Is there a kind way to stop MIL from using a pet name for my kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask yourself why you care? I am guessing you care because it is your mother-in-law. I am also guessing it wouldn't bother you if it were your own mother.

+100

OP again. No, it would bother me if it were my mom! Like if my mom started using my pet name for my husband! But it would be so much easier to talk to her about it.

NP. My spouse has a pet name for me that's used by one other person: my BIL's frat brother "Moose" who I think just assumes that no one goes by their real names. It's never bothered me, but I respect that it might reasonably bother some people.

LOL at Moose calling you Schnookums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I actually have a similar experience and I'd feel the same way. I get the "nails on a chalkboard" feeling. I think it's because my MIL has been very bad with boundaries and it feels like it's just "one more thing" that is frustrating to me. I can't really articulate it more than that, but to me, it's irritating, and even though I can't fully explain it, I hear you and I get it.

Thank you, that does help to feel understood. Good luck to you, too!

[Anonymous]

1. Spouses and kids are in different categories. A pet name for a spouse is not the same as a pet name for a kid. If the child truly has an issue with the nickname and is not feeding off your issues trying to pleases you she can tell grandma. If she really only wants you to call her the name keep it at home


2. This isn't about gma or even the nickname it's about you and your own insecurities and intimacy issues.. if I were to guess you have a lot of guilt/ anxiety over your role as mom and it manifests as this.


3. I somewhat expect that you are a troll who is sickpuppetting people to agree with you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I actually have a similar experience and I'd feel the same way. I get the "nails on a chalkboard" feeling. I think it's because my MIL has been very bad with boundaries and it feels like it's just "one more thing" that is frustrating to me. I can't really articulate it more than that, but to me, it's irritating, and even though I can't fully explain it, I hear you and I get it.

Thank you, that does help to feel understood. Good luck to you, too!

Me again, in response to PP. I'm not OP, but someone who seems to understand her. Honestly, some other poster said it well when they said a page or two back that it's an assumed familiarity thing. I have nicknames people called me from college, the track team, etc. and I'd probably be surprised if someone who I knew outside of that context just called me the nickname. I also wouldn't want my friends calling me by a pet name my husband gave me. It's just weird. I kind of view this in line with that. Now kids obviously can't articulate this type of thing themselves, but it's just the assumed intimacy. And do I have a problem with grandparents loving the kids? No! Of course not. However my MIL will make comments like, "I can't wait to be alone with you, NICKNAME" to my son and wants to keep special toys at her house so he will HAVE to go down there (they live down the road) if he wants to play with them, and it just feels uncomfortable and weird to me. The jumping to calling him an intimate nickname is just sort of odd along the lines of the other stuff being odd.

This has nothing to do with any sort of guilt or insecurity as a parent that I feel (which I don't, I think I do a great job), so I think that's a bit misguided. I feel very confident in my opinions and my parenting skills, and it's okay for something to just feel "weird."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it: if it’s such a “private nickname,” how did she hear it in the first place?!

-DIL who strongly dislikes her ILs but doesn’t begrudge them a little overheard nickname appropriation

Exactly. If you call her the nickname in front of anyone, that person is allowed to use it. You sound really weird, OP.

No way! My mother calls me “pooch” in front of my friends, but they are not allowed to call me that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL recently started calling my kid by the pet name that only I and DH use. It grates on me when she says it. Kid thinks it's weird but tends to bend over backwards for people and when I asked if she cared just said, "well it's really for you and daddy at home, but I guess it's okay."

When MIL has used the name, I at first was surprised and let it go, but after seeing my kid make a face, I tried correcting and saying "Schmoopy? Oh, you mean Sarah?" which I realize is a little passive aggressive. Next time I said, "sorry, it's funny to hear you use that name, it's really just a nickname DH and I use." After that she seemed to do it even more!

I wish I could be more laid back, but it feels like nails on a chalkboard. Advice?

Are you for real?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Spouses and kids are in different categories. A pet name for a spouse is not the same as a pet name for a kid. If the child truly has an issue with the nickname and is not feeding off your issues trying to pleases you she can tell grandma. If she really only wants you to call her the name keep it at home


2. This isn't about gma or even the nickname it's about you and your own insecurities and intimacy issues.. if I were to guess you have a lot of guilt/ anxiety over your role as mom and it manifests as this.


3. I somewhat expect that you are a troll who is sickpuppetting people to agree with you

You nailed it on all 3. Good job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it: if it’s such a “private nickname,” how did she hear it in the first place?!

-DIL who strongly dislikes her ILs but doesn’t begrudge them a little overheard nickname appropriation

Exactly. If you call her the nickname in front of anyone, that person is allowed to use it. You sound really weird, OP.

No way! My mother calls me “pooch” in front of my friends, but they are not allowed to call me that.

When I was a toddler, my mom once told me to do something and I cried and said "I can't." And she started calling me Cara-Can-Do. She sometimes still calls me that. I'd ignore anyone else who called me that. We're jewish, so she also called me bubaleh, which I have vehemently hated and told her that since I was 8 or 9, and I'd punch anyone who called me that.

[Anonymous]

This is the perfect chance for your child to gain some confidence. If she made a face but still lets people walk all over her, you are destined for a lifetime of hurts. No one is safer than Grandma to try out a newfound voice. Let her say “Grandma, I really don’t even like it when Mom and Dad called me Schmoopy. Could you please just call me Sarah?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the perfect chance for your child to gain some confidence. If she made a face but still lets people walk all over her, you are destined for a lifetime of hurts. No one is safer than Grandma to try out a newfound voice. Let her say “Grandma, I really don’t even like it when Mom and Dad called me Schmoopy. Could you please just call me Sarah?”

I agree with this. But the critical piece is the bolded. Don't force her, or coerce her, or manipulate her into doing. Gently feel out if it actually bothers HER a lot, and then *let* her.

Alternatively, if it is really just you, OP, who is bothered enough to say something. Do so on your own behalf, owning that you don't like it.

And best alternative: let this go.

[Anonymous]

I guess this stupid thread has legs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP your first issue when you next see your therapist is how to be less controlling and regimented.

It's an early indicator of dementia so you really want to start working on it with them asap.

You’re an ass, and sadly there’s no treatment for that. DP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL made up a ridiculous nickname for my DD. Think Kather weeny. Didn’t go over well.

Kid should make up an annoying nickname for Granny and use it exclusively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Spouses and kids are in different categories. A pet name for a spouse is not the same as a pet name for a kid. If the child truly has an issue with the nickname and is not feeding off your issues trying to pleases you she can tell grandma. If she really only wants you to call her the name keep it at home


2. This isn't about gma or even the nickname it's about you and your own insecurities and intimacy issues.. if I were to guess you have a lot of guilt/ anxiety over your role as mom and it manifests as this.


3. I somewhat expect that you are a troll who is sickpuppetting people to agree with you

You nailed it on all 3. Good job.

Nope. I have posted in support of OP and I’m not a puppet. Feel free to ask the mod if you have that little of a life.

[Anonymous]

This thread is a new low.