Brunch Granny! Please do an AMA.

[Anonymous]

I'm 28 and I pre-covid I did brunch pretty frequently. Now I do it every few months. (More to do with growing apart from friends than covid.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the ticking biological clock thing is so overstated. I got accidentally pregnant from one time unprotected sex at 38. And I know sooooooo many other women that have similar stories from their late 30s and 40s. I only know two women who had fertiility issues—one had issues starting at age 25 because it turned out an ovulation problem she never knew about. The other didn’t start trying until late 30s—so very well may have had the same issues if she had started earlier.

Also, I’ve done a lot of geneological research reviewing census records from the 19th and early 20th century. A certain percentage of women were just infertile or had low birth rates regardless of the early marriages and lack of birth control. For women that were gererallt fertile, if they didn’t die or have catastrophic gyn problems from chldbirth, they were generally having kids into their 40s. Elizabeth cady Stanton had her last at 44 (feminism not having dried up her ovaries).

Here's the thing about older parents. Autism is linked to older fathers, so your childbearing issues are not limited to just older women that can't conceive. It's that your child may have developmental differences, be on the Autism spectrum, or worse. Surprised no one has chimed in from the SN forum on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the ticking biological clock thing is so overstated. I got accidentally pregnant from one time unprotected sex at 38. And I know sooooooo many other women that have similar stories from their late 30s and 40s. I only know two women who had fertiility issues—one had issues starting at age 25 because it turned out an ovulation problem she never knew about. The other didn’t start trying until late 30s—so very well may have had the same issues if she had started earlier.

Also, I’ve done a lot of geneological research reviewing census records from the 19th and early 20th century. A certain percentage of women were just infertile or had low birth rates regardless of the early marriages and lack of birth control. For women that were gererallt fertile, if they didn’t die or have catastrophic gyn problems from chldbirth, they were generally having kids into their 40s. Elizabeth cady Stanton had her last at 44 (feminism not having dried up her ovaries).

Here's the thing about older parents. Autism is linked to older fathers, so your childbearing issues are not limited to just older women that can't conceive. It's that your child may have developmental differences, be on the Autism spectrum, or worse. Surprised no one has chimed in from the SN forum on this.

Basically no one brings this up. I was fortunate enough to conceive twins naturally at 38 and be done. My 10 years older husband was, from a medial perspective, more of a concern. As it should be.

[Anonymous]

That autism link was published years ago but I think it’s a pretty weak link and I don’t think it’s been very much confirmed by more recent studies. One study I saw said that it increases the risk from 1.5 percent for a guy in his 20s to 1.58 percent for a guy in his 40s. There’s also some suggestion that older fathers may be more likely to be on the spectrum themselves as they perhaps delayed finding a partner due to the ASD. There have not been studies that control for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the ticking biological clock thing is so overstated. I got accidentally pregnant from one time unprotected sex at 38. And I know sooooooo many other women that have similar stories from their late 30s and 40s. I only know two women who had fertiility issues—one had issues starting at age 25 because it turned out an ovulation problem she never knew about. The other didn’t start trying until late 30s—so very well may have had the same issues if she had started earlier.

Also, I’ve done a lot of geneological research reviewing census records from the 19th and early 20th century. A certain percentage of women were just infertile or had low birth rates regardless of the early marriages and lack of birth control. For women that were gererallt fertile, if they didn’t die or have catastrophic gyn problems from chldbirth, they were generally having kids into their 40s. Elizabeth cady Stanton had her last at 44 (feminism not having dried up her ovaries).

Here's the thing about older parents. Autism is linked to older fathers, so your childbearing issues are not limited to just older women that can't conceive. It's that your child may have developmental differences, be on the Autism spectrum, or worse. Surprised no one has chimed in from the SN forum on this.

I'll jump in. My last dc was born when I was 43. Her dad was 42 (our other kids were born when we were in our 20's and early 30's). She is dx with autism and also giftedness (she is considered 2E). She's truly the light of our whole family's lives! We are so glad she's here. I think it's good to be aware of the possibility but I would not let it stop you having a dc-I know plenty of other families with kids with differing abilities that were born to 20's and 30's parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the ticking biological clock thing is so overstated. I got accidentally pregnant from one time unprotected sex at 38. And I know sooooooo many other women that have similar stories from their late 30s and 40s. I only know two women who had fertiility issues—one had issues starting at age 25 because it turned out an ovulation problem she never knew about. The other didn’t start trying until late 30s—so very well may have had the same issues if she had started earlier.

Also, I’ve done a lot of geneological research reviewing census records from the 19th and early 20th century. A certain percentage of women were just infertile or had low birth rates regardless of the early marriages and lack of birth control. For women that were gererallt fertile, if they didn’t die or have catastrophic gyn problems from chldbirth, they were generally having kids into their 40s. Elizabeth cady Stanton had her last at 44 (feminism not having dried up her ovaries).

Basically every mother I know who gave birth after age 36 had complications; either with the pregnancy, delivery and/or the child is on the spectrum or has food allergies that could kill them. You folks live in delusional la la land if you think every woman can be on birth control for decades and booze through their 20s and early 30s, maybe even an abortion along the way, and then pop out healthy babies. Trust the science.

[Anonymous]

What does having an abortion have to do with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the ticking biological clock thing is so overstated. I got accidentally pregnant from one time unprotected sex at 38. And I know sooooooo many other women that have similar stories from their late 30s and 40s. I only know two women who had fertiility issues—one had issues starting at age 25 because it turned out an ovulation problem she never knew about. The other didn’t start trying until late 30s—so very well may have had the same issues if she had started earlier.

Also, I’ve done a lot of geneological research reviewing census records from the 19th and early 20th century. A certain percentage of women were just infertile or had low birth rates regardless of the early marriages and lack of birth control. For women that were gererallt fertile, if they didn’t die or have catastrophic gyn problems from chldbirth, they were generally having kids into their 40s. Elizabeth cady Stanton had her last at 44 (feminism not having dried up her ovaries).

Basically every mother I know who gave birth after age 36 had complications; either with the pregnancy, delivery and/or the child is on the spectrum or has food allergies that could kill them. You folks live in delusional la la land if you think every woman can be on birth control for decades and booze through their 20s and early 30s, maybe even an abortion along the way, and then pop out healthy babies. Trust the science.

Your anecdotal examples are not science. Here’s an anecdotal example: I’m a 40 something mom listening to my healthy toddler and preschooler playing in the next room. I am a regular DCUM poster, so if you don’t believe me, you can ask Jeff. All my friends had kids in their 30s, and I have several friends who either just gave birth or are currently pregnant in our 40s. Zero babies have health problems.

Now for some actual science, which shows an increase in risks but still relatively tiny percentages of abnormalities: https://evidencebasedbirth.com/advanced-maternal-age/

Oh, and yes, I most definitely boozed it up and lived very selfishly for a solid 15 years straight. Shacked up with my now husband in my 20s, we partied, traveled, focused on our careers and fitness, renovated our house, etc, and then I got pregnant in a hot second, within a month of deciding we were ready. Twice. And within months I was back in size 0 pre-pregnancy jeans. Life just isn’t fair, I guess - I guess in your mind I should have been punished for my life of debauchery. But nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the ticking biological clock thing is so overstated. I got accidentally pregnant from one time unprotected sex at 38. And I know sooooooo many other women that have similar stories from their late 30s and 40s. I only know two women who had fertiility issues—one had issues starting at age 25 because it turned out an ovulation problem she never knew about. The other didn’t start trying until late 30s—so very well may have had the same issues if she had started earlier.

Also, I’ve done a lot of geneological research reviewing census records from the 19th and early 20th century. A certain percentage of women were just infertile or had low birth rates regardless of the early marriages and lack of birth control. For women that were gererallt fertile, if they didn’t die or have catastrophic gyn problems from chldbirth, they were generally having kids into their 40s. Elizabeth cady Stanton had her last at 44 (feminism not having dried up her ovaries).

Basically every mother I know who gave birth after age 36 had complications; either with the pregnancy, delivery and/or the child is on the spectrum or has food allergies that could kill them. You folks live in delusional la la land if you think every woman can be on birth control for decades and booze through their 20s and early 30s, maybe even an abortion along the way, and then pop out healthy babies. Trust the science.

Your anecdotal examples are not science. Here’s an anecdotal example: I’m a 40 something mom listening to my healthy toddler and preschooler playing in the next room. I am a regular DCUM poster, so if you don’t believe me, you can ask Jeff. All my friends had kids in their 30s, and I have several friends who either just gave birth or are currently pregnant in our 40s. Zero babies have health problems.

Now for some actual science, which shows an increase in risks but still relatively tiny percentages of abnormalities: https://evidencebasedbirth.com/advanced-maternal-age/

Oh, and yes, I most definitely boozed it up and lived very selfishly for a solid 15 years straight. Shacked up with my now husband in my 20s, we partied, traveled, focused on our careers and fitness, renovated our house, etc, and then I got pregnant in a hot second, within a month of deciding we were ready. Twice. And within months I was back in size 0 pre-pregnancy jeans. Life just isn’t fair, I guess - I guess in your mind I should have been punished for my life of debauchery. But nope.

Your snark or whatever this screed is doesn't come across as confident, mature or age appropriate for an alleged 40-something mother. Your posture is extremely defensive, as if you're actually childless and merely hope you'll still be able to have healthy children. 40-something new mothers would have some understanding of the very real risks involved, while you pretend there are none. Interesting. But whatever the case, before you rah-rah boast like this is chic and having-my-cake-and-eating-it-too, look up an actuary life table to see the odds of you and/or your husband being around for your kids' college graduation, walking them down the aisle, and the birth of your first grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Ha! Now brunch granny is wishing an early death upon the mimosa slurping sluts!
This thread doesn’t disappoint!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha! Now brunch granny is wishing an early death upon the mimosa slurping sluts!
This thread doesn’t disappoint!

If you have ivf babies at 40, you're going to be at least 62 when they graduate from college, and around 70 before your husband can walk them down the aisle, and at least 71 before they have their first child (your grandchild). Nobody is wishing death on anyone, just fascinating to see the anti-science delusions being trafficked in these threads. In addition to having low-energy and being the "old" parents, I hope all of the bellinis were worth the very high likelihood you or your husband pass away or are in a diminished state for all of those milestones. Nobody I know who waited to have children admits they are glad they waited; it's unanimous that they wish they had them earlier, and wish they had the fertility for another one or two, which is why I suspect these threads are full of spinsters in denial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the ticking biological clock thing is so overstated. I got accidentally pregnant from one time unprotected sex at 38. And I know sooooooo many other women that have similar stories from their late 30s and 40s. I only know two women who had fertiility issues—one had issues starting at age 25 because it turned out an ovulation problem she never knew about. The other didn’t start trying until late 30s—so very well may have had the same issues if she had started earlier.

Also, I’ve done a lot of geneological research reviewing census records from the 19th and early 20th century. A certain percentage of women were just infertile or had low birth rates regardless of the early marriages and lack of birth control. For women that were gererallt fertile, if they didn’t die or have catastrophic gyn problems from chldbirth, they were generally having kids into their 40s. Elizabeth cady Stanton had her last at 44 (feminism not having dried up her ovaries).

Basically every mother I know who gave birth after age 36 had complications; either with the pregnancy, delivery and/or the child is on the spectrum or has food allergies that could kill them. You folks live in delusional la la land if you think every woman can be on birth control for decades and booze through their 20s and early 30s, maybe even an abortion along the way, and then pop out healthy babies. Trust the science.

Your anecdotal examples are not science. Here’s an anecdotal example: I’m a 40 something mom listening to my healthy toddler and preschooler playing in the next room. I am a regular DCUM poster, so if you don’t believe me, you can ask Jeff. All my friends had kids in their 30s, and I have several friends who either just gave birth or are currently pregnant in our 40s. Zero babies have health problems.

Now for some actual science, which shows an increase in risks but still relatively tiny percentages of abnormalities: https://evidencebasedbirth.com/advanced-maternal-age/

Oh, and yes, I most definitely boozed it up and lived very selfishly for a solid 15 years straight. Shacked up with my now husband in my 20s, we partied, traveled, focused on our careers and fitness, renovated our house, etc, and then I got pregnant in a hot second, within a month of deciding we were ready. Twice. And within months I was back in size 0 pre-pregnancy jeans. Life just isn’t fair, I guess - I guess in your mind I should have been punished for my life of debauchery. But nope.

Your snark or whatever this screed is doesn't come across as confident, mature or age appropriate for an alleged 40-something mother. Your posture is extremely defensive, as if you're actually childless and merely hope you'll still be able to have healthy children. 40-something new mothers would have some understanding of the very real risks involved, while you pretend there are none. Interesting. But whatever the case, before you rah-rah boast like this is chic and having-my-cake-and-eating-it-too, look up an actuary life table to see the odds of you and/or your husband being around for your kids' college graduation, walking them down the aisle, and the birth of your first grandchildren.

Love how the crazy, ranting 40-something granny is lecturing 40-something women on what is appropriate behavior for a mother. My grandmother would have been absolutely horrified to see another grandmother behave the way Brunch Granny does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha! Now brunch granny is wishing an early death upon the mimosa slurping sluts!
This thread doesn’t disappoint!

If you have ivf babies at 40, you're going to be at least 62 when they graduate from college, and around 70 before your husband can walk them down the aisle, and at least 71 before they have their first child (your grandchild). Nobody is wishing death on anyone, just fascinating to see the anti-science delusions being trafficked in these threads. In addition to having low-energy and being the "old" parents, I hope all of the bellinis were worth the very high likelihood you or your husband pass away or are in a diminished state for all of those milestones. Nobody I know who waited to have children admits they are glad they waited; it's unanimous that they wish they had them earlier, and wish they had the fertility for another one or two, which is why I suspect these threads are full of spinsters in denial.

High likelihood to die or be "diminished" by 70? Where do you live that people die so early?

I'm glad I waited until it was the right time for me.

- had to do IVF (for male factor)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the ticking biological clock thing is so overstated. I got accidentally pregnant from one time unprotected sex at 38. And I know sooooooo many other women that have similar stories from their late 30s and 40s. I only know two women who had fertiility issues—one had issues starting at age 25 because it turned out an ovulation problem she never knew about. The other didn’t start trying until late 30s—so very well may have had the same issues if she had started earlier.

Also, I’ve done a lot of geneological research reviewing census records from the 19th and early 20th century. A certain percentage of women were just infertile or had low birth rates regardless of the early marriages and lack of birth control. For women that were gererallt fertile, if they didn’t die or have catastrophic gyn problems from chldbirth, they were generally having kids into their 40s. Elizabeth cady Stanton had her last at 44 (feminism not having dried up her ovaries).

Basically every mother I know who gave birth after age 36 had complications; either with the pregnancy, delivery and/or the child is on the spectrum or has food allergies that could kill them. You folks live in delusional la la land if you think every woman can be on birth control for decades and booze through their 20s and early 30s, maybe even an abortion along the way, and then pop out healthy babies. Trust the science.

I had mine in my 40s, easy delivery, no complications, healthy as horses (never even had an abx in their entire life), both over 6'2 ft tall, one in med school at Ivy, the other at MIT, both great athletes. Not on the spectrum. What about yours, grandma?

[Anonymous]

It's shocking how many allegedly grown and college-educated parents don't comprehend what a mortality table is. Do you think you and your husband have a 100% chance of living to the age 78 average life expectancy? Or even 58 or 68? Do you think you both have a 100% of being of sound mind and body at 78? Or even 58 or 68?