Would you still participate if it wasn't anonymous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No

By the time “Maplesyrup” has posted in their school district’s forum and the age group forums about their kids, talked about their neighborhood in the real estate forum, asked about suggestions for baby names, talked about vacations in travel, given career advice, talked about their cars, gardens, recipes, home improvement projects, etc., they will be pretty identifiable. The anonymity is what makes DCUM invaluable.

I don’t like the meanness, either, which is why I call it out when I see it. If you want to call out a poster for meanness, and I see it, I will happily support you if I agree.

This. I discuss some very private information only on the condition of anonymity. I wouldn't participate if I had to have a screenname.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. And I can be mean sometimes, but try to be helpful. If it's too mean for you, just find another forum.

+1

Given that the owner has the ability to delete non-constructive mean posts, then it appears that the meanness is a feature, not a bug of DCUM. I’ve been visiting since ~2011 and the mean levels seem the same.

NP. I’ve been head around the same amount of time, and I completely disagree about the mean levels being roughly the same. I’ve always joked that “DCUM is full of terrible people,” but at least it seemed like terrible people sharing their real opinions. The level of trollishness and name-calling is way up. Almost even worse, to me, is the threads that are taken over by what seems to be just two people going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, usually with juvenile name calling thrown in. So tiresome for everyone else. I would love to see some kind of identifiers if it meant the ability to confirm it’s really just two individuals so everyone else could tell them to cut it out.

[Anonymous]

Nope.

[Anonymous]

No, because it would create, in me, an expectation for posting (like FB/Twitter/etc)..I don't want that pressure to "comment" as "me"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, because it would create, in me, an expectation for posting (like FB/Twitter/etc)..I don't want that pressure to "comment" as "me"

Even a screen-name or pseudonym would make me feel that pressure to "manage" my public "fake" persona

[Anonymous]

Only if I can be DCUMDaddy666

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. And I can be mean sometimes, but try to be helpful. If it's too mean for you, just find another forum.

+1

Given that the owner has the ability to delete non-constructive mean posts, then it appears that the meanness is a feature, not a bug of DCUM. I’ve been visiting since ~2011 and the mean levels seem the same.

NP. I’ve been head around the same amount of time, and I completely disagree about the mean levels being roughly the same. I’ve always joked that “DCUM is full of terrible people,” but at least it seemed like terrible people sharing their real opinions. The level of trollishness and name-calling is way up. Almost even worse, to me, is the threads that are taken over by what seems to be just two people going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, usually with juvenile name calling thrown in. So tiresome for everyone else. I would love to see some kind of identifiers if it meant the ability to confirm it’s really just two individuals so everyone else could tell them to cut it out.

As someone who has been here for many years, I completely disagree. I think Jeff takes a firmer hand on mean posts than he used to, and I think there are less of them.

The meanness used to be a lot more personal. Like, some nasty SAHM telling WOHMs that they are all terrible mothers, or some WOHM saying all SAHMs are bad role models, or some lactivist saying women who do not breastfeed are selfish, that sort of thing. Now I see a lot less of that, and I sense that people just roll their eyes when they see it. I do now see more people calling each other idiots but it doesn’t seem so personal. It feels less nasty to me, somehow, than the attacks on who people are.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No

By the time “Maplesyrup” has posted in their school district’s forum and the age group forums about their kids, talked about their neighborhood in the real estate forum, asked about suggestions for baby names, talked about vacations in travel, given career advice, talked about their cars, gardens, recipes, home improvement projects, etc., they will be pretty identifiable. The anonymity is what makes DCUM invaluable.

I don’t like the meanness, either, which is why I call it out when I see it. If you want to call out a poster for meanness, and I see it, I will happily support you if I agree.

This. I discuss some very private information only on the condition of anonymity. I wouldn't participate if I had to have a screenname.

How would you not be anonymous with a screen name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No

By the time “Maplesyrup” has posted in their school district’s forum and the age group forums about their kids, talked about their neighborhood in the real estate forum, asked about suggestions for baby names, talked about vacations in travel, given career advice, talked about their cars, gardens, recipes, home improvement projects, etc., they will be pretty identifiable. The anonymity is what makes DCUM invaluable.

I don’t like the meanness, either, which is why I call it out when I see it. If you want to call out a poster for meanness, and I see it, I will happily support you if I agree.

This. I discuss some very private information only on the condition of anonymity. I wouldn't participate if I had to have a screenname.

How would you not be anonymous with a screen name?

This has already been covered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. And I can be mean sometimes, but try to be helpful. If it's too mean for you, just find another forum.

+1

Given that the owner has the ability to delete non-constructive mean posts, then it appears that the meanness is a feature, not a bug of DCUM. I’ve been visiting since ~2011 and the mean levels seem the same.

NP. I’ve been head around the same amount of time, and I completely disagree about the mean levels being roughly the same. I’ve always joked that “DCUM is full of terrible people,” but at least it seemed like terrible people sharing their real opinions. The level of trollishness and name-calling is way up. Almost even worse, to me, is the threads that are taken over by what seems to be just two people going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, usually with juvenile name calling thrown in. So tiresome for everyone else. I would love to see some kind of identifiers if it meant the ability to confirm it’s really just two individuals so everyone else could tell them to cut it out.

I don't disagree that these types of posters are annoying, but if it bothers you so much when a post is mean and name calling then you should simply report it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has the nastiness on DCUM always been this bad or is there an increase? It's just awful. I understand things can get heated when talking about politics, for example, but even posts on mundane topics become a battlefield. Twice in recent weeks I posted completely innocuous comments in discussions and someone responded in such a sarcastic manner that I didn't go back. I've seen people who post a question about a health matter get ridiculed, and know not to open some threads because it is so toxic. I wonder how much of this is attributable to just a few people (there does seem to be some commonalities) but surely no one has that much time on their hands. I also wonder if they are like this in real life, which is kinda scary.

It's been like this for at least 9-10 years. This forum attracts narcissists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No

By the time “Maplesyrup” has posted in their school district’s forum and the age group forums about their kids, talked about their neighborhood in the real estate forum, asked about suggestions for baby names, talked about vacations in travel, given career advice, talked about their cars, gardens, recipes, home improvement projects, etc., they will be pretty identifiable. The anonymity is what makes DCUM invaluable.

I don’t like the meanness, either, which is why I call it out when I see it. If you want to call out a poster for meanness, and I see it, I will happily support you if I agree.

This. I discuss some very private information only on the condition of anonymity. I wouldn't participate if I had to have a screenname.

How would you not be anonymous with a screen name?

People who know you could easily put together that you live in x neighborhood, you work part time at a law firm, your kids go to y school, you went to Paris for your 10th anniversary, you belong to a book club etc. Who is going to chime in on a sensitive health topic or express a valid but negative opinion about her kid’s principal or HOS if she’s pretty easily identifiable? All of this information may be anonymous when taken as discrete bits, but together they’re like puzzle pieces that fit together and reveal that BoopyDog85 is actually you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No

By the time “Maplesyrup” has posted in their school district’s forum and the age group forums about their kids, talked about their neighborhood in the real estate forum, asked about suggestions for baby names, talked about vacations in travel, given career advice, talked about their cars, gardens, recipes, home improvement projects, etc., they will be pretty identifiable. The anonymity is what makes DCUM invaluable.

I don’t like the meanness, either, which is why I call it out when I see it. If you want to call out a poster for meanness, and I see it, I will happily support you if I agree.

This. I discuss some very private information only on the condition of anonymity. I wouldn't participate if I had to have a screenname.

How would you not be anonymous with a screen name?

This has already been covered.

+1

[Anonymous]

Even if I had an pseudonym, I've posted enough that anyone who knew me could recognize me if they saw all my posts as a unit. I wouldn't want that, mostly because of things I've posted in the relationships forum.