws who see my job as a wfh nice mom job ) 2 boys and an 18 month girl under 7. Husband just made partner at his firm. Super amazing dad, but his travel is going to be significant. I am exhausted. Have nanny but feeling down and like our lives are outsourced. Has anyone given up a good paying job, knowing it will slice your household income in half, but you are still happy 5+ years down the road that you made that choice? It’d be tighter in the short term, but in 3-4 yrs we’d probably end up financially where we are today. Or, is it better to just push through the toddler/young years that are exhausting because it’ll get easier and it’s ultimately worth it, particularly when it’s mostly wfh. Add on to this that our public schools suck and we’re not Catholic, but we love where we live. So, should I quit, we likely can’t afford privates for all three all the way through, so would have to move.

[Anonymous]

Before you just up and quit, can you take two weeks off? Not necessarily to go somewhere on vacation because kids that young don’t always make for relaxing vacations. But to take a break from the relentless pressure at work. Spend the first week with the kids a few hours in the am - pool, parks, etc, afternoons doing things for you - massages, nails, going to the movies alone, reading at B&N etc. Then take the second week and really think through are there things that you could be doing differently? Could you outsource meals 1-2 weeks a month through something like Territory, weekly house cleaning, could you increase the nanny’s pay so that they take on all children’s laundry or dinners etc?

I would also really evaluate your behavior at work. So many people get caught up in jumping on items immediately m, juggling multiple tasks, creating their own pressures to respond to emails on evenings/weekend. Employers will never set limits, it’s up to us as the employee to establish limits.

[Anonymous]

i feel like your situation doesn't sound all that awful since you have a nanny and work from home, thus cutting out commuting time/extra time away from home.

idk the age of kid number 2, but, if not already, you have or will have 2 kids in school.

i would have a hard time giving up that income, especially if you say you would have to move, unless you want to move, of course.

i think you just push through and maybe outsource a little more if there is something that you could outsource (cleaning or cooking?).

[Anonymous]

Why isn't the conversation about your husband quitting or going to a lower stress job, if you out earn him?

[Anonymous]

OP, the issue isn’t that you and your husband both work FT, it’s that you both work MORE than FT (or, that your husband soon will). You both have demanding jobs. There are plenty of options in between a demanding job and none at all.

Also, older kids are IME more logistically complicated than younger ones. You could retain the nanny and have her drive the kids to various activities, etc., but kids still need you when they’re older. You probably won’t be as physically exhausted, at least.

-Working mom of three

[Anonymous]

Push through and figure out how to outsource more of the drudgery to give you more time with your kids. Housecleaning? Meal prep service? And I'm sure you already do this, but you should not be on call and available to your kids when the nanny is there and you're working.

Consider whether it would make financial sense to have your husband leave his job or move to something part-time or less demanding (of counsel). If you're outearning him, be hard-nosed about who's making the money. There's nothing that says his job gets prioritized over yours.

Regardless of your job situation, consider moving to somewhere with good public schools now, which will give you more flexibility if you decide you want to off-ramp later. With three kids, you need to save like crazy for college as you will not get a dime of financial aid. Don't pay for private schools.

Let me also tell you as the mom of three teens, two in HS and one in college, that it doesn't get that much easier over time. Each age and stage has its own challenges, both emotional and logistical. There's no magical time when suddenly having three kids at home becomes "easy" -- not until the last one heads out the door to college. The business of the MS and HS years is off the charts.

[Anonymous]

That sounds horrible. The money is not worth it. Idk what to suggest but it’s not sustainable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the issue isn’t that you and your husband both work FT, it’s that you both work MORE than FT (or, that your husband soon will). You both have demanding jobs. There are plenty of options in between a demanding job and none at all.

Also, older kids are IME more logistically complicated than younger ones. You could retain the nanny and have her drive the kids to various activities, etc., but kids still need you when they’re older. You probably won’t be as physically exhausted, at least.

-Working mom of three

+1
Op, try moving into a regular 40-hr a week job even with the pay cut and see how that feels for a year.

[Anonymous]

Push through. Unless you hate your job. This is a short stage and you have help and resources to get more. Everyone I know who left their jobs wishes they hadn’t.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for the feedback. Just in my husband’s defense, he will now make more and will be on a better long term trajectory. (Which I prefer ! Just my “steady” job still ends up being early mornings/late nights/ pressure cooker!

Do people really have jobs that are only 40 hours a week with flexibility to wfh? Feel like it’d be taking a pay cut for the same thing somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Before quitting I would definitely try just working less hours. Ask for a four day week schedule? This might reduce the pressure to manageable levels. Being a full time stay at home mom can also be very stressful, especially with less income.

[Anonymous]

Quit and move. No one on their deathbed regrets time with family, especially when children are so little. The early years are the most important years for building the best possible foundation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the feedback. Just in my husband’s defense, he will now make more and will be on a better long term trajectory. (Which I prefer ! Just my “steady” job still ends up being early mornings/late nights/ pressure cooker!

Do people really have jobs that are only 40 hours a week with flexibility to wfh? Feel like it’d be taking a pay cut for the same thing somewhere else.

I do but I started at ‘only’ $89K and 4 years later make $107K. So a 50%+ drop from your income currently. But that’s fine for me because I only work 20 hours a week as a remote FTE and I’m not stressed at all.

I plan to keep this same job for 10 years or more.

[Anonymous]

Since you have been with company 10 years and are a high performer, can you approach them about scaling back/ can they hire someone who can do part of your job/you can delebate to? I feel like once your kids are older you might regret leaving entirely. Or take some time off and look for a part/time job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the feedback. Just in my husband’s defense, he will now make more and will be on a better long term trajectory. (Which I prefer ! Just my “steady” job still ends up being early mornings/late nights/ pressure cooker!

Do people really have jobs that are only 40 hours a week with flexibility to wfh? Feel like it’d be taking a pay cut for the same thing somewhere else.

Mine is 35. (Most weeks). I worked a lot last week, to be fair. But there are definitely other kinds of jobs out there.

TONS of jobs are FT WFH now. That's not some rare perk, that's pretty much baseline.