How are you ruining your kids

[Anonymous]

My MO as a mother is to basically ignore them until I can't anymore.

[Anonymous]

I think I am guilty of about 75% of these things....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate the summer and loathe heat and humidity. When my kids were little, we’d go outside in the early morning and then not again. No TT or screens but summer days were spent like mole-people inside in the air conditioning.

+2 me too! My toddler had his one outing for the day! I hope it all evens out since I always took him out in the cold and snow.

[Anonymous]

I feel like I'm not hard on them enough academically. I don't push them to do their homework.
I yell too much.
I let them have too much screen time.
I should make them do more chores and have more discipline.

BUT, I do listen to them. I validate their feelings. I let them chose a lot of their own way. I talk to them in ways that my parents never did, so I hope that helps with their emotional development.

[Anonymous]

Perimenopause is hitting me like a ton of bricks, and I'm short tempered, snappy, and just plain not nice to DH about half of the month. It sucks and the bickering in front of the kids sucks worse. Plus we don't make them do enough chores and have a cleaning service, so I worry they'll never learn basic home management (not HOW, but how to do it routinely and consistently).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine are grown. It's too late. They are ruint.

You are such a slacker. I finished ruining mine by the time they were like 3. Waiting till they are adults is just helicopter parenting.

Both of these are really funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we don't make them do enough chores and have a cleaning service, so I worry they'll never learn basic home management (not HOW, but how to do it routinely and consistently).

It's funny to see so many people claiming they ruined their kids by not making them make enough chores, because my SIL saw my kids taking their own plates to the kitchen, and told me that I am ruining my kids by being lazy and treating them like servants, and that kids should know that their only priorities are schools and extracurriculars and "having a childhood".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't follow all rules, if they don't work for us. People here are horrified by that, but I don't think it's a big deal. I teach my kids to think critically. For example: there is no eating or drinking on mass transit. But years ago my DD was assigned in the lottery to an elementary school that required us to leave home at 7am to get to her school on time. Not a morning girl, I got her up as late as possible which meant she ate breakfast on the train. Never foods that created crumbs, and she never left trash on the train. So no big deal. People here were HORRIFIED that I wasn't teaching her to follow all rules.

This explains why so many people are so disrespectful and entitled. Unlike PP, I don’t think this leads to violent crime, but I do think it is creating lots of rude people who think they can do whatever they want and feel that they shouldn’t be expected to follow rules they don’t agree with. There has been a tremendous loss of basic common courtesies over the last few years.

+1

Teaching her to break the rules that are not convenient for her is not teaching her to think critically. We can all "think critically" to decide which rules we don't like and will not follow, regardless of how it affects the people around us.

Explain how a kid eating on a train without making any mess, affects people around her. Especially when at least a third of them are sipping Starbucks, eating an RX bar or an apple, etc.

I’m betting you are white. You are teaching her she lives in a world where the rules don’t actually apply to her and she can smile sweetly and get out of trouble. Do you want everyone eating however they want on the metro? Or just your daughter under circumstances you’ve deemed acceptable while others should still follow the rules? It must be nice to believe you don’t need to fear getting in trouble for breaking rules while also still wanting those rules generally upheld against others. You’re a clown raising an a-hole

Wow, you REALLY jumped to assumptions you have no way of knowing. Nope, not white. Who said I want rules upheld against others? You did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m doing a great job and anyone who says otherwise can go f$& themselves.

More parents should feel this way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I am guilty of about 75% of these things....

Same. Letting them be picky about food and feeding the same things over and over bc it's annoying to make something they don't eat, not forcing the issue of making their Dad speak to them in Spanish (he's a native speaker), not making them do chores bc it's easier to do them myself, too much screen time bc I need to work on the weekends sometimes. Oh and I haven't put them into swim lessons even though I meant to for the past year.

But I love them a lot and I make sure they know it. *shrug*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I am guilty of about 75% of these things....

Same. Letting them be picky about food and feeding the same things over and over bc it's annoying to make something they don't eat, not forcing the issue of making their Dad speak to them in Spanish (he's a native speaker), not making them do chores bc it's easier to do them myself, too much screen time bc I need to work on the weekends sometimes. Oh and I haven't put them into swim lessons even though I meant to for the past year.

But I love them a lot and I make sure they know it. *shrug*

Also sometimes I express annoyance at their dad in front of them. I REALLY need to stop that, I truly believe adult conversations should be in private and you should always be a united front for the kids. I'm not going to do that anymore. Hold me to it DCUM!

[Anonymous]

To OP and others worried about picky eaters:

I may be wrong, but I think newer research is showing that some kids are just picky and you can't really parent that away.

I also think that this is often something that resolves on its own. We were all picky eaters as kids in my family, despite my parents best efforts, and we are all very good eaters now. We probably won't eat everything Anthony Bourdain would've tried, but we'll definitely eat almost anything we'd find on any restaurant menu. We all travel widely and enjoy eating.

IOW, OP, you need to find something else to post about in this thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't follow all rules, if they don't work for us. People here are horrified by that, but I don't think it's a big deal. I teach my kids to think critically. For example: there is no eating or drinking on mass transit. But years ago my DD was assigned in the lottery to an elementary school that required us to leave home at 7am to get to her school on time. Not a morning girl, I got her up as late as possible which meant she ate breakfast on the train. Never foods that created crumbs, and she never left trash on the train. So no big deal. People here were HORRIFIED that I wasn't teaching her to follow all rules.

This explains why so many people are so disrespectful and entitled. Unlike PP, I don’t think this leads to violent crime, but I do think it is creating lots of rude people who think they can do whatever they want and feel that they shouldn’t be expected to follow rules they don’t agree with. There has been a tremendous loss of basic common courtesies over the last few years.

+1

Teaching her to break the rules that are not convenient for her is not teaching her to think critically. We can all "think critically" to decide which rules we don't like and will not follow, regardless of how it affects the people around us.

Explain how a kid eating on a train without making any mess, affects people around her. Especially when at least a third of them are sipping Starbucks, eating an RX bar or an apple, etc.

I’m betting you are white. You are teaching her she lives in a world where the rules don’t actually apply to her and she can smile sweetly and get out of trouble. Do you want everyone eating however they want on the metro? Or just your daughter under circumstances you’ve deemed acceptable while others should still follow the rules? It must be nice to believe you don’t need to fear getting in trouble for breaking rules while also still wanting those rules generally upheld against others. You’re a clown raising an a-hole

+1

I agree she should follow the rules, but stop making it a race thing. Because no matter what race you are, you clearly aren’t around nonwhite people yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't follow all rules, if they don't work for us. People here are horrified by that, but I don't think it's a big deal. I teach my kids to think critically. For example: there is no eating or drinking on mass transit. But years ago my DD was assigned in the lottery to an elementary school that required us to leave home at 7am to get to her school on time. Not a morning girl, I got her up as late as possible which meant she ate breakfast on the train. Never foods that created crumbs, and she never left trash on the train. So no big deal. People here were HORRIFIED that I wasn't teaching her to follow all rules.

This explains why so many people are so disrespectful and entitled. Unlike PP, I don’t think this leads to violent crime, but I do think it is creating lots of rude people who think they can do whatever they want and feel that they shouldn’t be expected to follow rules they don’t agree with. There has been a tremendous loss of basic common courtesies over the last few years.

I agree.

In the above situation, your kid should have gotten up like five minutes earlier to eat breakfast. I'm not horrified, but I think you're a jerk and you're teaching your kid to act like one, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't follow all rules, if they don't work for us. People here are horrified by that, but I don't think it's a big deal. I teach my kids to think critically. For example: there is no eating or drinking on mass transit. But years ago my DD was assigned in the lottery to an elementary school that required us to leave home at 7am to get to her school on time. Not a morning girl, I got her up as late as possible which meant she ate breakfast on the train. Never foods that created crumbs, and she never left trash on the train. So no big deal. People here were HORRIFIED that I wasn't teaching her to follow all rules.

This explains why so many people are so disrespectful and entitled. Unlike PP, I don’t think this leads to violent crime, but I do think it is creating lots of rude people who think they can do whatever they want and feel that they shouldn’t be expected to follow rules they don’t agree with. There has been a tremendous loss of basic common courtesies over the last few years.

+1

Teaching her to break the rules that are not convenient for her is not teaching her to think critically. We can all "think critically" to decide which rules we don't like and will not follow, regardless of how it affects the people around us.

Explain how a kid eating on a train without making any mess, affects people around her. Especially when at least a third of them are sipping Starbucks, eating an RX bar or an apple, etc.

I’m betting you are white. You are teaching her she lives in a world where the rules don’t actually apply to her and she can smile sweetly and get out of trouble. Do you want everyone eating however they want on the metro? Or just your daughter under circumstances you’ve deemed acceptable while others should still follow the rules? It must be nice to believe you don’t need to fear getting in trouble for breaking rules while also still wanting those rules generally upheld against others. You’re a clown raising an a-hole

Yeah, how do you reconcile this with your kid?

"Larla, I know the sign says no food or drink allowed, but YOU are ok to eat because YOU don't like mornings so YOU can just eat your breakfast on the train but others can't. In the future, when you see rules YOU don't like, YOU don't have to follow them."