How are you ruining your kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I am guilty of about 75% of these things....

Same. Letting them be picky about food and feeding the same things over and over bc it's annoying to make something they don't eat, not forcing the issue of making their Dad speak to them in Spanish (he's a native speaker), not making them do chores bc it's easier to do them myself, too much screen time bc I need to work on the weekends sometimes. Oh and I haven't put them into swim lessons even though I meant to for the past year.

But I love them a lot and I make sure they know it. *shrug*

Also sometimes I express annoyance at their dad in front of them. I REALLY need to stop that, I truly believe adult conversations should be in private and you should always be a united front for the kids. I'm not going to do that anymore. Hold me to it DCUM!

Adult conversations about weighty topics should absolutely be behind closed doors. But I don’t see the harm in two parents occasionally getting annoyed with each other in front of the kids and then resolving it. For one thing, it models conflict resolution skills.

[Anonymous]

I definitely laugh when my 4th grader drops "adult" words.
My other child lives mostly off bacon and fruit, and I can't care any longer. She'll grow out of it.
All the screen time.
I don't even pretend to care about Minecraft or the other one...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't follow all rules, if they don't work for us. People here are horrified by that, but I don't think it's a big deal. I teach my kids to think critically. For example: there is no eating or drinking on mass transit. But years ago my DD was assigned in the lottery to an elementary school that required us to leave home at 7am to get to her school on time. Not a morning girl, I got her up as late as possible which meant she ate breakfast on the train. Never foods that created crumbs, and she never left trash on the train. So no big deal. People here were HORRIFIED that I wasn't teaching her to follow all rules.

Ugh parents like you are the worst. This is how we end up with kids shooting up schools. Rules don't apply to you.

+1 My mom was like this and I was so embarrassed by it. Ofc some rules are dumb and you can break them but not ones that are for the better of communal living and respect of a communal space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't follow all rules, if they don't work for us. People here are horrified by that, but I don't think it's a big deal. I teach my kids to think critically. For example: there is no eating or drinking on mass transit. But years ago my DD was assigned in the lottery to an elementary school that required us to leave home at 7am to get to her school on time. Not a morning girl, I got her up as late as possible which meant she ate breakfast on the train. Never foods that created crumbs, and she never left trash on the train. So no big deal. People here were HORRIFIED that I wasn't teaching her to follow all rules.

This explains why so many people are so disrespectful and entitled. Unlike PP, I don’t think this leads to violent crime, but I do think it is creating lots of rude people who think they can do whatever they want and feel that they shouldn’t be expected to follow rules they don’t agree with. There has been a tremendous loss of basic common courtesies over the last few years.

+1

Teaching her to break the rules that are not convenient for her is not teaching her to think critically. We can all "think critically" to decide which rules we don't like and will not follow, regardless of how it affects the people around us.

Explain how a kid eating on a train without making any mess, affects people around her. Especially when at least a third of them are sipping Starbucks, eating an RX bar or an apple, etc.

I’m betting you are white. You are teaching her she lives in a world where the rules don’t actually apply to her and she can smile sweetly and get out of trouble. Do you want everyone eating however they want on the metro? Or just your daughter under circumstances you’ve deemed acceptable while others should still follow the rules? It must be nice to believe you don’t need to fear getting in trouble for breaking rules while also still wanting those rules generally upheld against others. You’re a clown raising an a-hole

Yeah, how do you reconcile this with your kid?

"Larla, I know the sign says no food or drink allowed, but YOU are ok to eat because YOU don't like mornings so YOU can just eat your breakfast on the train but others can't. In the future, when you see rules YOU don't like, YOU don't have to follow them."

Never said a word other than warning her to take all her trash with her when we leave and making sure she could eat without making a mess. That's the POINT of the rule, which we followed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't follow all rules, if they don't work for us. People here are horrified by that, but I don't think it's a big deal. I teach my kids to think critically. For example: there is no eating or drinking on mass transit. But years ago my DD was assigned in the lottery to an elementary school that required us to leave home at 7am to get to her school on time. Not a morning girl, I got her up as late as possible which meant she ate breakfast on the train. Never foods that created crumbs, and she never left trash on the train. So no big deal. People here were HORRIFIED that I wasn't teaching her to follow all rules.

This explains why so many people are so disrespectful and entitled. Unlike PP, I don’t think this leads to violent crime, but I do think it is creating lots of rude people who think they can do whatever they want and feel that they shouldn’t be expected to follow rules they don’t agree with. There has been a tremendous loss of basic common courtesies over the last few years.

+1

Teaching her to break the rules that are not convenient for her is not teaching her to think critically. We can all "think critically" to decide which rules we don't like and will not follow, regardless of how it affects the people around us.

Explain how a kid eating on a train without making any mess, affects people around her. Especially when at least a third of them are sipping Starbucks, eating an RX bar or an apple, etc.

I’m betting you are white. You are teaching her she lives in a world where the rules don’t actually apply to her and she can smile sweetly and get out of trouble. Do you want everyone eating however they want on the metro? Or just your daughter under circumstances you’ve deemed acceptable while others should still follow the rules? It must be nice to believe you don’t need to fear getting in trouble for breaking rules while also still wanting those rules generally upheld against others. You’re a clown raising an a-hole

Yeah, how do you reconcile this with your kid?

"Larla, I know the sign says no food or drink allowed, but YOU are ok to eat because YOU don't like mornings so YOU can just eat your breakfast on the train but others can't. In the future, when you see rules YOU don't like, YOU don't have to follow them."

Never said a word other than warning her to take all her trash with her when we leave and making sure she could eat without making a mess. That's the POINT of the rule, which we followed.

Ohh, pp, you have come back here many times to try to defend yourself but it makes me think you KNOW what you are teaching your kid is wrong. You really should read the replies to your original post and take them to heart. You are not in the right here. The entitlement you are teaching your kid is just going to growwww and grow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lose my temper a lot. Stay with their dad when I know deep down it's not really the best choice for any of us. Stay inside too much.

I'm feeling pretty sad today, so it's easy to answer this question seriously and not tongue-in-cheek. I don't think I'm a bad parent, but I do wish I was doing better.

PP, me too. +100 on the temper and the staying with dad thing. I think one thing leads to the other, don't you? Go outside, the sun is your friend and will make you feel less sad. :p

[Anonymous]

Lots of screen time and a limited/somewhat unhealthy diet. But they’re brilliant, loving, happy kids, so hopefully it will all be ok in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My high school/college kids have never been to church or the equivalent. I hear their godlessness is leading to the downfall of society but they both seem to have strong moral compasses and be good people so who knows.

+1 I'm sure my Southern evangelical family is praying hard for my kid's soul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we don't make them do enough chores and have a cleaning service, so I worry they'll never learn basic home management (not HOW, but how to do it routinely and consistently).

It's funny to see so many people claiming they ruined their kids by not making them make enough chores, because my SIL saw my kids taking their own plates to the kitchen, and told me that I am ruining my kids by being lazy and treating them like servants, and that kids should know that their only priorities are schools and extracurriculars and "having a childhood".

PP, keep it up! My 2yo is already an excellent little helper. I was one of the kids who was (truly) ruined by my parents not making me do chores. I am now a married adult who struggles to do basic home maintenance. I am learning, but I feel way behind on life skills and frankly embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

I bribe her daycare teachers. She gets a ton of extra attention for the occasional $50. I also buy extra classroom items the teachers want so they don’t go out of pocket.

I let her watch Elmo while I do her hair every morning and I don’t always admit to it when the other parents compliment her hair (I usually admit to it.)

Food on metro lady, you are the reason I am unable to take my highly allergic daughter on metro. Because people
Don’t follow the rules and I can’t risk her picking up that piece of granola bar your kid absolutely drops. Just so you know, your behavior does impact others.