Super morbidly obese. Where do I start?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bariatric surgery. With your BMI your health insurance will probably cover it. Husband just went through it after years and years of getting nowhere with dieting and exercise. Sometimes your metabolism and stomach size is just broken. I’m planning on doing it myself this year after a lifetime of weight struggles. My health insurance will cover it.

DP. +1!! Therapy and Gastric Bypass. Life changing. Overweight and then obese my entire life - every diet in the book - up and down 80+ pounds over the years and I have unmedicated ADD inattentive. In my 50s now and normal weight. Most Insurance will pay for it, but you need to be committed to the lifestyle. It got rid of Sleep Apnea, high blood pressure and really bad GERD. Plus, my joints no longer hurt,

[Anonymous]

I posted above, the one who used to weight 390 lbs.

Be wary of helpful advice from people who have never weighted as much as you. There is a huge difference in approach and needs for the super morbidly obese vs. the mom who needs to drop 50 lbs of accumulated baby weight. Not saying losing 50 lbs isn't an accomplishment, but your metabolic state is completely different, especially if you have been obese since childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t recommend a personal trainer enough. A lot of these suggestions are great but it all comes down to just exercise and diet. A personal trainer will keep you accountable and on schedule and will ease you into it. They will have all the knowledge and expertise. Usually they can help you with the meal plan or you can find a nutritionist.

With morbid obesity this is just simply not true.

Even without morbid obesity, this may also not be true. There are many people who have various hormonal or biochemical reasons for being obese. When your biochemical balance is off, sometimes you need medication to help control something in your body that is not responding to diet and exercise the same way that other people's bodies respond to diet and exercise.

So, it's important to consult with a medical practitioner and to ensure that you don't have a condition that may need a medical or pharmaceutical solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bariatric surgery. With your BMI your health insurance will probably cover it. Husband just went through it after years and years of getting nowhere with dieting and exercise. Sometimes your metabolism and stomach size is just broken. I’m planning on doing it myself this year after a lifetime of weight struggles. My health insurance will cover it.

DP. +1!! Therapy and Gastric Bypass. Life changing. Overweight and then obese my entire life - every diet in the book - up and down 80+ pounds over the years and I have unmedicated ADD inattentive. In my 50s now and normal weight. Most Insurance will pay for it, but you need to be committed to the lifestyle. It got rid of Sleep Apnea, high blood pressure and really bad GERD. Plus, my joints no longer hurt,

This is the ONLY answer to these situations. It’s virtually impossible to lose the amount of weight you need to at this point. Just look at the stats. Forget walking, WW, etc.. That might work for people who need to lose 40lbs or less. Look at the Biggest Losers show. Most have regained their weight and then some. Please listen to this advice or your life will be very short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bariatric surgery. With your BMI your health insurance will probably cover it. Husband just went through it after years and years of getting nowhere with dieting and exercise. Sometimes your metabolism and stomach size is just broken. I’m planning on doing it myself this year after a lifetime of weight struggles. My health insurance will cover it.

DP. +1!! Therapy and Gastric Bypass. Life changing. Overweight and then obese my entire life - every diet in the book - up and down 80+ pounds over the years and I have unmedicated ADD inattentive. In my 50s now and normal weight. Most Insurance will pay for it, but you need to be committed to the lifestyle. It got rid of Sleep Apnea, high blood pressure and really bad GERD. Plus, my joints no longer hurt,

This is the ONLY answer to these situations. It’s virtually impossible to lose the amount of weight you need to at this point. Just look at the stats. Forget walking, WW, etc.. That might work for people who need to lose 40lbs or less. Look at the Biggest Losers show. Most have regained their weight and then some. Please listen to this advice or your life will be very short.

Semaglutide may be an answer too. But I agree in general that only medical intervention will work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I’m a childhood sexual assault survivor who became significantly obese in high school. I also have ADHD, something that wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood. I am highly successful in my career but always struggled with weight. I binge dieted, lost 50 lbs, gained it back, etc. I didn’t hide and I traveled the world, but I was fat.

It wasn’t until I started doing significant and deep therapy, along with immersing myself in the body acceptance movement, that I was able to lose weight and keep it off. It took years of work. I had to accept that I gained the weight in part to protect myself and to accept that weight gain isn’t the moral marker that the fatphobes on DCUM make it out to be. There is a huge correlation between super morbid obesity and childhood sexual abuse, and learning about that and finding a compassionate and fat-positive therapist was key. I also worked with an endocrinologist and a doctor who specialized in obesity. It was an extremely expensive and time-consuming process.

But I’m fit and have been for years. I work out almost every day. I will not as part of my healing focus on actual weight, but I wear a women’s medium or large depending on cut as opposed to 2x. I have low blood pressure and excellent labs. I’m happy and have a good marriage (to a man who has stood by me throughout).

You cannot control cravings by willpower alone in a society that makes unhealthy food so easily available. To say that is to tell people to fail. But you can, with a focus on healing, make small changes that might eventually cause weight loss. I started with walking. But when I say it took years, I mean literally years. And, candidly, a lot of money that wasn’t covered by insurance.

Personally I do not think we will make any progress whatsoever on solving the obesity epidemic until we drop the willpower narrative entirely from any discussion of obesity. Obesity is a metabolic condition that is influenced by complex biological and mental processes. The idea that “willpower” can fix obesity is laughably naive.

This is incredibly helpful. Thank you for sharing.

You are welcome. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted above, the one who used to weight 390 lbs.

Be wary of helpful advice from people who have never weighted as much as you. There is a huge difference in approach and needs for the super morbidly obese vs. the mom who needs to drop 50 lbs of accumulated baby weight. Not saying losing 50 lbs isn't an accomplishment, but your metabolic state is completely different, especially if you have been obese since childhood.

Facts. I'm the Wegovy poster, the above is do on point. Going for 20 minute walks is BS for weight loss UNTIL you get a lot of other things in order. Those walks might relax you, bring you sone peace of mind, but won't help you lose weight.

[Anonymous]

“Two weeks to a habit” is a phrase I like to tell myself. If you can do something consistently for two weeks, you can call it a habit. Like going for a walk, like cutting out alcohol, like switching from full sugar soda to diet. Give me confidence that I can make a change long term once I’ve got even two weeks under my belt.

Congratulations on your journey!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first stop is therapy. If you treat all the emotional issues that got you to this weight and has kept you at this weight, you will lose weight without dieting.
-- Trauma survivor and formerly obese person with 20-yr eating disorder who did EMDR + CBT (and a LOT of it).

I don't want to take over this thread with my own question, but I'm curious about your experience. Did you know that your untreated trauma was the reason for your weight issues? I'm also very overweight and I know I have unresolved trauma from my childhood. I've been thinking about finding a trauma therapist and working through it. I have a hard time understanding the connection between my emotions and my weight, but I'm sure there must be an emotional aspect to it. When you started to feel better about yourself, did the eating healthier and being more active come naturally or is it still a constant struggle?

Hi, i’m the PP who wrote this comment.
I had a major trauma at 19 and became a binge eater - and bulimic. I did some therapy, but not enough. One clinician suggested in-patient treatment; in retrospect i regret not doing this (will get to why). I was able to stop throwing up by about age 30. My relationship with food was never normal, but I felt like I had sort of moved on. The bulimia alas also meant you “couldn’t tell” - I remained a completely average weight, neither thin nor fat.
Well, then a variety of awful events in my 30s did a number on me, and I began binging at a rate that caused me to gain about 100 lbs in three years. I lived that way for a decade because I just couldn’t handle staring down my trauma(s) TBH. But I eventually knew - like deeply knew - I had to treat both the trauma and the binge eating. The EMDR was for the trauma. CBT for the eating disorder.

I pretty much lost 50 lbs in a year without trying, then the rest of it by trying. The work is ongoing because without the binging, I felt the full force of my anxiety (that the disordered eating had “medicated”), and it was rough. I am now on both an antidepressant and an anti-anxiety medication. I am strict about exercise and sleep because I learned that anxiety messed with my sleep, and when my sleep is messed with, I’m much more likely to binge. I’ve come a long way on my trauma and am still plugging away at it. Although I am a healthy weight, I’ll always be looking over my shoulder a bit, and I have accepted as much. There was a period where the binge eating was under control but I started picking at my skin, for example - it’s all the same thing, and meant I had more work to do.

There are a lot of well meaning people on here who are like “yep I had no idea how much I was snacking but once I started logging my pretzels and wine I lost 30 lbs!” and that is great and all, but for those of us who have been 100lbs or more overweight, there was absolutely a mental health issue at play far, far beyond “stressful day eating” that needs serious treatment. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first stop is therapy. If you treat all the emotional issues that got you to this weight and has kept you at this weight, you will lose weight without dieting.
-- Trauma survivor and formerly obese person with 20-yr eating disorder who did EMDR + CBT (and a LOT of it).

I don't want to take over this thread with my own question, but I'm curious about your experience. Did you know that your untreated trauma was the reason for your weight issues? I'm also very overweight and I know I have unresolved trauma from my childhood. I've been thinking about finding a trauma therapist and working through it. I have a hard time understanding the connection between my emotions and my weight, but I'm sure there must be an emotional aspect to it. When you started to feel better about yourself, did the eating healthier and being more active come naturally or is it still a constant struggle?

DP. I had a lot of childhood and young adult trauma and have always struggled with my weight. I never in a million years would have linked the two. But the last two years I have made a substantial effort to just like, work on myself I guess. It involved exercise, diet changes and therapy. I’ve tried to lose weight plenty of times and failed and there were extenuating circumstances this time that set me up for success (namely COVID, as it kept me home not eating out all the time and my outlet for stress turned out to be cardio). But there were also circumstances that should have meant instant failure (I had three kids under 5!).

It worked, I’m down 50 pounds, I’m no longer in the obese classification and I don’t think I’ll regain. Hard to draw a direct correlation but I honestly think working through a lot of my trauma, which I’ve been doing concurrently with a therapist, has really really helped and improved my chances of success. I am just generally calmer and more stable and in control of my emotions and life. And that does lead to less emotional overeating and honestly just less health problems overall

Wow - I applaud you with losing weight with three kids. I have been very healthy during pregnancy but gained so much weight in the first 18 months of each child’s life. It’s like I’m steeling myself for the monotony of it all by going to the drive through because there is nothing else. So sad

[Anonymous]

Honestly? Weight-loss surgeon at your age you will get decades back to your life. Weight-loss surgery is NOT the easy way out, but you will go through dietician, therapy and have to confront it head on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first stop is therapy. If you treat all the emotional issues that got you to this weight and has kept you at this weight, you will lose weight without dieting.
-- Trauma survivor and formerly obese person with 20-yr eating disorder who did EMDR + CBT (and a LOT of it).

I don't want to take over this thread with my own question, but I'm curious about your experience. Did you know that your untreated trauma was the reason for your weight issues? I'm also very overweight and I know I have unresolved trauma from my childhood. I've been thinking about finding a trauma therapist and working through it. I have a hard time understanding the connection between my emotions and my weight, but I'm sure there must be an emotional aspect to it. When you started to feel better about yourself, did the eating healthier and being more active come naturally or is it still a constant struggle?

Hi, i’m the PP who wrote this comment.
I had a major trauma at 19 and became a binge eater - and bulimic. I did some therapy, but not enough. One clinician suggested in-patient treatment; in retrospect i regret not doing this (will get to why). I was able to stop throwing up by about age 30. My relationship with food was never normal, but I felt like I had sort of moved on. The bulimia alas also meant you “couldn’t tell” - I remained a completely average weight, neither thin nor fat.
Well, then a variety of awful events in my 30s did a number on me, and I began binging at a rate that caused me to gain about 100 lbs in three years. I lived that way for a decade because I just couldn’t handle staring down my trauma(s) TBH. But I eventually knew - like deeply knew - I had to treat both the trauma and the binge eating. The EMDR was for the trauma. CBT for the eating disorder.

I pretty much lost 50 lbs in a year without trying, then the rest of it by trying. The work is ongoing because without the binging, I felt the full force of my anxiety (that the disordered eating had “medicated”), and it was rough. I am now on both an antidepressant and an anti-anxiety medication. I am strict about exercise and sleep because I learned that anxiety messed with my sleep, and when my sleep is messed with, I’m much more likely to binge. I’ve come a long way on my trauma and am still plugging away at it. Although I am a healthy weight, I’ll always be looking over my shoulder a bit, and I have accepted as much. There was a period where the binge eating was under control but I started picking at my skin, for example - it’s all the same thing, and meant I had more work to do.

There are a lot of well meaning people on here who are like “yep I had no idea how much I was snacking but once I started logging my pretzels and wine I lost 30 lbs!” and that is great and all, but for those of us who have been 100lbs or more overweight, there was absolutely a mental health issue at play far, far beyond “stressful day eating” that needs serious treatment. Good luck OP.

I can relate to soooo much of this!!! I’ve come to accept that I too will always be “looking over my shoulder”. There have been periods where I managed my weight well, periods when I gained weight, and disastrous times like the past 18 months. But even at my lowest adult weight, in my head I was “fat passing for thin”. I have come to accept that I will always, always be dealing with this until I die because almost 40 years of a ducked up relationship with food can at best be managed but it’s not going away. Sometimes I look at other moms and I don’t think I can even imagine what it must be like to exist in a size 6 or 8 body and just walk around taking a moderate amount of space and moving with ease and not carrying this physical and mental weight around. For as long as I can remember (I’m talking childhood) there is this background noise in my head like static that sort of goes over what I just ate, what I’m eating or what I will eat later. It is CONSTANT. Again can’t even imagine what it would be to be able to turn that radio off. So yes, it’s partly about eating less and exercising more but also about so much more than that. These days Im a period of rapid weight gain, doing my best to stabilize things, and worrying about how to be able to move with my kids and also worried about what I can do to not pass this on to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first stop is therapy. If you treat all the emotional issues that got you to this weight and has kept you at this weight, you will lose weight without dieting.
-- Trauma survivor and formerly obese person with 20-yr eating disorder who did EMDR + CBT (and a LOT of it).

I don't want to take over this thread with my own question, but I'm curious about your experience. Did you know that your untreated trauma was the reason for your weight issues? I'm also very overweight and I know I have unresolved trauma from my childhood. I've been thinking about finding a trauma therapist and working through it. I have a hard time understanding the connection between my emotions and my weight, but I'm sure there must be an emotional aspect to it. When you started to feel better about yourself, did the eating healthier and being more active come naturally or is it still a constant struggle?

Hi, i’m the PP who wrote this comment.
I had a major trauma at 19 and became a binge eater - and bulimic. I did some therapy, but not enough. One clinician suggested in-patient treatment; in retrospect i regret not doing this (will get to why). I was able to stop throwing up by about age 30. My relationship with food was never normal, but I felt like I had sort of moved on. The bulimia alas also meant you “couldn’t tell” - I remained a completely average weight, neither thin nor fat.
Well, then a variety of awful events in my 30s did a number on me, and I began binging at a rate that caused me to gain about 100 lbs in three years. I lived that way for a decade because I just couldn’t handle staring down my trauma(s) TBH. But I eventually knew - like deeply knew - I had to treat both the trauma and the binge eating. The EMDR was for the trauma. CBT for the eating disorder.

I pretty much lost 50 lbs in a year without trying, then the rest of it by trying. The work is ongoing because without the binging, I felt the full force of my anxiety (that the disordered eating had “medicated”), and it was rough. I am now on both an antidepressant and an anti-anxiety medication. I am strict about exercise and sleep because I learned that anxiety messed with my sleep, and when my sleep is messed with, I’m much more likely to binge. I’ve come a long way on my trauma and am still plugging away at it. Although I am a healthy weight, I’ll always be looking over my shoulder a bit, and I have accepted as much. There was a period where the binge eating was under control but I started picking at my skin, for example - it’s all the same thing, and meant I had more work to do.

There are a lot of well meaning people on here who are like “yep I had no idea how much I was snacking but once I started logging my pretzels and wine I lost 30 lbs!” and that is great and all, but for those of us who have been 100lbs or more overweight, there was absolutely a mental health issue at play far, far beyond “stressful day eating” that needs serious treatment. Good luck OP.

I can relate to soooo much of this!!! I’ve come to accept that I too will always be “looking over my shoulder”. There have been periods where I managed my weight well, periods when I gained weight, and disastrous times like the past 18 months. But even at my lowest adult weight, in my head I was “fat passing for thin”. I have come to accept that I will always, always be dealing with this until I die because almost 40 years of a ducked up relationship with food can at best be managed but it’s not going away. Sometimes I look at other moms and I don’t think I can even imagine what it must be like to exist in a size 6 or 8 body and just walk around taking a moderate amount of space and moving with ease and not carrying this physical and mental weight around. For as long as I can remember (I’m talking childhood) there is this background noise in my head like static that sort of goes over what I just ate, what I’m eating or what I will eat later. It is CONSTANT. Again can’t even imagine what it would be to be able to turn that radio off. So yes, it’s partly about eating less and exercising more but also about so much more than that. These days Im a period of rapid weight gain, doing my best to stabilize things, and worrying about how to be able to move with my kids and also worried about what I can do to not pass this on to them.

Wegovy poster here, I totally agree with all of this and that’s why I’m campaigning for wegovy so much. It can be such a kickstart to see yourself in a different way. I can’t believe that I have lost over 100lbs since I started it. Am I struggling right now not being on it, hell yes! But the last four years have give me a vision of life I thought was impossible. I can’t believe I can get on a rides with my kids at an amusement park! I no longer fear getting on airplanes and asking for the seatbelt extender! Man I cried the first time I got on a plane and didn’t need one! For 15 years I didn’t take pictures with anyone, not my DH, not my babies, not anyone because of my weight. I have NO pictures of me and my children, not even on the day they were born because I was ashamed of how I looked. I have no wedding pictures.

I keep saying talk to your doctor about it, because you won’t regret it.

[Anonymous]

That weight loss doc in DC - Dr Beale? You will lose ton of weight fast with medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first stop is therapy. If you treat all the emotional issues that got you to this weight and has kept you at this weight, you will lose weight without dieting.
-- Trauma survivor and formerly obese person with 20-yr eating disorder who did EMDR + CBT (and a LOT of it).

I don't want to take over this thread with my own question, but I'm curious about your experience. Did you know that your untreated trauma was the reason for your weight issues? I'm also very overweight and I know I have unresolved trauma from my childhood. I've been thinking about finding a trauma therapist and working through it. I have a hard time understanding the connection between my emotions and my weight, but I'm sure there must be an emotional aspect to it. When you started to feel better about yourself, did the eating healthier and being more active come naturally or is it still a constant struggle?

Hi, i’m the PP who wrote this comment.
I had a major trauma at 19 and became a binge eater - and bulimic. I did some therapy, but not enough. One clinician suggested in-patient treatment; in retrospect i regret not doing this (will get to why). I was able to stop throwing up by about age 30. My relationship with food was never normal, but I felt like I had sort of moved on. The bulimia alas also meant you “couldn’t tell” - I remained a completely average weight, neither thin nor fat.
Well, then a variety of awful events in my 30s did a number on me, and I began binging at a rate that caused me to gain about 100 lbs in three years. I lived that way for a decade because I just couldn’t handle staring down my trauma(s) TBH. But I eventually knew - like deeply knew - I had to treat both the trauma and the binge eating. The EMDR was for the trauma. CBT for the eating disorder.

I pretty much lost 50 lbs in a year without trying, then the rest of it by trying. The work is ongoing because without the binging, I felt the full force of my anxiety (that the disordered eating had “medicated”), and it was rough. I am now on both an antidepressant and an anti-anxiety medication. I am strict about exercise and sleep because I learned that anxiety messed with my sleep, and when my sleep is messed with, I’m much more likely to binge. I’ve come a long way on my trauma and am still plugging away at it. Although I am a healthy weight, I’ll always be looking over my shoulder a bit, and I have accepted as much. There was a period where the binge eating was under control but I started picking at my skin, for example - it’s all the same thing, and meant I had more work to do.

There are a lot of well meaning people on here who are like “yep I had no idea how much I was snacking but once I started logging my pretzels and wine I lost 30 lbs!” and that is great and all, but for those of us who have been 100lbs or more overweight, there was absolutely a mental health issue at play far, far beyond “stressful day eating” that needs serious treatment. Good luck OP.

I can relate to soooo much of this!!! I’ve come to accept that I too will always be “looking over my shoulder”. There have been periods where I managed my weight well, periods when I gained weight, and disastrous times like the past 18 months. But even at my lowest adult weight, in my head I was “fat passing for thin”. I have come to accept that I will always, always be dealing with this until I die because almost 40 years of a ducked up relationship with food can at best be managed but it’s not going away. Sometimes I look at other moms and I don’t think I can even imagine what it must be like to exist in a size 6 or 8 body and just walk around taking a moderate amount of space and moving with ease and not carrying this physical and mental weight around. For as long as I can remember (I’m talking childhood) there is this background noise in my head like static that sort of goes over what I just ate, what I’m eating or what I will eat later. It is CONSTANT. Again can’t even imagine what it would be to be able to turn that radio off. So yes, it’s partly about eating less and exercising more but also about so much more than that. These days Im a period of rapid weight gain, doing my best to stabilize things, and worrying about how to be able to move with my kids and also worried about what I can do to not pass this on to them.

Wegovy poster here, I totally agree with all of this and that’s why I’m campaigning for wegovy so much. It can be such a kickstart to see yourself in a different way. I can’t believe that I have lost over 100lbs since I started it. Am I struggling right now not being on it, hell yes! But the last four years have give me a vision of life I thought was impossible. I can’t believe I can get on a rides with my kids at an amusement park! I no longer fear getting on airplanes and asking for the seatbelt extender! Man I cried the first time I got on a plane and didn’t need one! For 15 years I didn’t take pictures with anyone, not my DH, not my babies, not anyone because of my weight. I have NO pictures of me and my children, not even on the day they were born because I was ashamed of how I looked. I have no wedding pictures.

I keep saying talk to your doctor about it, because you won’t regret it.

Thanks for your reply. Can I ask why you went off the Wegovy? Part of the struggle I have right now is that I’ve lost weight before but I’ve never kept
It off. I always gain it back plus 10-20lbs. So I’m very close to 300lbs and that’s paralyzing on its own, but I’m almost afraid to even do anything new because I cannot be 320 lbs when I gain it back. That would be devastating. I’m paralyzed by fear at this point. I know it sounds dramatic but I’m at a particularly low point. The struggle with weight is so public and it can be difficult to go through it while everyone that sees me sees how much bigger ive gotten