Anyone up and quit a great job because 3 kids is just too much for full time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, forgive in advance as I know we are very lucky. But can’t ask friends these questions. Have a great job that lets me work remotely. It is mentally exhausting though with high pressure deadlines and lots of late night calls. Mid - 30s, been with the company for 10+ years. Make 280 plus typically 15% bonus each year. Have actually outearned my husband for last 10 years, though based on titles no one expects that (including my In-laws who see my job as a wfh nice mom job ) 2 boys and an 18 month girl under 7. Husband just made partner at his firm. Super amazing dad, but his travel is going to be significant. I am exhausted. Have nanny but feeling down and like our lives are outsourced. Has anyone given up a good paying job, knowing it will slice your household income in half, but you are still happy 5+ years down the road that you made that choice? It’d be tighter in the short term, but in 3-4 yrs we’d probably end up financially where we are today. Or, is it better to just push through the toddler/young years that are exhausting because it’ll get easier and it’s ultimately worth it, particularly when it’s mostly wfh. Add on to this that our public schools suck and we’re not Catholic, but we love where we live. So, should I quit, we likely can’t afford privates for all three all the way through, so would have to move.

PUSH THROUGH.

Or at the very least make a plan to have some sort of work and income of your own. It is short-sighted to quit. You have no idea what the future holds. You may very well find yourself in a situation where you need to support yourself and your kids.

Just curious - do you have three kids yourself?

Darn, the quotes messes up - reposting:

No. I only have two and I ramped down in my marriage to be the one always there. Once you do that you will never be able to fully ramp back up or get your spouse to take an active role in family management. So just be really sure what you are getting yourself into.

Second, I'm at an age where divorces are happening left and right. Some are mutual. Some are not. Two weeks ago a friend told me her husband asked for a divorce out of the blue. A month or so ago a HS classmate of mine died leaving a wife and four kids.

I think women are short-sighted to leave the workforce to take on the full weight of family responsibilities when they have a job they love and have enough income to outsource running the house. You're also passing the message on to your daughters that it's the mother's role to make the sacrifice.

OP asked for advice/opinions and that's mine.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Me. Zero regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, forgive in advance as I know we are very lucky. But can’t ask friends these questions. Have a great job that lets me work remotely. It is mentally exhausting though with high pressure deadlines and lots of late night calls. Mid - 30s, been with the company for 10+ years. Make 280 plus typically 15% bonus each year. Have actually outearned my husband for last 10 years, though based on titles no one expects that (including my In-laws who see my job as a wfh nice mom job ) 2 boys and an 18 month girl under 7. Husband just made partner at his firm. Super amazing dad, but his travel is going to be significant. I am exhausted. Have nanny but feeling down and like our lives are outsourced. Has anyone given up a good paying job, knowing it will slice your household income in half, but you are still happy 5+ years down the road that you made that choice? It’d be tighter in the short term, but in 3-4 yrs we’d probably end up financially where we are today. Or, is it better to just push through the toddler/young years that are exhausting because it’ll get easier and it’s ultimately worth it, particularly when it’s mostly wfh. Add on to this that our public schools suck and we’re not Catholic, but we love where we live. So, should I quit, we likely can’t afford privates for all three all the way through, so would have to move.

PUSH THROUGH.

Or at the very least make a plan to have some sort of work and income of your own. It is short-sighted to quit. You have no idea what the future holds. You may very well find yourself in a situation where you need to support yourself and your kids.

Just curious - do you have three kids yourself?

Darn, the quotes messes up - reposting:

No. I only have two and I ramped down in my marriage to be the one always there. Once you do that you will never be able to fully ramp back up or get your spouse to take an active role in family management. So just be really sure what you are getting yourself into.

Second, I'm at an age where divorces are happening left and right. Some are mutual. Some are not. Two weeks ago a friend told me her husband asked for a divorce out of the blue. A month or so ago a HS classmate of mine died leaving a wife and four kids.

I think women are short-sighted to leave the workforce to take on the full weight of family responsibilities when they have a job they love and have enough income to outsource running the house. You're also passing the message on to your daughters that it's the mother's role to make the sacrifice.

OP asked for advice/opinions and that's mine.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, forgive in advance as I know we are very lucky. But can’t ask friends these questions. Have a great job that lets me work remotely. It is mentally exhausting though with high pressure deadlines and lots of late night calls. Mid - 30s, been with the company for 10+ years. Make 280 plus typically 15% bonus each year. Have actually outearned my husband for last 10 years, though based on titles no one expects that (including my In-laws who see my job as a wfh nice mom job ) 2 boys and an 18 month girl under 7. Husband just made partner at his firm. Super amazing dad, but his travel is going to be significant. I am exhausted. Have nanny but feeling down and like our lives are outsourced. Has anyone given up a good paying job, knowing it will slice your household income in half, but you are still happy 5+ years down the road that you made that choice? It’d be tighter in the short term, but in 3-4 yrs we’d probably end up financially where we are today. Or, is it better to just push through the toddler/young years that are exhausting because it’ll get easier and it’s ultimately worth it, particularly when it’s mostly wfh. Add on to this that our public schools suck and we’re not Catholic, but we love where we live. So, should I quit, we likely can’t afford privates for all three all the way through, so would have to move.

PUSH THROUGH.

Or at the very least make a plan to have some sort of work and income of your own. It is short-sighted to quit. You have no idea what the future holds. You may very well find yourself in a situation where you need to support yourself and your kids.

Just curious - do you have three kids yourself?

Darn, the quotes messes up - reposting:

No. I only have two and I ramped down in my marriage to be the one always there. Once you do that you will never be able to fully ramp back up or get your spouse to take an active role in family management. So just be really sure what you are getting yourself into.

Second, I'm at an age where divorces are happening left and right. Some are mutual. Some are not. Two weeks ago a friend told me her husband asked for a divorce out of the blue. A month or so ago a HS classmate of mine died leaving a wife and four kids.

I think women are short-sighted to leave the workforce to take on the full weight of family responsibilities when they have a job they love and have enough income to outsource running the house. You're also passing the message on to your daughters that it's the mother's role to make the sacrifice.

OP asked for advice/opinions and that's mine.

This depends on if you think it’s better to work. Many many women want to be at home and aren’t interested in having a career. They’d consider working outside of the house to be a bad thing that they only do because of a lack of money, family emergency, etc.

[Anonymous]

Just the thought of moving with 3 small kids would want me to keep my job. Also, if you need to move to a good school district, expect to spend $$$$, so your expenses will go up too, while your income will tank. I wouldn't do it, but I like a comfortable lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

I gave up a career that didn't pay nearly as well as yours, and I can't recommend it. I get it about it being too much, but I'd exhaust every other possible way to make your life easier before giving that up. You can't go back. I mean really, you can't. Once you go SAHM, you end up a receptionist or substitute teacher somewhere, no matter what you were before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a career that didn't pay nearly as well as yours, and I can't recommend it. I get it about it being too much, but I'd exhaust every other possible way to make your life easier before giving that up. You can't go back. I mean really, you can't. Once you go SAHM, you end up a receptionist or substitute teacher somewhere, no matter what you were before.

Not if you have the right contacts and it depends on the field. I went back in at the same level I was before after 9 years SAH and then went up from there. Then I quit to SAH again. Heh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, forgive in advance as I know we are very lucky. But can’t ask friends these questions. Have a great job that lets me work remotely. It is mentally exhausting though with high pressure deadlines and lots of late night calls. Mid - 30s, been with the company for 10+ years. Make 280 plus typically 15% bonus each year. Have actually outearned my husband for last 10 years, though based on titles no one expects that (including my In-laws who see my job as a wfh nice mom job ) 2 boys and an 18 month girl under 7. Husband just made partner at his firm. Super amazing dad, but his travel is going to be significant. I am exhausted. Have nanny but feeling down and like our lives are outsourced. Has anyone given up a good paying job, knowing it will slice your household income in half, but you are still happy 5+ years down the road that you made that choice? It’d be tighter in the short term, but in 3-4 yrs we’d probably end up financially where we are today. Or, is it better to just push through the toddler/young years that are exhausting because it’ll get easier and it’s ultimately worth it, particularly when it’s mostly wfh. Add on to this that our public schools suck and we’re not Catholic, but we love where we live. So, should I quit, we likely can’t afford privates for all three all the way through, so would have to move.

PUSH THROUGH.

Or at the very least make a plan to have some sort of work and income of your own. It is short-sighted to quit. You have no idea what the future holds. You may very well find yourself in a situation where you need to support yourself and your kids.

Just curious - do you have three kids yourself?

Darn, the quotes messes up - reposting:

No. I only have two and I ramped down in my marriage to be the one always there. Once you do that you will never be able to fully ramp back up or get your spouse to take an active role in family management. So just be really sure what you are getting yourself into.

Second, I'm at an age where divorces are happening left and right. Some are mutual. Some are not. Two weeks ago a friend told me her husband asked for a divorce out of the blue. A month or so ago a HS classmate of mine died leaving a wife and four kids.

I think women are short-sighted to leave the workforce to take on the full weight of family responsibilities when they have a job they love and have enough income to outsource running the house. You're also passing the message on to your daughters that it's the mother's role to make the sacrifice.

OP asked for advice/opinions and that's mine.

This depends on if you think it’s better to work. Many many women want to be at home and aren’t interested in having a career. They’d consider working outside of the house to be a bad thing that they only do because of a lack of money, family emergency, etc.

Many many other women want to be home with their own kids when the kids are little and then focus on their career when the kids are in school full time. They don't consider working outside of the house to be a bad thing, they just consider their kids to be very good thing and want to be a SAHM for awhile. Some dads feel that way too. My opinion is that this is an equally valid set of priorities and can work out just fine especially if planned for in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a career that didn't pay nearly as well as yours, and I can't recommend it. I get it about it being too much, but I'd exhaust every other possible way to make your life easier before giving that up. You can't go back. I mean really, you can't. Once you go SAHM, you end up a receptionist or substitute teacher somewhere, no matter what you were before.

Not if you have the right contacts and it depends on the field. I went back in at the same level I was before after 9 years SAH and then went up from there. Then I quit to SAH again. Heh.

+1. i was out for about a dozen years (career change and then SAHM for 5 years), came right back in to my original industry at the level that i had left, am now at the same level now as my peers (management) who didn't leave the workforce because i went ALL IN for the past 8 years. now, 8 years later with two young teenagers, am totally burned out and considering all options to make my life more manageable.

ladies, you CAN take time off and get back in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a career that didn't pay nearly as well as yours, and I can't recommend it. I get it about it being too much, but I'd exhaust every other possible way to make your life easier before giving that up. You can't go back. I mean really, you can't. Once you go SAHM, you end up a receptionist or substitute teacher somewhere, no matter what you were before.

Not if you have the right contacts and it depends on the field. I went back in at the same level I was before after 9 years SAH and then went up from there. Then I quit to SAH again. Heh.

+1. i was out for about a dozen years (career change and then SAHM for 5 years), came right back in to my original industry at the level that i had left, am now at the same level now as my peers (management) who didn't leave the workforce because i went ALL IN for the past 8 years. now, 8 years later with two young teenagers, am totally burned out and considering all options to make my life more manageable.

ladies, you CAN take time off and get back in.

No YOU can go back- not everyone is as privileged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a career that didn't pay nearly as well as yours, and I can't recommend it. I get it about it being too much, but I'd exhaust every other possible way to make your life easier before giving that up. You can't go back. I mean really, you can't. Once you go SAHM, you end up a receptionist or substitute teacher somewhere, no matter what you were before.

Not if you have the right contacts and it depends on the field. I went back in at the same level I was before after 9 years SAH and then went up from there. Then I quit to SAH again. Heh.

Anecdotally, every single woman I know who quit their job to stay at home 1) stayed home way longer than they originally planned and 2). Took a major career hit when returning to work

Yes there are women who return at the same level and don’t miss a beat. However, this isn’t that common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a career that didn't pay nearly as well as yours, and I can't recommend it. I get it about it being too much, but I'd exhaust every other possible way to make your life easier before giving that up. You can't go back. I mean really, you can't. Once you go SAHM, you end up a receptionist or substitute teacher somewhere, no matter what you were before.

Not if you have the right contacts and it depends on the field. I went back in at the same level I was before after 9 years SAH and then went up from there. Then I quit to SAH again. Heh.

+1. i was out for about a dozen years (career change and then SAHM for 5 years), came right back in to my original industry at the level that i had left, am now at the same level now as my peers (management) who didn't leave the workforce because i went ALL IN for the past 8 years. now, 8 years later with two young teenagers, am totally burned out and considering all options to make my life more manageable.

ladies, you CAN take time off and get back in.

No YOU can go back- not everyone is as privileged.

JFC. There are now 2 of us who were “so privileged.” In fact, I worked hard to stay relevant and set it up so I could go back. Apparently so did the the other PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a career that didn't pay nearly as well as yours, and I can't recommend it. I get it about it being too much, but I'd exhaust every other possible way to make your life easier before giving that up. You can't go back. I mean really, you can't. Once you go SAHM, you end up a receptionist or substitute teacher somewhere, no matter what you were before.

Not if you have the right contacts and it depends on the field. I went back in at the same level I was before after 9 years SAH and then went up from there. Then I quit to SAH again. Heh.

Anecdotally, every single woman I know who quit their job to stay at home 1) stayed home way longer than they originally planned and 2). Took a major career hit when returning to work

Yes there are women who return at the same level and don’t miss a beat. However, this isn’t that common.

Agree. I work in the legal field and have multiple former SAHMs in my department who were at decent firms prior to taking time to be at home. They are now mid-level paralegals at my company, because it was their only way back in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a career that didn't pay nearly as well as yours, and I can't recommend it. I get it about it being too much, but I'd exhaust every other possible way to make your life easier before giving that up. You can't go back. I mean really, you can't. Once you go SAHM, you end up a receptionist or substitute teacher somewhere, no matter what you were before.

Not if you have the right contacts and it depends on the field. I went back in at the same level I was before after 9 years SAH and then went up from there. Then I quit to SAH again. Heh.

Anecdotally, every single woman I know who quit their job to stay at home 1) stayed home way longer than they originally planned and 2). Took a major career hit when returning to work

Yes there are women who return at the same level and don’t miss a beat. However, this isn’t that common.

Agree. I work in the legal field and have multiple former SAHMs in my department who were at decent firms prior to taking time to be at home. They are now mid-level paralegals at my company, because it was their only way back in.

They were law associates prior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a career that didn't pay nearly as well as yours, and I can't recommend it. I get it about it being too much, but I'd exhaust every other possible way to make your life easier before giving that up. You can't go back. I mean really, you can't. Once you go SAHM, you end up a receptionist or substitute teacher somewhere, no matter what you were before.

Not if you have the right contacts and it depends on the field. I went back in at the same level I was before after 9 years SAH and then went up from there. Then I quit to SAH again. Heh.

Anecdotally, every single woman I know who quit their job to stay at home 1) stayed home way longer than they originally planned and 2). Took a major career hit when returning to work

Yes there are women who return at the same level and don’t miss a beat. However, this isn’t that common.

Agree. I work in the legal field and have multiple former SAHMs in my department who were at decent firms prior to taking time to be at home. They are now mid-level paralegals at my company, because it was their only way back in.

They were law associates prior?

PP here - yes, they were associates. Sorry it wasn’t clear