Proposal with cheap ring

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll bite. I live in NYC where most upper and upper middle class people are buying rings that are 2-3+ carats. Yes, it would be out of place for it to cost under 10k if he has a good salary. The only people I know with modest rings were people not making a lot of money and/or very young when they got engaged. Is it ostentatious and a waste of money? Probably, but it’s certainly a common thing.

Also weird if you two didn’t talk about what you wanted or if he knew what you wanted and got something much less significant or lower quality than you were expecting.

In NW DC/Bethesda/Chevy Chase/some areas of Nova, all of the ladies who lunch have large engagement rings. It's a "done" thing, like one's membership at the club. Is it a huge waste of money? Not for the people who also have expensive multi-million dollar homes, and other residences in the US and abroad, etc, etc... they'd "waste" that money on something else anyway.

So it depends on your means. If you only want a large ring to show off, that's stupid. If you want a large ring to fit in professionally and socially, it's only stupid if you can't afford it.

[Anonymous]

If you only want a large ring to show off, that's stupid. If you want a large ring to fit in professionally and socially, it's only stupid if you can't afford it.

You just contradicted yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP WINS THE SUNDAY SNOT AWARD!!

YAYYYYYY!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll bite. I live in NYC where most upper and upper middle class people are buying rings that are 2-3+ carats. Yes, it would be out of place for it to cost under 10k if he has a good salary. The only people I know with modest rings were people not making a lot of money and/or very young when they got engaged. Is it ostentatious and a waste of money? Probably, but it’s certainly a common thing.

Also weird if you two didn’t talk about what you wanted or if he knew what you wanted and got something much less significant or lower quality than you were expecting.

In NW DC/Bethesda/Chevy Chase/some areas of Nova, all of the ladies who lunch have large engagement rings. It's a "done" thing, like one's membership at the club. Is it a huge waste of money? Not for the people who also have expensive multi-million dollar homes, and other residences in the US and abroad, etc, etc... they'd "waste" that money on something else anyway.

So it depends on your means. If you only want a large ring to show off, that's stupid. If you want a large ring to fit in professionally and socially, it's only stupid if you can't afford it.

A waste of money is a waste of money regardless of your income. I could afford to set $10000 on fire, but that would be stupid even if the ladies who lunch wanted me to

[Anonymous]

People are really out here worried about all the wrong things. Smh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If you only want a large ring to show off, that's stupid. If you want a large ring to fit in professionally and socially, it's only stupid if you can't afford it.

You just contradicted yourself.

Nope. The show-offs usually can't afford it. The ones who need to fit into a particular social set and can afford to buy such baubles are leveraging their purchase, and aren't taking money away from necessities. If you merely aspire to fit in, but can't really afford that type of expense, please don't.

I waste my money on things other than jewelry, so I have no dog in this fight: I'm merely describing what I see around me in my little corner of Bethesda.

And we all waste money on something, so we're all stupid to a certain degree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you feel insulted if a man proposed to you with a cheap engagement ring? Like under $10000 and he makes 300-400k.

OMG. $10K is cheap? Get your priorities straight, bortch.

[Anonymous]

OP - I think you did a poor job setting expectations. Better for your guy to know now then later, I am sure you will want a better car, a better neighborhood, a better house...the list will keep going. I personally see nothing wrong with that, but make sure you are both in line with how you spend and save money BEFORE you get married.

[Anonymous]

Oh God I would have been so happy if my ex had bought even a cheap ring himself.
Instead he relied on his parents to supply the 2 carat ring. Yes it was a beautiful Edwardian piece but it didn't come from him.
When we split up his folks wanted the ring back. They were the boss in our marriage, that ring signified their status.
I was happy to give it back. I let ex know what I thought about that ring. Don't miss it a beat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I think you did a poor job setting expectations. Better for your guy to know now then later, I am sure you will want a better car, a better neighborhood, a better house...the list will keep going. I personally see nothing wrong with that, but make sure you are both in line with how you spend and save money BEFORE you get married.

I feel really badly for your husband to be. I hope you are incredibly hot and great in bed, but it’s still not worth the misery.

[Anonymous]

Alright ya'll. In a certain population of people, the engagement ring is pretty important. In my youth I thought it was also...mentioned to my now hubby and he got me a very nice one, we shopped and looked around for a bit. Ultimately he let me pick... I didn't pick the biggest or fanciest one and he let me know I could have gotten bigger and more expensive. But mine is pretty darn nice and feels like a "me ring". He could afford it etc. We were both little older and professionals but still in starting out phase of careers. But now a days I realized I like a smaller ring and I wear one smaller one I picked for our 10 yr anniversary on most days and my engagement ring on days I dress up.

Ultimately, if you think $10,000 means he got you a cheap ring, then maybe you guys are maybe not the best fit. You will expect nice presents for all occasions and you will be disappointed. I get generous gifts for all the gift holidays and sometimes just because I liked it and wanted it. Because my husband knows I like them and can afford it. (So if you are feeling the way you feel now about the engagement ring which is in my opinion one of the most important pieces of jewelry for most women...you may have a lifetime of disappointment and resentment!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No but I think that understanding the size/cost of the ring comes age. I haven’t worn my engament ring in 15yrs. I took it off when our first was born due to not wanting accidentally scratch our daughter. I never put it back on.

The size/cost of ring doesn’t matter. What matters is that the two of you want to spend your life together. Your life together is not off to a good start if you’re annoyed by how much money he spent on you for a gift based on his income.

This, in bold. The bean-counting and score-keeping is already in full swing in OP's relationship and they aren't even married yet.

But -- if this isn't a troll -- anyone who comes to post the question OP is asking is not self-aware enough to wake up and see how shallow her priorities are.

[Anonymous]

. In a certain population of people, the engagement ring is pretty important.

Hey, if it's important to you, then you should buy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you make, OP?

Yes, what percentage of YOUR personal income was that $10,000?

(except now, since it’s anonymous, she will just lie and say she makes $500K)

[Anonymous]

You have to get it appraised for insurance if it is over $15K. Was it his grandma's? The PP was right about unserious engagement. MAKE SURE HE SETS A DATE AND GETS HIS FAMILY MEMBER/FRIEND to book a NONREFUNDABLE payment on a flight or venue.