Parents who were hands off and wish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your kid in a private school? Then I guess counsellors and teachers will take care of it for you. My kids are in public school, counsellors and teachers don’t have time to guide them. And if you take a back seat approach there you maybe disadvantaging your kid. For example, no one is going to tell an aspiring engineer/scientist that they should follow a certain math sequence starting in grade 7 if they want to be competitive for top colleges in grade 12. There are tons of things like that in high school that need parents guidance.

+1
Level of support available a lot of times depends on the school (one argument for paying for some privates). Being professionally familiar with some of the local (DMV) public school systems I've frequently seen more than capable students who've been knocked out of consideration for top 50 colleges simply because they're math track doesn't make them competitive for some engineering/CS program. Also happens a lot with language where teens don't know they have to show some consistency there with course selection sequence. No one in a large public high school will insist on that to a student. Graduation requirements in these high schools (at least the local ones I know) are much lower than what's needed to be competitive for a top 50 school (even some of the local state universities), if that's your goal. A public HS (and some private HS) parent who know these nuances can help guide their student accordingly, again if their goal is to be viable for a top college/university or STEM/liberal arts program.

What consistency do they need to show in terms of language? Can you elaborate?

PP here: sorry, should have said "foreign language". For eg. UVA will look for (usually) at least 3 years of a (one) foreign language on the transcript. The graduation requirement for most public school systems is 2 years and even then you can mix & match and in some cases can substitute with a sign language course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Errata mia che volo solare collegio n'a stuccina bazzi mitti no ravalle. E STEM profesionale ste scola pubblica o privata mi sone alla prie. Dos echinos.

Tu noma sillu dos mi sognalla minami che. O y mitti ravalle mia stupendi la allora come va ingombrante e se gli dai la libertà, sarà uno studente migliore.

Traducce amende sil va fiogli mallu e ti ringraziu per l'aiutu

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the level of my involvement:
1. I created one Google doc that had the due dates and application requirements for the schools they were applying to.
2. I worked out the schedule and drove them to campus visits.
3. I did the FAFSA form (it's really hard for a kid to do that--so much of it is really about your finances.)
4. I paid for the SAT registration.
5. I proofread their essays. Proofread as in not editing--only just being a second pair of eyes to spot typos or a "there vs. their" type error. The same thing my DH and I do for each other when writing more significant things for work.
That's it. Everything else was on them.
I don't think folks are doing kids any favors with excessive help, because then you just set them up to have a particularly hard crash come freshman year at college.

That's a lot, especially #1.

I did none of this at all. And all of my kids got into top colleges.

Your kids must have attended private schools.

Public.

If your kid is capable of meeting deadlines for their high school classes and understanding what's expected in them, surely they're capable of creating their own spreadsheets to keep track of college application deadlines and requirements.

And we didn't fill out a FASFA because our kids didn't need or qualify for aid.

So you didn’t pay the SAT registration or drive them to college visits? Really? Taking your kid on the college tour is pretty normal. So is doing it according to your own schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. DH and I each have multiple degrees from Ivies etc etc, but we did not want our kids to be hothouse flowers. We let them do the things they liked and not do the things they hated. We gave support when needed academically (e.g, a few months of math tutoring if they were struggling), but urged them to focus on doing their best without making themselves crazy, not on grades.

DC1 now at a top 50 SLAC and very happy. DC 2 a HS senior and a bit more academic; applying to schools in top 20 and (we hope!) will get into several. Both kids are good humans, kind and funny and creative and smart and resilient.

Maybe they'd both have ended up at HYP if we had enrolled them in math enrichment, violin and Mandarin from an early aged and pushed them from one lesson or sport to another. But I doubt they would be happier people or better humans. I am confident that they will have successful lives and careers regardless.

Why it is necessary to tell us you are Ivy graduates? And let me guess: the top 50 school your kid attends is a CTCL school.

Personal insecurities. Not just one but "multiple degrees"... LOL at that.

You guys are harsh, I read it as "we are exactly they type of parents you would expect to push our kids to get into Ivies because that was our experience and anything less would be failure" -- but her point is that they aren't like that even though you might have expected them to be so.

But here's the thing. They ARE "like that." They're saying they really hope their second kid gets into "several" top 20s. They clearly care about college rankings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:in retrospect that they had been more hands on with their kids’ education. Do you regret not steering them towards a particular college/university? DH and I take a back seat approach to our DC’s education and as I speak to friends and family, I wonder if down the road we will wish we had done things differently.

Not at all. It’s their journey not ours. These things are only part of growing up, mental health, ability to take your own decisions, making mistakes, dealing with the consequences, getting up after falling down, overcoming obstacles, finding your own way, being a good and strong person, having a healthy relationship with parents are equally important parts of life’s puzzle.