Proposal with cheap ring

[Anonymous]

OP never came back, right? So definitely a troll. I too am curious what OP makes, and if she plans to work once she has children.

[Anonymous]

I don't actually think a $10,000 ring is cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We completely forgot about rings, and so the justice of the peace made some out of Post-it notes. We've been married 23 years.

Similar. My husband showed he was serious about marrying me when he said "let's do this" and we went to the courthouse a week later. 21 years. We eventually bought wedding bands.

[Anonymous]

I think this is an issue of compatibility (and nothing to do with how much the OP loves him as others are suggesting). There are men who love the idea of spending at the top of their budget for an engagement ring and would willingly spend way more than $10k with a salary of $400k. Seems like OP wants that guy. If he's not into spending more than $10k on engagement ring with his salary and OP feels that's a problem, there are likely going to be other issues surrounding spending down the line. I think money compatibility is a HUGE issue that love can't always overcome. I would suggest pre-marital counseling for OP and her intended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll bite. I live in NYC where most upper and upper middle class people are buying rings that are 2-3+ carats. Yes, it would be out of place for it to cost under 10k if he has a good salary. The only people I know with modest rings were people not making a lot of money and/or very young when they got engaged. Is it ostentatious and a waste of money? Probably, but it’s certainly a common thing.

Also weird if you two didn’t talk about what you wanted or if he knew what you wanted and got something much less significant or lower quality than you were expecting.

In NW DC/Bethesda/Chevy Chase/some areas of Nova, all of the ladies who lunch have large engagement rings. It's a "done" thing, like one's membership at the club. Is it a huge waste of money? Not for the people who also have expensive multi-million dollar homes, and other residences in the US and abroad, etc, etc... they'd "waste" that money on something else anyway.

So it depends on your means. If you only want a large ring to show off, that's stupid. If you want a large ring to fit in professionally and socially, it's only stupid if you can't afford it.

A waste of money is a waste of money regardless of your income. I could afford to set $10000 on fire, but that would be stupid even if the ladies who lunch wanted me to

Agree. A 10k ring is probably a 1-1.5ct which is a great size, beautiful and practical enough for daily wear. 2+ carat rings look tacky and I wouldn’t want one or wear one regardless of how much money you don’t care about wasting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is an issue of compatibility (and nothing to do with how much the OP loves him as others are suggesting). There are men who love the idea of spending at the top of their budget for an engagement ring and would willingly spend way more than $10k with a salary of $400k. Seems like OP wants that guy. If he's not into spending more than $10k on engagement ring with his salary and OP feels that's a problem, there are likely going to be other issues surrounding spending down the line. I think money compatibility is a HUGE issue that love can't always overcome. I would suggest pre-marital counseling for OP and her intended.

This. They aren't going to agree on the house or car budget either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is an issue of compatibility (and nothing to do with how much the OP loves him as others are suggesting). There are men who love the idea of spending at the top of their budget for an engagement ring and would willingly spend way more than $10k with a salary of $400k. Seems like OP wants that guy. If he's not into spending more than $10k on engagement ring with his salary and OP feels that's a problem, there are likely going to be other issues surrounding spending down the line. I think money compatibility is a HUGE issue that love can't always overcome. I would suggest pre-marital counseling for OP and her intended.

This. They aren't going to agree on the house or car budget either.

Exactly. She will want private school, the more expensive house, the luxury car, bc of his salary. He will have a lower budget in mind. OP, how long has he been earning this salary? It matters whether he's been earning like this for 5+ years and investing as a single man during a bull market has millions saved already, vs whether he just got to this salary and is thinking about your future as a couple/downpayment etc. Also, who is paying for the wedding, is it your parents?

If he is sitting on millions already and won't spring for a 10K ring he knows you want and plan to wear every day, prepare for him to hold the purse strings tighter than you would like for a loooooooong time.

[Anonymous]

I would care more about he quality of the ring than the size or cost. If a guy got me a poor quality large stone I would know he was not the one for me. I would rather have a smaller high-quality stone that is brilliant and eye-catching.

All of you assuming that he is directing funds elsewhere like to their downpayment are making assumptions -- OP hasn't said anywhere that that is true.